Answers to Soldier

FADE IN:

INT. HOTEL ROOM -- EVENING

DANTON, 27, a greasy worm of a man, slips cautiously through the door and scans the room. He turns and fastens each lock. He relaxes.

Danton tosses a Taco Bell bag at the bed-- it bounces off the headboard onto the mattress, where a second pillow should be.

He turns on the television. He adjusts the rabbit ears, scratches his crotch, and heads for the bathroom.

KELLER, 36, BURSTS from an alcove and SLAMS Danton against the wall. Keller CLAMPS the pillow over his face and braces himself. Danton flails wildly.

Desperate, Danton KICKS both legs into Keller's chest and escapes. He scrambles towards the door but--

Keller YANKS him back and SMASHES him onto the television. He twists the antenna cord around Danton's neck and tightens it. Slowly, Danton goes limp.

Keller pushes the body off of the television, wipes down the wire, and fixes the rabbit ears. A cop show flickers on and grabs his attention. He takes his hand away and the picture becomes static. He touches the antenna, the picture returns. He looks at the body.

INT. HOTEL ROOM -- LATER

Keller, perched on the edge of the bed, eats out of the Taco Bell bag while the cop show BLARES from the TV. Empty packets of hot sauce litter the bed beside him.

The phone beside the bed RINGS. Keller answers it, still focused on the television.

KELLER
No. No, he checked out.

Reveal: Danton's body has been propped against the television so that his hands are on the antenna. The picture is great.

KELLER
You're welcome.

Keller hangs up.

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM DEBRIEFING ROOM -- DAY

A telephone SMASHES against the wall.

MCGRUDER
I don't care if your mother worries! You never contact anybody you used to know!

MCGRUDER, a powerfully built U.S. Marshall, paces furiously in front of a small table. BURT and BETTY ENGLEMAN sit behind the table, exhausted and unkempt. The side wall contains a two-way mirror.

MCGRUDER
I don't know what they told you in New York, but here we do things right.

He knocks a chair over.

MCGRUDER
The only time we ever lose anybody is because they break the rules.
He pounds the table and the Englemans flinch.

INT. WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS

PEARSON, thin and bony, studies the Englemans through the two-way mirror. A YOUNG MAN writes on a clipboard.

PEARSON
Wallet.

The young man jumps to a filing cabinet and whips open a drawer full of old, nearly identical wallets. He chooses one and passes it to Pearson, who pockets it.

INT. DEBRIEFING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

McGruder points his finger at Burt.

MCGRUDER
You got that? It's never our fault.

PEARSON strides into the room as he rifles through a folder. McGruder backs off.

MCGRUDER
Never.

Pearson deposits the folder in front of Burt, gently replaces the chair, and sits.

PEARSON
Hi, Burt. Betty. This is your documentation. You need to learn it.

Burt takes it reluctantly.

PEARSON
You are Edward Vandermeyer, formerly of Maine. Your wife is Beatrice. Both graduated from Andover College in '82, married in '83. Questions?

Burt holds out two passports.

BURT
These say Vandermeer.

McGruder narrows his eyes.

MCGRUDER
It's supposed to be--

PEARSON
Haha, it is Vandermeer, I read it wrong. Listen, Burt--

BURT
Ed.

PEARSON
Right, Ed. ...We just want to keep you safe. I know you don't want to move again, but you have to trust us.

Burt and Betty look at each other. Pearson fishes the wallet from his pocket.

PEARSON
Bur--Ed...this is my wallet. It's always been lucky for me.

Pearson looks at it for a moment, then pushes it to Burt. It's very well-rehearsed. Burt eyes him, questioning.

BURT
Thank you.

Pearson stands.

PEARSON
Take care of yourself Burt. McGruder, help them.

McGruder leans over the desk.

BURT
Wait. Where are we going?

PEARSON
Roseburg.

