Days between seven and fourteen

- May 22th 2006 -
Forever
“Do you think we can just stay here forever?” The girl was laying on her back in the green grass. The soft spring-breeze made her light-brown hair wave a little. Her arms were folded under her head, her white skin shining in the orange sun. She felt warm and at peace lying in the high, stem grass. She felt an ant running over her foot, and the dry grass was tickling her toes.
She was patiently waiting for the boy to answer her question. She knew he wasn't thinking, because he wasn't wiggling with his toes, like he always did. She had missed that movement lately. It was like he wasn't thinking about anything any more, or maybe he simply didn't know what to say. And that bothered her. He used to be able to answer all her questions. He was a very wise boy, even though he was only fourteen.
Just when she decided to ask again she heard him take a deep breath.
“Do you think forever will be long enough?” He asked, but she could hear he already knew the answer. She was shocked, he never asked a question back. She could feel he was changing more every minute, but she didn't know why. Maybe she was just imagining.
“You shouldn't ask things you already know!” She warned him. He sighed, she didn't think he listened to her.
The boy was laying on his belly and his head rested in his hands. His black hair moved with the wind. His brown eyes stared into nothing. His legs were moving up and down in no particular rhythm. The girl was just as old as him, but last year he had grown so much he was much taller now.
She watched the clouds float by. She thought one looked like a white, fluffy elephant, and there was one looking like an old man. The boy used to watch along with her, but lately his eyes were only directed to the ground. She felt him move beside her, and turned her head to see his head laying on his folded arms, looking away from her. She sighed and shook her head.
Suddenly she saw something in he corner of her eye, a rainbow. She immediately sat up straight. She looked at the boy, who hadn't even noticed her sudden movement. For a moment she considered tapping his shoulder and showing him the rainbow. She wouldn't have had to think about that before the boy’s sudden change, but now something said she should keep it to herself. And with that decision she laid herself back on the ground, and she felt herself change a little, too.


- November 4th 2002 -
The first rainbow
Lillian was sitting in front of the window. Sad eyes were staring into the darkness of a November storm.
“I'm bored!” She stated. Nicholas looked up from the book he was reading. She looked so small, with the world outside raging behind the thin glass.
“Do you want me to read you the book?” He suggested, but he already knew that wasn't what she wanted, so he closed the book and stood up.
“Why are my parents always gone?” Her eyes never left the window. Her voice was small. She looked down, his toes were wiggling, so she waited patiently for a brilliant answer.
“Maybe because they love you.” He said simply, and he sat himself down next to her on the windowsill.
“I don't understand how their being gone all the time should show me how much they love me.”
To be honest, neither did he, but he just thought that was what she wanted to hear.
“But, all parents love their children right, Lily?” She looked at him thoughtfully. For a moment he got the strange feeling she was going to reveal one of her biggest secrets to him, so him stomach filled with excitement. But when he would be older he would realise it had just been his boyish imagination.
He felt disappointed when she turned her head and looked outside again.
“Don't call me Lily, Nick!” She warned him, but it didn't sound very convincing. He knew she was probably just trying to change the subject.
“Don't call me Nick!” He could play this game, too. She glared at him.
“You started it!” And then she went back to staring out the window again. Nicholas knew she considered this conversation as over, but he just had to try one last time.
“Do you want to play Pirate and Princess?” She looked at his toes, only to find them calm, and let herself slide off the windowsill.
She firmly walked away from him. What a stupid question! She knew he hadn't even thought before asking it, and that made her angry.
Nicholas heard the door fall shut and realised what had happened. He looked outside to see that the rain had stopped. He decided that it was okay to go out and follow her now.
“Lillian wait!” He yelled at the little silhouette disappearing around the corner. He ran and soon he was walking next to her.
“Hey, you need to come back to my house. My mum promised your mother that she would take care of you while you parents are gone.” She stopped walking, and he was looking forward to seeing those blue eyes of hers saying that everything was okay, but that moment never came. Instead of turning around to him, she climbed on the fence surrounding Mr. Adam's meadow and sat down, her legs softly moving. He followed her example and looked at the sky.
The sun was shining softly now, and the water he felt seeping through his pants was the only evidence of the storm that was probably teasing other bored children about a mile away now.
“Look.” There was a bit of excitement in Lillian’s voice. He definitely didn’t miss that. She pointed at the piece of sky his eyes had not observed yet.
A beautiful rainbow was right in front of them. Nicholas gasped, not really from the beauty of the rainbow, but more out of the relief he had felt when he had heard Lillian speak to him again.
“Why do you think they appear?” He was trying to come up with a good answer, but it bothered him that he couldn’t find out why she was suddenly whispering.
“My mother says that when you see a rainbow, heaven is having a party.” He wasn’t very pleased with his answer, because it wasn’t actually his, but Lillian was looking at him with the expression in her eyes he had expected to see moments ago, when he had told her to come back with him to his house.
“But why do they always appear after rain has fallen?”
“Well, because after rain comes sunshine. They are celebrating that the storm is over. And they want to make the people on earth happy.” This was a better answer, he judged.
“Do you believe in heaven?” Lillian was curious. That was what he liked most about her. It was never boring with her and she made him think really hard about things.
She was still looking at him, trying to see right through his skull with those blue eyes.
“I guess so.” He shrugged. He had never really thought about it before.
“But, do you really think that people go to a beautiful place after they die?” His answer had definitely not been good enough for her.
“Well, it depends on what you want to believe. Do you want to think that are just gone when they die? Or that they go to a great place where they have parties occasionally?” She nodded, showing him she understood.
“You know, I don't want to play Pirate and Princess any more. I'm getting to old to believe in fairytales!” She had said it in a very serious tone, but they both laughed, and Lillian looked down to see his toes move through the fabric of his shoes.


