More Rivers to Cross [ a Radio Play ] [Conclusion]

SCENE TWO

THE ‘EKOMBI’ DRUM OF THE AKATA MASQUERADE ROLLS.IT’S NIGHT AND ALL THE NOCTURNAL SOUNDS – CROAKS, CHIRPS, HOOTS, ETC – ARE HEARD. TAILOR AND EMMA WALK TOWARDS THE VILLAGE STREAM TO FETCH WATER.

EMMA: I love coming to the stream at this time to fetch water, it’s always so very quite. In the daytime kids are always a real nuisance.

TAILOR: The chill almost forced me to stay back. It should be past ten by now.

EMMA: It is. I looked up my watch when we were coming and it was twenty past ten. The harmattan is gathering momentum and the air is chiller these days.

TAILOR: Whether it is the harmattan …just past ten and the whole village is like a ghost town.

EMMA: What do you want the villagers to do? To be running to their farms by now? Even if it is a night with the moon, who knows the value of the moon these days? Video has taken the place of the story teller.

TAILOR: Videos tell stories too.

EMMA: Of guns and nudity … morals had been locked away in the chest of moonlight tales. And what surprises me most is if our Power holding Company wakes up on the right side of the bed and decides not to withhold electricity for days people would be there at the fronts of television sets taxing their eyes and taking in everything they see and hear. Couples quarrel with one another and parents with children because things in the home are left undone.

TAILOR: And yet someone like me who don’t have is planning to buy one soon.

EMMA: I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with owning a video. The only thing is we must learn to control it and not let it control us.

TAILOR: Yes sir. [TAILOR SUDDENLY SLIPS ON THE PATH] Oh, God! This hill is always too tricky for me. If only water sellers could be a bit more reasonable and sell at a price we can afford. At times I’d buy from them.

EMMA: Blame our Power Holding Company and not water sellers. Water sellers are only trying to recoup the money they spend on fuel.

TAILOR: We keep blaming NEPA or whatever they call themselves now for most of our woes. To bring electricity to this village poles were vandalized more than twice, no fault of NEPA. Poles turned out to be poor, the handiwork of a contractor. And transformers were old refurbished ones instead of brand new, thanks to yet another contractor. So if water board is pumping water free to these water points and electricity remains constant our brothers and sisters would still find one way or the other to cut our throats. Everyone is just thinking of getting rich quick.

EMMA: [LAUGHS] I didn’t say anything.

TAILOR: Don’t worry, you’re the one with a fifty-litre container. When we are going back and you slip and roll with your container and torch to the stream you’d start confessing the ills of our country. [TAILOR’S FEET MOVE IN WATER.]

EMMA: You’re not wishing me evil?

TAILOR: No, sir, I’m not. I’m saying those who see evil and don’t talk would talk when it knocks on their doors. [A SERIES OF HOOTS IS HEARD CLOSE BY.] Aha, one wizard is up and flying. Or what do you think? [TAILOR LAUGHS, SCOOPING WATER INTO HIS CONTAINER].

EMMA: Hmm. But I’d thought it’s the real owl hooting.

TAILOR: But then there are owls that hoot yet aren’t birds but humans.

EMMA: Well …

TAILOR: Well … what? It’s like you don’t believe this thing called witchcraft exists.

EMMA: I don’t believe witchcraft exists? Funny indeed. Look, in our neighbourhood back home there was a man whom every parent warned their children secretly not to get close to no matter how friendly he acted towards us. We were strictly warned not to collect food from him either and eat so he wouldn’t initiate us into the world of witchcraft. But then also we were equally warned not to dare call him a wizard as the task would be up to such a naughty one to prove how he got to know. So from what I know since my childhood witchcraft is an open secret here but because it’s hard to prove so and so is a witch or wizard as it’s basically a spiritual thing, nobody hollers it across the roof top.

TAILOR: So you believe …

EMMA: Why wouldn’t I believe? Look, I’d even seen a man tormented by his conscience confess and reel out the list of havoc he caused and these were things that happened and nobody related to him. So the thing about witchcraft is it is a spiritual thing and negative, as we know it here. Now, if you accuse someone of a wicked deed, how do you prove an act he took in the spirit world in the night caused the harm someone suffered in the day? This is the fact that thickens the veil of mystery around the world of witchcraft.

TAILOR: And when I say my woman’s illness is a witchcraft attack, do you believe?

EMMA: Then you didn’t get me right when we discussed this afternoon. When someone suffers a spiritual attack and goes to church or witchdoctor’s place, is delivered and yet returns home only to suffer the same problem, then the real cause was never touched. Then he or she must look for an alternative means of deliverance. And in the case of HIV-AIDS all you need do is go to a hospital for the confirmation of your status.

TAILOR: Well, my woman is back in the house and looking quite healthy so her case is that of witchcraft attack. [TAILOR STOPS SCOOPING, FEET MOVE IN WATER.] Give me your container, I’d help.

