Mel
‘Have you ever kissed anyone?’ Will asked.
‘No! Ick, I can’t believe you’re asking me that!’ I gasped.
‘Grow up, Mel. I thought only babies thought kissing was gross, not teenaged girls,’ Will sighed. I felt as if I had done something wrong. I looked down at my hands.
It was a pretty day; blues skies, the grass bright green. It was spring, and the flowers were blooming. Will and I were sitting in the park bench, watching as families walked passed them.
‘Have you?’ I broke the silence.
‘What?’ Will asked, confused.
‘Kissed someone, have you ever…’ my voice trailed off.
‘No,’ Will replied, ‘but I wonder what its like,’ he continued. I raised my eyebrows. Will looked at me for the first time, ‘Wanna be my first?’ he teased. I rolled my eyes and gently pushed Will.
‘Yes…’ I whispered.
‘Huh?’ Will asked not hearing me. I shook my head. I began to feel uncomfortable again. Will looked at his watch, ‘You’d better go. Your mum might get worried,’ he smiled at her. I rolled my eyes.
‘I don’t care, she can wait,’ I said. I wondered what it would be like to kiss Will. Like a dream come true. Will was amazing. He had big, green eyes, he was well built. His longish brown hair hung in front of his eyes. His skin was smooth and tanned. He was perfect, to me at least. I tried to ignore the faint lines appearing on his face. Stress had really damaged him, and left wrinkles where he had been frowning. Life wasn’t always easy.
Will
Why was Mel so quiet? She usually has something to blabber on about. Something was up with her. Should I ask her? I should of never of asked her that question. I felt her becoming uneasy. Why would I kiss Mel anyway? She was my best friend. I didn’t fantasize about her. She was too young for me anyway. Three years was a lot to me at least.
Mel was pretty, in a babyish, cute way. Her wavy, long hair rolled in locks over her shoulders. She was slim, but not curvy. She hadn’t developed breasts yet, or hips. Her face was cute, but still bore childish features. She had just turned thirteen, yet she didn’t look a day over eleven. In ways, I felt sorry for her. Every other girl in her year had breasts, hips, etc, but not Mel. It’s a wonder she doesn’t get bullied for it, or maybe she does and doesn’t tell me. Maybe that’s what’s bothering her.
‘Mel?’ I asked.
‘Yeah?’ she answered quietly.
‘Do you get picked on at school?’ I asked softly. She looked up at me in confusion.
‘No, why?’ She replied, confused at my question. I shook my head, but she gripped my face and turned it towards her, ‘Why?’ she asked again, more sternly.
I don’t know why I did it, but it felt appropriate – at the time. I regretted it though. She was only thirteen, and I was sixteen. I kissed her deeply. At first she seemed shocked, almost horrified. I expected her to push away, but she didn’t. She kissed me back, and I know she was lying about not kissing anyone, unless she practiced in her mirror or something.
Our tongues met and flicked at each other. It felt weird at first, maybe even wrong, but the feeling got better and I wanted more. I was trembling and I had no idea why. I only knew that, though maybe Mel wasn’t the sexiest person, or the prettiest, I loved her.
Mel
I had been wrong. Will was amazingly gorgeous, but he wasn’t for me. He was my friend, not my boyfriend. Why was I kissing him? I broke away from his lips, a trial of salvia still connecting us. I wiped my mouth. Will stared at me, confusion and hurt on his face. I licked my lips.
‘I’m sorry Will, I can’t do this,’ I whispered loudly.
‘Wh-why?’ Will asked.
‘I have to go,’ I said quickly and getting up to leave. Already our friendship was breaking, because I broke away. Could I help it if I realised I didn’t love Will, or even fancy him? Looks aren’t everything, and now I know that. I don’t know why I suddenly stopped loving Will, but I did.
I raced to my house and straight to my bedroom. I couldn’t get that kiss out of my mind. I couldn’t get Will out of my mind. I couldn’t face him again. I had blown it; our friendship was over because of me. I buried my face in my pillows.
‘I’m such an idiot,’ I hissed to myself.
Will
The day suddenly seemed to go grey and gloomy. Like me. Everything was going wrong for me lately. My father dies, I stupidly kissed my best friend, and now I feel like an idiot.
I closed my eyes. Thunder sounded above me and a hasty wind tried to rid me off this bench. Rain drizzled above me, landing coldly on my head and dripping smoothly to my face. Now no one could recognize my tears.
Wiping my face, I made my way back home, if that’s what you want to call it. It’s nothing compared to Mel’s house; a shack or a hut. My ‘house’ was a small flat on the bad side of town. My father was dead and my mother didn’t have a job. My brother and I had to do as much as we could to help her. She is on anti-depressants. Benefits are what are keeping us alive right now.
