I am heartily sorry that this godforsaken planet was ever discovered. These hoodoo rock formations have brought about a universal prison reform. A hellish stalagmite nightmare concocted by a sadistic genius who should be given a mega-dose of his own medicine.
It is inconceivable that a man of my superior capabilities would become a part of the forgotten ones, enduring their pathetic existence for decades at a time. I know the names of those who will pay for their folly in sending me here. It is easy to hate when you've forgotten the scent of roses. The lucky ones are those who live to serve out their sentences with some semblance of sanity remaining, or indeed, simple live through it at whatever the cost. Fortunately, I am ultra sane.
I have heightened senses of awareness and though many would think it a blessing, it is a curse. I'm not like other people, I can't stand pain. Yet here I am, being treated like a plebeian. I have always belonged on a pedestal, but this is extreme even by my standards. Trying to save and enrich the world with my wisdom was definitely not worth the trouble it has caused me.
Once you are convicted of High Treason you become contagious, the only cure is total isolation in a sterile atmosphere. On this plateau, I have no communication whatsoever. The other prisoners on their sky cells are simply too far away. The wind carries my words away but never delivers them to their intended target. Occasionally, someone leaps to their freedom on the craggy rocks enshrouded in the mists below. What happens then, there is no way of discerning. If I knew, I would give it a try. Maybe I would land in water and swim away, they would never catch this fish again.
I was always meticulous, I never signed my name the same way twice, always switching each time from the left hand to the right. It would have been impossible for anyone to forge my signature. Still, the government came after and captured me, held a faux trial and dumped me here. The world will know my caresses again! I am strong, I work out daily and elocute on an alphabetical basis, speaking only A words one day, B the next, etc. I want to keep my oratory skills scalpel sharp. The rest of my day is devoted to my studies. I receive books with my weekly food rations and, believe me, I eat every bite so they will remember that I'm alive. Those empty food cartons attest to that.
My dreams have shown me the way to world domination and I shall be a compassionate despot. I have noticed that on each and every page of every book I read, I can pick out the letters g~o~d, usually several times. The message is clear. My travails of today will become legendary. There may even be a few budding Einsteins back on Earth, I fervently hope so. When I am reunited with my legions of followers I will pay more attention to propagation so that my descendants will ever rule and I will live forever.
See the butterfly on my shoulder? It loves me and I love it, because it is free. I hate it for the same reason. This is the test of a leader. Should I condemn and kill it as is within my power? Should I pardon it and let it go on it's near mindless way? Do any of these peasants know the answer to this one? No, but I will explain for future enlightenment. I am this creature's Supreme Master, I can do anything I please! After all, should I ever make a mistake, I can always pardon myself!
Author notes
Contest: Dazzle Me By Sarah 957 04/19/07 HM
Tell me what you think, pick it apart!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Outstanding
Extremely descriptive prose that let me see a fantastic world that may (or may not) exist. Possibly a few more details along with the monologue would be nice. The use of short sentences seems a bit choppy, especially in the first two paragraphs, but these twq things are my opinions. A very nice touch in the rambling as you gradually let it be known the speaker is insane. Thanks for a well written read.
beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4.
-
Another excellent write.
Reminded me a bit of that scene in Lord of the Rings when the wizard is trapped on the tower and uses the butterfly to send for help. Not the best comparison, I know, but it is what sprang to mind.
I really liked this character. The mixture of intelligence, arrogance, and insanity is written very well. It seems to me that it was his own arrogance that put him there on his sky cell. Yet he refuses to see it that way.
I like the lack of detail in his surroundings. The story would have been longer had you added them but doing so, I think, would have taken away from the main focus of the story. The narrator is an obvious egotist and the only thing he ever focuses on is himself. So telling this from his point of view, I find it appropriate that he speaks of little else.
I hope you're writing more of this character. I would love to read it.
-
-
Thank you for your insightful comments, don't know how many times the word 'I' was used, but what can you expect from an egomaniac
Much appreciated.
-
-
I could see a picture of these sky cells in my mind- great idea! Your imagination is strong and your story builds up an expectation that at some point the crazy guy is going to escape and reak havoc upon the world (s).
I found this part especially spooky and brilliant:
I have noticed that on each and every page of every book I read, I can pick out the letters g~o~d, usually several times. The message is clear.
Thank you for your entry, this story was a great read.
-
The prose of this story reminds me of Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory. The God complex was actually quite hysterical. Personally, I'd rather see a more detailed story. This seemed like the ramblings of a lunatic. Yes, that may be the point, but it's not enough to hold one's interest.
beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 1.
-
-
Thank you for your critiques, I will work on it
-
-
A prison world...And, he's either insane or he (or she, I'm not sure) is very confident in his/her abilities...I like this and want to read more!
-
-
'He' is totally insane Glad that you enjoyed your read and I'll fix that gender question. Thanks!!!
-
-
Wow
Very good writing here! It was kinda difficult to understand that he was on a fantasy kind of world, but I got it after a while. I like how you showed his insanity through his thoughts and never acctually said that yes he was insane. Very nice. Good luck to you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
