The Odd Predicament of Mr. Michael Harris

Hello.

My name is Michael Harris, and I suppose that the first thing I should mention to you is my rather odd predicament. Don’t ask why I should mention that first. That will probably be explained. You see, I can not-

I like lady bugs. Lady Bugs are red and black. In England, they call Lady Bugs “lady birds”. Why is that? I think the first letters in the words “Lady Bug” should be capitalized. I like those words. I like Lady Bugs. I don’t think “lady birds” should be capitalized. Lady Bugs are not birds. Lady Bugs-

I apologize. What was I talking about? My name is Michael Harris. Did I already tell you that? I am sorry if I did. You see, I am entrapped within a rather odd predicament. I am completely unable to concentrate on anything for too long. If I attempt to-

Here are some words I like:

Speckle.

Twinkle.

Leather.

Citrus.

Mahogany.

Lacerate.

Carnal.

Mutil-

Concentration.

I was talking about concentration, wasn’t I? Was I?

I can’t concentrate for too long. More than twenty seconds is usually too much, but I’m told I’ve been able to sustain thoughts for longer on certain occasions.

I don’t know why. I wish I did, but I don’t.

The whale shark is the largest shark known to man. Not surprisingly, it is close to the size of a whale. I’ve never ridden one, but I’m told that it’s very exciting. And don’t we all enjoy excitement? There are many unorthodox ways-

Uh… We’ve been introduced, have we?

You look familiar….

Well, now that we’ve been introduced, I imagine I should mention why I have introduced you. They put this piece of paper in front of me, and they want me to read it. I don’t know why I’m here. Or what it says. But I’m sure you’ve all figured that out. I’m not exac-

New York state has the purest water supply in America. This is because of the massive cleaning project it underwent in 1966, which resulted in the purification of the Hudson river and a huge recycling and anti-crime campaign. The price of bottled water is very low in New York City.

But anyway… Uh. The piece of paper? They want me to read it? I say: “Your honor, we’ve been here for three hours... I think. But the point is, we have better things to do. There’s a murder to be solved here, sir!” He gives me this look like a confused dog. I used to have a dog, I think.

Prairie dogs are a growing problem in the Midwest. They’re considered a nuisance by local farmers, and are often killed for fun and profit, along with other large mammals. I’ve never seen or killed a prairie dog. However, I do support-

How odd.

“…What do you mean, I’m not the lawyer?” I’ve been a lawyer for years. Admittedly, the last week or so has been a little fuzzy in my memory, but I don’t think I could have screwed up my job THAT quickly. The shortest job I ever had was McDonalds, where I spent three weeks putting ketchup on the burgers. I got ketchup all over the place!

Here are some numbers I like:

4

782,436

7

1

0

Infinity

-15

1121123211234321234543211234556543211234567876543218878876788765678876545678876543456788765432345678876543212345678

11

“I’m the defendant? Why am-”

In Western civilization, the color black is a symbol of evil and darkness, while white symbolizes innocence and purity. But in China, white symbolizes only death. Pure, innocent death.

“Ok, ok!” They want me to read a piece of paper. Isn’t that odd? Here is what it says, which is also what I say out loud:

“At five fifty three on the fifth of August, Michael Harris returned to his home in Sheldon.” Well, they’re right about that. I do have a house in Sheldon.

“He had been under a lot of stress from his job, recently, and was probably growing frustrated by the cost of his children’s private school.” Wait… I remember…. The-

The Egyptians are well renowned for their contributions to culture and academia. They created most of modern mathematics, artistic styles, and are credited with the invention of pasteurization. Living in small groups, many Egyptians often unfortunately found their talents put to no use due to-

Wait.

No. This is-

Contrary to popular belief, there is only one species of bird, the Common Avian. It often camouflages itself in order to appear unafraid or contented with its surroundings, but-

“Mr. Harris! Would you please continue reading!”

I am looking down at the paper in front of me. It's making sense. I remember what I have just read. How... Curious.

“Settling in for the night, Michael probably watched television for a few hours, while ingesting massive and unhealthy amounts of alcohol. He had a history of depress-”

Olfactory comes from the root words “oil factory”, a factory which produces oil. Oil does not smell good. Hence “olfactory”, which refers to smell. Oil can also be used-

“MR. HARRIS!!!”

The tall man in the blue suit stands over me, his red cheeks glowing with anger. I’d like to continue reading… But something is wrong. Very wrong. Or familiar. Or both.

“A history of depression. Finally, intoxicated and sad, Mr. Harris looked around him at the pigsty his house had become. A few feet away, his wife accidentally dropped a vase.”

Crash.

I remember that. I remember that noise. I remember that-

The arctic mosquito is in danger of being wiped out. It has been ruthlessly-

Wait, no. I can’t lose this. I have to-

John Wilkes Booth was known for assassinating Abraham Lincoln, and ruining the lives of-

Concentrate. I have to concentrate. Back to-

Benedict-

No!

I will finish this.

“He snapped. Michael picked up a shard of glass, and-”

Oh God. I remember.

I remember the glass, the screams, the blood, and the panic.

