Hanging from my favorite tree (In a rope)

I'm hanging
from my favorite tree
in a rope.

I'm dying
and all I feel
is apathy

I'm silent
not even
screaming

I'm still
not even
twitching

I'm smiling
in my favorite tree
I will die

Sing me a song
All will be well
Stay up late
remember me
happily

I'm singing
barely audible
and people start crying

I'm crying
a single tear
of dark blood

I'm dying
all I feel is apathy
here in my favorite tree

Sing me a song
All will be well
Stay up late
remember me
happily

I'm looking
at you
you are in pain

I'm smiling to you
whispering
all will be OK

I'm running
out of breath
dying

I'm not
in agony
only apathy

I'm hanging
from my favorite tree
in a rope

Sing me a song
All will be well
Stay up late
remember me
happily

I'm dying
now
all is dark

I'm not here
dead
hanging from my favorite tree

A silent whisper hangs by my side
Sing me a song
All will be well
Stay up late
remember me
hanging from my favorite tree
happily

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Sgs
    September 26, 2008

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    Great title and concept, but I think I would have liked it better if it would have stuck to the three-line pattern throughout. However, it's a great work! Thanks for entering!


  • Bello.Midnight
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    No a bad poem at all.
    I really did enjoy it in short simple verse.
    I think you made it intruging.
    I must admit it was not as much an impact as I would have hoped: but needless to say I love the concept behind the poem.


    Blake ♣


  • Midnightmare
    September 5, 2007

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    not really abstract... sorry.
    but i wont dq you because its not a bad write. thanks for entering =]

  • Baba Jojo
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    good job on this one.... not much of a dark person here....but it was good....

    the format could do a little work, though it specifies a certain style, you have adopted...good job!


  • octoberdusk
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations for being nominated in the 'Best Poem' contest and best of luck!

    I enjoyed reading this poem although my personal tastes are not usually dark. It was well written and your reptition was an excellent tool. Your style is also very artistic.

    Your vocabulary is a little too simple, and I think rather than emphasizing the style, at times it takes away from it. There's no need to use words nobody understands but I think a little more flavour in the phrasing would add to your poem.

    Overall it was very deep and enjoyable. Well done and good luck!


  • Aaez
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOwW!! it's really good!!! i liked the way you repeated the verses...it made it sound like a song, and a very sad song!!! it's a very very sad yet sweet poem!!! good luck in the contest..you totally deserved that invite!


  • Saej silver member
    August 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very good job with this! This was excellently written. of course, ot Asfand wouldn't have invited you to the contest. lol.

    I like the redundancy of this piece. It really gives it character. The visuals are excellent as well.

    Once again, great job, and good luck with this contest.


  • Bitter Irony
    June 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent use of repetition for emphasis, and I also like the fact that you stuck with three line stanzas--long enough to say what you need too, but not too long or angsty. This poem would be excellent in a live reading with a piano solo going in the background. :-)

    However, going with the contest theme of "publishablity," here are a few things that caught my attention:

    1) You used a period at the end of the first stanza, but not on any of the others. If for some sylistic reason you want to avoid punctuation (I don't suggest it, but go ahead), that's fine, just be consistant.

    2) Cliched phrases such as "a single tear
    of dark blood" and "all is dark." For the most part, your style is fresh and original, but you occasionally fall into the trap of the "emo angst" cliche.

    3) For the most part, the tone of the speaker is, well, happy. That's fine--I love the wierdness and the contrast. The only problem is, s/he claims to be apathetic. Well, which is it, happiness or apathy? You can't really have both. If you used this conflict on purpose, I suggest you elaborate on it so that it doesn't just look like an oversight.

    Overall, I must say I was very pleasantly surprised. The title made me expect something a bit more cliched and "emo," but instead I found a well-written and original piece. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 2.