Close on: Burt, now ED VANDERMEER.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

INT. AIRPLANE -- DAY

Close on: a polaroid of Ed Vandermeer, a little older and now with a beard. ROSEBURG is scribbled beneath the image. A hand slides the picture to uncover part of the map beneath it.

OLD WOMAN (O.S.)
Roseburg?

A kind, elderly woman sits beside Keller. Keller doesn't look up.

KELLER
Just visiting.

OLD WOMAN
Do you know someone there?

KELLER
Not yet.

Keller makes an X on the map and smiles at the woman.

INT. PORTLAND AIRPORT -- DAY

Keller glances through a newspaper as he walks through the terminal. At the gate, he shows his ticket to a pretty ATTENDANT.

ATTENDANT
Transfer to Roseburg? Right this way, sir.

She glides away from the gate as Keller watches, puzzled. She ushers him through a door to the outside.

EXT. PORTLAND AIRPORT -- CONTINUOUS

Keller surveys the tarmac uncertainly as he tries to keep up with the Attendant. She stops abruptly and turns to him with her best Vanna White "voila".

Keller stares past her.

Reveal: a small prop plane waits on the runway. A pudgy man in overalls sits on the ladder with a helmet in his lap. He smiles and waves.

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. PORTLAND AIRPORT / HERTZ DESK -- MOMENTS LATER

The Hertz Rent-A-Car clerk hands Keller a key. He pockets it and drops his plane ticket in a trash can as he walks away.

INT./EXT. RENTAL CAR -- DAY

Keller cruises down the highway in a blue Ford Taurus. A pickup truck drives close behind him.

Keller glances at the truck in the rearview window, but ignores it.

The truck swings into the other lane and blasts past him.

INT. BEST WESTERN -- EVENING

The Best Western CLERK hands Keller a key. Keller reads the number on it and looks back at the clerk.

KELLER
(Pointing)
This is right over there?

CLERK
Yes, sir.

KELLER
Could I have a different room?

The clerk checks the register.

CLERK
The room right next to it--

KELLER
On a different floor.

A flash of annoyance from the clerk.

CLERK
Room 202 is--

KELLER
In the back, please.

The clerk eyes him.

KELLER
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult.

A beat. The clerk gives a small nod and takes a key from the rack. He hands it to Keller. Keller returns the nod.

KELLER
Anything in this town still open?

CLERK
Depends what you're looking for.

EXT. LA GRUTA -- NIGHT

La Gruta, a dingy Mexican restaurant, displays a neon OPEN sign. Keller walks past it.

INT. QUIK PRINT -- NIGHT

Keller stares into the closed Quik Print. Through the window, his eyes steadily trace the room.

EXT. QUIK PRINT -- CONTINUOUS

Keller notices one of the window's sample flyers, LOST DOG.

INT. LA GRUTA -- NIGHT

Keller reads the Roseburg Gazette as he devours an enchilada.

CAITLIN, 28, a pretty blonde with thick glasses, refills Keller's drink.

CAITLIN
Can I get you anything else?

Keller barely looks up.

KELLER
No, I'm okay, thanks.

Caitlin stays and nervously plays with her hands.

CAITLIN
I'm in that.

KELLER
Sorry?

CAITLIN
The paper. Here--

She takes the paper from him and turns to a page near the back.

CAITLIN
It's just a little, it's not much, but...

KELLER
(Reading)
"Local artist Caitlin Reed"--

CAITLIN
I'm Caitlin.

Keller sets the paper down and focuses on Caitlin.

KELLER
You're an artist?

CAITLIN
Well, I paint when I can. Maybe not an "artist".

KELLER
I've always wanted to do something artistic. I'm Al, by the way.

Caitlin smiles.

INT. DRUGSTORE -- MORNING

The cashier bags a sketch pad and hands it to Keller.

EXT. PARK BENCH -- MORNING

The open sketch pad sits on Keller's lap. He uncaps a marker and draws. He pauses and looks up.

Close on: the sketch pad. It reads "LOST DOG, PART GER. SHEPHERD. ANSWERS TO".