And I remember the children.

Oh God.

The children.

I sit back in my chair. Tears run down my face. Is this what I’ve become? There are some things our minds just can’t bear to consider, or to remember. Some things we just can’t accept. Every time I get too close to the truth, every time I come too close to remembering what I’ve done… My mind diverts me. I can’t take it. I’m just not strong enough. I put the piece of paper down, and the jury stares at me wide-eyed. I know I will lose concentration soon, and this will be for nothing. But God knows. I have admitted my sins, and now I will-

There are literally hundreds of constellations in the night sky. Named mostly by the Greeks, they represent the heroes and stories of that time period. Stories that tell of good and evil, of justice and sacrifice, of treachery and mur-

How odd. Now the tall man is taking the piece of paper away. His face is heavy, like bricks or mud. I wish I could have finished it. I wish I knew why my face was so wet.

I like lady bugs. Lady Bugs are red and black. In England, they call Lady Bugs “lady birds”. Why is that? I think the first letters in the words “Lady Bug” should be capitalized. I like those words. I like Lady Bugs. I don’t think “lady birds” should be capitalized. Lady Bugs are not birds. Lady Bugs-

I apologize. What was I talking about?

Author notes

Fix made to an awkward line thanks to "blueone". Appreciate that.

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

A contest entry

This is a playoff on another, crappier story I wrote. This is the improved version. The old one is still up at http://storywrite.com/story/by/Xineph, titled "Over and Over".

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Reaver Greeters member
    January 14

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    I'm sorry. You went over the word limit for the contest. I will read this story after some time, but can't offer a place. Thanks for entering. R.


  • ladynigritude
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Lacerate.

    Carnal.

    Mutil-

    Concentration." - Niiiiice.


    "And don’t we all enjoy excitement? There are many unorthodox ways-" - Ooh, please, do go on, Mr. Harris! Just kidding...

    "1121123211234321234543211234556543211234567876543218878876788765678876545678876543456788765432345678876543212345678" - I bet you had fun typing that out.


    Ah, wonderful!! I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and having Mr. Harris repeat himself all over again was a perfect ending. I'm also quite pleased that you didn't go into all of the gory details about what happened to either Mrs. Harris and/or the kids, but instead implied what happened and left it at that. I loved Mr. Harris's character and I loved his inner battle with himself... This story was most excellent! It will do well in my contest, I think. Thanks for entering!

  • cayuck
    August 7, 2007

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    Hilarious story. Great idea and character. I liked the quick writing style too and short paragraphs. genuinely entertaining. I won't forget about this one. Very well done piece.


  • Bitter Irony
    July 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    First off, thanks for writing the haiku. :-) Actually, I was hoping you could find the titles of the magazines that might possibly publish this story, but no matter. I see it's not really as "slipstream" as I first thought.

    Anyway, on to the review. I'm feeling a little like Mr. Michael Harris at the moment, so please excuse me if I ramble.

    First off, either cut the initial "hello" or move it down to join the paragraph that begins "my name is...". I personally lean towards cutting it altogether, but of course it's your choice.

    Also, be careful of "--" at the end of paragraphs. I understand why you use them, but it gets sort of painful to read after the first five paragraphs that end that way. Use periods wherever it's even remotely possible, then use dashes for the rest.

    I love the way Michael's random facts start out true and grow steadily more rediculous. I also like the repeat of "I like ladybugs" at the end, however, I suggest you don't use exactly the same paragraph as the opening one. Change it a little--not much, but enough that we see the change.

    For the most part, this story absolutely mastered the "show, don't tell" principle. However, watch out in the paragraph that begins "I sit back...", as it seems like you're hastily trying to explain what the reader has already figured out for him/herself.

    I hate to repeat what other readers have said, but the only word I can find to adequately sum up this story is "unique." Excellent authorial tone, as well. I was iffy at first (most stories that start with a random interjection such as "I like...ladybugs, strawberries, long walks on the beach" don't do it for me), but you really pulled this off well.

    My verdict: publishable. But I think you already knew that. The only question is, where would you publish it? I suggest doing a little research into slipstream, experimental, or similar genre magazines to see how you would go about getting this story in print.

    Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!

    ~Bitter Irony

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.

  • Bitter Irony
    July 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, thanks for entering the contest, but...I asked all entrants to do something to prove they'd read the rules, and it hasn't been done for this story. Please reread the guidelines and see what you've missed, then reenter this story. Thanks!


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    July 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very intersting and unique story. Even though it is from a mind speaking in circles, it keeps the attention. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Delfishie
    July 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Notes:

    "He gives me this look like a confused dog." - This sentence doesn't seem to fit very well. It reads like the author narrating it, rather than something the main character would naturally say.

    The really long number in your list kinda stretches out the page, so in order to read it I have to constantly move the bar back and forth, back and forth. Is it possible for you to cut the number down?

    Other than that, I didn't notice any errors.

    I think as a matter of preference, I liked the first version of this better (probably because I was expecting the ending this time, whereas in the first version the ending was quite a shock).

