One1
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She heard the violent thump. She didn’t feel it, she heard it. Her mom’s eyes blood shot red with rage and drugs. She could see her father standing behind her mother; his eyes droopy from the drugs. Her mom advanced on her, kicking her in the stomach, making her hurl.3
“CLEAN THAT UP NOW!” Her mother yelled as she slapped the child’s face.4
“Okay mommy.” The child whimpered and started to get up to grab a towel.5
“DON’T TALK TO ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH” her mother yelled at her, and kicked her, hitting her head and making her slide across the hard wood floor that was covered in vomit. Everything went black in the child’s mind6
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The memory was over just as quickly as it begun. Caitlyn sat up in her bed, tears falling slowly from her eyes, and looked around her new temporary living arrangements. White walls, frilly window drapes, two beds with blue bed spreads, and a desk and chair. 8
“I hate this place.” She mumbled to herself. Knowing she wouldn’t stay in this home for very long.9
“Katie! Breakfast time!” Keri, her new foster mother, called from downstairs. “Get dressed and come on down!”10
“My name isn’t Katie, Jesus.” Caitlyn mumbled angrily as she tugged on clothes. Black pants, and black shirt. She ran a brush threw her dark blonde hair that reached her shoulders, and then put it in a ponytail. She went to the bathroom and looked at herself. Eyebrow ring on her right eyebrow, and two earrings on each ear. Caitlyn sighed and got ready to go downstairs.11
On her way down the steps, she took each one as slow as possible, mumbling on the way, “I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to go to school.”12
When she got downstairs she looked around. She was in the foster home with two other boys, Chad and Dylan. Chad was fifteen and Dylan was seventeen. They both looked up at Caitlyn from their breakfast. Dylan’s eyes widened a little and Chad just went back to eating.13
“Oh hey honey, breakfast is ready.” Keri looked up from the stove and smiled at Caitlyn. “You met Chad last night, right? And this young man is Dylan. Dylan, this is Katie.” She introduced them. “You two got here within an hour of each other” she added and smiled14
Dylan smiled weakly and mumbled something. Caitlyn looked at Dylan. He had on baggy dark blue jeans, and a black t-shirt. His green eyes were bright and alive. She glanced at his hair, black and gelled so it stood up. Her eyes moved from his hair to his three earrings on one ear and four on the other. Then to his studded bracelet on his right hand, then to his face that had a smirk on it.”15
“My name isn’t ‘honey’, or ‘Katie’. It’s Caitlyn.” She replied fiercely, emphasizing her name. She sat down and looked at the table, then looked up at Dylan and glared. Dylan looked at Caitlyn, and then rolled his eyes. 16
“How are we getting to school?” he asked looking at Keri. Caitlyn looked up at Keri too, just as curious as Dylan.17
“The bus. It comes down the street a ways.” Keri replied, looking at Dylan, Caitlyn, and Chad. “And you take the bus home as well; I want you three to be home at 3:30. Ask me before you go anywhere, and when you get home you do your homework, then clean your room, then the rest of the time is yours.”18
After breakfast, Caitlyn ran upstairs and got her school stuff, as did Dylan and Chad. They walked two blocks to the bus stop not talking at all. Chad broke the silence, “Did you hear? Another kid is moving in the home; a little girl.”19
“How old?” Dylan asked.20
“Ten”21
“Great.” Dylan said dully. “So Caitlyn, what’s your sad story?“ he asked thoughtfully. “I’ve been in the system since a year old, my wonderful mommy left me on her mom’s steps. Then my lovely grandma said she didn’t want to take care of her whore’s son.” He said with a false smile. 22
Caitlyn looked up at Dylan and raised her eyebrow, and decided to him. Dylan asked her again, and Caitlyn just walked faster ahead of the two boys, not giving Dylan an answer.23
“Damn. Can she even talk?” Chad mumbled to Dylan who just shrugged in return.24
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hehe, if you have any questions, feel free to ask
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this is amazing. i am seriously looking forward to reading the rest. i am in the process of writing a novel myself, and i am picking up techniques and ideas from you for writing style. (dont worry, i wont steal ur ideas). like i said before...this is amazing. awesome job
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Nice beginning it kept me intrigued the whole time. You have a few errors that you might want to go over and remember show don't tell! Otherwise its great and I'm interested in reading farther.
Edited on Oct 25, 9:08 because ''. -
Almost reminds me of a character from my story. Check it out ^^ How much of a good thing can you take and turn it wrong...but what if it was wrong all along? Can you come out of it or will the author leave us hanging lol
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This reminds me of my best friend. However, she wasn't a foster child. And her situation isn't THIS bad, but she still gets it pretty bad from her dad.
(i rly miss her tho)
It also reminds me of well ME? i hate it when ppl call me by names other than the ones i give them...Meg or Megan...that's IT!
Edited on Jul 12, 3:32 p.m. because ''. -
This story rocks. Right away am I given pity for her character, yet then again.. I dunno.
I know since she's been treated badly, it's influenced her personality, but she seems very negative towards Keri.
But that's just a personal thought. It's your character, not mine. I think you need to expand your different uses of plays on words. The words themselves rock though. I like the modern day story, and I love the feeling of everything. To me, the day feels bright and I like that. By the way she looks at the others, you can tell what she thinks of them. I'm rambling. I plan on reading more of this! Great write.
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this seems like it will actually go somewhere which is a relief but its so so sad. I have a feeling this will be very interesting..Ill keep an eye out for more.
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This is a great start to this story.I am looking forward to more of it.
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nice start to this story! I'm going off to read the rest! love the imagry in this. plus this chick sounds like someone I know!
1 - 10 of 10


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