"Come along, Kristin, over here!" I shouted. We were near the high wooden fence that separated the kingdom from the forbidden land to the west. There was a gate with a sign which read, "Beyond this place there be dragons!". The fence was ancient and the gate had an old rusty padlock which hung open.1
"Look, the lock is open!" I exclaimed. Kristin and I were like sisters with long dark brown hair and brown eyes. We were both dressed in simple linen dresses with ropes for belts and sandals. The hems of our dresses came almost to our knees.2
"What are you going to do, Penelope?" asked Kristin dubiously.3
"Let's go inside."4
"But it says there are dragons!" stated Kristin.5
"Dragons aren't real."6
"If they aren't real, why did they build the fence?" questioned Kristin.7
"My father says that dragons are myths."8
"Yes, but why did they build the fence?"9
"Maybe people used to believe in them."10
"Well, I still do," said Kristin.11
"Oh, don't be silly," I told her. "I'm going inside."12
The huge door opened easily on rusted hinges as though it had been oiled. I went inside and called back to Kristin, "Come on!" I was more nervous than I let on and having Kristin with me would make it more fun. Kristin followed me through the gate reluctantly.13
There were hills on this side of the fence and bushes with berries. It was beautiful. The sun seemed brighter and the plants were greener. "Wow!" said Kristin. "This is nice."14
We climbed to the top of a hill and we sang and danced.15
Suddenly a shadow passed over us, we heard and felt the rush of air. I looked up and Kristin shouted, "Dragons!" Three humongous birds of prey were flying above us, circling over us.16
"Run!" I screamed. We started running back toward the gate. As I was running, one of the dragons grabbed me with its talons and lifted me into the air. I felt pain where its claws gouged my sides as it gripped me. It flew further into the hills. It landed at the entrance of a cave and it carried me inside. In the crystal cave it was quite light with the light coming from the walls. I had never seen anything like it. Soon the other dragons arrived and one of them had Kristin.17
The dragons looked at us with their black eyes with diamond shaped yellow pupils and penetrating stares. Their brownish red scales were cool to the touch.18
We were both crying. I begged, "Please don't hurt us!"19
"Let me go!" yelled Kristin sobbing.20
"What do you want from us?" I asked tearfully terrified.21
"We're going to eat you," said one of the dragons.22
"Please, no!" Pleaded Kristin. "We have done you no harm."23
"It is not that you harmed us, it is that we desire the fresh flesh and meat from your tender bodies," spoke another dragon.24
"Is there nothing we can do to change your minds?" I asked in a plaintive voice.25
"Nothing, my dear morsels and we are anxious to begin," said the first dragon. "You'll taste delicious."26
With that the dragons tore off all our clothing. Glaring at us with hungry eyes as we stood naked before them, they prepared to make a meal of us. In the cool of the cave we stood shivering. There was blood on our skin where the dragons had scatched us. Two of the dragons took Kristin. She screamed at the top of her lungs as they began to tear her limb from limb. One of the two dragons began to eat her severed left leg while the other began to munch on the midsection of her torso. She was already quite dead and seeing her torn bloody flesh as they ate her made me vomit.27
The last of the dragons regarded me with appetite and desire and I knew I was next. "Please!" I begged. "Please don't!"28
"Dear girl, you're death will be quick," it said and came toward me. I had no where to run. With its talons it tore open my belly and my pain was extreme. My blood and guts spilled from the wound. With horror I looked at my exposed innards. I collapsed to the ground of the cave. It twisted my head....29
Author notes
Picture 6
In a list
A contest entry
- Gargoyles, Craters, Basements, and Brothers by SageSyren.
650 points, ended May 1, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - So Many Options... by Kagamine Rin.
300 points, ended August 30, 2008, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Okay. I'm bored. So write me a story! by LilMsHyper17.
100 points, ended May 23, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - bring it to the top 2 by Karbear12345.
100 points, ended July 1, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 83 of 83
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Yeah... on the one hand Penelope got what she deserved. On the other hand, however, how grusome.
I really want her to go back to her father as a ghost and say "You were wrong!" lol.
Dude, this story left me speachless. All I can think is that sucks. I would hate to die like that. All-in-all, awesome story.
Good job.
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Hi Saej!
My dragons have a bad habit of eating maidens. I think I've got one exception.
I'm glad you like this story. Actually, I had intended to post a different story in the group, but goofed.
