I sipped the whiskey.
Then I reread the front page of the morning-paper.
Yeah, it was true. He had claimed another victim.
A seventeen year old girl this time.
She had been shot in the head, and then her apartment was burned down.
His usual routine.
I threw the paper to the floor and threw the bottle of whiskey into the wall.
The bottle broke into thousand pieces, and they were hurled back at me.
I sneered and got up from my seat. I had to open the window, I needed air.
Then, suddenly, someone knocked at the door to my office.
I turned around, and saw a dark shadow behind the glass of the door.
"It's closed" I shouted.
"I'm not taking anymore clients for now" I continued.
I'd probably never go back to new clients. Not after this one.
At least, that's what I kept saying to myself.
"But I'm already a client, Mr.Baker" said the shadow from the hallway.
I instantly recognized the voice, and almost slipped on the broken glass at the floor as I ran to the door.
When I opened the door, a gun was forced into my mouth.
The man with the gun pushed me back into my office, and shut the door behind us.
He removed the gun from my mouth, and put it against my head.
"Sit down" he said.
I walked over to my desk, and sat down at my usual seat.
He sat himself down at the opposite side of the desk. The gun was still pointing at me.
The man was smiling a solemn smile. His face was ragged and scarred, but he was young.
He was wearing a long brown coat, and his hands were covered by leather gloves.
"Do you recognize me?" He asked. I think it was most obvious that I did.
His voice had changed since the first time I met him.
The second time I met him was only a few weeks ago, and his new voice was all I heard then.
He called me on a hot summer day, and asked me to check up on a girl.
He said he thought he had injured her. So I went to check it out.
Usually, people don't come to me with stuff like that. But I felt I had to check on it.
I found her dead. She had been shot, and her house was set on fire.
The next day, he mailed me an address. Once again, I found a new victim of his crimes.
Over the next few weeks, he was known in the whole country as the new 'big' serial killer.
I had no idea of his identity, until he busted into my office.
His face had been scarred since our last meeting, and his voice had changed.
But I still recognized him.
The first time I had met him, was a long time ago.
I was younger then. Just graduated from college.
It was a dark night, and I was running away from some punks.
The punks had attacked me, and tried to steal my money. I had managed to run, but they were closing in on me.
I reached a parking-lot, and hid myself behind a big van.
The punks were shouting for me, and one of them had pulled a knife.
I also had a small knife in my pocket. One I had just bought for my next camping-trip.
But I was way too scared to use it. Even too scared to think about it.
Suddenly, a man joined me, hiding behind the van.
His head was turned away from me, and I couldn't see his face. I didn't think he saw me at first.
He was wearing a brown coat and black leather-gloves.
Suddenly he turned towards me and grabbed the knife from my pocket.
In the little moment he was turned against me, I got a good look at his face.
If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was my twin.
He looked exactly like me.
I stood there watching as he snuck behind the punks, and killed them all with swift and powerful strikes from the knife.
Before I could react in any way, he was gone. Vanished.
Now he was here again. Or, perhaps, not he... me.
Suddenly he started clapping.
"I wanted you to stop me, and you just did" He said, and smiled at me.
He leaned close to me, and looked at the wall by my side. His gun was still held against my head.
"Look!" He said, and pointed towards the mirror at the wall.
I looked. I expected to see two faces against each-other. And a hand, holding a gun.
I only saw me. And I was holding a gun to my own head.
Suddenly, I heard more knocking at my door. I looked towards it. The 'other me' was gone.
"Police, let us in!" I heard.
That's when I decided to stop it.
I pulled the trigger.
Author notes
Originally inspired by the song 'Another stranger me' by Blind Guardian...
Strayed looong from the original idea though =P
A contest entry
- Murder Stories by Mel-the-Believer.
135 points, ended April 11, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 2 Minute Murder Mysteries! by Me and Lyndon.
118 points, ended April 17, 2007, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Murder Investigation - over 100 big ones for the winner by otnemem.
145 points, ended May 25, 2007, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I put the laughter in manslaughter by Trillian.
450 points, ended September 18, 2007, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Twist Endings by Vixen7.
