Dear Lauren,
I just got to Miami Beach and I'm ready to party! There are so many Cool people here. Luckily, I won't be livin' it up completely alone. On the plane, I met a very cool group of girls from Mississippi. I think we are going to hang out later...I just hope they can keep up! Ha-ha!
Anyway, I hope you're having fun back at home. I'll see you in a few weeks.
Luv,
Melissa
I finished filling out my post card, to one of my best friends. I still couldn’t believe I was actually in Miami! All that saving up, and I was finally here. After almost a year of saving up. Miami. It almost didn’t seem real. No parents, no responsibilities. Party all the time!!!
Someone knocked on my door. I got up and answered it.
“Hey!” A girl exclaimed as I opened my door.
“Hi!” I said and laughed. It was one of the girls from Mississippi, I could tell from her accent. As far as I had known her, she had seemed really happy, all the time. Of course, I had only known her for a day. I thought her name was Kaitlin, but I wasn’t quite sure. The group of girls from Mississippi were probably a group of ten or so.
“Let’s go!”She exclaimed and physically dragged me out of my own hotel room.
“Wait a second!” I shouted out. Where the heck was she taking me?
“What now?” she questioned me.
“Where the heck are you dragging me to?” I asked Kaitlin.
“Lunch. Me and the girls want you to come. You do want to come right?” She replied.
“Yeah I want to go, but you don’t have forcefully drag me out of my room.”I laughed.
“All right, good. Do you like need to get anything from your room?” she asked me.
“Yeah. My purse and stuff.” I told her. I walked in the direction of my room to discover I had locked myself out.
“I can’t get in right now.” I told Kaitlin.
“Why?” she questioned.
“I locked myself out. Isn’t that funny?” I said sarcastically.
“Yeah, completely hilarious…”Kaitlin gave me a weird look.
“I better go down to the front desk; I’ll meet up with you a little later.” I told her.
“Okay, I’ll tell the girls you’re going to be late. Meet us at the hotel restaurant as soon as possible!!!” Kaitlin said and walked off down the dark blue carpeted halls.
“Okay, see you later!” I shouted to her. It seemed as if we had been friends for at least more than a day, but that wasn’t the case. I walked down the quiet hall to a flight of stairs. After about three or so flights of stairs I finally reached the ground floor. I walked towards the front desk. The desk was a dark blue color, along with everything else in the hotel. I tapped a golden service bell and it made a chime.
“Yes?” a man came into view behind the counter. He appeared to be in his mid thirties. His dark brown hair was short and clean-cut. His name tag read Todd. He was probably of Mexican descent.
“I locked myself out of my room…” I said with a hint of regret fullness in my voice. He sighed.
“What room are you in?” he asked. What room? I had to think for a little bit. Room 97, I think…
“Ninety seven.”I replied.
“Here…” He said and handed me a card that had the number ninety seven on it.
“Thanks.” I said and walked off. I took the elevator this time. I’d be worn out by the end of this trip. Just because of those damn stairs.
As soon as I got back to my room’s door I slid the card through the slot, and it opened successfully. I grabbed my black dooney & Bourke purse and headed on out.
“Hey…” One of the Mississippi girls, Mertise said. She sounded very frustrated I had arrived to lunch. She was one of the girls I hadn’t really got along with, but it was so early in the trip I wasn’t sure if I liked her or not.
“Hi. Mertise right?” I asked.
“Yeah.” She replied in a tone I wasn’t so fond of. She shot me a grin, but a not so welcoming one.
“Sit by me!” Kaitlin said to me, and waved for me to come over. I walked over to her and sat in the chair to the left of her. In between her and a girl named Lilly. I greeted Lilly with a hi. She said hi back, but nothing else.
“So, how do you like Miami so far?” Kaitlin asked me, not a second after I had sat down. I hadn’t even been here for a day.
“So far, so good.” I replied
“That’s good. How do you like me?” she asked. Odd question.
“Your okay…”I joked.
“Well fine then!” She joked and flung her head the other way.
“And for your information I’m not too fond of you either!” She exclaimed. We both laughed.
A few minutes later an older man posing as our waiter gave us all menus. I scanned the menu to see a few things to my satisfaction.
“What are you getting?” Kaitlin questioned. I don’t think that girl could go more than three minutes without talking.
“I don’t know. What are you getting?” I replied and asked.
