Once upon a time Jesus Christ traveled to Prague and viewed a famous statue there. It was small and human-like and made of wax. Everybody loved it. 1
That day, for special reasons that nobody was really sure about, it was being displayed outside of a beautiful cathedral for everyone to see. This was almost never done and the appearance of the statue drew quite a large group of people. Jesus had patiently made his way to the front of the crowd, and after more than an hour of waiting, was finally able to see the famous statue. 2
"Excuse me, sir. Would you like t-shirt?" a voice asked. Jesus Christ tore his eyes away from the statue and gazed down at a tiny Czechoslovakian man who barely came up to his chest. 3
"No thank you," Jesus said. 4
"It only five dollars American," said the man, holding up his wares so close to Jesus' face that he had to take a step back before the salesman could hit him on the nose. 5
On the front of the t-shirt was a poorly silk-screened photograph of the Infant of Prague. The shirt itself was shoddily designed as well. One armhole was visibly bigger than the other and there were several loose strings hanging from the hem. Overall, the entire shirt was ugly and asymmetrical and Jesus didn't want to buy it. 6
"It's a nice t-shirt, sir, but no thanks," Jesus said and tried to look back at the statue. The tiny man pushed his way in front of Jesus and stretched both of his arms up as far as they could go, a t-shirt in each hand, blocking Jesus' view. 7
"Excuse me, could you move please?" Jesus asked. 8
"Five dollars! That's all, for great t-shirt!" the tiny man insisted. "You American, yes? You can afford five dollars!"9
"I'm not American," Jesus replied, trying not to be impatient. "And why are you asking for dollars? Wouldn't you rather be paid in the czech koruna?" 10
"Eh, better exchange rate," shrugged the man. "If you not rich American, then where you from?" 11
"Here and there." 12
The tiny man rolled his eyes. From afar, the foreigner had seemed like an easy tourist mark, but as of yet he was having no luck. Usually he had a better eye for these sorts of things, but the stupid tourist was proving a challenge. 13
Switching from English to Czech, he began to mutter aloud, glaring. "You're probably from the Middle East, then, with your dark hair and black eyebrows. An Iraqi, maybe. Maybe even a terrorist. Probably richer than god with oil money, too, but too cheap to buy my t-shirt." 14
Jesus smiled at him and the tiny man felt his anger dissipate, at least a little. 15
"I'm not from the Middle East either, friend," Jesus said in perfect Czech, much to the tiny man's surprise. "Well, not exactly. And I'm certainly not richer than God, although I am blessed. But a terrorist?"16
Jesus laughed to himself. The tiny man automatically took a step backward into one of the spectators, who swore at him in Czech and stomped away. 17
"I'll admit," Jesus continued, "it's not the first time I've been accused of acting against the government. But I'll have to submit in my defense that there are many who would say that I've never been guilty of any crime." 18
The tiny man forced his mouth closed as he stared. He'd never heard such an obvious foreigner speak his language so perfectly. Normally, whenever they tried, they would mangle the words and try to add vowels where there were none. The man couldn't see why they had such trouble with speaking it, though. It was perfectly easy to him.* 19
"My apologies, mister. I didn't realize you could understand me. But," he began, launching again into his spiel, "perhaps you could show your forgiveness towards me by purchasing a single t-shirt? I am a poor man and such an act of kindness would warm my Christian heart." 20
"You say you're a Christian?" Jesus asked. 21
"Certainly, sir," said the salesman, who would have readily admitted to being a devout Hindu or fundamentalist Muslim if it would make him a sale. "And what better way to show Christian piety than to offer people the image of Christ, if only in the form of a humble t-shirt."22
The asymmetrical armholes seemed to stare Jesus in the face as the numerous torn strings from the hem danced in the cool morning breeze. 23
"I...," started Jesus. 24
"Yes?" the salesman oozed. 25
"I.... I have no idea how to even begin to argue with you," Jesus said, clutching at his temples. He could feel the beginnings of a headache. 26
"So declare your love of Jesus Christ," shouted the tiny man, waving the t-shirt about like a flag. "Show Him how grateful you are that he died for your sins! Buy this t-shirt! Praise the lord!" 27
"I...." The pounding in his head was getting worse.28
"PRAISE JESUS!" screamed the tiny man in Jesus' ear, showering his face with little fleckles of spit in his salesman's enthusiasm. 29
"Would you please be qui –" Jesus stopped himself before he could finish the sentence. Giving a small sigh, he dug into his pockets and pulled out a wadded up five dollar bill.30
"Here." 31
The tiny man took the money and shoved it into his pocket
