Sam walked into his Art class on a cold winrty January day.
"Hello class! I am Mrs Syrie and this is my first day back from my baby. I would like to have you now get out a piece of paper so you can draw your best interests and feelings on that sheet. When the bell rings, you may go to lunch." Mrs. Syrie said adding a lot of enthusiasm.
"I'm Christa, what's you're name?" I asked to the new boy who walked through the door.
"I'm Sam. Just Sam." He said with no emotion.
"So, what are you drawing?" I asked interested that he drew so well.
"Not much, just a dragoon character that I mae up." He said holding a hand up for my silence.
Then, I thought to myself, 'Why do I like him? It's just his first day and he is just solitary as a beetle.
"You know, I kinda like you. You have a great personality so far. I would like to get to know you better." He said almost straining the words out of his thin lips.
Before this time I did not know that he would use me to get to my cousin, Chasity.
"Hey Sam, this is my cousin Chasity." I introduced them and we walked off to the buses. Finally Chasity spoke up. Boy, was that a mistake.
"Sam do you want to go out with me?" she asked giving me a dirty look that said 'He's Mine!'
"Are you asking for yourself or Christa?"
"Me!" We replied at the same time.
"No, Me!" she said heat rising in her chubby cheeks.
"Yes, sure." He said and they left me there by myself linked arm-in-arm.
This is where the trouble begins....
Author notes
Zangy Comment Graphics
this is a true story I will go on as I have the time to...
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration 101 by Hinata-is-me.
102 points, ended April 18, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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What wishing said.
Your narrative is weak and unopinionated, and Sam feels totally stereotypical and not very interesting.
Work on it. -
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Ahhh.
I apologize. It would have been nice if you distinguished that.
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thanks for the comments!! I hope you all have a great day!!!
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I hate being rude, but...
it lacks emotion. Not just Sam when he talks, but the whole thing. And the dialogue sounds completely scripted. It is, of course, because you're writing it, but it should still sound real.
Know what I mean? -
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Wishing
if you had read the description, you would have known that this did happen and that these people are real.
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Cool!
I love it! I cant wait for more!
language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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