Small arms fire could be heard along the streets. This was nothing new to Private First Class Gregory Grayson, but lately he was having panic attacks. He could hardly stand his duty at his post at the check point near the embassy. He had a premonition that his death was near and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't shake it. Frankly, he was scared shitless.1
Sgt. Peterson was his squad leader, but he seemed to have no fear. They had both been in Iraq for more than a year. Gregory was about to get promoted to corporal, but this was meaningless to him. He just wanted out of Iraq before he was killed. The pressure he felt inside was almost unbearable.2
"Sergeant, I'm scared," began Grayson nervously.3
"We're all frightened, Greg," said Peterson. Usually the sergeant would have addressed Gregory by his last name, but he could see that Grayson was very upset.4
"Sarge, I am so afraid I can barely function. I don't think I can stand it anymore. I just know I am going to die."5
"Realistically, your chances of being killed are about 2 in a 100. It is definitely dangerous here, but the odds greatly favor survival."6
"Yes, and somebody has to be one of the two," said Gregory.7
"Just bear with it, your tour should end before much longer," said Peterson compassionately.8
"Sergeant, I know I'm going to die."9
"Damn it! Grayson. Snap out of it!"10
There was an explosion in the distance and neither of them seemed to care. They focused instead on the vehicles and pedestrians going through the checkpoint. It was near lunch time and the busy part of the day. The temperature was already close to 100F. The small arms fire continued.11
In the distance a teen was approaching with a rifle. As he neared, Grayson took aim and prepared to shoot. The boy raised his rifle as though to fire. Grayson fired and the child fell to the ground, dead. Realizing that the kid might have been a decoy, the soldiers at the checkpoint prepared for an attack and called for assistance.12
Suddenly Sergeant Peterson fell to the ground clutching his neck. Grayson shouted, "Sniper!" 13
Grayson pulled Peterson out of the open and looked for the sniper. Reinforcements came up. Medics lifted Peterson onto a stretcher and carried him away.14
The next day Grayson just couldn't do it. He couldn't make himself go to his post. He refused to obey a direct order. The Officer of the Day had him taken to the stockade. He curled up in a ball with his arms wrapped around his legs and rocked sitting on the floor. Finally after two days of not eating or drinking, they took him to the infirmary. He was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. He was sent home where he was put on medication and basically left on his own with his family. He received little or no out-patient treatment, but he did not die in Iraq. His congressman was working to arrange better treatment through the Veterans Administration.15
Author notes
Option 2.
Fiction, Iraq, Sad, War - Option 3
In a list
A contest entry
- Make me sad by Reaver.
170 points, ended May 28, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Frustrations, anxiety, death, depression.. by RedHearts.
330 points, ended June 30, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Contest by His.Golden.Eyes.
160 points, ended July 9, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want scary/freaky/ghost stories/ Geeez Just enter! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
100 points, ended October 11, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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This was good and very sad and moving. I enjoyed this. Thanks for entering and best of luck!
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Make Me Cry (Contest Comment)
First off, I love the name Gregory Grayson. It rolls off the tongue, like the name of a soap opera star or something
Brownie points for that. It was a really good story, filled with fear and stress and sorrow. Great write, and good luck in my contest!
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Howdy again!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm quite pleased that you like Gregory Grayson and his story
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I hope you have much fun and many good entries.
Andy
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Hey again andy
I liked this story too! It was very good
Oh and thank you for your help with my family issues
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Hi Clary!
I'm glad you like this story. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. It's appreciated.
May you enjoy your contest and have many fine entries.
Andy
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In my contest, I said no swearing,so next time read the rules. I like the story though, good job.
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Hi Volleym!
Sorry
! I didn't remember any swearing in the story.
You know, Jesus swore. He called the money changers at the temple, "Vipers!!".
I'm glad you like this story.
Have fun with your contest.
Andy
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This was good. thank you for entering.
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Hi!
It appears I never replied to this comment. Thanks for hosting the contest and for reading and commenting. I hope you had a good contest.
Andy
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I liked it, but the last paragraph confused me a little. Keep writing.
Thanks for entering, and goodluck! >smiles<
-Carina -
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Hi Carina!
Thanks again for hosting.
