Gazing down at creamy hands, hidden behind paper-thin gloves, she gives one last bow before she gracefully climbs to her feet. For an instant, her treacherous heart demands another prayer, but she quickly quells that realm of thought. Upon exiting the sanctum, she realizes to her distain that her husband, impatiently standing in front of their black convertible under the shade of the cherry blossom, is already here, Quickening her steps, she advances toward him, not realizing that in her haste she has lost one of her lady’s gauntlets, which currently, being blown away by the morning breeze lands fatefully at the feet of a monk. The holy man, in the midst of his morning duties, picks up the stray mitten and fingers it with an unrecognizable look in his eyes. If he turns around at that moment, he will see the panicked look of a woman, who upon realizing her loss, glances back at the monastery. Perhaps if their eyes interlock, she might not step into the car.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Upon exiting the sanctum, she realizes to her distain that her husband, impatiently standing in front of their black convertible under the shade of the cherry blossom, is already here.
Amazing quality! Keep up the good work! -
interesting. I can see several layers here. I can see a hint of the desire, but help me out, what is the disguise?
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I really like the mood of this snippet and I think the way it is just one simple scene adds a sense of mystery...I don't know, I couldn't think of another word, but I liked it a lot. It reminds me of how my brain works when I'm coming up with ideas for writing.
The description was excellent. Good job and thank you for entering my contest.
*Frozen Angel* -
Good!
thank you for your entry. I was left with several questions after I read it. This one might be even better if it were lengthier. I would look at the grammer, in some parts it could be better also but don't get me wrong, I can see you are a great writer! I have only been writing a couple of years so I too am learning alot on this site. Thanks again! By the way you have a real gift in the way you describe things!
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cute!
this is a very cute piece that i'm glad you entered in my contest. the element of simplicity in the fact hatt she lost her glove coupled with the emotional strife that the monk must be in creates a lovely image that i would love to read more of. thanks again and good luck in the contest! -
interesting...
the story is short but the imagery id excellent. great job. thanks for entering in my contest!
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ohhhhh
I like the suspense of this. Why is she so afraid of her husband? Was the glove a sign or a sort of physical freudian slip or merely an accidental loss?
There are rhetorical questions.
I really liked the note of mystery that you ended this on.
I did notice that there were weird pluralizations in this....
"under the shades of the cherry blossom" for instance, or...
"For an instant, her treacherous heart demands another prayer, but she quickly quells that realm of thoughts"
I'm not sure why "shades" and "thoughts" are plural, since they refer to a singular item, I think.
Ah well. I still enjoyed it and I loved the ending.
Great job.
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