Blood drips from her hand
Unto the ground.
The sun has rose
The sun has set
But he has not yet come.
A rose in her hand
Thorns in her fingers
Bleed like her heart,
Drip like her tears.
But those tears cannot
Tell him about her pain.
He has left
Has not come back
Lets her heart
Fall apart....
The longer she waits
The more the rose wilts.
Each petal, each piece,
A peice of her heart
A part of her love,
A part of her hate
For him.
Author notes
This is another poem I found in a notebook in my room. It's kinda sad and it had a picture that I drew to go with it, which made the poem better, but I cant put the pic on here so you'll just have to live without it! lol. thanks for reading it.
If you have any suggestions please tell them to me!im not that great at writing(yet!) so ill love your comments even if they totally dis my poem! thanks!
Tell me what you think no matter how harsh.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I think the thorns of the flower represent the hate. the petals represent the love and stuff. I remember a quote saying every rose has its thorns. maybe it ment more then just every person has a bad side. It could be taken different ways =). Great job!!!
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A rose in her hand
Thorns in her fingers
Bleed like her heart,
Drip like her tears.
^^^ my fave part
Each petal, each piece,
A peice of her heart
A part of her love,
A part of her hate
For him.
^^^ second fave
Okay. For the review
I really liked this, I think it was pretty.
it was sweet and really sad.
I got the image in my head ^.^
You did a nice job writing it, good poem
xoxo
Tay
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Awwww, this is sweet and sad. I loves roses! Good job ^.^
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I like how you used the sun to denote the time that lapsed. The way the flower collapsed and symbolized her own falling self is just wonderfully done you say you're not a good writer, but I think this shows greatness so do write more ^_^
Thanks for sharing this with us
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Line 19: "peice" I think you meant "piece."
Kind of reminded me of Beauty and the Beast with the rose. But then it is a girl and not a guy... Hmmm... *inspired*
Anyway, I liked it. I'm not much of a hand at poetry, but it was nice. I especially liked the use of the rose almost as a hourglass measuring the time...
One cosmetic suggestion: that you change the font color to pink or a light purple so that matches the backround. A little nitpicky I know, but it would make the page flow a bit better.
Anyhoo, loved the poem! Great job!
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thnx for the comments. gryphonfledgling, YOUR comment inspired ME! lol. i must be really stupid, or too young, cuz i didnt even think about the hourglass thing. but its a good idea. in fact, i dont know what i was thinkking about..... and yeah, ill try to change the font color. i just had it blue cuz i love blue, lol.
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I liked it a lot!
beginning: 2, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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