Jack and Emma

Jack and Emma1

(A tricky Halloween tale)2

Emma made one more call before trying to go to sleep. The final person on her list hadn’t seen Jack. Emma thought back to just a few hours ago. They were both outside. Emma was tending to the few pumpkins that were left on the vine and Jack was digging a trench behind the shed. The sun started to set in the October sky as Emma felt her stomach start to growl. She called to Jack letting him know she was going in to start dinner. That was the last time she saw him.3

The blue glow from the digital numbers on the clock indicated that she had dozed off for about an hour. Emma rolled over in the bed hoping to feel Jack beside her. The space was empty and cold. She tried not to let herself worry. This wasn’t the first time Jack pulled this stunt. In the three years they had been together he had taken off without notice a few other times. Emma sighed feeling just like the expression “the ol’ ball and chain.” She got out of bed sliding her feet into her slippers and walked across the cold wooden floor to the window. She tried to see any movement outside, but it was still too dark.4

They had moved into the two bedroom Cape Cod three years ago after Emma’s grandparents moved to Florida. Jack and Emma were both the out doorsy type and loved roaming the ten acres the house sat on. During the day Emma ran the general store that had been in the family for generations. Emma usually did most of the work but if you asked Jack he would let you know that he thought he did his fair share.5

Emma moved from the window and into the bathroom splashing some water on her face. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and thought she looked a lot older than her twenty-five years. Trying to make herself look and feel a little better she ran a brush through her tangled dark curls and went down to the kitchen. She wondered why she let herself go through this over and over again. She sat at the kitchen table tracing the pattern on the tablecloth with her finger. After an hour of wondering was he really worth this she went back to bed.6

As soon as she turned off the light she heard something on the gravel driveway. The downstairs door opened and slapped shut. A few things went through Emma’s head that she would like to say to him,but decided it would wait until morning. She turned away from his side of the bed and curled up to sleep. She felt the bed bounce as he got in. He tossed and turned for a few minutes and then pushed himself up against Emma’s turned back. She thought about giving him a good kick, but didn’t want the rest of the night to turn into a struggle of wills.7

The alarm rang at 7A.M. Emma reached over to turn it off. Jack stayed asleep snoring heavily. Still feeling tired Emma went down to the kitchen and scrambled up some eggs and bacon. She ate alone at the table and left some for Jack. She didn’t know why she even cooked for him. When Emma came back down the stairs ready to leave for work, Jack was sitting in the kitchen eating hungrily the breakfast that Emma made for him. She walked by giving him the cold shoulder and walked out the door. He reluctantly left his breakfast to follow right behind her. When they got to the black Explorer they shared he tried to get in the drivers seat. She glared at him.8

“I’ll do the driving.”9

He looked back at her with his dark bedroom eyes and then slid over to the passengers seat. He stared out the passenger window all the way to work while Emma turned up the radio. She sang every song trying to forget about the night before.10

When Emma opened up the store they both followed their usual routine. First Emma propped open all the doors to let the crisp autumn air in and then she closed out the sales from the day before. Jack went back to the storage room to rummage around. After the paper work was done Emma went out back to throw away some trash. That’s when she saw the long black bag with a pair of men’s shoes sticking out the end. Startled she backed away from it.11

“Jack come here and look at this. Jack!”12

She called out his name several times and then realized he was gone again. Emma decided she wasn’t going to worry where that worthless slouch went to this time. She went back into the store to call the local Sheriff’s department. She told the front desk clerk she wasn’t sure what she found but didn’t like the looks of it. Sheriff Savoy got on the phone. He had been the Sheriff of Wilkens Virginia for the past twenty-five years.13

“Now don’t you worry Missy I’ll send one of the patrols cars over to check on it. Just leave the bag alone until someone gets there.”14

“You don’t have to worry about me touching it.” Emma gripped the phone receiver a little tighter as she thought about the bag.15

The Sheriff asked about her parents, Grandparents and her two Uncles. As they talked she thought she saw something move across the parking from the corner of her eye. She leaned across the counter trying to get a better look but couldn’t see anything except the empty lot. By the time Emma and the Sheriff had finished their conversation the patrol car pulled into the parking lot.16

Michael McDuffy was a new recruit on the force. He had met Emma once before at the county fair and saw her a few times around town with Jack. From the first time he met Emma he was immediately attracted to her. Today he decided was his chance to ask her out.17

