Whenever I would look at you, the world appeared so bright and full of light.
But then, if I just moved my eyes a little to the side, I would see only the darkness, staring viciously back at me. I could feel the darkness wanting me, trying to pull me inside.
So I looked away, I looked back at you, and I felt fine again.
Your long black hair made me feel warm, so did your pale cheeks and your darkened lips.
Some people said I should leave you.
Some people said that what I did was wrong.
They said you belonged in the darkness.
I always corrected them, and then I would never speak to them again.
Actually, I took the ability to talk away from them. All of them.
I hurled them into the hungry darkness.
Then I kissed you.
A little of your color faded every day as you sat there.
The bloodstained knife by your side told a story.
I never cared for the story, I just cared for you.
Sometimes, you would fall of the chair.
I would laugh at you, call you silly, then help you back up again.
You always looked so sleepy, even in the middle of the day.
It made me smile. It made me warm inside.
If I could read, I think I would have read the faded note that was under the knife.
The note was white when I first met you. It soon turned yellow.
I decided not to touch it, as there was no point anyway.
In my mind, it was a love letter.
I have no way of knowing, but I hope it was.
Maybe I was in your dreams?
Maybe even long before I jumped in through the window of your abandoned house.
Long before I even saw your wrists. Those beautiful, bloody and scarred wrists.
Many times I wondered why you were so quiet.
I also wondered why you never ate...
But that was something I was able to adapt to.
I could go a long time without food.
You never had anything to drink either.
I must admit that I sometimes had some water, but I think you were fine with it.
You never yelled at me.
You were the only person who never yelled at me.
You were the light of my life!
I often pondered upon this feeling.
The feeling I got when I saw you, from the very first moment.
I bet it was love. I think it was.
I loved the way you always let me kiss you.
At every occasion. You never tried to stop me.
I didn't go any further though.
I was never able to interpret your look. It was always the same.
But it was a sweet look. That good old sleepy look.
I miss all that. I miss you!
I hate those men in blue suits! The ones in white too!
I wish I was with you again! I wish we were together again...
When they came, they lay me on the floor.
I remember that I cried when they put you in that bag.
That big black bag.
If I ever find my way out of this suit, and this room...
Then I'll find that bag, and I'll get you out of it!
Oh yes, don't you worry. I will come for you!
I think I love you.
Author notes
I almost named it 'Living Dead Girl', but figured that it perhaps gave away too much even before you'd start reading? Any thoughts for a better title than the one in use? =)
Update: Good thing I didn't call it Living Dead Girl!
I just found out that there's a song called Living Dead Girl, and I've never heard it... hehe =D
A contest entry
- Where is my mind? by McrSAVEDmyLIFE.
200 points, ended April 12, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Plot Twists by werner1221.
140 points, ended June 1, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - darkness of the mind. by dNOZ.
200 points, ended August 23, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Quickies: Shorties by tallblondie.
210 points, ended July 8, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Wow, i really liked this, but I got lost a lot! I thought it was very well written and used a lot of description. Nice job. I will be sure to check in on your page to see more of your writing soon!
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but its very good
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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this is so confusing
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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EDIT: shoot accidentally posted two of the comments.
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I think it was good. It was a little confusing and the hints of what it was about were too subtle. It didn't ever really say what she was. If she was suppose to be dead or something, the ending kinda said so. The only problem was, did she kill herself or something? So many questions in the story are left unanswered. It's great at flowing and the mental rhythm, but it has some holes in the story. Anyways, that's what I think. Keep writing!
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Yeah, she was supposed to be dead, and yes, it was suicide
Let me break down the hints for you;
Bloodstained knife by her side = The "suicide weapon"
Faded note = suicide note
Beautiful, bloody and scarred wrists = She slit them
Any more questions and I'd try my best to answer them
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yea its just I wasn't sure if she was like undead or something cuz I got the impression she was still "alive" or at least still up and moving.
also the ending was a little unclear. -
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Ahh, okey
Well, the thing was that the narrator was insane, and so you can't quite trust what you're reading
The ending implies that the narrator is taken to a mental institution in a straight jacket, and the girl is put in a bodybag and sent to be buried or something like that.
See, the narrator thinks the girl is alive, but she is really dead all along, not undead, just dead But he falls in love with her, already being a corpse, as he is very very insane
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Freeky!
Wow, you pulled me in and spun me round! I didn't even begin to see where you were going until the "I took the ability to talk away from them", and from then it was a roller-coaster straight to the end. Your verb tenses tend to wander a bit, but then would a crazy man be worried about what tense he was speaking in? Very gripping - thank you!beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Very good :)
Well I have a few things to say. I didn't know what you were getting at until halfway through, but I enjoyed it. It was deeply disturbing, but in a very entrancing way. I kept reading to see more of how your character felt. You can really sense his insanity at how he doesn't understand the situation, especially when he was arrested etc. I loved how you described this, and I was really happy I clicked on it. I can hear a distinct voice when I read this, and I think you are a talented writer.
