Darkness had descended as I walked the empty sidewalk. It was quiet and even though the street lamps flared up in unison, it was still a bit foreboding. There was a full moon, a beacon of light in the vast blanket of night. While the city still bustled with nightlife, never sleeping, the suburbs, where I walked now, were already asleep.
I was headed back to my apartment, having just left the modern art gallery where I worked. It was a fitting job seeing as I was in art school mastering painting. Painting helped me release my emotions, resulting in a fairly good work of art on canvas.
I’d seen him again this evening. This time he actually came into the gallery, looking around for a minute. He caught my eye, but before I could say anything he was gone. I’d seen him quite often. A couple times a week at first, then lately every night. There he’d stand under the glare of the street lamp. He was handsome, tall and lean with fair skin. His hair was dark and tousled, his eyes were dark. I’d tried painting him a few times, but I could never quite capture the sparkle in his eyes, his angular jaw line, that teasing grin. This mysterious admirer of mine had yet to speak to me.
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I pursued her down the street, dexterously evading her detection. I’d watched her for quite some time now. I was captivated by her every movement, and stunning beauty. She’d seen me too. I knew her curiosity and fascination with me grew with every glance she gave me. I gazed at her feeling ravenous as she turned down an alleyway, a short cut I’d seen her use countless times before.
I turned down the alleyway too, dropping the stealth I’d used. I wanted her to know I was following her; I wanted her to turn around. I’d waited for too long now, I needed her.
“Why do you keep following me?” came her voice. She turned to face me. “I’ve seen you watch me, I’m not blind. If you’re so interested in me then why not say so?” she asked boldly.
Funny she should be so trusting, for all she knew I could be a mass murderer escaped from the local prison. A look at her countenance told me she wasn’t scared a bit. The young woman was drawn to me.
“Maybe I’m too shy to talk to you,” I replied, a slight grin on my face told her that was a lie.
She looked beautiful with the moonlight making her alabaster skin seem to glisten. And the way her black curls fell to her shoulders, the way those azure eyes danced in the light; I was obsessed. She looked like a work of art, far more exquisite than the art at the gallery where she worked. I hungered for her.
‘If only I could kiss her, taste her just once,’ I thought to myself.
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His voice was euphonious, such music to my ears. It was the first time I’d heard him speak. I stepped closer; we were about a foot apart now. I drank in those dark eyes. His eyes…they seemed so timeless, like he’d seen more than I could ever dream of seeing.
“Then I’ll speak first,” I decided. “I’m Selena.”
“Selena…” he repeated, the way he said it gave me as shiver of excitement down my spine.
“And you are?” I urged, wanting to put a name to that face.
“Are names that important?” he asked. Seeing the look on my face he sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell you. But how about you let me give you a kiss first?” he offered, pulling me to him with surprising strength.
I kissed him before he could. His lips were surprisingly cold but at the same time it felt like lightening was coursing through me. My mouth locked against his, I kissed him like I’d wanted to the moment I first saw him. It was perfect…so perfect.
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She clung to the back of my neck, pulling me deeper into the kiss. But I was very disappointed. This wasn’t what I had wanted at all. I let her indulge herself however. I even kissed her back, allowing her tongue to entwine with mine, even nibbling on her lower lip teasingly. And why not? I was a generous man.
‘Enough of this,’ I thought to myself. My lips moved to her ear where I whispered softly. “That wasn’t quite what I had in mind Selena. And as for my name…I am the bringer of death.”
I pulled the collar of her blouse aside and sank my teeth into her neck. She cried out in alarm, but there was no one to hear her. She struggled against me as her blood ran down her flawless skin, staining her white blouse crimson.
This was the kiss I’d longed for, for so long. A kiss that set my insides on fire, a kiss that tasted so sweet. I let her limp, lifeless body topple to the ground. Her blue eyes stared blankly up at me; leftover blood from the puncture wounds pooled on the asphalt beside her.
“Thank you for the kiss Selena,” I said mockingly, turning away and disappearing into the night.
Author notes
I hope you all liked my little twist at the end. I dropped clues about the man during the story so maybe some of you picked up on that. I'm not so sure I like my title so it may change but yeah I hope you guys enjoyed my story!
A contest entry
- Two Sides of A Kiss by denwayz.
550 points, ended April 10, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - What can your mind create? by LostShadow.
275 points, ended May 27, 2007, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Twist Endings by Vixen7.
