That’s Life? [5: Tarot]

I have problems.  A lot of them.  It’s weird because most people wouldn’t think that I have them.  I don’t like to admit it to most people.  Only a few of my best friends know; even then, no one knows the extent of it.  I guess that’s just the way the world works.  No one will ever know what I think.  All of my great thoughts will be locked away.  I’ll think they’re great because no one else knows them.  No one else can tell me the way things are.  1

I had a tarot reading today.  One of my friends had his deck, so I asked for a reading.2

“Well,” he said as he looked over the ten cards that he had down on the bench, “you’re mature.  But your friends aren’t.  They’re holding you back, and you are afraid of being alone.”  3

He was right.  Everyone is growing up.  We’re making new friends, and I don’t want to leave the people that I’ve spent so much of my life so far with.  It’s hard to think that in a little more than a year we’ll no longer be hanging out on the weekends.  We’ll have trouble staying in touch.  It will be hard accepting the fact that I won’t be seeing Him all the time.  It’s weird.  I like Him so much, but He doesn’t know.  I don’t think I want him to.4

According to the cards, I’m not ready for a relationship, and He is to commanding for me to have one.  I don’t think I want to deal with this, so I’ll just wash my hands of it.  I will let it go.  He has a girlfriend, and they’re perfect for each other.  I think they’re so perfect that I just want to go and puke.5

At least he’s happy.  I’m not, but the world doesn’t revolve around me. What is one person’s unhappiness going to do to the world?  At least the sky isn’t falling.6