EMMA: Thanks. [EMMA HANDS OVER THE CONTAINER] Don’t forget our rooms are linked at the roof. When she came in and you were chatting, I heard her little coughs too. Why not drive the road of caution? Go to a hospital to know your status first. I’m not saying your woman is HIV positive …

TAILOR: [INTERRUPTING] Don’t you know going to these hospitals is like going to be read your death sentence? How wicked that sounds! Be honest, Emma. Have you known your status yet?

EMMA: [STAMMERING] I … I kind … kind of agree with you. You … you see it’s one thing to preach and … and another to practice. You’ve called the masquerader by his name. [TAILOR LAUGHS] Stop laughing and let me finish. [TAILOR LAUGHS MORE AND MORE] Okay, why not accompany me and let’s go having our tests?

TAILOR: Okay, okay then. You have said a great thing there. When? [TAILOR SCOOPS WATER INTO THE CONTAINER.]

EMMA: Anytime soon. A deal?

TAILOR: How soon is ‘soon’?

EMMA: Before I leave for the Christmas holidays.

TAILOR: A deal then.

EMMA: In this era of sex boom, there’s a pandemic creeping up on all of us. We need to know our status so we’ll watch our sides as we ride the rough waves these days.

SCENE THREE

TENANTS SIT ON BENCHES ON THE VERANDA AS SOME LEAN ON THEIR DOOR-POSTS. PAAPA WALKS IN FROM THE OUTSIDE.

TENANTS: [CHORUSING] Good morning, sir.

PAAPA: Morning all. How is Sunday?

TENANTS: Fine, sir.

PAAPA: [ADDRESSING PAPA SAM] You’re a strong man, my friend. I can see your wife is ballooning again so soon!

PAPA SAM: It’s God’s gift, sir. We can’t help.

PAAPA: Certainly, God’s gift! Our God is a generous God.

PAPA SAM: It’s true, sir. He says we should not bother about what we will wear or eat in any given day.

PAAPA: Sure enough. You’re right, my son. You see like in our case, the good Lord is even over-generous. He brought the jungle just beside us. So we go and come out at will. We only ask for strength to cart the produce we gather and as we come out we know the buyers are waiting in the village with their cash ready. With our very easy income, which the humps on our backs readily testify, we can keep on creating our football teams. [EMMA AND TAILOR BURST OUT LAUGHING.] I hope my money is ready this time o!

PAPA SAM: Yes, sir. Sir, I mean, it will be ready next weekend …

PAAPA: [INTERRUPTING] You see, this is what I’m saying. The good generous God who provides ceaselessly has done it again – this would be your fourth kid in five years and you’re owing me ten months’ rent. My son you’re not being fair to me. This house is owned by a classmate I used to beat hands down in all our examinations while in school. But his father had a wife and four kids and was focused in training them. My father married two wives, created a football team with solid reserves. I dropped out at Standard Four. My friend went through secondary school and left for overseas. Today he is a commissioner and I’m just a mere labourer in his ministry. So if he is good enough to let me take care of his property, don’t disgrace me. Let me just be accountable to him.

PAPA SAM: Sir, there’ll be something down at weekend.

PAAPA: Please, try. [PAAPA NOW ADDRESSES MAMA SAM:] And young woman, if it’s love potion nobody would tell you where the witchdoctor lives. But to look for a health centre to save yourself from this man’s havoc, you’re there waiting for his permission …

MAMA SAM: [CUTS IN] Sir, I told him.

PAAPA: Yes, you told him. I have eyes and can see he took your advice. What the red-headed lizard said is what I would say to both of you now: it is not having a long chain of wives and children that is problem as having a strong enough tail to protect them. Please, my money next weekend. [ PAAPA DEPARTS HURRIEDLY]

TAILOR AND EMMA: [CHEERS THE ELDERLY MAN] Paapa de Paapa. Paapa de Paapa.

SCENE FOUR

BANGERS EXPLODE. CHEERS OF ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ AND SOUND OF JOY AS PEOPLE THRONG OUT OF PLACES OF WORSHIP BACK TO THEIR HOMES FILL THE AIR. BANGERS EXPLODE MORE ON THE STREETS AND THERE ARE DRUMBEATS AND SONGS. AS THE COMMOTION FADES THERE ARE CHEERFUL GREETINGS OF ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ EVERYWHERE AS MORNING APPROACHES. PAAPA SOON WALKS IN TO SEE THE TENANTS.

PAAPA: I say I should walk down the few poles from my house and wish my people a ‘Happy New Year’.

TENANTS: [IN CHORUS] Happy New Year, sir.

PAAPA: Okay, Papa Sam and Mama Sam and kids are here. Then Tailor. Only Emma who had traveled home is missing. I invite you to my place for some cool wine later in the day. It’s great to be alive and see another brand new year.

