My Brother James

After school, I ran home. I can’t be late or else I’m going to get it. When I reach my house, I stop running. My older brother James (he’s seventeen and I’m his fourteen year old sister October) and his friends were outside. James was sitting on the steps of the porch. 1

I tried walking passed my brother and his friends so I could go inside the house, but my brother stopped me. It was no use fighting him back. 2

“Going somewhere?’ he asked me. I didn’t know whether to respond to him or not to. 3

“October,” His friends stared at me. I wondered what was going to happen. I said to James, “Yes?” He smiled at me and I knew that wasn’t good. He stood up on the steps. He was much stronger than me and he’s taller than me. Whenever my mother wasn’t home, he was in charge. 4

James reached into my jeans pocket and found ten dollars. I wasn’t going to let him take my money again. 5

“Give that back!” I exclaimed. He held onto the ten dollar bill in his left hand and lifted his left arm up, out of my reaching distance. I hated being short. I tried to pull his arm down, but I couldn’t. James and all of his friends laughed at me. I left so embarrassed. Before I went inside the house, I kicked my brother in the shin. 6

Once inside the house, I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Usually, I don’t watch TV because my brother controls it and decides what we watch. Sometimes, he doesn’t even let me watch it. Charmed was on but now it was over. Luckily, another Charmed episode was on. Charmed was one of my favorite shows. Supernatural was my most favorite though.7

Half way into the show, James entered the house. His friends had gone home. He saw what I was doing. He probably didn’t like me watching TV. He came over to me and snatched the remote out of my hands. Then, he changed the channel and sat down on the couch. I didn’t dare say a word. Even when he shoved me off the couch, I didn’t say anything. I just went upstairs to my room to find something to do.8

That night, I slept with my bedroom door closed. My mother was still at work. I slept between the soft, warm bed sheets and the warm cover. I had gone an entire day without being beaten by my big brother. That has never happened before. I thought I was lucky.9

In the middle of the night, I awoke when my bedroom door opened up. It was James. What did he want? He didn’t bother closing the door because only he and I were home. That’s when I saw something silver in his right hand. I wondered what that was. 10

He turned on my lamp that was on the nightstand and came closer to me. He was holding a sharp, long, silver knife. I became terrified. Right when I was about to scream, a hand clamped over my mouth by him. I didn’t know what was going on. 11

“No screaming. Shut up and nothing bad will happen.” James ordered, holding the knife up to my neck. I couldn’t believe this was happening. ‘He’s going to kill me!’ I thought. 12

Soon, he pulled the covers off me. I had been wearing a black nightgown with laces. James dropped the knife and let go of me, grabbing on to my arm, he led me to the bathroom. Why did he take me into the bathroom? 13

“James, what are you-14

He slaps my face before I could finish my question. I felt a stinging pain. The hit from his hand burns my skin. I rub my face gently and then I notice James filling the bathtub with water. I watch everything he does. 15

“Get over here.” He demanded. I obeyed him and went closer to him. When the tub was full of water, he stuck his hand in the water to check if the water was hot or cold. Then, he knelt down and forced me into the tub. He made me lay on my back with my nightgown on. I had to go all the way down. James told me that he saw this in a movie and he wanted to see what would happen. 16

Repeatedly, I thrashed underneath to water to try to get out of my brother’s hold (he was holding me down under the water in the tub. After a few more times of me doing that, it enraged him and he grabbed me by the throat, forcing me down in to the water more. 17

James finally allowed me to get out of the water once he let me go. I was crying, hysterical. I was completely wet. James hit me a couple of times because he wanted me to shut up. It didn't work and he only ended up putting me back in the water. This time, he held me under the water longer. I thought that this time, he was really going to kill me.18

He let me go. I got out of the tub and dried myself off. Afterwards,he beat the hell out of me and sent me to bed. But before I was sent back to bed, he warned me firmly, "Remember, that's what happens when you kick me in the shin or embarrass me in front of my friends."19

The next day, my mother stayed home from work because she was sick. I was more than glad. Since Mother was home, James had to drive me to school in his car. He wouldn’t like it but my mother would make him anyway. He always did what she said. 20

“I’m going to pick you up from school so you better not be late.” James said as he drove me to school. I was sitting up front with him. When we reached my school, James handed me my lunch that I had forgotten. I took the bag and before I darted out of the car to get away from him, he touched my leg and stated in a nice, calm voice, 21

“October, have a nice day!” 22

At school, my teacher saw various bruises on me. She was concerned so she sent me down to the guidance counselor. Me and the counselor talked about my teacher’s concerns. 23

“October Fehn, is someone hurting you at home?” she asked me. I shook my head no. I couldn’t tell her the truth. 24

“So you’re saying that your mother or father don’t abuse you? How did you get those bruises then?” she asked. 25

I slouched in my chair and plucked the rubber band around my wrist. 26

“My father is dead and my mother works a lot so how do they abuse me?” I said with an attitude. I rolled my eyes.27

“Well then, let’s talk about it.” She suggested. ‘Here we go, again.’ I thought. She kept talking about abuse and my bruises. I soon got tired of talking to that lady so I finally told the truth,28

“My older brother James beats me!”29

The counselor almost gasped. Now she really knows what’s going on at my house. She suddenly changed the subject. No one knew my brother abuses me and she never talked about it. Some kind of counselor she is.30

