Alexis

I’m not sure if I want to be back from vacation. I can’t make up my mind if I hate love or love love. I love it for what it is but hate it for the trouble it causes. I think you're more alone when you stand back and watch someone else move in, you hope they'll notice you're dragging behind, but they don’t. What’s the point, seeing it all slip through your fingers and you can’t stop it. You wonder. You want to cry but can’t find the tears because you're to angry at yourself for giving the freedom of choice that now costs you it all.1

I guess I'm just nervous she's taking him from me. I can’t blame her. She's never found the right guy to look after her and I know he's like that. Just the guy she needs. Always there. But I can’t help but feel like I lost a lot of air for it. Was I talking and no one was listening? 2

I'm hoping it's all in my head and that I'll wake up to an "I love you" 3

and I wont ever have to think of it again, but I really can’t blame her. He is the best there is. Even though I know she's not trying to. It just comes natural to girls like that. Pretty, smart, all the stuff a guy wants and he doesn’t have with me. Lonely, I suppose, he found comfort in her. But time makes it different. I suppose they had enough. 4

Nope. Can’t blame either of them. After all, I was gone a long enough time for them both to forget. Wasn’t my choice, but fate seldom is. It would just be hard to lose the one thing in the world you care about. Yet, the first kiss of when I came back, meant so much. The whole night that's all I wanted. Was to feel that feeling. But it was lost. I'd give the world to have it now. It makes me feel so safe. He knows more about me than God himself. If that were lost I'd have nothing left. But all this aside, I can’t help but think I can not blame them. So please, just tell me it's all in my head. Cause I cant’ live a day without him.  5