Have you ever wanted something so badly, it hurts? You don’t want to think about it, but you can’t help it because it’s so damn addictive and it’s nice thinking about but then you’re talking to him and his call waiting beeps and you know it’s that girl that was trying to talk to him the other day. Then your cell phone rings, your guyfriends are trying to call, wannabe boyfriends sick of waiting for you to make up your mind of what you want and what you need and what you know you’ll never get. You realize you could have so much more, but you want this, you need to see his face, his lips are so soft, and he doesn’t realize how much he’s hurting you because you play it like everything’s ok and joke that his best friend is better than he is anyway. And then you kiss him again and the world all melts into this beautiful color that happens to be the same shade as his eyes are.1
I would give anything to be able to give it all up.2
But then the story unfolds and his friends start to tell you he’s talking about you all the time and even people you don’t know say the same thing and you start to be scared to call him and instead dial the first six digits, and the seventh dangles from your thumb, an undialed chance, an unfulfilled promise, a startled dream. 3
It’s so hard to fall when everyone’s watching. The distance seems farther for every pair of eyes.4
And then it stops being a game and starts – maybe – meaning something and then it hurts that much more when the girl walks up, slides her eyes over him like that, you feel like just flying him away to somewhere that she can’t get her paws all over him, you know that it might be a time in his life where he doesn’t exactly want to be tied down even if he does really feel something. 5
Hard part is, I can relate perfectly. 6
This subject is hurting my head and my head is hurting my heart. Or something like that.7
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow this is really good i like it a lot lots of emotion i can see how you feel its like in inside of you this is really great keep up the writing!
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this is brilliant and i loved how you wrote it. i just emphasized so much with the character. the part that particular stood out for me "you know that it might be a time in his life where he doesn’t exactly want to be tied down even if he does really feel something." you expressed those lines perfectly and i have to applaude you for being mature enough to come to that conclusion, to accept it, even if you don't understand it entirely. that is actually what happened with my ex, the feelings for there, but she just wasn't read for the commitment and you just need to move on. i loved the run on quality of the first paragraph, it reminded me of my own format when i write. the thoughts just move and shift and fall into eachother like kneeded dough. i felt your opening line was vague and extremely cliche, and wonder if you can come up with something else, although i can understand if you decide to keep it. in the first three sentences you kept using the pronoun 'it' and i almost wanted you to define what 'it' was although the general sense you have it placed at currently allows for those lines to be open to the readers' interpretation. one of my favorite lines "And then you kiss him again and the world all melts into this beautiful color that happens to be the same shade as his eyes are." ahhh...that just rocks my socks off, i love the way it just evolves into something bigger than face value. i've yet to meet a fellow writer who can create sentences the way you have in this story. if i may be so bold as to make a suggestion on one of the paragraphs, the one involving the phone call and the main character dialing the boyfriend's number. i would change number to digits because, for me, when i think of calling someone i dial individual digits that make up their number...if that makes any sense. so it would read, "instead dial the first six digits, and the seventh dangles from your thumb, undialed, it is an unfulfilled promise, a startled dream." that alone without my suggests is another favorite. i'm adding you to my favorites and look forward to future works by you. keep writing
xo Pessimistic Optimism
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I love listening to your ramblings. They are indeed quite interesting.
But then the story unfolds and his friends start to tell you he’s talking about you all the time and even people you don’t know say the same thing and you start to be scared to call him and instead dial the first six numbers, and the seventh dangles from your thumb, an undialed number, an unfulfilled promise, a startled dream.
In that paragraph, I love your lines! -
Thats great man or woman I should say?? I know exactly what you mean my head kind of hurts right now, and I just got done talkin to her boyfriend we have an understanding and I told him to take care of him. Thank you for reminding me of it all again though(thats sarcastic.)
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i can completely relate. i felt like this tonight, actually. it's kinda weird that a lot of what you just said, i was thinking maybe a half an hour or so ago.
great job
~Iz
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