I want to die in my sleep, either completely unaware or having some kind of wonderful dream
. In my stories, however; most of the deaths are much more traumatic.
Thanks for reading me.
Andy
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Yuck.
Normally I like my dragons less vicious. but this was a great story. Definetly not for bedtime or supper time though. 
Ilike how she repeated 'Why did they build a fence' that's what I would have been thinking.
I onl saw one thing you might want to change in Paragraph (17) You start out two sentences with Soon.. not sure if you wanted to do that.. I do that sometimes without realising it until it gets pointed out by someone.
As Always I enjoy the way you tell a story.
By the way I love the dragon Pic
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Artaq!
And I was thinking of it as a children's story, like Little Red Ridinghood
.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm sure I didn't notice the two soons, I'll have a look.
Be sure to borrow the picture if you like it.
Andy
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One thing: You said the speaker and Kristin are sisters, yes? Then, in line 8, shouldn't she say 'Our father'? Perhaps that's just me. I'd say the dragons were enjoying themselves immensely. Not really scary, but I suppose I'd think different if I saw it in person Great job
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Hi SF!
Nope. Actually I wrote that the narrator said that they were like sisters.
It's hard to really scare someone in print. I'm definitely no master at it.
Thanks for hosting this contest. I hope you had a good time.
Andy
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Hey Andy! This was an awesome story I love your writing Since you have been writing for so long, I guess it's expected
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Hi Clary!
Glad you like this story. I've really been writing stories only for about four years. Before that I wrote some poems, but my focus was mostly songwriting.
Thanks hosting this contest and for reading and commenting.
Andy
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...
Andy this was really good. As I said, I will only read the beginning. A wonderful piece, but again, as I have said to everyone, the beginning coud've used a bit more description. Thank you for entering!
~Duality.
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Hi Duality!
You'd read this story before so I entered another one. I don't believe you've read that one.
Andy
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I really liked it, it was scary, and disgusting, but I still liked it. Good luck in the contest, you'll do great!
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Hi there!
I'm very happy that you like this story. It's hard to know what a contest host will like.
Thanks for hosting.
Andy
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sorry i forgot to give you your applauds!
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great description and story line, thought i do not really like the ending how she die's but you described it well! i love the description of the dragon's!
this is good and well written no spelling error that i could see, and i like that you have used the classic dragon in your story.
Keep writing & Good Luck.
Silver Dancer. -
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Hi!
You like dragons? I have a bunch of dragon stories. In most of them maidens are killed, dragons are killed, or both. I have one dragon story in which no one is killed.
There are two dragon stories by other writers here I recommend: 'The Basement Dragon' by SageSyren and 'A Noble Cause' by IrishYndina. 'A Noble Cause' is a bit long, but fun reading.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I especially thank you for coming back to applaud!
Andy
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No Problem...
I should check them out! thanks for recommending them to me!
and yes i love Dragon's the Classic dragon (the one you have used in your story) is my favorite one to read about though!
thanks.
Silver Dancer. -
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Hello again!
If you'd like, I can send you thinks links to those stories I suggested. They are both unique dragon stories. You could bookmark them to read later.
Andy
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Yeah that would be great! i'd need to bookmark them since i have no time to read much more today, but i''d like it is you could! thanks.
Silver Dancer
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Wow this is good. I loved it! Good Luck
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Hi Tori!
So you like a little gore in your medieval reading. I'm glad of that! I'm pleased you loved this story.
Andy
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Heehee. I'm sorry it wasn't enough to make me puke or give me nightmares or pee my pants, it was still pretty horrific. I feel bad for Penelope, who had to watch her best friend be ripped limb from limb. Ugh, I would've fainted had I been in the same position.
Good luck in my contest, Andy!
~Kitty -
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Hi there Kittycat!
I love cats! I've got six.
Well, with the television and movies you've probably seen, this story may seem a little tame.
I hope you like this story.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs away screaming*
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Hello Freak!
How are you? Feeling better now? A little story about dragons getting to you?
Thanks for reading and hosting.
Andy*kitty
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Alright, get ready!
That was really good. I didn't think it was scary, but I did think it was horrifying. I will probably have bad dreams in my sleep, but I won't be yelling for help. So there. And Kingdom should have a capital K if you're talking about a place.
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Hi there, Flames!
I hope you have a great contest. Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding.
I'd hate to think I gave you nightmares. I read and write a lot of dark stories and generally I don't get nightmares, but maybe that's 'cause I like the stuff, in fantasies only, not reality.
