Demon's blood heritage Prologue: Unwilling Friends

Demon’s Blood-heritage
  Prologue: Unwilling Friends

Ramus ran down the side path, breathing heavily as he looked back over his shoulder. As he looked he dropped to his knees and a ball of black fire passed over his head and destroyed the wall behind him. Fayt, his eyes glowing a deep crimson color, flew into sight, gliding silently on black-feathered wings.
The only Fallen in the underworld, Fayt was the best that a demon could offer. His ash-colored hair was short and cropped off at an inch long. He had long slender legs and powerfully built arms with long lithe fingers that could snap a neck at a seconds notice. He pumped his powerful wings and flew closer to Ramus as he rose again to his feet. Where Fayt was perfect in every way, Ramus was almost his complete opposite, He was short and stocky, his hair was long and tangled all the time, and he was almost totally inept at his demonic capabilities. The only thing that could be said to be going for him was that he was the son of the Lord of Chaos, but he couldn’t even seem to get that right. All his attempts at using his demons chakra was a flop.
Today was especially bad, as every time he tried a spell, it backfired. As he started to run down an alley to his right he felt Fayt begin to gather energy for his next attack. Fayt landed on the ground and had to fold his wings to fit into the alley. He ran into the alley and got wedged between the walls, he released the energy from between his hands and the walls crumbled around him in a cloud of dust.
Ramus stopped and looked back when he heard the walls fall. As he turned to leave a strong bolt flew from the rubble and pierced Ramus through the chest. He flew back and slammed through a wall and landed in a pile on the floor of an old building. Fayt rose and walked over to Ramus’ prone form, Ramus groaned as Fayt began to gather black fire between his hands.
“Stop Fayt!” a voice with an air of command boomed across the field. Talus, the grisly, old battle instructor strode toward them from his vantage point on the roof of a half collapsed building. He jumped from the second story and landed without a sound on the ground.
“You pass Fayt; now leave so that I may speak with Ramus alone,” said Talus. With that, he turned to Ramus and stared at him coldly. “You are a failure as the Son of Chaos. At the rate you are developing, you’ll never become a Lord fit to rule. You have failed your test, now return to the academy and inform the master that you will be joining his class again.”
“No! Please master Talus, I can’t fail this, my father will kill me!” yelled Ramus. “He is already displeased with me for failing my last test!” Ramus looked at Talus and his shoulders slumped, he already knew that he was going to be failed.
Talus looked at Ramus’ disappointed form and sighed, “Go back to the academy Ramus; you have not passed this test.” Ramus turned and began trudging back toward the East Academy. Talus stared for a moment then disappeared in a puff of smoke. Ramus looked over his shoulder to see if his teacher was gone.
“Old grump,” he muttered, “I’ll never pass this test even if I’m a Son of Chaos.” He kicked at a rock and sent it arching through the air ahead of him. The stone fell as he looked at his feet and landed on the ground with a small thunk.
“Stop your whining you baby, it sounds pathetic coming from a Son of Chaos.”
Fayt stepped out from a building off to Ramus’ left. “You make it sound like your life sucks, being pampered all of the time and waited on hand and foot. If I were you I’d enjoy the life style you’ve got. At least you aren’t an outcast and the last of your kind. People look at me like I’m a protégé, do you have any idea how tough that is?” he asked.
“Yeah, it must be so tough, being the best of the best at every little thing,” Ramus snapped, “Such a pain being able to do demon magic without it almost killing you!” He began walking away again.
“You think that I like being the best at everything?! Do you have any idea how much pressure that is? I had to pass this dumb test just because it was another way to prove myself to everyone that I deserve to exist. So before you go yelling at me for doing what I have to, why don’t you think first?”
Oh, thought Ramus, I forgot about his heritage…
Ten years ago, during the Desertion War, when angels and demons abandoned the realms of their birth for a new existence on Earth, Fayt’s race had defected and gone to Earth and Fayt had been left behind. The Lords of Chaos and Harmony had slaughtered all of the defectors and Fayt’s family had been killed. Fayt was still called a traitor, even though he had been a child during the war.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean…” Ramus started.
“Don’t.” said Fayt, “Don’t even apologize. You’re the pampered prince, the golden child; you can have everything handed to you whenever you want. Why should you have to be apologizing to me?”
“I was just trying to be kind okay? Believe it or not, some of us actually have a conscious. If you want to be a fool about it, then you deserve to be called a damn traitor and heretic to the Underworld!”
“Shut up!” yelled Fayt.
Ramus fell back and Fayt turned to face him. Fayt lowered his upper body into an Aikido stance and began to circle around to Ramus’ left. Ramus dropped himself into a defensive Budo stance as Fayt began to move in. Fayt sent a low kick at Ramus’ left leg and brought his fist in a small arch to connect with his face. Ramus fell to the ground, stunned and Fayt launched himself into the air.
Fayt’s hands began to glow with a black pulsing energy as he hovered above Ramus. He pointed his hand at Ramus’ prone form and prepared to attack.
A sudden blast knocked Fayt to the ground and he smacked his head into a wall. He fell dazed and raised his head and saw the wall begin to fall upon him, then blackness.
Ramus raised his head high enough to see Fayt’s body become buried under the rubble of the wall. The last thing he saw was a pair of black-feathered wings, then a flare of pain and a flash of white light.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Shiki
    January 16, 2008