“Just a regular ham sandwich. Yummy!” She told me. I looked over the menu once more.
“Are you all ready to order?” The waiter asked us all in general. A few other girls ordered and now it was my turn. I ordered a salad with oil and vinegar for the dressing in the end.
“So, what are you planning on doing today?” Kaitlin started up a conversation again.
“I’m not sure. Maybe check out the beach.” I answered her.
“Oh, cool. Well, tonight the girls and I are going to club hopping. You up for a challenge?” Kaitlin told me.
“Challenge? Please…” I joked.
“Ha-ha. You have a fake ID right?” she asked me. No, I didn’t.
“Of course I got one!” I lied. This one was going to be hard to get out of.
“Cool, so you coming with?” she questioned.
“Oh, I don’t know. I was kind of hoping just to chill tonight.” I told her, partly lying.
“Boring…but suit yourself.” She replied. The rest of lunch was pretty normal. Kaitlin chatted me up to my maximum and I didn’t really talk to anyone else for that matter. I don’t think Kaitlin would have let me.
That day I just hang out with Kaitlin all day, well until that would be going club hopping. We roam around the hotel all day, looking for shops or secret rooms we haven’t discovered yet. By eight pm I’m surprised my legs haven’t given out yet, but the nights still young…
“I better go get ready for the rest of the night.” She says a little after eight.
“Alright, tell me how it goes. Have fun” I say.
“I’m not going yet, come on your walking to my room.” She says back to me.
“I am?” I questioned.
“Yes, you are” Kaitlin giggled.
“Can we take the elevator?” I plead.
“Your no fun! We are taking the stairs…” Kaitlin told me.
“But is like five stories!” I exclaim.
“Quit crying! You are such a baby.” She makes a baby face. Ha-ha. By the time we’re on her floor I’m practically crawling. Right about now all I want to do is lie down and gives my legs a rest.
“Okay. I have survived!!!!” I yelled out when we finally got to her room.
“Wow, I can believe it.” Kaitlin said in a monotone voice. I said good bye to her and headed for my room, which was on a lower level. Oh joy. The elevator!!! That beautiful elevator. I decided to take it to my floor. I entered my room to see my bed there waiting for me. I gladly laid on it, and fell into a hazy sleep.
The room I was in was amazing. Completely worth the money. A four star hotel, after all. As with the rest of the hotel my carpet was blue. The bed I had been laying was queen sized, and quite comfortable if I don’t say so myself. The comforter was a light blue aqua color and was most likely made of a soft cotton fabric. The curtains were a matching color to the bed and the other things in the bathroom. I had only a quick glance at the bathroom earlier that evening, but the countertop seemed to be a made of a crème colored marble, and the big smudge free mirror was a large oval shape. There was also a medium sized flat screen TV across from my bed, which had a DVD player hooked up to it.
I awoke to my cell phone ringing.
“Hello?” I answered my phone groggily.
“Hey, this is Kaitlin.” She said over the phone. What was she calling for? At ten a clock?
“What do you need?”I asked, still a little sleepy.
“Just checking up on you. What are you doing?” Kaitlin questioned me.
“Well, I was sleeping.” I told her, a little annoyed that she had woke me up.
“Okay, I’m sorry.” She said a little overly sarcastic.
“Well, I’m awake now.” I said. I heard a lot of music in the background and people screaming.
“You can’t just lie around Melissa! You’re in Miami if you haven’t noticed. Get up and do something.” She shouted in my ear and ended the phone call. Can’t just lie here? Maybe it was a good idea I actually went out and did something. After all, I wouldn’t be here for long, and when exactly would I be coming back? Not soon.
Author notes
I wrote this recently, and I hope you like it. I will revise it lata.
A contest entry
- Love and Hate by kenddrraaa.
310 points, ended April 6, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Use one of these songs for Inspiration by Mel-the-Believer.
100 points, ended April 26, 2007, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything & Everything by On.Cue.
300 points, ended June 9, 2007, 58 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Im Not Scared. by asthray.heart.
1000 points, ended May 17, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me whatcha think! :)
Comments
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YAY
long....but i lyk it...ur talented..
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Sorry about the stars, I forgot how to work them.
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Not Bad
I'd also have to agree with both of them. Get a event to shake the plot up a bit, and description does help the reader, the more you put in, the more they can imagine.