His athletic long legs took him quickly across the parking lot and into the store. Emma stood by the register noticing at once his deep blue eyes and long dark lashes. He flashed her a winning smile.18

“So where is this mysterious bag I need to check out.”19

Emma smiled weakly and led him to the back of the building. “I felt a little silly calling. I couldn't tell what was in there and it gave me the willies."20

Emma pointed to the spot where the bag used to be. “I don’t understand it was there twenty minutes ago.”21

Michael smiled and nodded.22

Emma spun around looking for it. “Maybe Jack moved it.”23

Michael nodded again. “Where is Jack?”24

Emma blushed “I don’t know he disappeared before you got here.”25

They both walked back to the front of the store.26

“You know what I think? I think you called so you could see me.”27

Emma’s mouth opened in astonishment. “I wouldn’t do that. I know I saw the bag with my own eyes just a few minutes ago."28

Michael rubbed his chin. ”So you’re saying you don’t want to see me.”29

“I didn’t say that!” Emma responded feeling confused.30

Michael leaned into the counter to get a little closer to Emma. “Ok let me get this straight so you do want to see me.”31

Emma gave a soft smile and looked into Michael’s eyes.32

“Yes I’m happy you’re here and I do want to see you.”33

Before Emma could say another word Michael leaned even closer and gave Emma a soft kiss on her lips. “Come to a Halloween party with me tomorrow night.”34

Emma hesitated. “I don’t know what about Jack? He's been acting weird lately."35

Michael chuckled. “ Don’t worry I think we can handle Jack. How about I pick you up around eight o clock?”36

Just then Jack appeared in the doorway. He silently looked the deputy up and down. A second later Jack leaped at Michael catching him off guard. They both went down on the floor. Jack was on top of Michael pinning him down, their eyes met for an instant and then Jack licked his face. Emma came rushing from around the counter and pulled Jack off by his collar. Michael got up brushing himself off.37

“ I think he’s the biggest Golden Retriever I’ve ever seen.”38

“A lot of people tell me that. I don’t know what’s gotten into Jack lately.”39

Jack and Emma walked Michael out to the parking lot. Right next to the patrol car sat a big black bag with clothes in it. Jack went to it and started dragging it across the lot.40

“I think your mystery is solved. You might want to think about buying Jack a leash.41

Emma nodded in agreement. “Good Idea. I think it’s time to get him that ball and chain I’ve been thinking about. See you tomorrow.”42

43

Author notes

Favorite song: Hanging By A Moment
Favorite movie: French Kiss
Favorite book: Jitterbug Perfume

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think. I've submitted this as a short story to a few places but haven't found a home for it yet. How can I improve it?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • EternalSouls
    October 5

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    Not really mystery or detective but cute nonetheless

    You definently have the reader confused. I honestly thought Jack was a dog. I would stick this one under humor. It would fit well. It really wasn't what I was looking for but cute enough that I am going to keep it!


  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    August 30, 2008
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    Alrighty, while this is a very good story, very enjoyably, I have one problem with it. It is 400 words over the limit of 1000. However!!! you did put your favorite color in you authors notes, which means that you did read the rules, sooooo, I will be lenient(spelling??) with this entry, great story, and good luck in my contest.

    -Dani


  • quicksilver moon
    August 30, 2008

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    Wow, Jack was a dog. In no part of the story did you give away that Jack could be anything but a man. I was thinking he was her husband . I did wonder why Jack didnt seem to say anything though. A very interesting twist in the end indeed. Thanks for entering this story in the contest


  • Reaver Greeters member
    July 10, 2008
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    Loved the Twist~!

    Very entertaining with a cute little twist at the end. Didn't see that one coming. Though, i did wonder why Jack never actually said anything Some punctuation problems here and there, but on the whole, i loved this story...thanks for sharing it by entering it in my contest. Very well done!


  • Tiger-Lily
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The MSN thing at the end...O__o

    Lmao, this was so worth reading. It's awesome. Love how you made Jack a dog. Totally unexpected!

    -HT

  • Kalamina
    July 2, 2008

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    Hahaha, this surprised me, great developement, i had no idea till the end what you were getting at, great job! I like the way you started and finished this! great write!


  • Melancholic Smile
    June 19, 2008
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    Ha ha I love the twist of Jack being a dog, I didn't see that one coming! Like someone else commented I think Emma's character could do with a little more development as she did seem a little cold and I didn't feel any connection with her. However this contest is about stories with great twists and I liked the twist in this a lot! Good luck!