PAPA SAM: Oh, thank you, sir.

TAILOR: Thank you, sir.

PAAPA: Till then. [PAAPA WALKS OFF]

PAPA SAM: Wine today, rent tomorrow. Abeg, make this man leave me alone.

TAILOR: Ah ah! You haven’t forgiven this man for giving you helpful advice?

MAMA SAM: Oh, my brother. Tell him o!

PAPA SAM: Shut up woman and go inside! At all times you’re always siding with the caretaker.

MAMA SAM: I’m not shutting up. If you want to start a fight this New Year, start – I’m ready for you!

TAILOR: Abeg o! With your condition, I have no strength to separate such a fight.

MAMA SAM: Look, my brother. It’s that ten months’ rent he owed. I begged him to forget every other thing and pay as the caretaker had been patient enough. After paying, my husband doesn’t want me to speak again.

PAPA SAM: Why should you speak? All you do is talk, talk. It’s high time you start making meaning contribution in this house!

MAMA SAM: Not only high but higher time. You don’t let me turn – every year another pregnancy. What do you want me to contribute more than the kids you’re slaving for?

PAPA SAM: Look, if you don’t shut up your long mouth I’m going to cut it off!

MAMA SAM: [LAUGHS DERISIVELY] Quietly cut off your responsibilities and leave my mouth alone.

PAPA SAM: You’d never hear one word of praise from the woman I’m killing myself to take care of. How much was the rent? How many times had I left money with you just to go bring a little and add to pay off the rent only to be told on my return the children were sick and that you had used up the money. Sometimes, this woman would just use the money to buy her clothes! Enter the room all the pieces of furniture scattered everywhere are nothing but her clothes!

MAMA SAM: If you needed furniture you should have bought them before thinking of having children. If it bothers you you don’t have furniture simply let me rest after this turn. If you think you brought me here to walk naked and yet be your baby factory then, mister, you’re sorely wrong.

TAILOR: Mama Sam, it’s okay. And Papa Sam, look, your anger with caretaker is rather misplaced. What the old man pointed out is the source of your headaches. Everybody knows you work hard enough. Had it been you have like one or two kids, there would be enough room and time for your woman to practice her hairdressing profession. The few ladies who had been coming around to have their hair fixed feel quite uncomfortable as your kids disturb a lot.

MAMA SAM: Tell him o!

PAPA SAM: Woman, shut up! Even if you had all the room and time in this world to practice your profession all your money would still end up in wearing what every other woman is wearing. So shut up!

MAMA SAM: I’d shut up. The hump on your back will keep growing rounder and rounder …

PAPA SAM: Whatever is on my back is because of you and the children. So shut up for the last time!

TAILOR: Look, this quarrel won’t get us anywhere. Doing the right things will save you a great deal of headaches. Have a manageable size of family. That’s what our caretaker was saying. And you, Mama Sam, learn to cope with him. Nobody is saying walk naked but you just can’t be buying clothes every now and then as if you don’t have mouths to feed. Look, if the stress on him gets too much and, God forbid, he suddenly drops dead it’s you who’ll now bear the entire family loads …

MAMA SAM: He’d never drop dead. His loads are for him!

PAPA SAM: I’ll drop dead – in fact, I’m dropping dead now.

MAMA Sam: [ANGRILY] Drop dead and leave this burden to who? God would rather prolong your life! Look, even if it were possible and you try it, I’d curse you every step of the way. Every path I slip on, every root I trip on, sitting or standing I would curse you. After the birth of every child you’d keep tugging on my clothes till you have way. Now you have got what you wanted lined up before you, you want to drop dead. Try it and let me see! [ MAMA SAM STORMS INSIDE. PAPA SAM AND TAILOR BURST OUT LAUGHING.]

PAPA SAM: Men, wahala dey o! After this one, abeg, anybody who knows the way should show me.

TAILOR: That’s a simple thing. Once she’s given birth Emma would readily guide you. He may even take her to the hospital we did our medical check-ups before he traveled and as he returns we’d go for the results. To be honest, he did even mention your case.

PAPA SAM: Then I’d talk to him when he comes back.

TAILOR: It’s necessary. The mistakes our fathers made and never knew what leisure were all their lives we shouldn’t repeat. Their sex life seemed not to have buttons ….

PAPA SAM: [INTERRUPTED, LAUGHING] Like the ones on your clothes?

TAILOR: No, like the ones on a control panel. You see, they had no buttons so they married and breed recklessly. But we seeing what they did was wrong should put in some buttons into our sex life. With buttons in place we are sure of having a good marriage as the women can rest and contribute. Then there’ll be happiness in the home for as our people are fond of saying: when the palm scrubs the back, the back too would scrub the palm. [THE EKPO MASQUERADE DRUMS RATTLE, THEN ROLL.]

THE END.