before Jesus had time to blink. Handing over the ghastly t-shirt, the salesman walked away towards the thicker part of the crowd, looking for more easy marks. 32
"What a sucker," Jesus heard the salesman mutter to himself as he disappeared into a crowd of Japanese tourists. "Stupid foreigner. Go back to Iraq, you greedy terrorist. T-shirts, five dollars!"33
And with that final call, the man was gone. 34
Jesus glanced back at the Infant of Prague, but his enjoyment at seeing the statue had dissipated. He decided to for a walk on quieter streets till his headache faded. 35
Turning the corner onto a quieter avenue, he spotted a beggar leaning next to an ivy-covered brick building. 36
"You want this?" Jesus asked, the Czech words rolling easily off of his tongue. 37
The beggar glanced at the t-shirt and nodded. "Sure, mister. It'll be good for winter. The cold's gonna be a bitch." 38
Jesus reached down and touched the beggar's shoulder, briefly. "I'm sure your situation will have improved before the cold sets in." 39
A smile, tentative at first, stretched upon the beggar's face. Maybe the future wouldn't be too bad. Maybe he would find some place to stay, get off the streets for good. 40
"Maybe I will," the beggar said and fingered the t-shirt unconsciously. "Here's hoping." 41
He trailed off. The man who'd given him the t-shirt had disappeared, leaving him alone on the quiet avenue.42
"Hope...." The word echoed on the now-empty street before fading quietly into the summer morning. The beggar's smile did not quite fade, however. A subtle upturn of the lip kept its place on his ravaged face and the strange, solid warmth in his heart refused to leave, growing exponentially bigger and bigger with every breath he took. 43
Clutching the cheap and unwanted t-shirt to his dirty chest, the beggar stood up and began making his way, one step at a time, towards a better tomorrow. 44
45
46
*This is an in-joke for anyone who has ever tried to pronounce a Czech word. I think that the good people of the Czech Republic have an underlying hatred of vowels. "Smrž pln skvrn zvlhl z mlh" would be an excellent example. The sentence, when translated, means 'stick a finger through your throat.'
Author notes
******
(Long Explanation - Please Skip If Uninterested)
Oh wow. Where do I even begin with justifying this story?
This story is intended to be a sort of take-off/analogy on a bunch of different subjects. In the hope that I won't get too many flaming "I HATE YOU MOCKER OF JESUS" reviews, I'll list what I was *trying* to say in this story. Whether or not I was successful in doing so is up to the reader to decide.
Religion:
-I have encountered two types of Christians in my life. The first type is the type like the t-shirt salesman. These people go to church and they speak the rhetoric, but when push comes to shove, they don't do anything to deserve the title of "Christian."
When I was being bullied during the hell that was Middle School, the same girls who would go to my church every Sunday would sit there and stare blankly when someone called me "fat" or "ugly." They were too afraid of social censure to even stick up for me when I was crying.
But when they saw me playing with Tarot cards in study hall? "You can't use those, Megan! They're not allowed in the Bible! You're not a Catholic if you use those!"
The hell? I'm not a Catholic for playing with a bunch of stupid CARDS, but you can watch and giggle when someone is crying in a classroom while bullies torment her and you ARE a Christians? I don't think so.
Heh. Um, sorry for the rant. The point is, people like the t-shirt salesman speak the rhetoric, but they don't follow through with their actions. People like Jesus in the story actually DO things to help WITHOUT mouthing off and preaching. Jesus bought the shirt, despite the hypocrisy of the seller, and he helped the beggar without going, "convert! or else!" This is the other sort of Christian I've encountered. The good sort who makes me think that religion isn't something I should completely give up on.
Other points:
- In today's political environment, if Jesus came back looking like he did in ancient Israel, he would probably never be allowed to board a plane or get a government job. I think this is wrong. Hopefully some of that came out in the story.
- Also, I don't speak Czech, but I once tried to learn it with MISERABLE results. And the Infant of Prague is a famous wax statue of the baby Jesus, said to have performed miracles. It is located (obviously) in Prague, which is the capital of the Czech Republic. (Woo! I did research!)
Sorry my 'Author's Notes' is so so so long, but I felt I had to justify what I've written. Hope you enjoyed it and, if not, try to hold back your temptation to flame me.
A contest entry
- The Epitome of Storytelling by Oblivion Kitty God.
985 points, ended April 17, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SW Presents--Fan Fiction--3 Month Gold or Silver at stake! by Violet Moodswing.
700 points, ended May 28, 2007, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 'Ello Poppet. by sly fox.