    I like how his random facts started out as plausible at the beginning, but then got more and more absurd as the story continued. ...Except for the Abraham Lincoln one. Didn't JWB ACTUALLY kill old Abe? So why would you post two obviously made-up facts and then a third actual one?

    Still, great job with this, as with all your stories. I did enjoy reading it (even if I was interrupted with 1093428039482098234 AIM messages while I was trying to read. Darn the fact that my friends insist on talking to me! *grins*)

    Au revoir!


  • Barbara Moderators member
    July 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    In the SW presents contest, one of the rules is "Stick with light backgrounds like white, beige, or pastel colors and dark font so that most people can read them without going blind"

    A very interesting and extremely oddly unique story.


  • eyeambaldman
    June 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was well done, Xineph. I actually prefer this to your story about the serial killer, The Man Who Never Smiled. This was crafted quite well and left just enough to imagination without having to spoonfeed the reader. Nice work, brother!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    June 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!! Well I't not sure what to say. A very interesting and unique story. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    ~*Brooke*~☺


  • RedTalon
    June 26, 2007

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    Interesting

    The way you wrote this was just so...unique, and, believe me, that's a compliment. I really liked the part when you went into the words that the character liked. I think it told a lot about the character. Good job. Good luck.


  • Saej silver member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That was interesting. Very interesting, though I think you could've done a much better job with it... that's just my opinion though. Good job, and good luck in the contest.


  • Princess Peaches
    June 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I Love It

    I especially like the Lady Bug part because I Like Lady Bugs TOO! It left me wonder what happened to the children...hmmm...lol...anyways

    Keep Writting

    <3 Princess Peaches


  • Kevan gold member
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Oh wow

    I really like this... it's definitely one of the most unique stories I've read. There's a lot of comedy which pops up with all there random things he tells us, yet at the same time, it's really sad that he can't concentrate on the truth. I really like the way this is written though, and I'm so glad you've entered it in my contest. Good luck and keep it up!
    ~Kevan!~
    Oh, and P.S. .. I'm bookmarking this one

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • blueone
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great story.

    Hi. I loved your story. I have just one suggestion (if you ever revise it). There's one line in the middle where the tone changes abruptly: "Startled, I look down at the piece of paper in front of me. Luckily, it’s fresh enough in my memory that I know what I’ve already read." This sounds like the words of someone who's got more perspective on events than your character does... do you know what I mean? It might be smoother to have him say something like, " I am looking down at the paper in front of me. It's making sense. I remember what I just read." Do you know what I mean? I hope I am not being confusing here. Thanks for listening. It really is a wonderful story.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • Xineph
      May 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      You're absolutely right.
      I'm going to fix that, and credit you in the author's notes.


  • McrSAVEDmyLIFE
    April 17, 2007
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    This was really good I could feel the tension and the emotions. I mean, I really liked it. I just wish it hadn't ended!


  • nichtmich
    April 17, 2007

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    Wierd

    Not sure what to say, I thought he was schizo or internal head trauma at first, they play word games but they're not that coherent and there's is usually a vague connection. It's a sort of amnesia and his mind keeps blocking out a horror that he doesn't want to remember? Most amnesiacs are calm and sedate aren't they? As long as they're not threatened. I want to understand the psychological profile of the character, but I'm stumped

    • Xineph
      April 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      The disease I've given Michael is fictional, but certainly not impossible. It's based on a premise that I'm interested in: That our minds choose how we perceive, and what it is we remember.

      The man in this story has committed an act so appalling and terrible that his mind simply can not process it. His subconscious blocks it out, and diverts his train of thought every time he gets even remotely close to the truth.

      That's what I was going for.


  • kenddrraaa
    April 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    least*

  • kenddrraaa
    April 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is something i have never come across before, for sure. It's very very interesting. It was hilarious how much he changed subjects. I don't really have anything to correct, because I dont see anything wrong. Good job, thanks for entering, and last but not lease, GOOD LUCK!


  • Vietbabe909
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    interesting...

    i like it, it was funny...at first, you sound like my brother when he talks about his inspiritational stuff, which i care less like usual. anyways...as the story go on...i figured that are you crazy or what? you keep repeating and stuff which was funny. it was great and entertaining to me. thanks for entering my contest!

  • hunklariska
    April 9, 2007
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    Nice job - I'm not good at the constructive criticism thing, so I won't bother trying. All I'll say is 'nice title'.

    nice title


    • Xineph
      April 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Uh... Thanks. Could you just tell me what you didn't like about it, then?

      • hunklariska
        April 9, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        no no no... I actually quite liked it. However, I'm not sure why I did. So, the only thing I can put my finger on is the title. :S


  • pathetic
    April 5, 2007
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    Wooowww.....

    This was coooll!!!
    So inventive and interesting, had me going the whole way

    Good jobby

    Lady M.


  • On.Cue
    March 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ROFLMFAO!! Considering that I don't have a wide attention span, I liked this piece =) It was very random and humorous up to the point where he begins to talk about something rather serious. Great contrasts in there and i love how you broke up the seriousness with humor yet making the readers want to go on and read more. Great job deary

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