Realisations

Just got back from a really nice night out with a couple of friends and my better half. We’re all technicians in the theatre realm, all be it at different levels. It seems that this always seems to come into conversation though, we always end up talking about previous shows, and the nightmares we endured and the triumphs and so on and so on. Tonight was no different, we got onto the topic of shows we had done within roughly about 2 minutes of greeting each other!

There is a little story behind us meeting today. My better half and I we shall call her toots for now have been doing the tech for college and highschool performances for what must be 4 years for her and 3 for me. We first met actually, when doing our first major school production, and things went well, until a couple of months down the line things got complicated and we broke up…twice! (another long story!) So yes, we then however sort of stopped communicating…for many reasons but mainly because we both thought we one hated the other (which wasn’t true) and it wasn’t until the next school show that we were ‘forced’ to work with each other and communicate.

Now the way things work in the technical side in a college situation, is that basically once you’ve shown you can do something there is no getting out! So we were both the most experienced students in the school, but we had to start thinking about when we left…

So we started to take on people who showed an interest and started to train them up…well should I say ‘Toots’ started to train them up…I wasn’t interested, mainly because I think I felt threatened by it. At this point I was starting to do professional shows, and I think that brought on a bit of an ego problem! I thought I was better than everyone, until Toots gave me one hell of a talking to. This made me realise that, hang on, sure I may know a bit more than others…but it doesn’t mean I am any better than them.

To cut a long story short...ish; this last show we did was going to be mine and Toot’s last ever at college. We wanted to make it spectacular, a lasting memory I suppose of us. In the team were two guys who were the people I went to dinner with today, who will basically be taking over our roles when we leave. Now I can’t say my relationship with them has been the best all the time, it started off quite well, then went a bit sour due to my impatience and other problems. Myself and Toots are now sort of back together now by the way! (It’s complicated I know!)

This show was very technically demanding, and again I had to struggle with myself to allow me to allow others to help. It took a lot of talking to from Toots once again to make me realise that I couldn’t do everything on my own! As the rehearsal process progressed I started to realise a few things. Toots, who had always seemed to be in the shadows when it came to recognition and always felt I don’t know, undermined by me, became the only person who kept everyone together. I saw her as someone who had enormous strength and mental will, to be able to put up with personal issues, with working almost 60 hours a week, just on the show, not including school, and putting up with me! I had to eat some humble pie and recognise that, my god she knew her stuff, and she could get things done.

I admire her. I wish I was more like her, and I hope that when I do take being a theatre technician to a full time professional level that I can do her proud.

Speaking to my other technical friend who will be taking our roles when we leave, I have realised as well that no one is indispensable, and that there is always someone who can do it better than you. I see my friends going through the same troubles as we did, and you know I want to help, just as the people before me tried to help me. I have realised however, that it’s all in vain, you only learn through doing and making your own mistakes. They are worried how they will cope when we go. I have every faith that they will find a way, and even though it terrifies me to think that I will be leaving in less than 6 weeks, I know that I have had my time, and that things need to change in my life.

Going back to why I have written this. When I was sitting with them all talking about the above issues and how to deal with it etc, I had almost a vision or premonition I don’t quite know, and I saw us all sitting round in about 15 years time, talking about exactly the same issues just in different circumstances, and I realised then, that although I am terrified of losing the friendships I have with these people…in my heart of hearts I don’t think I will. I can see us in 15 years time still moaning about life, and still talking about previous shows. It was a good feeling. I just hope it comes true.

In closing I’d just want to say; everything I have been through both personally and at college, Toots you have been apart of. As I have said to you I dread they day we say goodbye, however after today maybe it would be a ‘see you soon’ instead. You have been my rock, my best friend, the one I think about when I wake up in the morning, the one who gives me that kick up the backside every now and again, the one who makes me see sense, lol the one who reminds me where I have parked the car even! You’ve been there for me, and I think you probably always will. Thank you. I love you. Here’s to many more ‘shows’ and good times.

xxxxx