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Amazing
I loved it because you put so much expression into it was it actually based on someone or did it just spring to mind ?
Check out my stories
I update regularry so i hope you like them and wat i write
Anyway back to your peice i liked it because you have given it so much expression and feeling i just loved it -
Wow...I love it...It's so...amazing. Mads, remind me to read the rest of your writing some other day okay? Cause if it's as good as this then it's worth my time...so..yeah remind me. I love it...again.
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wow.
gj. nicely written. with great details. gl in my contest
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Nice
I liked it alot, it's very good, lots of details. Oh, nice hitler comment. lol
~ did i ever tell you i'm jewish? oh well, i thought it was good, and the comment was hilarious, later man.
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woah!! where do you get these ideas Mads?? i wasn't expecting the ending at all. creepily beautiful story! i love it!!
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Amazing
This was very well done, so twisted yet perfectly normal. Crazy. Loved every minute. Great job. -
Wow. I mean, I felt everything, the pain, the love and joy, the sorrow. It is so well written and it actually helped me put something from my past into perspective(a friend's death), something I never thought I could ever see anyone explain as you have here, in this written work. You really captivated me.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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wow woah wow
this is very touching in a slow kind of sad almost depressing way but at the same time it is happy i love this part it helps to identify the moral and it explains the poem in truth this poem would not make sense without this part
Some people said I should leave you.
Some people said that what I did was wrong.
They said you belonged in the darkness.
I always corrected them, and then I would never speak to them again.
Actually, I took the ability to talk away from them. All of them.
I hurled them into the hungry darkness.
Then I kissed you.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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holy crap! this is freakin' twisted and it started to hit me about paragraph 3. but wow... awesome idea and the whole thing really blew mw away. its so messed up but i love it... it that a bad thing?
well i guess no worse than you thinking it up! lol but really that is such a creative idea! i dont know, i used to think some of my stuff was intellectual but my stuff just seems stupid now.
and i admire the cryptiveness coming out too. i write way too cryptive sometimes and dont know how to expose things, but this did a good job of that!
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Call me silly, slow, or stupid (hmm... all S-es
perfect for Ssssoda? ) but.. I didn't EXPECT the ending AT ALL
This was... TWISTED. I clicked the story, thinking it would be a story about love... I really thought it was an old couple, with the guy taking care of the lady since she's too.. old to do something alread (old love makes me smime ^_^)... it WAS a story about love.. only, the guy took the "til death do us part" bit too seriously
This reminded me of a documentary I watched in HBO.. this doctor fell in love with his patients (forgot the sickness, but they didn't have a cure then, unlike our time ^_^)... ANYWAY, she dies and he.. preserves her. He tied her bones together with piano strings, created fake glass eyes and placed them back in her head.... and, well... OTHER crazy stuff.
Once again.. you have amazed me ^_^
Just wonderful you're a master, Mads ^_^
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I won't call you any of those!
I'm glad I caught you by surprise
Hehe, I've always wanted to write a story about that, and then I finally did
And, woah! That is disturbing... But facinating though... I would want to see that documentary!
Hehe, thank you so much Rachel
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ohhh man i liked this a lot! dark and intriguing, you gave just enough away to keep me hanging for more. i loved that it was so sincere and true and yet completely fucked up and morbid. i would love for you add more to it, but at the same time, i think its perfect as it is. damn good write!
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O.O
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O.o -
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O.O
*cough* -
Well, that was an original comment...
Would you like to expand it or explain it further, or... no? =)
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Great story! I love all of them!
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Wow, this was incredible. Wonderfully written. You have such a wonderful talent for writing. You really do. Great job with writing this. I loved it. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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this was beautiful. i liked it a to, great job, teffific rerally. where, may i ask, did u get the inspiration?
TAylor
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This was good....I didnt know what to think of her at first. I guess I'm just slow like that.
The concept was very good, there were some sentences that didnt really mesh through out it...
I like the Living Dead Girl title, although, it DOES give away too much.
I thought she was a bit crazy too...the girl...because yeah. lol She seemed crazy to me!
Good job though, Mady-poo!!
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Wow
I was starting to guess that the girl was dead, maybe even from suicide, but that ending was great. I really like stories that have to do with a crazy person. -
Awesome
Oh, I didn't quite get it until the end...but i'm slow anyway. And yet you write another brilliant story. Tell me, where can I get such a creative mind like yours?
I love it, thank you for writing it, it helped me in a way I can't say.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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