INT. QUIK PRINT -- MORNING

BETTY VANDERMEER, older, but pleasant and relaxed, holds Keller's flyer. In the back, a balding, bearded man fixes a copier.

BETTY
"Soldier"?

KELLER
That's right. I'd like some of those to post around the town.

BETTY
Sure. I hope you find him. Is it a him?

KELLER
Yeah, should I write that on there?

BETTY
I don't think anyone's going to check. What about a reward?

KELLER
That might help.

BETTY
I mean, if I found a dog, I wouldn't care about a reward, but--

KELLER
But not everybody's as decent as you. Do you think it looks too homemade? Maybe you should set it in type.

BETTY
I don't know. Ed? Come take a look at this, would you?

Ed Vandermeer gets up from fixing the copier and wipes the ink from his hands with a dirty cloth. He pecks his wife on the cheek.

ED
What can I do for you?

KELLER
Should this be typed?

Ed shakes his head.

ED
More personal the way it is. People like that.

KELLER
Okay. I'd like fifty copies then. Let me just put something about a reward.

Keller leans over the flyer.

INT. BEST WESTERN ROOM -- DAY

Keller looks out the window, phone in hand.

KELLER
It's him. He's going by Vandermeer now.

He listens.

KELLER
It might take a little longer than expected. Engleman's not going anywhere, so no point rushing things. It's a nice town.

He picks up one of the flyers off the bed.

INT. GUN SHOP -- DAY

Keller raises a shotgun to his shoulder and aims.

The gun is pointed at MCLARENDON, a fat man in a cowboy hat. He breaks into a smile.

MCLARENDON
Excellent! Now you'd have blown my head clean off if that was loaded. Let me show you somethin' bigger.

KELLER
Actually, a handgun is what I'm looking for.

McLarendon droops.

MCLARENDON
We got those. Protection what you're after?

KELLER
Yeah.

MCLARENDON
Well, you know what they say about the best defense.

KELLER
A handgun.

McLarendon sulks over to the display wall. He takes down a simple handgun.

MCLARENDON
Now this here's a Colt King Cobra. This baby's .357 Magnum an' has a six-inch barrel. Good for just about anything.

He hands the gun to Keller.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. FIELD -- LATER

Keller takes the gun out of the rental car.

MCLARENDON
Hold her tight now. You a hothead? (V.O.)

Keller loads the gun.

MCLARENDON (V.O.)
You fixin' to lean out the car window, bag a state trooper on the way home?

He walks out into the field, searching the ground.

MCLARENDON (V.O.)
You look alright to me. I'll just backdate this form and you can take it now.

Keller spies a beer can on the ground. He raises the gun.

MCLARENDON (V.O.)
I know a good man when I see one. You're welcome here anytime, friend, maybe I can show you a real weapon--

BANG! Keller is hit by the recoil. The field is suddenly silent except for the echo of the gunshot.

Reveal: The beer can hasn't moved.

Keller aims the gun at other things, but pulls back without firing.

Keller reloads the gun and puts it in the glove compartment. He takes the box of ammunition and scatters it on the roadside.

EXT. MAIN STREET -- AFTERNOON

The rental car drives slowly past Quik Print. Keller sees Ed helping a customer and drives on.

EXT. COWSLIP LANE -- AFTERNOON

Keller parks across the street from a modest, well-kept house. He checks the address, 1411 Cowslip Lane, with a page torn out of a telephone book. Satisfied, he takes out the sketch pad and doodles.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. COWSLIP LANE -- EVENING

The page is now covered with drawings, some childishly simple, others showing signs of talent. Keller tears it out and places it on top of several others, similarly filled, on the passenger's seat. He looks up to see--

A station wagon pulls into the driveway across the street. Betty gets out and Ed parks it in the garage. He comes out with a bag of groceries and they go into the house together.

Keller takes out a switchblade-- four inches of gleaming steel SNICKS into place. Keller settles it firmly into his hand and--

Sharpens his pencil.

