He’d watched her and her softly building despair; watched her and knew the precise moment when the despair bubbled over and consumed her façade; watched her as she fled to breathe again.
He sat next to her now, feeling the despair consume her as she would be consumed, were she full of cancerous cells. Maybe despair is a cancer. “You okay?” he asked into the snowy air.
“Are you deeply religious?” She answered; a question for a question, how clever.
“Depends on how you mean.”
“Do you believe that someone can be in enough pain to purposefully inflict physical pain to be able to continue to breathe?”
He watched as she rubbed the inside of her left wrist absently. Ah. That is what she is referring to. “I believe in despair,” he replied softly, guarded in his actions. That was definite grey area. “Why?”
“I cut again last night.”
Ah. Now we come to the truth of it all. “Why?” Rhetorical question. No way around it.
“Memories,” she whispered as soft, dewy flakes fluttered to the still-too-warm ground.
“Why did she have to come back?” She burst as he felt her tender heart do the same. “She has NO right here! I came here so that I could heal. It’s taken me two years to get to where I am, to where I can live with myself, with my memories and she has to come allow it to come rushing back to me in waves that I can’t control. It’s not fair and it’s not right!”
Tears rolled down her pretty face as he held her close. No one had the right to cause this angel tears, but they all have, many times over. When will the tears cease for her?
Tears That Fall
4/7/07
Guinevere
Author notes
My heart and soul is in her hands and she doesn't even recall any of the pain that she inflicted. Let me breathe again so I can live some more.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It's good, I like it. Is it finished, or is there more? It sounds like it's leading to another part...
Let me know if there's more to this story! -
Very good, but it's not complete, somehow. It feels like a prologue, or the start to a story. One scene doesn't make a story.
Are you going to continue this? If so, message me - I definitely want to read more.
A couple of things, though. First, you should never use the same word - unless it's words like 'and' and 'she' - twice within the same general area, and one like 'whispered' should not be repeated at all within two-hundred something words.
Also, if you're not going to indent, have a double-space between paragraphs. Makes it much easier to read!
*glomp*
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You read my story Tears that Fall back in April. And you wondered if I was going to continue the story. I think that it's more of a continuation of what I've started with the story I've been writing "With Love, Guinevere." Just so you know. I can't remember if I told you that back then or not.
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This is nicely written but I'm not quite certain where it's leading to. It is a very good buildup but leaves me wanting more background to the story.
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