150 points, ended March 9, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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wow! amazing story!
i have to say, i love these kind of psychological freak stories.
good luck on your contest
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Good story which is well written, good twist I like the execution. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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as a prewrite i can understand why this is very far from the description i gave, although loose i think its clear i wanted an investigation, and something a little longer, and well you get the idea, im not saying its not good, its just not right.
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hm, this was very good and I like the imagery because it helped me understand the story a bit better.
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I like Blind Guardian! Very cool imagery in this piece. You continue to impress.
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waaa! i absolutely love this! the ending's great...... sorry, i really can't think of anything to make it better. keep on writing!!
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good
thats a really good story. it wasnt quite a mystery, but it was a good story. good luck! -
Ahhhh
This is good, very skillful twist at the end. I wasn't expecting that at all. I was kind of wondering about some of your apparent contradictions, 'he sat in his usual seat' (like, how many seats does a desk have?) and recognizing his voice immediately and then saying his voice had changed. You played me and I didn't even know it. Good work, well penned. Best wishes in the contest, this is 24KT material
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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This was a very interesting story. I defenitely enjoyed reading it. I thought you wrote it well. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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Great writing!
Yes it does beg for more development, but that would likely take it out of the Short Story genre. For the brief length of it, you've done a phenomenal job here. The storyline, character development, and execution are flawless. The only thing in the whole piece I can find to correct is the word snook. It should be snuck or sneaked according to Webster's. Awesome work, I want to read more!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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i think it ended way to fast, but i loved the idea and the way you wrote it
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wow this is an amazing story. i really wish there was more to it. i think you should contuinue it. you could make this the prolouge, like how in romeo and juliet shakespear tells you that they're going to kill themselves. this has real potential and i would truly enjoy reading more of this story.
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Great job. I love murder stories, and mysteries. I do wish to read more of your work. Are you planning on making a book of it. You have the talent to do so. I love your dialog also. I do wish you all the luck in the world.
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That was awesome!
I loved the lenghth. I get bored if the stories are too long.
Excellent piece!
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This would have been better if it was stretched out but i do love it....geez you are way better than i thought i was....wait does that make sense???
it was great..ur a good writer in fact you should put all your works together and publish them. I bet one will be a movie!!!
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AND you have written again
*claps*
So glad I refreshed
Wah... haha, this is your second psychology-related work, right? (THe MIrror story was the other, I think? ^_^). Now.. I have a sick fascination with serial killers. I initially read about Ted Bundy when I was much younger, and... sorry if it sounds sick but he really interested me. In a way, I want to know why he did those things, how his mind ticked...
I also read a bit about The Zodiac - and when I watched 300, I saw the trailer of the movie. THIS piece gave the same feeling I felt when I saw that trailer ^_^ excellent chill factor, IMHO I WILL watch that movie 
and this, IF this were a movie
I originally thought he was the detective investigating the case the twist literally took my breathe away wow!!! Mads, I am amazed, AGAIN..
OMG, have you watched Secret Window? (It has Johnny Depp! ^_^) the ending of this story reminded me so much of that moviex.x
And one thing:
he snook behind the punks
snook ->snuck?
THanks for sharing this ^_^
I greatly enjoyed
(If I sound braindead, I probably am.. my sister's still talking about wigs... ugh...)
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Hehe, you're right, this was my second, after Mirror Mirror
And you don't sound sick at all! (Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm exactly the same! Seriously!)
I've got the same sick facination
Hehe, I'm glad you liked the piece
And yes, I actually thought of Secret Window several times while writing this
(I love that movie!)
And, of course, it's snuck
Gotta be
I'll edit straight away, thanks
Hehe, you doesn't sound brainded at all honey Thanks for reading, commenting and liking it! -
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Oops.. the rate thingee ate your smileys again x.x sorry!
Yay, haha, I sound like a stalker since I know your other stuff
and haha, fascinated with these I wish I could write gore though x.x or something psychologically scary
Like it? I love this piece ^_^
thank YOU for writing this
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This reminds me of a story on one of those police tv shows, in this one the cop on the case had killed a girl when he was asleep. Nice but a little short.
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