INT. LA GRUTA -- DAY

Keller sits at the same table as before. As Caitlin nears the table, she smiles in recognition.

CAITLIN
You're back.

KELLER
Well, you know, I like the food.

Keller sees the hint of disappointment in her face.

KELLER
And the atmosphere.

CAITLIN
...Anything else?

KELLER
Yeah, that cute waitress over there.

Keller points and she whirls to look.

CAITLIN
Who--

There's no one there. She turns back to see him grinning and gives him a look.

CAITLIN
I don't think you're her type anyway.

KELLER
She doesn't even know me yet.

CAITLIN
She's picky.

KELLER
Yeah? Well, what's her "type"?

CAITLIN
You'll have to find out for yourself.

She turns smartly and sashays towards the kitchen.

KELLER
Aren't you going to take my order?

Caitlin stops. She returns blushing.

CAITLIN
What would you like?

KELLER
The combination platter, please.

CAITLIN
What kind of chili?

KELLER
Red.

Keller winks, making her blush more.

INT. QUIK PRINT -- DAY

Keller drifts inside, where Ed is leaning over Betty's desk and flirting. Betty smiles when she recognizes him.

BETTY
Hello again.

Ed stiffens momentarily. He pecks her on the lips and approaches the counter with a smile.

ED
Hi there. Soldier, right?

BETTY
Any luck finding him?

KELLER
Came back on his own, actually. I guess he wanted the reward.

Betty laughs, Ed scans Keller's face.

KELLER
Your flyers worked so fast I didn't even have to post them.

ED
...I'm afraid we don't refund, if that's--

KELLER
No, no. I'll get some use out of them eventually. Old Soldier's got itchy feet.

BETTY
Just so he keeps coming back.

KELLER
Right. The reason I'm here, actually, is this business idea I've been kicking around. Got time for a cup of coffee?

Ed removes his glasses and carefully cleans them with his shirt.

ED
Sure. Why not?

He replaces the glasses. There is uncertainty in his eyes.

EXT. STREET -- DAY

Keller strolls along while Ed keeps pace.

KELLER
Nice town, Roseburg. Not like the city.

ED
We like it.

KELLER
It's got a real charm. One second.

Keller puts a quarter into a newspaper box. He reaches in and grabs two.

KELLER
One for me, one for you.

Keller hands one to Ed, Ed pushes it back.

ED
No. No, thank you.

KELLER
Suit yourself.

Keller puts one back. He takes the Finance section out of his paper and slaps it against Ed's chest. Ed takes it.

ED
What's in here?

KELLER
Story about an accountant who made a mistake. Testified against the wrong people. A guy named Burt Engleman.

The paper slips out of Ed's hands. He closes his eyes.

ED
How did you find me? ...Somebody in Washington?

KELLER
(Shaking his head)
Freak thing. A guy recognized you on the street.

ED
Here? In Roseburg?

KELLER
I don't think so. Were you out of town a little while ago?

ED
Oh, God. San Francisco.

KELLER
That sounds right.

ED
I've never even been there before, we thought it would be safe. It was her birthday. I don't even know anybody there.

KELLER
Somebody knew you.

Keller picks up the fallen paper and walks on.

INT. COFFEE SHOP -- DAY

Keller and Ed sit in a corner. Ed stirs his coffee vacantly and avoids looking at Keller. Keller leafs through the paper.

KELLER
I really did have a dog once. When I was a kid. Called him Soldier for some reason.

Keller pushes everything to the side and spreads the paper out on the table.

ED
I was wondering about that.

KELLER
He was just a little thing, a terrier or something. Got a pencil?

ED
Pen.

Ed passes a pen to Keller, who fills out the Jumbles.

KELLER
Real friendly...until he got rabies. You ever see Old Yeller, Burt?

ED
A long time ago, yes.

KELLER
Something like that. Wasn't his own fault, just bad luck.

ED
I'm sorry.

KELLER
It was just my mother and me, so I was the one had to get the gun.

ED
How old were you?

