Let me tell you how it will be:
You'll leave early in the morning because we don't want to lose any time. You hate waking up early...but you will. It's a long drive and you don't want to stop. You smile all the way, thinking how long we've waited for this.
I'll spend the whole morning cleaning the apartment. The floors will be spotless, the dishes sparkling, the trashcans empty. Everything is organized and the bed is made, however temporarily. I'll shave and shower and put on a collared shirt; I want to look my best for you.
You're there early, just the way you planned, so you find a place with a bathroom where you can freshen up. You reapply your makeup, you make sure your hair looks perfect, you even change your clothes. Something stunning, even though you don't expect to wear it very long. And you know I'll think you look stunning whatever you wear.
I'm early too, I want to be there when you arrive. I can feel the anticipation deep inside, but I know the wait is almost over. In my hand is a single red rose, your favorite. I would have bought a dozen, but I know your attention is going to be elsewhere. From the side of the road, I watch the traffic and search for your car.
You park a block away so you can walk the rest. You check the mirror one last time, but it's unnecessary. You couldn't look better. As you walk toward our spot, you draw more than a few stares and with good reason. And then you see me, watching the road as I wait for you. Your heart beats faster and your pace quickens.
Instinctually, I turn and there you are. We look at each other for a moment and try to speak, but nothing comes out. So we kiss, and that says everything. You fall into my arms and the rose falls to the ground, forgotten like everything else but the two of us.
And the rest...well, you know the rest.
A contest entry
- "Here's Looking at You Kid" by katiefran.
400 points, ended May 9, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Happy Endings Do Come True (Romance) by Dreams of Insanity.
175 points, ended May 23, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Three part contest by Rosemary.
175 points, ended May 31, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The happiest moment in your life by iPoopAThug.
350 points, ended August 12, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Displaying Creativity- The Beginnings Of Greatness by Miss Hanako Cullen.
180 points, ended August 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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WOW! just... WOW!!!
this is written SOO well!! good job!!! it had me pulled in soo much!! great story!!!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh, My, Gosh!
That a wonderful story. It's brilliant! Your point of view makes it all more exciting! Bravo, Bravo!
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it was interesting. it really didn't flow well. you need to be more discrivtive.
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Very Good
This story was good writing wise, but initially I didn't feel a rhythm coming from this story.
What's the point? What kind of story is this? These are the aspects you have to think about when writing a story.
Also, you forgot to mention which category this story falls under in your authors notes. lol.
You have 500 words to detail this story and you only used 308. I think with a little personality, detail and a bit of yourself thrown in this story could be awesome.
On the bright side, I loved the sweetness you put into this. I love the fact that this guy is taking the time to look good for his girlfriend. (You might want to expand on that as well)
I was abit confused in the beginning of the story, because at first I thought it was a girl..then Shave and Shower came into play and I still thought that you were talking about a girl.
Halfway through the story it feels like you just switched and decided to make it a guy. lol.
So good job, but still needs some perfecting. lol.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 2, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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So sweet. =) I liked the way you implied sex without going down the full-blown "and then we'll make love" explicit route. Very nice use of second person as well. My only quibble would be that I thought I was reading from the girl's POV at the beginning, and it only emerged later that it was from the man's. Or at least, I THINK it's that way round.
beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Er, the first person part is the man (I know, the part about cleaning threw you off)
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No, it was just general tone. I figured it out in the end. *shrug* I don't know what goes on in my head, do I?
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wow
omg, this had my heart good job with this brent I am trying to catch up on my reading this was very very good the detail was wonderful and the emtion was just like wow very good piece you have here I would love to read more stuff like this from you.You have a wonderful way of writing and I like it great job again -
Wow. This is beautiful. I love it. So much imagery. Good job and good luck, though I don't think you'll need it.
x Julez -
ohh!
this is.... sweet! the bet! well almost lol.. no the best!
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Er...then why'd you remove it?
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Good story
I would of liked to know more about who they are and what they are to each other. Nice descriptions. -
Thats the ticket.
I like this piece, the language use is perfect with its soft flowing feel and smooth delivery.
Excellent.
All the best.
jsdk
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 3, characters: 2.
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it's instinctively. cute story.
~belowit -
sweet
this was really sweet. i liked it alot. thanks for enetering the contest. -
this really held my attention and that is SO hard to do! I think that it was so sweet and cute and I'm probably going to reread it because I liked it so much.
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That's really sweet and cute!
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sooooo sweet!
okay, this is the kind of stuff that i wanted in my contest. it's sickeningly sweet and good for the soul! the perspective that you were writing from was new and original. i loved that it was a prediction...well, i guess more of a glance into the future since he knows what is giong to happen. i was able to connect and feel the love. thanks for entering my contest and good luck! -
Cheesy
I think I need some crackers cause this was so cheesy. But seriously, it was still a cute little encounter thing, but sadly not funny in the traditional sense, just funny cause it's different.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Dad, this is just so beautiful... made me feel warm, so much that...
haha, I am reminded of my own "in love" moments 
it's.. wow... very very very... I don't know. It was written in a male's prespective but it hit me so hard - and I'm all woman
Your serious writing is just as lovely as your humorous pieces I guess... it shows how much you have a strong hold on words and how much power you in dealing readers emotions
I believe this is SORT OF and probably UNKNOWINGLY collaborated by Momori
Thanks for sharing this *puts it in her bookmarks*
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Aw, this was sweet. I liked it. I guess it shows that you have a serious side... That's odd. Good job though.
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Awww I loved this.
VERY sweet and lovey.
Loved reading it, wonderful job!!
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OMG! that is... really cute. and sweet. and relitavely chaste, too. you can sense their love and other things without getting into the gritty details, which I really like. simple and sweet...
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wow this is very good i liked reading it good job and god bless
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...you wrote something not funny!! Is the word ending?!?
Okay seriously...This is sweet...and I'm still in shock that it's not funny so it's all I can come up with but great job Brent.
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Woah. I love it. Brilliant description. And.. and.. and it's not funny. *dies*
Which is odd. And unexpected. But good. Very, very good. I like it.
Omegaaa.
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