    • Drac
      June 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the comment =)
      I shall try to fix those things you suggested, because it all makes sense, hehe =D

      Also, thanks ALOT for saying that it wasn't cliched and emo =) Cliches I can live with, but I'd really hate to appear emo at all... No offence to anyone, but that is not my style...
      So yeah, thanks =)


  • jtnbuck
    May 17, 2007

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    wow see my first comment and i do no change what i say this is still very good well done and dark indeed


  • Hell Boy
    May 16, 2007

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    its not really depressing,it made me think about the British hanging the Irish in the war......bastards (is Irish and proud)


  • QueenWolf
    May 11, 2007

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    Hmmm dark but not depressing,I have come to the conclusion that i like it Well done and good luck

    ~Princess~


  • Delfishie
    April 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    so cool

    I really really like this.

    Things I like:

    1. The title - It's an AWESOME title. Never change it ever. It's that awesome. Totally hooked me into reading this (and I hate reading poetry online because it usually sucks and then I feel compelled to review it)

    2. The repetition - the way you kept repeating certain lines of the poem made it sound like some sort of sinister jump rope song....sung by Wednesday Addams.

    3. The weirdness - So they're hanging, dead, from their favorite tree, but they're a very happy sounding person. It's such a strange thing, but I've loving how weird it is!

    Tell me, did you write this as a song? It's so sing-songy. If you didn't, you should create a melody to go with it.

    Awesomeness.

    • Drac
      May 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      First of all, thank you so much for the comment! =D
      Now, I'll reply using numbers, like in your comment =P

      1. Thanks alot for liking the title! I came up with the title long ago (It was written as a fictional song for a fictional album by a fictional band =P) and I've been wanting to write it for a long time, but haven't had the inspiration =D

      2. Sinister jump rope song by Wednesday Addams...
      You can't believe how much that line made me smile, thanks

      So yeah, I wrote the title as a song, and I started writing the poem as a song... But it turned out more of a poem than a real song, so it's sort of a mix I guess =)
      There is no melody though, but perhaps I should make one =)

      Again, thanks alot =)

  • Dinky Di
    April 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I knew someone who hung himself once... this poem has given me a very different perceptive of their death. You make it sound like a nice way to die.

    veyr good, I enjoyed the read it was very surreal.

  • jtnbuck
    April 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh wow this was great good job this was nice i loved this the emtion was deep and dark very good thank you for entering my contest good luck and good job god bless


  • Dirty and Broken
    April 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is strange.....good, but strange...


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I noticed that most of your stuff is dark. I find this one particularly darker than the others. I liked the fact that you chose your favorite spot or tree I mean surrounded by loved ones.
    The flow of this poem is good. No stumbles or fumbles. Great write.
    ~*Brooke*~


  • Onyxthirst26
    April 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It makes me feel happy... which is strange cause it's not exactly a happy poem. Great writing.


  • Bloody Chaplain
    April 1, 2007
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    Haha nice.


  • tutie7
    April 1, 2007

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    this reminds me of that poem about the woman who lived through her hanging during the american witch trials. creepy but so enthralling. good job!


  • Kyoku Luv
    April 1, 2007

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    This was diff....I liked it though.
    Oooohh....interesting.
    Ha.

    But good job!!


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    April 1, 2007

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    To die in your favorite place, with your loved ones - I think that would be the best death. (not what the spartans would call a "beautiful death" but still).. I'd like that to happen to me - I don't want my husband to die ahead of me because I'm selfish like that.. so I'd rather die first or.. he and I could die together ^_^ it's... twistedly romantic that way, methinks..

    You already know what I think of this poem, Mads and to say it again would be... repetitive. You.. and your boundless inspiration may you infect ALL of us and give us HYPERACTIVE muses!!! ^_^

    • Drac
      April 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      That would be the best death, I think
      And I totally agree with you!
      Either I go first, or I go together with my love! (But you know I find that romantic, don't you? - 'Beauty of a witch' )

      Well, hyperactive muses can be good
      Thank you


  • Mel-the-Believer
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very interesting poem. Well written I thought. Dark, but good. Weird sor to of. Good write. Keep it up. God Bless!

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