My brother picked me up from the school after school. As he drove us home, there was silence. James only broke the ice. 31

“So, what did you do today in school?” he asked. I hesitated. 32

“I went to the counselor.” I quickly said. James pulled over into the nearest parking lot. He turned off the engine and stared down at me. There was a moment of silence before he said, 33

“Are you cutting yourself again? Because if you are, then I really have to tell Mom.” 34

That’s not the reason why I went to the counselor. I used to cut myself but the only person who knew but me was James. Our Mom never knew and still, she doesn’t know. I don’t want to disappoint her. It would probably break her heart if she knew.35

I shook my head no.36

“Then what?” he asked me annoyed. I was afraid to tell him what really happened. 37

“My teacher saw some of my bruises and sent me to the counselor.” I admitted to James.38

“You lied, right?” James said.39

“No but when I told her that you beat me, she changed the subject.” I replied. Soon, I tensed my body, waiting to be hit. When nothing happened, I felt relieved. I knew he was mad.40

“You’re so stupid! I told you not to tell!” he yelled, turning the engine. 41

“I’m sorry.” I replied. “It won’t happen again.” 42

“Oh no, you’re going to get it now.” He said, driving off. 43

When we got home, I was in for trouble. I was half-dragged, half-walked out of the car and into the house. I saw that Mother was in the kitchen, cooking. James slammed the door and then he slammed me down on the living room floor. My head almost hit the corner of the coffee table. 44

He purposely grabbed me by the head and made me hit my head against the edge of the table. I felt a terrible pain. I cried and that satisfied him. Then, he beat me badly. I had a bloody nose, bruised lip, and everything. I was in pain.45

After the beating, he picked me up and threw me on the couch. I just lied there. Mother came into the room to see what was going on. She saw me and I think she gasped. She grounded James for a month and the both of them argued. James glared at me with hate in his eyes after he gave up. I heard him stomp up the stairs.46

Dinner was quiet that evening. No one said a word to each other. It was never like this. Why start now?47

My left arm was very sore and it suffered the most in today’s beating. My mother almost felt sorry for me. She knew I was in pain. 48

“Honey, do you want an ice pack?” she asked me.49

“I’m okay.” I answered, lying. I wasn’t really okay. My whole body ached and yet, James still didn’t feel remorse.50

James looked at me and soon enough, I looked up at him. The both of us sat away from each other. It was best that way. I suddenly looked away from him because of his frightening look. 51

“James,” My mother began. She turned to face my brother. “This has to stop.”52

“Why?” was all that James said. Mother sighed. 53

“Look, I know October is younger than you, but you can’t beat her up like you do. It’s called abuse.” She stated. She’s right about that. What my brother does to me is abuse (sibling abuse). He’s been doing it since I was four.54

“Yeah but she’s so stupid and she barely listens to me.” James replied. 55

“She’s afraid of you.” Mother said.56

I looked down at the wooden table. The two of them kept talking.57

“James, I don’t know what you do to your little sister when I’m not home, but…”58

“Everything’s fine when you’re not home.” James snapped. He turned to look at me. “Right October?”59

I didn’t know what to say. He was putting me on the spot again. He wanted me to take his side so he didn’t get in trouble and he could watch me more often. What do I do?60

“Um…no. Last night…” I spoke. 61

“What happened last night?” Mother asked me. I couldn't tell her. I didn't have the courage to tell my own mother that my big brother threatned me with a knife and almost drowned me. I was too afraid of James to tell her or anyone.62

"October, tell me. What happened?" Mother snapped. She probably wanted to know what happened and fast. About a few seconds later, I started to cry. I couldn't take it anymore. It was killing me.63

"Last night, James threatned me with a knife and he tried to drown me." I cried. My mother yelled at James and grounded him for an extra week. I think it scared her so much.64

Later on, I was sitting in my room at my laptop. I had to write an essay for school about my family. That was probably going to be difficult, but I could manage it.65

There was a knock on my door. I got up and answered it because I thought it was my mother. It was James. We both looked at each other.66

"Follow me." he motioned for me to follow him. I did that and we ended up in his bedroom. I haven't been in his room for months now because he hasn't allowed me to enter his room. James sat me down on his bed and he went searching for something in his closet. I watched his every move. I wacthed as he chewed his gum. It smelled like mint. It was a strong smell and I am algeric to that.67

He found what he was looking for-his thick, black leather belt. He sat down on the bed with the belt in his hands. I knew what he was going to do to me. He was going to do something to me because I told our mom what he did to me last night. 68

"Get over my knee." he ordered in a firm voice.69

I refused to go over his knee so he could hit me with his belt. I didn't want to be hurt any more so I wasn't going to let it happen again.70

"No." I prostested. That was it for James.71

"Listen to me; I'm older than you and way stronger than you will ever be. I'm in charge and you, you're just nothing. Now, get over my knee." he said, his voice meanacing. I told him no and he became more than angry. 72

Before I knew it, his hand collided against my face. I didn't rub my face because it would only set him off. James hated it when I didn't listen to him and ignored his orders. He expected me to do everything he pleased. Who does he think he is? 73

Afterwards, he beat me unmerciful. He punched, smacked, and kicked me until I was black and blue and until I crumbled to the ground.74

To be continued...