- August 14th 1999 -
Mister Pirate
Lillian was running down the street as fast as she could. She had just walked past Mr Evan's store when she had heard loud barking behind her. Now she was screaming for someone to help her as feet moved in a rhythmic pace. While she was running she decided it was far too warm to be chased by a dog. Sweat was forming tiny drops on her forehead.
Suddenly a boy about her age came around the corner with a wooden sword in his hand.
“Leave her alone!” he yelled at the dog and he swayed his sword at it's direction. The dog shrieked and ran away quickly. “Are you okay?” The boy asked.
Lillian looked at him. He was a little bit taller than she was. His brown eyes were staring deep into hers. Well, one of them, the other was covered by a black eye patch. She looked curiously at his wooden sword and he caught her look.
“I'm Nicholas, the pirate.” he explained. “I'm here to rescue little princesses!” He swayed his little sword once more.
Lillian laughed at him a little. He had black stripes painted on his face and was wearing short pants and a red-striped T-shirt.
“I'm Lillian.” She spoke. “Thank you for rescuing me, mister pirate! But, I'm not really a princess.” She stuck her hand out so he could shake it, like her mother had taught her, but he instead of her hand, he shook his head.
He looked down and she followed his gaze to see a hook sticking out of his sleeve. She smiled again, so he could see her two front teeth were missing.
“Well, honestly, I don't really care if you're a princess or not. I just wanted to rescue someone.”
He smiled back, showing off his new teeth. “But now I have to go and find myself a new princess.”
He turned around to leave, but she grabbed his shoulder.
“You could rescue me again. We just have to find a new monster.” She offered. Something inside her found this somewhat silly boy pretty interesting.
He stared at her for a moment, and then he nodded. “Okay, any suggestions?”


- June 10th 2006-
Absence
“Do you remember how we first met?” The girl wanted to know. They were both sitting on Mr. Adam's fence again.
The boy shrugged. “I guess so.” She studied his face thoroughly. She couldn't figure out why things were so strange now. He was acting so distant lately. It was almost like he had lost his fascination for life. She longed for days where they were little.
Maybe their friendship was just over, maybe all that they had from now on were just memories. This thought almost made the girl cry. She knew he didn't believe in memories. She looked at him again. He was staring in the other direction.
She had enough of it. She was going to ask him what was wrong. “Do you still believe that?”
Okay, so the girl didn't ask him what was wrong. But what was she supposed to do? She knew for sure he was going to be mad at her if she asked. But that was at least better that this. The boy hadn't even turned his head. He was still gazing into any space she wasn't.
“Don't you want to know what I mean?” She tried one last time. After this she would give up. She was feeling too tired to try harder. He still didn't react.
She shoved him with her elbow. “What? Yeah...” He said and looked away again.
She opened her mouth to speak to him again, but this time she decided to actually listen to the promise she had made herself earlier. She let herself slide off the fence and walked away slowly.
When she reached the corner she looked back and saw he hadn't even noticed her leaving. A tear slid down her face slowly.


- December 19th 2004 -
Memories
“What are you doing?” Lillian smiled at him, looking curiously.
“I'm making pictures.” He had the remarkable talent of explaining things so simply that she almost felt the urge to just drop the subject. Almost.
“But why?” She smiled as he took a picture of her.
He sat down next to her in the snow, with his back rested against an old oak. “Well, I just don't want to forget this.” He made a wide gesture with his hands.
“But why would you forget this? I mean, everyone has something called a memory. Ever heard of it?” She was teasing him, but the smile that had been on his face suddenly disappeared.
“Memories fade, Lily.” He said with a sad voice, which she would have probably laughed at, if she hadn't seen that same sadness in his eyes.
“Don't call me Lily.” She mumbled. She heard him take a sudden, deep breath.
“See, you just reminded me of the day we had our first fight. If you hadn't just said that, I wouldn't have remembered it!” He said in shock. “I mean, memories fade, just like the rainbows!”
Lillian took his hand. “Don't worry. I'll always be here to remember you about things.” She smiled at him again, but he didn't smile back.
“But what if you aren't here any more?” She saw his toes wiggle in top speed, but she didn't really want to think about this.
“Hey! I thought I always asked the questions!” She playfully smacked him in the arm.
“Yes, of course you do.” He said quietly, as he took another picture.