150 points, ended March 9, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - FANTASY!!!!! (Vampire/Werewolves/Witches & More!) by McrSAVEDmyLIFE.
410 points, ended April 4, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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First off, I love the colors. They help set the tone. (Good thinking!) Switching between characters points of view is hard. I love how you slipped it in and it was all very natural and smooth. I love the playful banter between them. Very cute! I think that a rush into the immediate love is awkward. Try to slow it down, make it natural. You wouldn't just kiss some guy who was following you, would you? It seemed rushed at the end. God back and fix it, quick! It started off so well, don't rush!
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Got to admit I thought it would end like that. However it was well executed. You wouldn't believe how many of this type of story I've read and the writer just hasn't pulled it off. You did so well done. I did also enjoy the descriptions. Can't find any faults, it's just a well written short story. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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very descriptive thanks for entering i loved it.
Thanks again and good luck
Em -
It was great , very descriptive and the twist at the end was really good, enjoyed it
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WOW!
I really enjoyed this!! It was very very descriptive and the vampire was awesome!!! keep up the good work! -
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Thanks very much for your positive feedback, I enjoyed writing this story very much.
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Of course, all comments are strictly IMO...
This story certainly had a bite to it . The sense of threat is there from the beginning (rapist, vampire both crossed my mind). You also achieve the vampire style -- "the street lamps flared up in unison" was a phrase I especially liked. "Euphonious" is an example of using an arcane word that works in the style.
The problem with the vampire style, however, is that many of the the figures of speech are so well-used ("alabaster skin"), that you can skate close to parody without meaning to (or maybe you do intend to given the quip about "a generous man"). As a reader, this means that I am left unsure if overused phrases are stale writing or aimed at being funny.
You definitely met the competition requirement to describe two sides of a kiss - so congratulations on that. The human/vampire interface is always fascinating, and bringing the human kiss into it is cool.
Some parallel universe ideas (for other stories, maybe) spurred by your mix of humor and horror.
* I wonder if you could have added to the twist if Selena had been the vampire! The one who looks innocent turns out to the killer, and vice versa - he pursues her, and then she kills him (spiderish).
* The disappointment at the real kiss is very nicely done -- but that also made me wonder how funny it might have been if the vampire kiss had been the disappointing one.
* What if the vampire just didn't succeed in killing the victim, if she experienced him at the level of an inexperienced lover ("Ew - Why are you biting me?"), or even as the equivalent of a mosquito?
* What if they have incompatible blood types and he goes into toxic shock at the first bite..?
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thanks!
First of all thank you for the Honorable Mention, I enjoyed entering your contest and writing this piece. Thanks also for your advice. I also really like your ideas at the end of your comment, some of them I hadn't even considered. Like if Selena was actually a vampire as well, that would have been cool especially since I'd already described her with fair skin and stuff. I also like the toxic shock idea, it would have added some morbid humor to it^^
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FAB-U-LOUS
i love it...soooo much!!! you are splendid writer and you know how i like vampires!! *kisses* i love it...the romance was awesome..i love it -
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Gracias MistressV *teehee* And yes I DO know you love them vampires^^
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LESTAT =
*claps* SPLENDID description of the setting in the beginning, dear...Marvelous! Oooh, and I love the idea of the art gallery--what a romantic career, and definitely in line with this story!
Edits!:
"Captivated by her every movement, and stunning beauty." and "Dropping the stealth I’d used." are fragements. As Microsof Word would say, "consider revising". lol
"...asked boldly. /
She approached me bravely." -- here, I think you should just delete the sentence "she approached me bravely", because her courage was already stated. Plus it makes those two paragraphs totally flow together seamlessly.
More comments:
"This wasn’t what I had wanted at all. I let her indulge herself however. I even kissed her back, allowing her tongue to entwine with mine, even nibbling on her lower lip teasingly. And why not? I was a generous man." -- XDD!! Ahaha, that's hilarious! He reminds me of Lestat...IS he Lestat? Both of them have that similar sarcasm...
AND I think it's good that you had him kiss her first (and be disappointed!) instead of going straight for the kill...because that's usually what all stories seem to do. It makes him seem like he's not totally in control and that the woman isn't totally being pulled into his trap...It's more realistc the way you did this.
And woo for his sarcasm at the end! Good luck in the contest!!!
~ [eRi]ca ~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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