Don't spy on your friends

The man sat at a table drinking absynthe

and smoking a cigarette. Only eight people were present

in the small cottage which was far from any cities or towns.

On a table a nude woman danced slowly wearing what looked like red paint.

It wasen't as everyone knew.

she was beautiful and the atmosphere was erotically charged

under red lamps,a single strobe light flashed.

other worldly music coming from a hooded someone in the corner

with a synthesizer sitting out of the light.

He sipped his absynthe and took a drag on his cigarette.

He flirted casuallly with a woman who sat alone at another table.

he smiled and nodded his head ,she smiled back and they

watched the dancer.

suddenly a shout and the voice of a man,"let go of me you assholes

let me go." he shouted.

"my friend is in there."

The man at the table recognized the voice and stood up

while making the I'll be right back gesture to the woman.

"hey man,are you alright I heard screams,I thought something happened"

"tell these clowns to let me go"

The man sighed and said,"someone should have told you,that your an idiot."

he turned and walked away.

behind a muffled scream as the intruders throat was cut

and cups were brought to catch the blood.

The man returned to his table and watched the dancer

and eyed the woman who tipped her glass in his direction.

after a few minutes two hooded men came in and poured

cups of blood on the dancing priestess.

"what an asshole." the man thought.

He walked over and sat next to the woman who put her hand on his leg

and smiled.they would have each other later.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • IvoryRose
    April 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This sets up an interesting stage. It has an erotic feel to, however it is not yet erotica. It needs more storyline, more detail, more sexual prowess (whether sex or not) to be an erotica. If you add to it, IM me and I'll consider it again.

    Kat


  • nichtmich
    April 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Creepy

    Very good to be so short. I kink of like your abbreviated style. You paint a bloody picture. Strange but oddly compelling.

  • robzaas
    April 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    alright

    it was pretty good, needs to be longer. but spooky...

    beginning: 1, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 2.