KELLER
Doesn't matter, I didn't want to do it. I thought maybe I could just let him go someplace safe, where he wouldn't be bothered by anybody.

ED
Doesn't seem like any place is safe.

KELLER
But if he'd just took off nobody'd be the wiser. Wasn't my job to chase him.

ED
Why didn't you just--

Ed's spoon stops.

ED
You let him go?

KELLER
I took off the leash.

They share a look. Keller tears a realtor's advertisement out of the paper. There is a picture of a house.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. STREET -- DAY

The house from the picture. A woman in a suit, the REALTOR, leads Keller briskly up the walk.

INT. HOUSE -- DAY

Keller slides a kitchen drawer open and looks in as the Realtor follows a rehearsed path.

REALTOR
This is your kitchen, you've got water filtration and an Insta-Hot System--

Keller shuts the drawer.

KELLER
What's that?

REALTOR
--Plus a cook-top island with a down draft system in addition to the convection oven.

KELLER
I don't know if I need all that. How much is this one?

REALTOR
Fifty-five.

KELLER
That's it?

REALTOR
Thousand.

The Realtor turns and walks to the next room. Keller starts after her.

KELLER
No, I know--
(he stops)
Could I pay cash?

The Realtor stops in her tracks. She looks back at Keller.

REALTOR
Fifty-five thousand in cash?

KELLER
Well...I'm not saying I have it, just, you know. If I did.

A beat. The Realtor about-faces.

REALTOR
This is your living room. You've got hardwood floors, leaded glass windows, and a carved mantel...

Her voice fades as she moves away. Keller runs his hand along a countertop and admires the house.

EXT. FIELD -- DAY

Keller stands a distance from the rental car. He empties the gun into his hand and scatters the bullets. He winds up and PITCHES the gun as far as he can. It wheels through the air--

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. BEST WESTERN ROOM -- DAY

A football game plays on the television. Keller is on the phone.

KELLER
No, nothing's wrong, it's just taking a little longer. I'll reschedule the flight. Okay, thanks. Yeah, it's nice here.

He hangs up, looks at the TV for a moment, and picks up the phone again. He dials.

KELLER
Hey, Burt? Me and you are gonna go for a ride.

Keller turns off the TV.

INT. RENTAL CAR -- DAY

Ed climbs into the car apprehensively and buckles his seat belt. Keller pulls away from the curb. Ed swallows.

ED
Are you going to...?

KELLER
What? ...Oh! No. Jesus, no. I just wanted you to show me around town.

Ed lets out a sigh and relaxes.

ED
You just...you said "go for a ride" and I thought, you know, "go for a ride."

KELLER
...You think about what I said?

Ed looks out the window.

ED
We're staying in Roseburg.

Keller sighs. A beat.

KELLER
Suppose I stayed here.

Ed looks at him, puzzled.

KELLER
If I just didn't go back.

ED
Wouldn't he send somebody?

KELLER
You think so? I don't know. I mean, he wasn't even trying that hard to find you, Burt, so-- I'm going to stop that.

ED
What?

KELLER
Calling you Burt. Your name's Ed now, so why don't I call you Ed? Okay, Ed? Sound good to you, Ed?

ED
And what do I call you?

KELLER
You can call me Al.

ED
..."If you'll be my bodyguard--"

KELLER
"I can be your long lost pal."

They laugh.

KELLER
Didn't expect you to pick up on that.

ED
I used to sing it to my wife, you know, as a joke, because of the "I can call you Betty" part.

KELLER
My mother loves Paul Simon. Turn here?

ED
Wait a couple blocks.

KELLER
My father was a soldier, he was killed when I was a baby. That's why I named the dog Soldier.

Keller looks at Ed, expectant. Ed looks out the window.

KELLER
Stupid name for a dog.

He turns, hard.

INT. BEST WESTERN ROOM -- NIGHT

Perched on the edge of the bed, Keller draws in the sketch pad. SCREAMS and GUNSHOTS come from the TV. He glances up, but his focus is on the sketch.