But overall it wasn't bad, keep writing.
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ya it was good though i think you should be more discriptive of her enviroment.Remember really nothing exsists except when you bring it up in the story. So not until the chair was mentioned there was nothing there.You have a great story in mind but try to think from the readers POV. Also please understand that a way to attract people to your story it that it needs a hook.Somthing unusaual or some what weird.Thats why horror movies are so popular.
~lovelikeblood -
This was good but I really must agree with Meghh.
Lady Madelin.
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This is really well written but, no offence, I didn't find the plotline very interesting. I think an unusual event ought to happen. Keep writing, Meggh xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Yes, something will happen soon. I'm just trying to build up to it, and explain the setting and characters and things. In some ways most of my ideas are not the most original, but if youou have any ideas you can message me, or just wait to see what happens.
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narutofanfan94
very good keep it up
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i enjoyed this piece. its a nice way to set up yourself for future pieces in the story. you have developed a couple of characters nicely in this part, and it will be nice to see what happens with them. it has many directions it could go in now, and i shall await to find out which one you take!
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omg!!! Thats me!!! You put me in the story!!! *pours gas on the ground and lits it on fire; the fire spells out ' I LOVE MELLY'* yeah... thats how much I love it!! Its really good!!! I wish I could go to Miami!! I wonder is there going to be an ober hot guy for your lady???? knowing you there will be!!!

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this was good
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You had several mistakes [emphasis on verb tense--you seem to skip around tenses through out]
Um, the story could've been a whole lot more developed..but it held my interest...so gj
Thanks for entering the contest -
This is good. I am wondering though, what song did you use for this story from the contest? It'd be great if you could let me know.
Thanks for entering. God Bless!
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I said with a hint of regret fullness in my voice. He sighed.
( the part that makes this awkward is the "regret fullness" maybe you could change the sentence to "I said with a hint of remorse in my voice" ? ) It might make it flow easier. You could also take out "in my voice" because you are already saying "I said", you don't need to add the voice part. )
She was one of the girls I hadn’t really got along with
(Got should be Gotten)
Ninety seven.”I replied.
(Ninety-seven. Just hyphen it
)
She shot me a grin, but a not so welcoming one.
( You should change it a bit so it sounds more flowing. That part is up to you!
)
Well, tonight the girls and I are going to club hopping
( I think the only thing wrong was that you forgot to add "go" in the sentence. )
We roam around the hotel all day
( You make the story past tense, then you go to this sentence which makes it present tense. Just change that
)
but the nights still young…
( "nights" should be "night's" That's all
)
smudge free mirror
( Should be smudge-free mirror. Great description too!
)
She said a little overly sarcastic.
(Hmm.. How can we make this flow better? Maybe "Her voice dripped with sarcasm" ? or "Her tone held too much sarcasm for my liking" I don't know, but you can do better than that! I know you Melissa... )
These were some of the sentences I picked up along the way that I found to be a bit awkward, not gramatically correct, or needed a little bit of punctuation. But that is what I am here for
lol. It will only make you better 
Now... Coming from your best friend...<3
I LOVE the beginning!!! The whole letter thing is a great way to get into a character without actually knowing the character yet... That was what drew me into the story. One thing I noticed was that she seems to be a party girl, but yet she is laying around a lot and complaining about the stairs lol. Maybe she's just tired.. I don't know. I just love the humor in everything... It makes the story more interesting than mine at any rate lol. Your detail is definitely getting better and I loved getting to read this.
<3 you!
Ana


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Good start -
I can see the love and hate here. Kaitlin is just that type of person - lovable, and hateable. Your tale moves right along, and you mix the descriptive sections with the dialogue nicely. I don't read a lot of romance fiction/oung adult stuff too often, but you seem to have a good feel for it. I'm more of a fiction/mystery type person - I always like a twist, a little suspens, and a little scare.
This is a good start though. You could move in a number of direcxtions with this story. There's a few typos and grammer problems, but not too bad. It has a nice even flow, and there's the beginning of a plot. I'm curious about the characters and what's in store, so you've captured my interest. Good, effective writing! Carry on !!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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This was pretty good, a few glitches here and there, the wording could be different. Because you used the word 'cool' alot, you could have worded that differently. Other than that it was a nice story. Good luck in the contest, and thanks for entering.