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    Hello sorry for the late viewing was a little busy. ALright first of all thanks for joining my contest! I'll be a bit harsher at contest so here goes.

    Okay frankly speaking, you have poor organization of the paragraph Its really hard to read and confusing if you can please re edit it to make it more pleasant and for the readers to read. Hmm maybe cuz this is just the introduction so I don't really feel any very exciting parts of the story in terms of it lacks of climax a little but its okay U entered the next part so I'll go to it. Hmm this might lead to a very interesting story! I'll go and read


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    December 3, 2007

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    I read most of your story and from what I did, I liked it. However, in my contest I specifically stated that I would like proper grammar, spelling and paragraphs.

    Your story was difficult to read because it was clumped together, which is why I couldn't finish it. Part of being a writer is to have your story in a manner that can be read by your readers. You should try to fix that sort of thing before entering contests.

    Thank you for entering.


  • Ninja Bubble
    November 12, 2007

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    very good my child.....little confusing as you immedietly have everything already started out with no backround but good..

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Fragments Of Dreams
    November 8, 2007
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    Nice!
    It's very nicely written.
    Good luck!
    ~Chelsey


  • Kari gold member
    May 22, 2007

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    I did not recongize these people in this story but now I'm curious about them.
    You did a wonderful job in being descriptive thoughout the plot.
    I wish you the best of luck in the contest!

    - KariKaRama -


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    May 22, 2007

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    tyhis was full of action and description and involved some great characters I'm not familiar with the ending could use just a little more to tie it up but all in all a good story


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    May 7, 2007

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    Thanks for your entry in the Fan Fiction contest. First, be sure to review the rules of the contest, especially rule number 5 and add the proper information to your authors notes so that you will in compliance with all the rules

    I really like your story, but it is a tad difficult to read since you didn't double space between paragraphs. It gives it the look of a big block of text that is just a bit hard on the eyes.

    The story itself was great though. It moved along quickly enough that I didn't get bogged down anywhere. The conversation was easy to follow and the tone of it matched the actions.

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    May 2, 2007

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    I particularly enjoyed this.. the fight was done in such a way that things didn't happen to fast, the descriptions were beautiful, and that part of the story did not drag on Even your conversation went nicely, something I expected from 2 "beings" who had just fought a fierce battle ^_^

    Now... 2 things...
    Your paragraphs.. It would be nice if you add one more space between them (I had a hard time following some of your sentences.. since they were tightly packed together)
    And... what is this fanfic based on? I think we, the judges, may need to know... since it is included in one of the rules

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this with us!
    Good luck with the contest ^_^


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    April 28, 2007

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    Well

    This is good as far as it goes, but it leaves off unfinished. The demons don't seem to like each other. Thanks for entering.

    Andy


  • Forsaken Unicorn
    April 24, 2007

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    I really like it, especially the detail on the battle. Though you need to look more in expressing more sensitive feelings if you are going to have them. You need to be strong in both areas to have the right reaction. Still very good.


  • Barbara Moderators member
    April 18, 2007
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    This is nicely written and very descriptive, but I have absolutely no idea what it is based on. Contest rule #5 would fall into play here. I'll check back later after the author notes are added so that I can get read again and get a better feel for this.

1 - 11 of 11