Close on: a flattering sketch of Caitlin without glasses.

INT. LA GRUTA -- EVENING

Keller, in high spirits, waits in his usual seat. The sketch pad is on the table. He watches the traffic through the window--

WAITRESS
What can I get you?

Keller turns-- but it isn't Caitlin. He looks past the waitress towards the kitchen.

WAITRESS
May I take your order, sir?

KELLER
Um, yeah. Isn't Caitlin here?

She giggles.

WAITRESS
She's here. She's in the kitchen with Chris.

KELLER
Chris? Who's Chris?

WAITRESS
He's her--
(suddenly cautious)
Are you, like, a friend of hers?

Keller is up and past her before she can react.

WAITRESS
Sir. Sir, you can't go back--

Other diners look up as he pushes through the kitchen door.

INT. LA GRUTA KITCHEN -- CONTINUOUS

Keller passes staring employees. A MANAGER bears down on him.

MANAGER
I'm sorry, sir, you're not allowed--

Keller sidesteps him, searching agitatedly.

He finds a small break room. He looks in and sees Caitlin--

Holding hands and snuggling next to CHRIS, a young man in an apron. They look up in surprise.

CAITLIN
Al? What are you--

Keller is gone. She goes to the door and looks out, concerned. The kitchen door SLAMS.

INT. BEST WESTERN ROOM -- EVENING

Keller paces the room. The TV is off. He grabs the phone.

INT. LA GRUTA -- EVENING

Caitlin opens the sketch pad and sees the sketch of herself. Her hand goes to her mouth.

EXT. QUIK PRINT -- EVENING

Quik Print is closed, but Keller stands outside, staring at the lost dog flyer. The station wagon pulls up and Ed gets out.

ED
What is it?

KELLER
I've got an idea.

INT. QUIK PRINT -- EVENING

Ed turns on the lights as Keller heads toward the copiers. He keeps one hand in his pocket.

KELLER
It's all gonna be alright, Ed, I know what to do. You just gotta trust me. Here, show me how this works.

Ed goes to the machine Keller is pointing at. He takes a paper off the top-- it is Keller's flyer.

ED
You never finished the story about your dog.

He bends over to turn it on when--

Keller WHIPS out a loop of cord and has it around Ed's throat in an instant. Ed pulls futilely at it and struggles to make eye contact. Keller looks away. After a moment, Ed goes limp.

Keller releases the body, pockets the garrote, and wipes down nearby surfaces. He takes the flyer, crumples it and pockets it. He goes through Ed's pockets and finds-- the wallet.

INT./EXT. RENTAL CAR -- NIGHT

Keller drives down the highway, brooding. He looks at the passenger seat at--

The wallet.

He looks back at the road, then at the wallet again.

KELLER
(to the wallet)
Jesus, Ed, what'd you want me to do?

EXT. ROADSIDE -- CONTINUOUS

The car pulls haphazardly onto the shoulder and the wallet flies out the passenger window. The car peels away.

EXT. JFK AIRPORT -- DAY

Keller, suitcase at his feet, speaks into a pay phone.

KELLER
Yeah, you can tell him it's taken care of. Yeah. No, why would I look at houses? I couldn't stand a little town like that. Nothing ever happens.
He takes his hand out of his pocket, in it-- the map of Roseburg. He sticks it on top of the pay phone.

INT. WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM OFFICE -- DAY

Pearson, older and wearing reading glasses, does paperwork at the desk. McGruder squeezes into the room and quietly places the wallet in front of Pearson. Pearson sets his glasses aside and looks up.

MCGRUDER
Vandermeer. Roseburg.

PEARSON
Broke the rules?

MCGRUDER
Still looking into it, but almost definitely.

PEARSON
You'll find something.

MCGRUDER
Yeah.

Pearson opens the wallet and removes the contents.

PEARSON
Shame.

MCGRUDER
Yep.

Pearson slides open the wallet drawer and drops the empty wallet in.

