I remember that day

I remember that day

it was just another rainy day

nothing worth seeing on that uneventful Tuesday;

that is until the shy little sun peaked through

with a burst of orange through the blue.

Ah yes I remember that day

don't you

that day down by that blanket-

that river

that sea of the ocean

Oh that sunset

that fragrant citrus sunset

that stunned us-

blinded us

to what we should see

Hmm that ocean

the horizon-

steps to the sunset-

it was glorious

Huh its beauty

oh how it's beauty

took my breath away

Gah the contrast was so nice

don't you agree

Remember that sunset

when the sky kissed the sea

Author notes

this is my first take on poetry let me know what you think http://www.c21doyle.com/sunsets.jpg

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Asfand
    August 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Nice...

    I liked this, concerning imagery and effect. Plus, it brought images, vivid ones so good job.

    Some of the lines are awkward. STICK to the tone, dont rhyme and then go fre again, it looks weird. Plus the gah, hm, huh things like that dont look good in a poem. Watch out for that,.....


  • tacobell4me08
    June 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the poem at first but then it kind of went down hill. You started talking about the river, then the sea, kinda confusing. The description was good. I didn't like how it went in and out of rhyming. I also did not like the gah, and huh etc. that was used. Over all it was cute. good luck and thanks for entering

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 3.


  • Gum
    June 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Beautifully written - simple and good. That was a good nature poem.


  • k3nny silver member
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Not bad at all. I really think this was nice.

    I'd just suggest you change the line spacing and the text or background color. It's sometimes a little difficult to read because of the contrast.
    However, this was not bad; i'd classify it as philosophical...

    Good job and thanks for entering my contest!


  • Mai4ever
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and magnifique! Love the natural flow and the sweet descriptions. Good luck!


  • Eternal Twilight
    May 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That was pretty! I suggest you add some more punctuation but other than that I loved it!


  • sunnyset
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    how beautiful!

    This looks like a poem that would be found in a greeting card--i love the last line "when the sky kissed the sea". a. mazing.

    big fan,
    penguinqueenie


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    May 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I like this

    I thought this poem came to a powerful conclusion when you had the line, 'when the sky kissed the sea'. That is a fantastic line and it brings the picture to life and the picture in turn makes the peom explode into my mind. Mostly because of that line. Is is a very good line.

    Andy


  • QueenWolf
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love your poem it is very well done, a smooth flow to it congrats and good luck in the contest

    ~Princess~

    P.S please fix the line spacing...


  • KingWolf
    April 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem. Your descriptions were amazing and flowed smoothly like a pristine river. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Sunless Spirit
    April 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    nice stoory...
    WAIT THERE HE IS!V
    GET HIME!!!!!!!


  • illegalfairy
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very nice. it flowed well and i really loved that last 2 lines. I'm not much with poetry but i did like this. good job and thank you for entering the contest.


  • asthray.heart
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was coolies, a nice job and certainly well done. You had a nice flow and a meaning that was released in the end to this.
    Good luck in the contest my dear and an excellent job

    Lady Madeline.

1 - 14 of 14