The last paragraph could have a lot more added to it. It sort of sums everything up. This was written for a contest with a 500 word limit, so I didn't go into as much detail as I might have.
Andy
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This was good..it kinda felt familiar, maybe 'coz I watch too many movies. Good description!
Thanks for entering!!!!!
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Thanks
Although this is not about a particular incident, I'm certain that similar things have occurred. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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this was good, but could you tell me what option it was in? I forgot to ask that in the rules >.< *will add it after commenting*
Although this was nicely written, you could have done alot better with descriptions, in my opinion- you said what the soldiers feelings were, but I couldn't really FEEL it. Try describing more in the story, and not only will it get longer, but people will be more greatly effected by it, which is a writer's goal, to effect the readers. I felt luike I was watching it, but not like it was actually happening to me.
Good job ^-^
♥ Lawliet ♥
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I put the option in the author's notes. I felt that it fit option 3.
Initially the story was written for a contest that limited it to 500 words. I suppose I could rewrite it and expand on it.
Andy
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Generally you just garble it, instead of Sergeant its, "Sar'nt."
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You know its funny, I've been in the Army close to two years now and I have yet to hear anyone call a Sergeant "Sarge". Maybe its an infantry thing.
Other than that its a good story. -
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Hmm.
What are sergeants usually called? In the Coast Guard, we called Chiefs, Chief
. I'm glad you like this story. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Andy
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Loved it!
This was sad. It's very true for many, and it made me think. Very well articulated with wonderful flow and descriptions! Loved it! Durian -
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Thanks Durian
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I'm glad that this was the sort of story you were looking for. I'm very pleased that you like it.
Andy
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Wow I love war stories like this..you have done aweseome. I hope that you write more like this one. The best of luck to you in the contest.
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Thanks, AmunKama
I'm glad that you like this story. Thanks for hosting, reading and commenting. I have written three war stories so far. I hope you have fun and many good entries.
Andy
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I knew, from the first two paragraphs, who was going to 'get it'... it's always the fearless one.
This is very well written and descriptive, although... the last paragraph feels sort of tacked on, like you had to finish it up in teh 500 words. If you plan on expanding this after the contest, please let me know. I would love to read it.
Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest.
beginning: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, characters: 4.
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Thanks
I almost didn't enter this contest because I felt that having a 500 word limit would be difficult to match. You are correct, the limit had a major effect on the last paragraph of this story. I realized that this might have been predictable, but almost everything is it seems. The main thing I wanted to bring out is that a two percent chance of being killed is not acceptable in my books. I hoped to drive home that point.
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I'm happy to see you were able to take the challenge and with this you have made a great start. Its sad whats happening, we too (AUSTRALIA) have troupe's in Iraq and personally think they will never succeed in change the mind set of the militants. These country's have been feudal for so long its ingrained in there DNA and all are Troupe's are doing is standing in there way. GETS OFF soap box.... The story was well done you let us in to the mindset of the characters and regardlessly of the 500 words you took us through a stage in this soldiers life. Well done...
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Thanks, Paul
Thanks for all the applause. Is Australia withdrawing troops yet? Blair was withdrawing some British troops. We are sending more in. Americans are having a lot of arguments about it. The Democrats are trying to tie the presidents hands. I think we are creating more terrorists than we are eliminating, I think it is very dangerous. I don't think pulling out is the solution, but I think we should have never invaded. We were badly in the wrong in doing that. If we pull out, Iraq will fall into worse civil war and it will possibly strengthen the terrorists. Bush and Blair have made a real bloody mess of things. There is no simple cure. I seem to have my feet stuck on my soap box. Sorry. I am glad that you like this story.
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Wow
Hey, man...this was so deep...so real. I can so feel with this...and I'm speechless. So sad. Good luck in the contest. I'm sure you'll be a winner with this one. -
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Thank you, George
I don't know. It just didn't hang together as well as I would have liked. I am glad that I caught the feeling. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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What?? What an ending. I was expecting more of a wrap-up, a smooth ending, but in a way its nice that all the ends werent tied up. Very gripping read.
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Thanks
This contest has a 500 word limit. It was difficult trying to fit the story to exactly 500 words. Tried to make the story realistic. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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