(This is a mystical tail of three keys called the keys of time) 1
Anyone who poses the keys of time can go to any time he or she wants. The keys are guarded by 7 warriors named the Shadow Riders that have the power to call upon magical armor with six crests Flight, Sound, Fire, Ice, Skill, and Poison. Shadow Lord uses the soul sword to call his armor and it also has the ability to call forth a dragon named Pyron to help in really dangerous times. 2
There is an evil wizard with the power to control minds, and can create energy waves named Shaw Lo that wants to claim these keys as his own. He wishes to proclaim himself ruler of all the free world. With his powers amplified by the book of Sun Raw and his fighters Wolf, Void, and Silent Strike Shaw Lo rages war agents the protectors of the keys. 3
(The final Battle) 4
With 6 of the Riders killed in battle Shaw Lo engages in a fierce fight with Shadow Lord. Shaw Lo uses his new powers to get the upper hand on Shadow Lord but with his last breath Shadow Lord cast a spell sending Shaw Lo, Void, Silent Strike, and Wolf to Dark World.5
With the Shadow Lord dead and no one to sustain the powers of the crest the Soul Sword calls the crest back to the sacred cave where they were found. The sword returns to the Black Flam and the crest are locked back up in their cases. They will remain there until another dark force try’s to retrieve the Keys of time.6
Author notes
This is the start of a cartoon
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Very vivid, and imaginitive write! I agree with the comment above that said this sounded like it would make a great video game! Sounds great to me! Excellent story line!
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wow this was very interesting, great imagery, Fantasy type things aren't really my cup of tea, but hey, this was good, very interesting, it mite make an interesting screen-play...o well, great job, i liked it alot...GO SECTOR
~~george~~
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Well all I could think of when I was reading it was that it sounded like an outline for a game… Sorry, but I didn’t find it very poetic, although it was rather entertaining. Maybe if you elaborated a little and added some more vivid imagery it might help. But you know what they say one mans poetry is another mans door prop. Oops I think I just made that up.
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I was here
glad to see some people liked it
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um.
seems like a snippet of a larger project.
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ooooo i want a key of time!! wow to go anywhere you want would be very handy sometimes.. this was great and i hope that you can continue it so we can read more!! this was very intriging (spelling) hehe
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Wonderful story. It unfortunately was too short to evoke to much reaction. It was overloaded with information. You might want to try lengthening it. The idea has much potential- a short story, novel, series. You might want to consider going to a website like Fictionpress.net and posting a longer version there. The plot is endearing and if you do decide to post a longer one on a site, please email me with the URL it would be saved on. My email is amevechan@yahoo.com
Tara -
nicely done
I was the freak who hated LOTR and Harry Potter...i've never really been a big fantasy fan. I am a gamer, and i agree this would make an awesome game...reminds me a bit of a playstation game i played once where there were 7 pigs, each had their own element, and you had to find all these pig bags to capture them. I also think this could go beyond the whole childrens' story thing...i love it when stories play on the whole good/evil thing. very good work. -
nicely done
I was the freak who hated LOTR and Harry Potter...i've never really been a big fantasy fan. I am a gamer, and i agree this would make an awesome game...reminds me a bit of a playstation game i played once where there were 7 pigs, each had their own element, and you had to find all these pig bags to capture them. I also think this could go beyond the whole childrens' story thing...i love it when stories play on the whole good/evil thing. very good work. -
nicely done
I was the freak who hated LOTR and Harry Potter...i've never really been a big fantasy fan. I am a gamer, and i agree this would make an awesome game...reminds me a bit of a playstation game i played once where there were 7 pigs, each had their own element, and you had to find all these pig bags to capture them. I also think this could go beyond the whole childrens' story thing...i love it when stories play on the whole good/evil thing. very good work. -
i am a big fan of the fantasy... you know it just takes you somewhere... what you got here is a story... and you say it is a childrens story... so for me to say this could use more to satisfy my adult hungers of drama is kind of ignorant... but since it is for children i say you might want to think about shortening the sentances... a few places i got lost...
Doug -
looking forward to more
First critique, you have 'tail,' where 'tale,' is needed.
