Letter To God

Dear God,1

Well, I guess this is it.  I danced around many different possibilities about you, and what I believed was true.  There were many, many questions.  Not anymore.  No more turning my back on you when things were great, then praying my heart out when things were scary.  Now, I have no questions about what I believe.2

When I was little, I wanted to be like all the other perfect families.  I wanted to go to church every Sunday.  I wanted to sing your praises.  I wanted to read from your bible.  My mom and dad never seemed to care.  I wondered why.  I wondered where you were when I was molested.3

Later on, when I blocked out all the memories, all my little eyes wanted was someone to look up too.  I tried to look to you, but I guess you were just too far away.  I worked so hard to talk to you.  Couldn't you have talked to me...just once...when I was being beaten?4

Last summer, I started losing faith in you.  Can you blame me?  The bible says you can, but I'm sorry...I just don't see it.  In my darkest hour, when the blade couldn't seem to dig its way out of my skin, I reached for you...one last time.  You are supposed to be known for saving people in their darkest hours...I guess I'm not among the chosen.  5

I always felt guilty when I 'turned my back on you', but now I realize that in my life, I've never seen your front side.  Goodbye.6