FADE OUT:

Author notes

This is a screenplay adaptation of the short story "Answers to Soldier", by Lawrence Block. It is a loose adaptation: the story is his, but much of the dialogue and specifics are my own.

Some screenwriting terms used:
INT. -- Interior
EXT. -- Exterior
(O.S.) -- Off Screen -- The character is present, but not in the frame at the moment.
(V.O.) -- Voice Over -- The character is not present, but is heard.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • AthenazeBeauty
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, interesting. It held my attention until the end, which is a good thing. I didn't think it was based off a book Good luck.


  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. It was good. I really wish you the best of luck in my contest


  • Miss Chell
    July 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    So, you entered this in my last contest and the feelings are still the same about it. I love the story you create and the struggle in the begining is awesome. Not to mention that this is a screenplay and I don't think I got any besides this one.

    Thank you for entering my contest

    • Brent
      July 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Er...whoops. I didn't even realize. It's funny, since I don't enter this in many contests (because it's long and some people don't like/accept screenplays). I'll pay more attention next time

      • Miss Chell
        July 22, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Oh no..I wasn't complaining/saying it was a bad thing..I was just making a statement I guess. I really like that story so it was nice to see again. If the story was terrible I wouldn't have read it twice and or been so humble in my comment


  • QueenWolf
    May 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. i like it, you had a great mix of humor and murder in this screen play. I would love to see this played outside of my mind! Well done Brent and good luck in my contest

    ~Queen~


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    May 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It was a nice story, I liked it, even if I'm not usually one for screenplays. Nonetheless you did very well with this. Thank you for entering this into the contest.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    May 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. Fast paced. Too bad a woman can do that to a person. Keller was unstable but the waitress didn't know that. I can almost feel sorry for Keller. Well anyways good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
    ~*Brooke*~

  • Miss Chell
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was very cool! My first read screenplay for the contest

    I love how Ed began to trust Keller, therefore I began to trust Keller and when he killed him I was shocked. This didn't really delve deep into anyone's past and I like that because I can make up my own little background for each character(yes, for stories I like, I do that)

    Thanks for entering my contest


  • Vietbabe909
    April 9, 2007
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    interesting....

    well, im not into that much of screen writing...at first i was confused...is this a story or what...then at the end at the authors notes that its a play...or something...overall it was okay to me. i was confused at some parts and i didnt like it when you capitalize the action...SMASHS..BURSTS..things like that. thank you for entering my contest and good job!

    • Brent
      April 9, 2007
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      A screenplay is actually for a film, sorry if I wasn't clear on that. I didn't like capitalizing things like that at first, but that's the way it's generally done. Screenwriting is very visual and it's a way to emphasize the action. Thanks for reading it.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    April 3, 2007

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    Dad......
    THANK YOU for the author notes x.x
    I kept thinking INT was international (and I was like.. "wow, almost all the places have international in them" x.x I don't feel too smart now x.x

    You have powerful dialogue, dad, and I only understood the screenwriting thing when I watched AND LISTENED this years Oscars ^_^; I think you did great !!!

    As Momori said, reading it was like watching a movie - I could imagine everything and.. wah, the Keller guy likes killing people.. then again, his name IS dangerously close to the word "Killer"

    Great work, dad! You can handle humor, serious stuff, and romace (write a romance story once or twice!) VERY WELL!!! ^_^
    Thank YOU for sharing this


  • Azaradelle Moderators member
    April 3, 2007

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    Amazingly well written!

    I enjoyed reading this immensely. I could picture everything that was happening as though i were watching a movie, it was great!
    I did get confused in some parts though... Screenwriting is a little different from scriptwriting i suppose, and i only know the latter.
    Other than my own ignorance though, this script was amazingly well done!
    You have alot of talent m'dear, and i'm glad you chose to persue this as a career pathway.
    The humor weaved through this script had me in fits of laughter!
    Great job! I truly enjoyed this!
    Glad you chose to post it

    Yrs.

    Azaradelle.

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