Sometimes, I would come home from school, and pray that our flat had magically turned into a mansion. Childish and silly, maybe, but it was a dream to me.
Mel didn’t go to my school; she went to an all girls’ school on the opposite side of town. She was rich, well richer than us at least.
I walked up the disgusting stairs leading to my front door. The stairs stank of pee and disinfectant. It made me gag. Cigarette butts surrounded my feet. Chewing gum and spit covered the concrete like a carpet. I sighed and ran the rest of the way up the stairs.
I entered my house. The silence made me quiver. I was so used to my mum and dad yelling at each other, that now Dad was gone, the silence was creepy.
I went straight to my room and thought about Mel. I took out my phone and texted her.
I though about our kiss, regretting every moment.
Author notes
x Just a short and sweet love story Enjoy x
A contest entry
- Two Sides of A Kiss by denwayz.
550 points, ended April 10, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Awesome, I liked the way that you showed the person's thoughts, and divided their perspectives into mini-chapters. Very well done...
DarkOne
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Terrific!
One well thought out story that got me involved. Not sure the title is right on target but you won silver so guess it isn't important. There was a lot working here; a first kiss plus a huge age spread of a boy sixteen and a girl thirteen. Great description of Will's basic life style, giving an insight to who he is. Nice work.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Of course, all comments are strictly IMO...
I enjoyed the story. I especially like the way you use a straightforward writing style to handle subject matter that is dense and complex (erotic attraction across age differences and different levels of sexual maturity between long-term friends who live different socio-economic worlds). You definitely met the requirement of the contest to represent two different experiences - so congratulations on that. I could hear the distinct voices of these two people, and you kept that going all the way through.
Comments / Suggestions / Questions
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* The title should maybe be "Regretting A Kiss" because, strictly speaking, people are regretful over/about something, and kisses don't feel remorse . But it doesn't really matter so long as you know you are messing with the English language.
* First French Kiss in a public place in broad daylight?
* >> I don’t know why I did it, but it felt appropriate – at the time. I regretted it though. She was only thirteen, and I was sixteen.
I'd remove the "I regretted it though" - the regret comes later, doesn't it? And the "at the time" sets the reader up.
* >> ‘Do you get picked on at school?’ I asked softly. She looked up at me in confusion.
>> ‘No, why?’ She replied, confused at my question.
Maybe find another word for either "confusion" or "confused"
* >> she gripped my face and turned it towards her, ‘Why?’ she asked again, more sternly.
This was the one place I wasn't sure if this was thirteen year old in an eleven year old body, but in the end I bought it.
* >> It’s a wonder she doesn’t get bullied for it,
Not sure if "bullied" is quite the right word, unless you mean kids physically knocked her about because she was smaller. Isn't it more like mocked, ridiculed, teased, excluded, "called baby"...? You might even want go to slang terms, whatever might be the equivalent of US "ranked-on", or "dissed".
* >> whispered loudly.
Although whispers are soft by definition, I think this works.
* The focus in the last section on Will's situation shifts the balance away from the kiss, and upsets the arc of the story a bit. I think you can just have less of it, and still convey the same information
* Typos: trial of salvia -> trail of saliva
* Typo: I though a -> I thought a
Good luck with your writing. I'll look out for more of it.
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two sides of a kiss...
very interesting contest challenge and I think you did well.
Kissing and just holding hands scent, breathing rate, pulse, all kinds of things go into learning what kissing is all about and it comes in very handing in writing love stories and two people becoming mildly intimate for the first time.
Good luck you...
amicus...
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Aww!
That was a really good story. You portrayed how both characters were feeling really well. I feel bad for them, I hope they work it all out
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Cute/Sad
You have a great way of making the reader attached to the characters so quickly. I really feel for will, but I don't hate Mel for running away either. You did a great job of showing both sides without involving the other persons' thoughts or feelings. It was an interesting surprise to the little love/friendship twist you did after the kiss, very amusing.
Great job ^^
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Sweet
This is a nice story, reading it through made me want to know more...you leave the audience hanging, wondering what Will said in the text message. Wanting to know more is a good thing! I was a bit confused whether he regretted it because he lost her as a friend or if he regretted it because he wouldn't have her as a girlfriend. I think the name Will is effective, as in will he or won't he. I don't know if you did that intentionally or not, but it fits. Thanks.
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omg! I didn't mean to do that with the name, but that is a very good point! Thanks for reading my story. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to write about, but I guess I did okay.
I might continue this story actually, but I'm not quite sure... Anyhoo, thanks again for reading, and good luck to me in the contest!
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