I don't think kingdom should be capitalized unless it is by itself or both The and Kingdom are capitalized. You wouldn't capitalize the city or the town, though both of those are places. However, you could write them as The City or The Town. Hmm. Well, thinking about it, I suppose you could write the City and the Town, but generally I think they'd be left in lower case.
Oh well, now you've got me thinking it would be all right any of the three ways.
Thanks for hosting!
Andy
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Okay critical review coming up.
Far too much dialogue at the beginning for my liking. I am however eternally greatful that you did not start the story with 'once upon a time'- the opening is way over used.
I loved the character's clothing style, it tied in well with that middle-ages kind of feeling. I believe you need to work on developing the reader's imagination-draw them in with your descriptions.
Oh and the ending was delicious! Lol Okay, outside of the critical mode-a great read! Very entertaining. Should you ever be searching for a dragon story to read, I also write them.
Good luck in my contest.
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Hi Violette!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.
Most of my dragon stories are vore(women eating monsters). What type of dragon stories do you write?
Two dragon stories I recommend are The Basement Dragon by SageSyren and A Noble Cause by IrishYndina.
I'm glad you like my story. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Oh my God!*shivering*Andyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy................It ....was...creepy....
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Hi Lavanya!
Usually in my dragon stories, the dragons feast on the maidens. I do have one dragon story in which the dragon actually helps the princess, but only one. I feel that dragons need a regular diet of young women to stay healthy. We wouldn't want any poor dragons to starve
!
Thanks for reading this and for all the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy
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icky foo!
Okay, it was good. Work on flow and imagery. The end was nasty.
GOOD LUCK! -
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Hi!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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ewwwwwwww
ok really good details but at bad parts, i really dont care or hearing ppl being ripped part! nice work???? thx for entering my contest
Powerpuffs(Pp)
PS it was good in other parts, but i wish you had better flow -
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Hi there!
So, you don't like blood and guts. Sorry about that. I'll try to remember that in case I enter another one of your contests later.
Thanks for hosting.
Andy
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ew. thats gross. haha. i like it. good detail! even though i normally hate it when dragons are the bad guys, you pulled this off nicely....well grossly but lol. love it. good luck!
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Thank You
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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There be dragons! I liked this story. It comes to show that you need to listen to warnings people leave out for you. If you don't read the warning and be cautious, well, then...
I really liked it, even though it was very short! Good luck in ym contest! -
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Thank You
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Yes, this story is short, but it's fun. I'm glad that you like it.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Alcie
Ugh! stupid little cousins! they are sooo stealing my account! Your story was cool. I mean, it was kinda gory and stuff, but cool. -
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Thank You
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you like this little short story. There was just a little gore.
Andy
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Sort of gross. And short. But besides that, it's OK
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. It was meant to be a little gross, of course and the story did turn out short. I hope you liked it.
Andy
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A good read!
This was a great story. From the beginning, I wanted to shout at the girls for not listening, the suspicion that something was going to happen to them shining through. In Paragraph one, should ‘said’ be ‘read’ just before ‘, beyond…’ And I think you might be missing a word in the first sentence of paragraph 17. And?
And the moral of the story is……LISTEN TO WARNINGS! Haha. Very well done…was entertained the whole way through. ~D
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Thanks Durian
You are hosting a lot of contests. That's good, I like entering contests. I changed 'said' to 'read'. Thanks for the suggestions. Thanks also for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding.
Most of my stories have a tragic ending for one or more of the characters. I like writing gloom and doom, but I am trying to write other genres.
Andy
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This is a great job! Keep up the great work!!!
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you had a good contest and much fun. Thanks again.
Andy
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If it's going to be set in the old days, have the sign say something such as, "Beyond this 'ere gate, there be creatures of the devil!" Something weird and cryptic. Their looks should be meshed in with their actions. ["Look, the lock is open!" I exclaimed as my opaque brown hair bounced around me, matching Kristin's hair. Our lurid eyes gleamed with excitement, much in contrast to our fair linen dresses, which were plain with a Roman look.] I like how you said "birds of prey". You have a clever, witty and unique writer in you, don't hide it. Express it! :
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you like the story. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Even though I'm not really into gore, I think you did an excellent job with this story. It seems lots more likely that a dragon would kill a human than a human kill a dragon. I mean, they have all those claws and teeth and then there's the fire/cold/poison breath, the tough, armored hides.
