It was a dark and stormy night. This was very unusual weather for the middle of summer even for London. The storm had been going on for three weeks, the rain was piled so high in the streets that you could swim up to Big Ben and slap him in the face.
People, the people of London, were stranded knee deep in water as their houses and buildings were submerged two feet below the cascading water. The storm was very deceitful. It seemed to play a game of cat and mouse with the people. Then all of the sudden the storm grew bored of its audience and let out a huge roar of thunder. The people of London screamed as the fist of the storm touched the water and then there was only silence.
This silence was short lived as the roar of airplane engines filled the night. The storm found this quite amusing for it struck every one of those planes down with the brute force of it's ice cold frozen tears. Then again there was only silence.
This time the silence would only be broken by the sound of receding water; until the water-damaged buildings and the soggy cadavers lay tossed upon the sopping-wet ground.
Then this very eerie feeling swept across the grave yard that was now London. The storm seemed to cower away from this death stricken town as if something worse was on it's way, but what could be worse than a storm that just killed the entire population of London?
Before this question could be pondered an earthshaking sound erupted into the night. There were no planes in sight, not a bird and not a fly. Not even a bomb in the blackened sky.
This sound was not made by man and was not part of the imagination. This sound was not made by Earth. Then what had caused it? What was the identity of this shrilling-ear-piercing noise?
The answer lies with the sky; what with your naked eye could you tell was missing? Where be the moon you loon? I guess I'll have to point it out to you. Look at Big Ben; what is wrong with him?
The moon was now visible to my eyes; moving in front of Big Ben it lies. The moon to my horror and surprise was crashing into the Earth before my eyes. The last thing I could see was the crashing of the moon at Big Ben's feet.
Finally as plain as I could see London was beneath me. After all this time of just sitting up there I got tired of seeing Big Ben's glare. Lighting the streets of London better than me I had to do something.
So I made my move and now I'm in Big Ben's seat, but what was strange to me was the sight in my light's reach. Who had killed the population of London because it certainly wasn't me? What was I proving with no one to watch me?
Since I was bored I decided to show myself to the Ifel tower and see how bright he would shine after I was through with him. I thought to myself when I was half way there; what is this strange feeling in the air? Oh no it can't be, my ex-wife Storm is chasing after me?
Heya hun, yikes; watch where you're joltin' . Right perhaps I should start bolting while I still have room to escape. Retreat!
Author notes
This was spell checked and grammared by my sister Night-Rink. PICTURE:http://static.flickr.com/122/311294059_4a37c046b2_o.jpg
A contest entry
- Options by Pray For Me.
170 points, ended March 31, 2007, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me What you Want by Mel-the-Believer.
135 points, ended April 5, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Flash In The Pan! by Chemical Imbalance.
350 points, ended March 31, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Shorts by Delfishie.
175 points, ended April 7, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something good to read by illegalfairy.
600 points, ended April 12, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - After the End by roars-in-public.
388 points, ended July 6, 2007, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - An Interest in Fantasy by GuitarShank.
225 points, ended October 10, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"Then this very eerie feeling swept across the grave yard that was now London." Would be better as "Then this very eerie feeling swept across the grave yard that was once London." <- I changed it to this because it was London before. Your original sentence implies that a graveyard became London.
It's not the "Ifel" Tower, it's the "Eiffel" Tower
I like how this story kind of flipped itself onto a humorous slant. It was written fairly well too, though the transition from third to first person was a little bit off.
Good write, and good luck -
cool
this was good. i liked the descriptons. I especially liked the part where the storm grew bored of the people. This was very interesting thank you for entering the contest -
oh!
And I see you already won a trophy for this one. Congratulations! I was gonna enter that one, but I was too damn lazy to write anything for it.
Glad your effort was rewarded! -
Hah!
Dude, my short-short contest ROCKS! This is the SECOND entry ever to be something I randomly reviewed already previous to starting the contest.
Hehehe.
So, um, I'll stick by my original comments (unless this is your second draft?).
Good luck in the contest! -
This is a very interesting story. You have nice description and imagery. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!
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AWESOME!
I liked the descriptions a lot. It really helped me picture everything.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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You've a few skipped tenses but otherwise it's not a bad story. The description is interesting. Some of your paragraphing could be put togethe but on the whole it's not bad.
good luck in the contest. -
hmmmmm
Interesting story. You use metaphores really well, which helps the story immensely. I also enjoyed the what-the-fuck-ishness of it all, what with the personified storm and the flooding. Great job with that.
Two grammar nitpicks:
1. " The storm was very deceitful it seemed to play a game of cat and mouse with the people." - This should be two sentences, with a period between 'deceitful' and 'it'.
2. The possessive form of 'it' is 'its.' I know that doesn't follow the usual grammar rule, but this is how it's done with the pronoun 'it'. Every time you write 'it's', substitute in your mind 'it is' and see if the sentence still works.
An example: "grew bored of it's audience" is actually "grew bored of its audience" because it doesn't make any sense with 'it is' inserted into the middle of it.
Oh! One last nitpick - I didn't like the rhyming at the end. It jarred me out of the story and kinda messed up the flow.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this and I like the original interpretation of 'the end of the world.' Death by FLOOD! It's all biblical and precedented, and with Global Warming continuing unabated, this just might be an accurate prediction of what london will look like in another 200 years. ...Minus the moon part, of course. -
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hmmm
ok i'll fix the grammar but what does the word rhyme mean? i can only rewrite that part of the story if i know what it means.
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I really like the imaging in this story. Very imaginative.
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I enjoyed reading this. Good job with it. Thank you for entering the contest. Good luck. God Bless!
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Very well written story.
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Haha the way you opened this, a dark and stormy night, it reminded me of when Snoopy did that.
This is a very well written piece, even though it is brief. Great work!
xoxo
Kelsey
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