“Daddy, Stop the Beating”
“By: Bedig Hindoyian”
• Daddy, answer me
Is this the way you see
Making us plea
Hitting and beating
When you temper is heating
Until it goes depleting
• Daddy, is this how you love your kids
Our hearts are breaking into bids
One day we will die like sids
Every night you come and beat
Exploding your temper of heat
Wounds burst out on our feet
• Daddy, don’t you pity
You’re ruining my sister’s beauty
She is so pretty
Now her face has blemished
Since you have punished
Her eyes tarnished
• Daddy, is this how you love
Your beloved angels like dove
God is watches from up above
Knows how your pull Amy’s hair
Pound her as if you want to tear
Daddy is this how you show your care?
• Daddy, please stop
I am weak about to drop
Cant’ you hear our tears plop
Mom died because of you
Now, you want to kill us too?
Don’t you have a little love in you?
• Can’t you see your daughter bleed
In our eyes can’t you read?
Stop drinking, I plead
Can’t your heart feel?
How you beat us so real
How Amy and I squeal
• Daddy we are from you
With your love we once grew
You have no love left in you
We haven’t passed ten
You think we are grown men
Beat us to death, then
• We are of your own core and pulp
But now the belt will gulp
Daddy, I beg you please halt
It’s yourself that you hammer
But we cry and clamor
Don’t be the crowbar rammer
I cry and beg in a stammer
Please daddy, show us a little of amore
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
ON: Wednesday, March 28, 2007 AT: 8:16:04 PM
Author notes
this is my best friends story:S she gets bitten up by her daddy every single day
A contest entry
- Give me something good to read 3 by illegalfairy.
400 points, ended May 1, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options galore... pls enter!!! by mydarlinghamburger.
175 points, ended May 29, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
I do feel sad for your friend, and understand what the poem was trying to say. Personally I would have left out the rhyming and just stuck to making it a free verse. I wish your friend well, oh and spellings may need to be looked at, you state your friend has been bitten every day, do you mean beaten.
Others will knock you down for bad spelling, suggest you double check your words, they may look right or sound right, sometimes there are many words which sound and look the same, just got to get the right ones.
I am no expert and I am not the best speller, i have learnt the hard way...
sarahhitch.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
-
I'm not sure that writing about sids is appropriate in this. That part feels a little out of place.
Some of the rhyming feels somewhat forced, which takes away from what you're trying to say.
I'm sorry for what your friend is going through, but writing from your heart instead of forcing a rhyme would do this more justice. Good luck -
This was good, but the rhyme seemed to struggle a little.
Poetry doesn't need to have a rhyme.
The topic was good and i could tell it was an important piece to you.
Thnx for enter my contest.
Good Luck
Frm MDH -
This was Sad
This was really sad but good...
-
-
thanks for da comment
-
-
This poem was powerful and the I thought it flowed well. It was really wonderful. Good job.
October -
-
10q
thanks for da comment i am glad that u guys like my works much appreciated
-
-
This is a powerfully sad poem flow was off a bit otherwise a nice piece of writing. You show great promise as a writer.
-
what a wonderful poem!
-
This is very sad. Its very powerfull. I feel so bad for your friend. She shouldn't have to put up with this. Very good job. Thank you for entering it into the contest.
-
-
thanks
i am glad you liked it
i still feel sad for my friend:'( she goes on getting beaten up till she bleeds:'(
-
-
Sob.... Sob
It was sad!!! BUt, a very strong poem. I liked it, No, wait i LOVED it. Great job!!! )
-
Very sad. Sorry to hear this. Was a good poem but your flow was off a little on some lines.
Nice job
~*Brooke*~ -
This was very good.
The ryming seemed a little forced, but I like it.
This was very emotional, some mis-spelled words.
But I loved this.
-
So sad, i hope she will be okay. Very good read.
Em -
Oh That is sad about your bestfriend, I hope she is okay. I am seeing a whole new side of you through your work Pete.
It is very interesting and intruiging to read but.
Keep it up
Ebb
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