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Thanks Heather
I write a lot of explicit sex, horror, or both. I'm working on a crime novel now. My dragons usually are the victors, but in Dark Fury, a knight kills the dragon. In Modern Day Dragons, the military tries to eliminate a dragon problem. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Andy
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Er. Uh. The only way I can comprehend the language being like that is if you were being facetious: if it were an extended metaphor or something figurative, but as it stands now I just... it's a little too twee to stomach
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. You didn't like this story? Oh well. It seemed like it would be good in this contest. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Another master peace.
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Thanks V l
Thanks for reading and the short comment.
Andy
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uh..........
yeah....that was very disturbing....im speechless....it was also very short....lol but I liked it... -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Yes, it is a shorty. I'm glad that you like this story.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Good story Really. Good luck in contest.
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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It's a great story with little to none grammar mistakes, but I couldn't help but think it ended abruptly. But the ending definitely flowed with the plot perfectly, so yeah.
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Thanks
It seems you may have read this story before. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. The narrator is killed, which is why it ends so abruptly. I suppose I might try to expand the story. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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I felt this story was a little too rushed. When I entered my dragon story into a contest, I mentioned what type of dragon it was since there are so many. Maybe to make it more visual you could have done that.
I sensed that you wrote this story in a telling manner instead of showing since I didn't feel for the poor characters that were torn limb from limb. I didn't get the feeling of their horror and pain.
Good luck in your contests. -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you like the story. I also hope that you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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A good story, but it happened a bit too fast. If you choose to rewrite this in a longer, more drawn out version, it would be spectacular. I liked your descriptions, as well. Thanks and good luck in the contest!
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I might give it a rewrite sometime later. What type of stories do you like? What sort of stories do you write?
Andy
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no!! why do the young die young?? this is awesome,u know that? nice imagery too...
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. It is very nice of you. I'm glad you like this story. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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This is really different...
AND GREAT! I always read th same old same old stories about dragons capturing people, and in the end the people kill the dragon and live happily ever after. Not here! This piece really was different, and really good! I love dragons, and I Love this story! Great job! Good luck in the contest!
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Thanks Friesian
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I have a few stories where the dragon wins. I hoped you'd like this story. I'm glad that you did. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Ah dragons, I do so love dragons. I was watching a show on the History channel about them last night. But I digress...
I liked the story but it felt a bit...thin in spots. You have room to flesh out some of the parts...especially the deaths...to really put some disturbing stuff in there.
I saw nothing wrong with the grammar of this piece which was refreshing. Good job on this and good luck in the contest. -
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Thanks Keli
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like dragons. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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wow
gud story, got pretty gory at the end lol great read. tanks for entering and gud luck.
bee xox -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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this was pretty good writing. you used a lot of description and dialog (which i like). The story was very fast-paced (which i also like), but it was more focused on the blood and gore part of the story (again, i like it)so if you do write more stories like that then maybe you should try to put more into the story itself and have more of an idea leading to the main part. overall though it was good and i liked it.
good luck in the contest =) -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I greatly appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this story. You feel I should put more into this story, what would you suggest?
Andy
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holy shit dude I was eating! You made me spill my freakin' soda!
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. What was the part that made you spill your soda? I hope you don't expect me to buy you another one! Does that mean you like this story or not?
Andy
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umm wow good job i like this it was rather diffrent still good tho good luck in te contest best of luck god bless
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Thanks
I hope this scared you, at least a little. Hard to do that in print. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I hope you have many entries almost as good as mine and a lot of fun.
Andy
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Oh...nasty!
Yikes! Hey, next time...believe there is such a thing as dragons, ok?
Great story you've written. Vivid. I nearly threw up myself. Good luck in the contest! -
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Thanks, George
Thanks for reading and commenting. I must confess that although I write about dragons, I am not really a believer. Wasn't trying to cause my readers to vomit. Just throwing in a little gore.
Andy
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Wonderful. I have this sign in my front room and spend hours wondering what would happen if it were on a gate somewhere. Thank you for picking this option and for telling me your version of this sign.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
~*Brooke*~ -
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Thanks, Brooke
Thanks for hosting this contest, reading, and commenting. I hope you have many good entries and a great time. I like to write about dragons. Thanks for giving me the inspiration. I do hope that you like this.
Andy -
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Dragons are my favorite animals and love to read about them. Have any more dragon stories laying around
~*Brooke*~
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