The tears welled, the sighs broke into sobs, and soon her cheeks were wet with her sadness. How was a girl as young as she to endure such pain? No one, especially a young girl, should have to handle this kind of hurt. This kind of pain. Her mother was gone. Dead. Forever. How could she live with it? It was impossible. She sighed, calming her racing heart, but unsuceeding in stopping the tears from falling. Falling like bullets of sadness to the floor. Wetting her lips with salt.
Her mother was gone. Forever. No more hugs. No more saying “I love you.” No more kisses or smiles or laughter. No more fights. No more yelling. No more mommy.
Could she live? Live with the knowledge that she would never see her mother again? No. She could not. There was no living without a mother. Her best friend. Her only friend. Her only support. No father was there to comfort her. No father. There never was. He didn’t love her or her mother. He left. No one knows where. Would he care? Would he come back if he knew? No. And she knew it. He would never come to back. Never care. Never love her.
No mommy. No daddy. No little sister or brother. Just her. By herself. No one else to say “finish your peas,” or “clean your room.” Hell, there were no peas to eat or a room to clean. She had no home. No money. No food. No parents. Only herself and some clothes. Nothing else. No possessions. No one to love her or hold her.
Shall she die? Right here? Right now? Take the knife and stab. Stab until the lights leave her eyes. Those soft twinkles of joy. Never to be felt again. To die… Oh how she wished she could. Just to take her own life like the car took her mother’s. Her best friend’s. “That death trap,” her mother would say, “it’ll kill me one of these days.” How very right she was.
She took up the razor blade, taken from a box cutter. She stared at it. The beautifully sharp edge. She bit her lip. This would hurt. She knew it to be so. The skin was so soft, smooth, and pale. She had to watch. No closing her eyes like a baby. No. She had to see the blood. The cuts in her skin until she died. She had to.
The skin was so easy to cut. To slice apart, slowly, carefully. She wanted to die right. No mistakes here. The razor did it’s job so well, she almost admire it through the sadness and searing pain. The kiss. The razor blade's kiss. It was so beautiful. A soft bubble of red, deep red blood came from the cut. She smiled. It would be all over soon.
The pretty drops of blood were so big. So big that they splattered as they hit the porcelain floor. Puddles. Puddles of blood, dark blood… The world began to spin. The lights dimming. Her smile was serene as the pain ebbed away. Slowly. She knew it would be over soon. The darkness ebbed at her sight. Her world spun, faster and faster. Her head filled with lightness and she knew she’d die. Finally. The darkness took her.
Will she see her mother? It was too late now. Too late to turn back. Too late to think. Too late to understand that her life had a purpose. Too late to know that she’d never be kissed. Never be loved. Her world was unreachable. Forever. Her mother loved her. Only her mother loved her. That was all she could think of. But her mother was gone. Gone forever. Now it was time for her to leave. To see her mother again. To see her best friend.
~
A flutter of her eye lids. A twitch of her finger. A moan from her lips. What happened? Thought she. Alive? NO! What was this? Her eyes fluttered open. The bright light stung her blue eyes.
A hospital bed. Why was she here? A glance about the room. No one was there. Alone? Well, that wasn’t new. But who saved her? Who brought her back to the world she hated? Her eyes looked to her arm. Where she knew a large cut presided. A tear fell from her eye. There were bandages covering her arm. White, cloth bandages. Weak. Too weak. Lightness filled her head. She felt despair. Why couldn’t she have died!? This world hated her. There was no happiness.
A doctor. His voice low and his smile fake. How she suddenly hated him. He saved her. He brought her back into this world. What was he saying? She couldn’t focus. Lucky. That’s what. She was lucky. Ha! How could she be? She was alive. Awake. That was far from lucky.
What was he saying now? Someone who cared. They saved her. But who? Curiosity overcame her hatred as she lay limp in the bed. A woman. She was there, her hair wild and eyes friendly. She found her. That woman was why she was alive. She found her.
Her name. The woman who saved her, was called Miss. Nothing more. Just Miss. What a strange name, really. She was to care for her. Forever? Who knew. Why was all she could ask this lady, this friendly lady named Miss. Why me?