- June 19th 2006 -
The last goodbye
“Then tell me what's wrong!” The girl yelled.
“There is nothing wrong! You're just paranoid!” The boy yelled back.
They were standing close to the big oak. The girl was making big movements with her arms as she spoke, while the boy stood almost completely motionless, only moving his mouth to yell and shout.
“Then why are you acting like this!”
“What do you mean? I'm acting completely normal!”
“No you're not! You have changed so much in only a month that I don't even feel like I know you any more!” The girl's cheeks were red. Maybe it was just from summer's heat, but the boy translated it as a sign of her anger.
“Who said changing is a bad thing? Maybe you should have just changed with me!” She felt tears in her eyes spill on her cheeks, cooling them down. Was this all really her fault? Maybe she had just imagined everything. Maybe she had been the reason for his changing. No, that couldn't be it, right?
“Why can't you talk to me any more?” She had meant to shout, but suddenly she found herself whispering.
“I just can't, okay!” The girl's eyes widened. He had always tried to explain himself. A few months ago it wouldn't even have been possible to only imagine this conversation. She felt so powerless. The boy was standing right in front of her, though she felt like he was miles away.
“What do you want from me?” Again, something she didn't expect from him. He never asked questions. She was so blown away by this sudden 360 degrees personality change that she couldn't even say the words that had been on the tip of her tongue for so long. “I mean, I've changed. So what? Maybe we are just too different!” That was it. That was exactly what she had been scared of. He just said it like he didn’t care at all. His toes were not moving, just like the rest of his body. His body seemed paralysed, and his heart frozen. The girl felt anger rise from the tip of her toes, to her already red cheeks.
“Go to hell!” She said with a low, husky voice. She had stopped crying a few sentences ago.
He was quiet for a second, but then he regained his posture. “Don’t you mean heaven?” The boy wasn’t shouting this time, but she still heard the anger in his voice. She thought his eyes were probably just as dark as his heart.
“No. You can walk past heaven and go straight to hell!” The girl decided to take over his yelling.
“What do you want me to do?” She finally got used to his questions. And this time she knew exactly what she wanted to say. She knew it was hopeless, but she had to try. She knew it could be all over now. She suddenly felt the tears back in her eyes, but this time they were stinging with anger she hadn’t really lost when she had shouted at him.
“I, want you to change back.” The girl said softly and more tears flowed. She looked at him and she thought she saw tears in his eyes, too. But since everything was so misty, she couldn't be sure.
She did see him shake his head. Even though she had prepared herself for it, the feeling of loss in her stomach still caught her by surprise. In her head she felt a mix of anger, fear, sorrow, and even the tiniest bit of relief, which she couldn’t explain right then.
“I can't.” The boy pulled her out of her thoughts. She had been trying to figure out her own feeling of relief, but know she concentrated on what she saw in his eyes. Apology. She blinked her eyes to check if she wasn’t imagining, but when she looked again, she didn’t meet the boy’s eyes.
He was walking away. And she didn't grab his shoulder this time. She didn't run after him. She didn't search the sky for an unexpected rainbow.
The girl only felt emptiness, like this was their last goodbye.


- March 31th 2007 –
Purple
I’m laying under the big oak and look at the little note. I think I have read it so many times that I’m blind for the brief words on it. Sometimes I think it was all a dream. I don’t really know whether it would be a good one or a bad one if it was. I have a lot of new questions, but their not the same ones I used to ask. These aren’t about heaven or rainbows. These are all about you. Okay, and there are a few about rainbows, which I haven’t seen since you left by the way. I always thought you were right about everything, but now I know you weren’t: memories do not fade. I still remember everything about you. I have tried to forget at first. I thought everything would fade eventually. And maybe it will, I guess I have always been a bit impatient. I really hope you still remember me.
At least I know I will never forget June 22nd. That was the first time I read your note. It didn’t have the answers to any of my questions, but it made them a little bit less burning.
Of course, I don’t think anyone could ever stop my curiosity. Maybe if you had stayed around a little longer, you would have found out how to do it.


Hey, my beautiful princess. I don’t have much time, but I have to tell you some things. First, I am sorry that this note is purple, I know your favourite colour is blue. Second, I am really sorry about everything else. Nothing of all this was ever your fault. You were so right about everything. I have changed, but that was because I’m dealing with some hard stuff. I have to leave. I can’t say where I’m going, because I don’t even know. I never chose for this to happen. They are making me.
I know this is all very confusing, but just try to understand. I thought it would be easier to leave if we were fighting, but to be honest, it is ever worse. I’ll always think of you, when I see a rainbow, or anything that reminds me of you. I lied. I don’t think memories fade. How could I ever forget you?
I don’t have much time, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that I never wanted to hurt you. Actually I want to tell you a lot more, I...


It’s a shame you never got to finish this letter. I still don’t understand everything, but I think I can finally see that it’s okay not to know ask questions all the time. Maybe you did tame my curiosity a little bit.

I love you, mister Pirate...