300 points, ended August 5, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The SW Classic MAKER!!!!!!! by Sunless Spirit.
120 points, ended November 23, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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You know what? This was really good! I, too, have wondered what it would be like if Jesus had come in this century.
I really enjoyed the points that you put forth in this story, especially the the character of the Christian salesman. I've come into contact with people like that...
One thing I noticed: "He decided to (go?) for a walk on quieter streets till his headache faded."
Other than that I couldn't spot a thing, except for being momentarily thrown when the salesman's accent was put across.
Wonderful job on this!
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it was quite interesting. Me being agnostic i could never feel right to ever bash down someones religion. it was a good story. the bible fanfiction might toss some people off but i liked it over all. it kinda reminds me of the Da Vinci Code. I liked that book. the movie forgot some enitial points, but it was good. anyway, good luck in the contest.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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This was very interesting. I like to see peoples viewpoints in religion.
I was not offended at all when I read this though I'm not a christian
I think that you've done a great job and made some strong viewpoints in this story.
The best of luck to you in the contest.
- KariKaRama - -
Interesting duality here, this fan fiction so your a fan of Jesus, although I never heard of a fan of him writing a bizzaro world version LOL. Still it was very interesting and even funny in places. I like to see research on a story, if its sprinkled with truths it props up the reality factor....
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I think this is an excellent social commentary. It's also hilarious - if someone was trying to sell me an ugly t-shirt with a picture of an artistic rendition of ME while screaming at me that I should worship MYSELF, I would probably have a pounding headache too. But unlike Jesus, I probably would have castrated the salesman and shoved his severed testicles up his ass, along with the ugly t-shirt.
Tha language at the beginning is kind of dull and mechanical, but the dialog is great and really reflects the characters. Damn hypocrite salesman. Damn hypocrite PEOPLE.
And I love that you're a Catholic who uses tarot cards and has statues of pagan gods. And I hate that I didn't stand up for you like I should have in the hell that was junior high. I'm sorry. I've kicked my own ass repeatedly for the throwing tennis balls thing, but that doesn't really count. I've never been assertive enough to stand up for anyone other than myself, even though my "assertiveness" tends to involve aggressively counter-attacking anyone who messes with me. The asinine comments I got never really bothered me since I've been called every synonym for "short" since kindergarten (people also started teasing me about my weight around junior high, and that stung a little, but not to the point where it really hurt). But it really pissed me off when the same people who yelled "midget" in the hallway and/or sexually harassed me at every opportunity (THAT bothered me) were the ones wearing cross necklaces and acting like they were such good christians. Jesus never jeered at the short and/or fat girls, and he constantly encouraged his followers to treat everyone with love and respect. You can praise Jesus all you want, but that doesn't make you a good Christian. Assholes.
*ahem* Sorry, a little bitterness left over from 10 years ago. We'll laugh a lot more someday when we have awesome jobs that pay 100k+ a year (with our ever-so-wonderful English degrees, no less), our books are bestsellers, men are crawling at our feet, and THEY'RE the ones who weigh 600 pounds, are still living with their parents, and think that Jesus is going to drag them out of the shitholes they dug for themselves.
Ok, I'll shut up now. I loved the story, I really did.
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Thanks for your entry in the Fan Fiction contest. Your story is a very enjoyable read and after reading your authors notes I think you hit your mark.
I am in aggreement with Barbara that they did distract from the story a bit. Of course, I also realize that sometimes we get detailed in authors notes so that we get some feedback directed at whether or not we accomplished what we set out to.
I think that I could have used a bit more detail from the point where Jesus encounters the beggar. Although, if you are planning future chapters, it would certainly make a good place to start the next one.
All in all, I enjoyed reading it and it is very nicely polished. -
Interesting story, which was fresh and well written....although rant in the authors notes took away from the story.
Thank you for entering and good luck with the contest
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I was scared to click this because being a Roman Catholic, I might be faced with something that was openly slamming God (sorry, I've made the mistake of clicking those stories a lot, BUT I do not mean that your story IS one of those ^_^) Your story did not offend me, in fact, I agreed with most parts here.
I've heard of Prague, but sadly, I don't believe in THOSE KINDS of miracles
I like to believe that my own everyday life has its own miracles ^_^
I did see the underlying implications and symbolisms you had in this piece Some parts had me grinning, had me annoyed... and yes, this IS a nice "what if" story (what if Jesus lived today.. etc).. I know of the Christians you talk about. I KNOW of people who sit in mass everyday and.. well, they happen to be nastier than most people I know. I'm not exactly asking everyone to be a saint but.. yeah, I'd rather not step on EVERYONE's foot, if you know what I mean
and really, I am GLAD I clicked this (I don't know anything about czech though, other than the fact that it IS a hard language to learn 
)
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Good luck with the contest
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This was really good. I liked the title. I wish you luck in the contest.