I like the concept of the keys of time. Each key representing something. I felt this ended a bit too abruptly. Perhaps it is the beginning of a larger collection? I hope so because it sure would make for some good reading!
I agree with nike, about sentence structure. I would like to see more details myself. Overall off to a good start. -
Good Start
I enjoyed the "Tail?" but you should go back and fix the spelling errors and some of the sentence structure. For example:
"There is an evil wizard with the power to control minds, and can create energy waves named Shaw Lo that wants to claim these keys as his own." Are the energy waves named Sahw Lo or is it the Wizard's.
I think you have the start of something really good here. Keep playing with it and it should be pretty special. -
lol well I dont like reading books, I prefer the movie so when you have made it ill be sure ot buy it.
Though i did find it sad that 6 of the Riders were killed.
what can I say i love happy endings so revive em in the sequel
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impressive
It flowed really well and had a strong voice. I could see this happening as I read but I'm like Barbara MORE MORE MORE!
First critique, you have 'tail,' where 'tale,' is needed.
I like the concept of the keys of time. Each key representing something. I felt this ended a bit too abruptly. Perhaps it is the beginning of a larger collection? I hope so because it sure would make for some good reading!
I agree with nike, about sentence structure. I would like to see more details myself. Overall off to a good start.
Edited on Apr 07, 11:32 because 'i'm a dork'. -
There's gotta be more! There's gotta be more!! Must read MORE!!!!! This was captivating and great to read. I aqree with Hawkie...this would make a great book!!! ( and the tail -> tale thing, too
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This sort of reminded me of a movie that TBS had on a couple years ago....can't remember the title of it though. -
Um first of all, this seems more to be the result of some sort of brain storming for a longer story. Like, the author came up with these ideas and wrote them down. I don't think it's a finished product at all. At least I don't hope so, since the idea as such is good. I don't think it is confined to being a children's story at all, the finished book could appeal to older readers as well.
(This is a mystical tail of three keys called the keys of time)
I know animals can be mystical, but I didn't know their tails held that much myth. I think you meant to say 'tale'?
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I agree with Lakota I thought the same thing while reading that I was watching Lord of the rings. Very cool! Keep up the good work! ~Sharon
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AWESOME!
Wow this is like LOTR I loved it, wheres the second part and when will it be out? I am wondering if this will be a yearly write or monthly please let you fans know Thanks
Lakota!! xx -
Wait a minute, that's all I get? These needs to be an epic length video game for the PS2 and it needs to be made NOW. As a poem/story... needs to be fleshed out a bit. This is a good start and I'd like to see what you can do when you fill it out into a a full plot instead of just an outline. Let me know if you get more done!
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don't touch it!
I'm hoping that these are thoughts for something much bigger.. like a novel eventually..I really think you should expand this into something bigger..there are some wonderful and unique ideas in this piece...awesome writing!!!! -
don't touch it!
oooooooo, this is so awesome, i am intrigued...but now i need to read another part of the story - you should definitely write a sequal...great job!
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neutral
As far as genre, it seems a cross between New Age Prophesy, and Sci-Fi Mythic Fantasy. Its ecclecticism is GREAT! I agree with its flavor of Lord of the Rings
G-man767
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don't touch it!
THIS IS FREAKIN AWESOME!!! u did a GREAT GREAT GREAT job and i LOVE it! do a sequil.....i really wanna read more about it...if u wanna write one! lol.....thnx for ur really nice comments on my work and ill chat with ya later!! byebye
luv steph -
excellent
Ahhhh, i am reading a gamer here! This was an interesting tale, Sh! Glad i stopped by to check it out.
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don't touch it!
Might as well be a story writer too!! good write!! -
excellent
Good job, i think this is your thing hun, reminded me of Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars.
((((((((huggies)))))
brianna -
don't touch it!
Awesome SH. I think this is your thing. Maybe a sequil...part 2. I really enjoyed the first and now the add on. Super job writing this....Desiree
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excellent
thanks for this journey
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neutral
Awesome! What a completely playful idea to write about. -
neutral
cool write. -
don't touch it!
SH this is such a cool story my only complaint is that it isn't longer. Just awesome....Desiree
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