“Because,” Miss said, “my daughter killed herself. I want to help you.” The girl, laying her hospital bed, felt the tears come yet again. Tears, happy tears. They fell hard. A smile clung to her lips. Why was she so happy? So relieved to have a home? Was this hope? A hope she hadn’t felt in a long while? Yes. Yes it was and it felt… real. She couldn’t help it. She had wanted to die, yes. But if she must live. If she must take a part in her destiny, she would do it right. With a home. A family. Be a daughter to this friendly woman who reminded her so much of her own, dead mother.
Hope was what filled her now. With the memories of the razor blade’s kiss. She can live. Live on. Maybe not a happy life, but filled full of contentment. Yes. Content. That was what she hoped for. A content life.
This… this was her chance. Her second chance.
Author notes
This story is written exactly as I thought it. This is how I think, uncompleted sentences, emotions, not focused on little things like names and where the main character is. The point of the short, sometimes repetitive sentences is to put more emphasis on emotion and not the details of who, what, where. Only what the character is feeling.
- Writing Whatever You Want group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Love and Hate by kenddrraaa.
310 points, ended April 6, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Exciting! by LostShadow.
175 points, ended April 15, 2007, 22 entries
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400 points, ended April 17, 2007, 37 entries
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230 points, ended April 13, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything & Everything by On.Cue.
300 points, ended June 9, 2007, 58 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WILL READ ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Vietbabe909.
350 points, ended April 24, 2007, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - realistic by LostSoulOfRage.
199 points, ended April 20, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write it Up. by asthray.heart.
530 points, ended April 22, 2007, 41 entries
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205 points, ended May 1, 2007, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry!!!! by McrSAVEDmyLIFE.
200 points, ended April 27, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Tales of Hope by Mel-the-Believer.
165 points, ended May 9, 2007, 13 entries
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Bronze trophy winner
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Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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sniff
This was incredible... sad and incredible, your a great writer, keep it up! -
I tink you should have gone into detail about the funeral and the relationship but it was good
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As i said before in my other comment this was really well done.
Thanks again for entering.
Em -
This was rather good. You wrote it well. Good job with this. Thanks for entering. Good luck. God Bless!
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this is fairly good but I think that more could've been added such as the details or emphasizing on her love for her mother. Maybe ass in the funeral as a flashback or something.
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This was so sad! The way you wrote it was perfect! Good luck in the contest.
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again I want to tell you that NOW I have read the whole story and I think it is even better when I read the WHOLE thing... This has such a emotion that I can actually fell the presence of this character even if it chills my bones...
LOVE MUCH
Christa -
Such a beautiful and sad story about getting a second chance. It was simple and straight to the point and it was shortish, but it was so well written within those paragraphs that as I scrolled down the page I was hoping that more paragraphs would appear. Good luck in contest!!!!!
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Thnx for entering this is my contest, it was really good.
Good luck.
Lady Madeline. -
thnx for entering and srry for the late comment, my computer.
anyways i loved this. good luck and keep up the amazing work
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interesting...
i like the detail of the story. im not much into the dark stories, but i liked yours. thanks for entering in my contest! -
Some of the short, choppy sentences helped convey the emotions in the story but by putting too many in here, you killed the mood. Since this is the first time you wrote a story about suicide, I'll go light on you. But next time, try to convey more emotions and descriptions. And watch out for repetitive sentences =)
Good job and thanks for entering my contest
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Wounderful!!!! IT actually made me have tears it my eyes
!!! Nicely done!!! And good luck!!
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That's so beautiful and sad. I love how you brought her back to life.
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This was very well done. Your descriptions are fantastic. I loved how you described the blood splattering into puddles and her slowly fading away. I like how you ended it with her getting a second chance. Great job and thank you for entering the contest.
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Some great description used here, well done. Good luck in the contest
Em
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and thanks for entering, good luck.
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It was a nice story, although, it was full of questions almost on every sentence. and your sentences stopped really abruptly. but other than those few things i liked it.
One question, how did the lady find her?...
she was in her home when she was cutting. -
Very good, I liked the dramatic discription.
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I had to stop before I got really scared.I am a little squimish when It comes to blood and gore. Other than that I think It is a great story!!! Sorry that I did not finish the story!!
<3 always
Sweetheart
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Contest writes sometimes bother me...
Well written, the second such razor blade story I have read in as many days, forgot who wrote the other one.
There is such loneliness in the world it sometimes saddens me. Especially as it seems the intelligent and sensitive are more prone to those alienated feelings, as the fluffy airheads seem to bounce from day to day without concerns.
dunno...
must make you think deeply to write of such things.
amicus...
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