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I'm a Christian and am not at all offended. The bit about the lack of vowel in Czech made me laugh. And "'I.... I have no idea how to even begin to argue with you,' Jesus said, clutching at his temples. He could feel the beginnings of a headache" made me laugh at loud, a bad thing considering that I am at school. Wonderful work, I loved it.
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This was very good. A defenite interesting read. There was truth to it too. So many people today will say they are Christians, but turn around and do something totally off of Christian values. Now I know we all sin, but if you're a Christian(this isn't to you, it's in general) then you should behave like one. I loved how you protrayed Jesus too. I loved how you had Him show the compassion to the begger. Wonderful job with this story. Good luck in the contest. God Bless!!
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Hey - not a lot to say about the story. Just curious about the title. Why 'christ of the europeans'?
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This was one of those stories that started out with a title. I worked my way from there.
Since it takes place in Prague, I figured that it worked.
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Good.
Alright. First off: The song's yours. Second: I liked this. I wrote an essay illistrating the same subject, so you have an advantage over the other entries so far.
Beginning: 3/5 Cliche, fairy-tail beginning. It didn't quite reach the quality shown throughout the rest of the story. If I was not reading this as judge, I'd have stoped after that. You might wish to change it.
Ending: 4/5 Much better than the beginning. It shows much of what the eternal joy is, and is not. Kudos for being real.
Characters: 4/5 Jesus = Real. You portrayed him as I would have. The salesman was about what I'd expect to meet, so good job with him too. The homeless guy is good too.
Plot 4/5: I thought this was really quite different, and exactly the type of story I was looking for. So, I give you 4/5 because nothing is ever perfect, 'cept Jesus and God.
Language: 3/5 Difficult to tell, but the language was by far the weakest of the six catigories, but still above par. I grade these relative to what I've already seen.
Dialogue: 3/5 Mechanical, I think. The conversation does not sound real.
Good luck, you may place.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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wow great work
i love your story you like the old saying actions speak louder than voice it all works in the world many people talk and talk and talk but when it comes to execute they walk and walk and walk OUT. this is life some put a cross around their neck but when it comes for being responsible for dat cross they feel indifferent. the curse flirt, sin like no other. you know the crowned pricks around JESUS head oneday that cross will turn into a prick and prick their hearts. after all nothing on earth is left unjudged even if we hide 1000000000 meters underground God still sees and watches.personally i have to live with this every single day. playing cards having a sip of wisky all cause heartache even reading the bible during free time at college, friends come to say take away this crap no one reads the bible nowadays is all a piece of junk and i wonder if they even have one at home, but yet again they have a cross around their neck but to they be responsible for that cross and when they cross their face or even enter church, to they respect the place guess not. it's a pity but HE, JESUS had to suffer for us and if we want to be like him we have to live like him share his pain share his glory share joy feel the agony. some people think it's all bullshit give me a break do these people ever heard of praying or even know about JESUS or it's just that JESUS has become a type of Phobia in them and they established enmity, while The savior established routes to them for eternity and this is how they repay and thank by flirt degrading. hitting people onto the floor, breaking their hearts. i guess each person knows him/her self, acting behavior, character, and knows what he/she is doing and will be judged upon that and there's no force on earth that could stop that let them mock let them talk but wait and see who will laugh the final laugh who will smile and who will cry who will fail and who will prevail. obviously life is test and we are the the experimented being tested hope we succeed all the best for you and sorry for the long comment and thanks for da faboulous storyyy
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I thought you did a good job with this story. I understood what you were trying to say without having to justify it in your Author's note.
You have a nice smooth style and your prose is for the most part, quite elegant. There's a dramatic POV shift toward the end when you switch to the beggar rather than staying with Jesus. It's a little awkward and you might try to either fix it or use a double paragraph break to show this instead.
Good stuff, as usual, from you. I'm very interested in your work and I hope to check out more of your stuff. Nicely done!beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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i dont believe the story had to be justified, but it surly helped people understand
this is a good story, and i enjoyed reading it, because, though it is religious, it did not push religion onto me
thank you for entering -
Very nice, this was excellantly done. This certainly fits into the category of an extended metaphor, and one that was perfectly displayed. Concerning your justifications, I'd have to agree with you completely. Thank you for entering this into my contest. I'll contact you if your story is chosen for the finalists.
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