  • Namoopf
    May 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Jack is a dog???!!!!!!! I love this!!!!!


  • loyda
    February 29, 2008

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    buahahahahaha!!!! when you wrote, "their eyes met for an instant and then Jack licked his face." i was like whaaaat!!!

    i really liked the twist in the story, i really imagined a countryboy or something.


  • Vixen7
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Classic twist, playing on readers perceptions I've seen this twist in alot of different formats and this one is good. Well executed and an enjoyable read. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.

  • Writing0Freedom
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Surprising

    I think you should add to Emma's character and make her more likeable because it is hard to place her and she seems cold. I was very surprised though when it turned out to be a dog I really thought Jack was a guy. Nice change of events . It does get a little confusing because there are very human attributes that you give Jack at the beginning. It makes it hard to make the switch at the end. I think you could continue and have her go to the Haloween party because it didn't seem much like an ending and I would like to know m ore about the police detective. I thought the best part was finding out that Jack was a dog, that was brilliant and insightful.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, characters: 3.


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    November 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well, your characters are very involved and very personal to each other. You've got your characters down, now it's time to work on your plot. You've got a good one, but with a little work it could be excellent.

    Try adding scenes that reflect from your characters, show how the plot affects them. ( Some older woman falls and the two characters talk about how sad it is that no one helps her up ) That little bit right there shows how your characters feel saddned by the tragic event. It also states that where they are from the people are not kind, can also be used in reverse.

    Little things like the change of wind, the heat of the sun, the cold of the morning or the look of the dew, can change the readers perspective on your story and thus plunge them deeper wanting to read more about your characters.

    I would change Jack's name, that's just me, the name Jack makes me think back to Jack and Jill, or Jack Sparrow even Jack Attack from the Incredibles. You want memorable names but not common names if you can help it. The more common your name the more effort you have to put into that character, the more real you have to make them.

    Thanks For Entering and Good Luck!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • beezy92
    October 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a few capitilazation erros. you should have capitalized Cape Cod and you shouldn't have capitallized grandparents.

    the mystery makes it really interesting and engaging...who was in the bad and where did it go

    Haha I had no idea that jack was a dog, I thought he was her husband. Lol = but I liked it, it caught me off guard. Was it supposed to do that or am I just slow? Be honest lol.


  • The Poetic Prince
    October 2, 2007

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    "Reply | Reply All | Forward Go to previous message | Go to next message | Delete | stories | Inbox

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    Where the hell does that fit into the story? This completly threw me off. This story was alright but it needed something more. Good l;uck in the contest.

    beginning: 2, language: 1, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 2.


  • MoonRoseWolf gold member
    August 29, 2007

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    That is a really clever twist, I really loved this. Also, you have a lot of good imagery, and well paced dialogue. Goodluck in the contest!


  • miles of smiles
    June 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A dog! Ohmygod you totally got me!! I loved this. Nice job (:

    -Sarah

  • Kitzwa
    June 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my god I totally fell for the ending. Nice job. I still can't believe you did that. That wasn't very nice. Here I thought she was going to cheat on her boyfriend when all she was doing was cheating on her DOG! This story is definetly worthy of the finals of my contest. Nice job.

  • belowit
    May 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like this. i certainly wasn't expecting that jack was a dog! it made me hungry for some bacon and eggs! good one
    ~belowit

  • Jacqui
    April 18, 2007

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    Nice twist at the end. It made for good reading. If you are looking at improving the story I suggest inserting a few commas; you have some fairly long sentences with no commas. Maybe even consider shortening some sentences in the orientation.

    There is natural pause when reading, however by inserting more commas and full stops, you create a sense of urgency which befits your scenario with Emma panicking over the unknown whereabouts of Jack.

    I advise you avoid the use of cliches'. And awkward choice of word in paragraph 5; "The downstairs door opened and slapped* shut."

    Keep writing, you're doing a great job.


  • DarkDayMagic
    April 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That was a really nice twist at the end. No one would have guessed that jack was a dog. I enjoyed this story quite a lot, although you might want to check your grammar and punctuation. Nothing major but I did notice that there were commas missing in several places.

    Nice work!!!


  • kenddrraaa
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. I literally could not stop reading it. You should enter it into a contest or something, maybe you'll win something.

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