"NO NO NO NO, not again, please not again. Please not again" Veronica screamed as Bobby held her there, making her stare into the mirror." Please Bobby, I love you, please don't do this to me, you don't know how it hurts, please please don't do this to me" Veronica screamed at the top of her lungs. She tried as hard as she could to get away, but she couldn't, Bobby was much to strong for her.1
She remembered how it had all started only 6 months earlier. Funny how going to a friends party can change your life.At the party Veronica had been doing what she always did. She stood there, talked for a while, and after about an hour she left. Parties never really excited her until that night. She was just standing there by the fireplace and Bobby came over to her. They hit it off almost immediately, in fact they talked for a few hours straight. It was the first time ever since Veronica had a car that she had been late for curfew and because it was the first time her parents had let her slide. Her parents have always been really nice, but even if she had gotten in trouble it all would have been worth it to meet Bobby. She gave him her phone number and he gave her his, even though he knew she wouldn't call him. Not because she wasn't interested, but simply because that's how she had been raised.When he did call Veronica had been ecstatic and they went on a date the next weekend.2
Bobby had always thought it was the date that won her over, but he was very mistaken. In fact the date was probably the corniest she had ever been on and it almost made her not want to go out with him again, but she decided to give him a second chance. Veronica had always been very proud of her good sense in people and being able to decipher between the good guys and the bad guys and she could tell Bobby was a really good guy.... he just didn't know much about women. When on their 3rd date Bobby asked her to be his girlfriend, she readily agreed. She had been hoping he would ask and was so glad that he finally did.3
It took a long while, but eventually Veronica began to trust Bobby, and that's how her horrible secret came out about 3 months previous to this day. Veronica was quite a loner, sure she had friends, but no one very close until Bobby came along. Once she trusted him she felt it was time to tell him her secret. She tried the best that she could to explain how she simply couldn't look in the mirror without vomiting. He didn't understand the words of her mother resounding in her head every time she saw herself. " Look at that UGLY child! I can't believe something like that could possibly come out of me" and other such comments. He didn't and couldn't understand how she had grown to despise herself and the way she looked and how she managed to get through life without ever seeing herself. He didn't understand what it was like to hate everything about yourself and probably never would. Veronica spent the next 2 months trying to explain to him everything, but either he couldn't understand or he simply wasn't listening. 4
Whatever the reason was it all lead to this night. Bobby had come over to Veronica's house because her parents were gone for the weekend so they figured they should spend some time together. Not doing anything wrong, just being with each other and basking in each others love, and that was how it had been for the first part of the night. That is, until Bobby brought up the subject again. Veronica tried once again to explain, but he wouldn't listen. Suddenly he grabbed her by the wrists and held her tight as he could. With his other hand he grabbed a hand mirror and held it in front of her, trying to make her see herself. This is when she began to yell and plead with him, trying to make him let go. She tried so hard to get out of his hold, all the while yelling at him to please stop this. All at once Bobby began to yell in unison with her, except his words were a demand, a command. He had tried to make her submissive. He had tried to tell her what to do. He began to yell " Look!! Look at yourself damn it! Look at you, you're gorgeous! How can you not see that? YOU ARE BEAU..." and poor Bobby never finished his sentence and never will. While he was concentrating on yelling she had slipped out of his grasp and grabbed the mirror. She then took the mirror and smashed it on her face so the pieces of glass were millions. Half gruesomely sticking out of her face, the other held lying on the ground. Veronica then picked up a larger piece of glass which had some blood on it. She began to study the piece of glass. Looking at it's complexity and it's color. It never really came to her until she used the same piece of glass on Bobby that it contained part of herself too.It contained her essence, her DNA and her life source which was then Bobby's too. If Bobby couldn't understand her and couldn't understand her pain and her hurt then they could not be together, and that was becoming more evident every day. She loved Bobby and didn't want to let him go, but simply couldn't see how they could be together while he was being so very naive. Veronica loved Bobby with all her being and this was the only way that she and he could be together with him being so sheltered. She never felt the pain of glass in her face, and Bobby never felt any pain in his throat when flesh separated from flesh and blood began to squirt out. Out of instinct Veronica soaked the same piece of glass that had killed her now ex-boyfriend in his blood and began to write on the wall. She never even noticed what she had written until she was admiring her handy work. She had written " Beware of the Mirror" on the wall, and how true these words were. Veronica then threw the piece of glass back on the floor and ran to her room. She layed on her back for about half an hour until what she had done actually began to sink in. She had killed Bobby, and now it was her turn to die too. She had out lived him by only a small amount of time because she was smarter and because she knew she was doing what was right. But no matter how hard she tried Veronica simply could not imagine life without her Bobby, so now it was time for them to be together forever. She went searching for the same piece of glass that had killed her beloved and slit her wrists with the same piece.5
The next day her parents came home early and found her daughter and her boyfriend dead on the floor with writing on the wall. Karen fainted immediately. Not because her daughter was dead, that meant absolutely nothing to her, but because of all the work the poor maid had the next day and well.. Karen never dealt well with blood. Veronica's father immediately called the police and the local department came out about an hour longer. They all figured that the teens were dead right? No need to let their newly ordered pizza get cold. When they finally got there they began to look around at things, paying more attention to the paintings and interior of the house rather then to the dead teenagers. When they collected all of their "evidence" they brought it back to the station and decided that it was obviously a serial killer who kills young teen couples for shits and giggles. They all came to this verdict after about 2 hours of " analyzing" the evidence and the cold pizza as well. They had promised the chief before they left that they would at least try to figure out the case, and this is the best they could do before " CSI" came on. They also figured that by closing the case so quickly they may even get a raise, and besides, it was only two teenagers that no one loved. Why even bother trying hard?6
All the hubbub calmed down after about a month and everyone forgot all about the two teenagers trapped in a world of mirrors7
Author notes
Just the conclusion to my other piece. I don't think that it is very good, but I tried the best I could. Anyways, I hope you liked it.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
woah...that was more tragic then the other one; I had a feeling that veronica would kill herself or some sort...but that was tragically beautiful. i would ask you to continue, but seeing as how this is the conclusion..I guess my request ain't happening. BUT!, you should write some more stories. *Smiles*
-
Whoa, sitting on the floor makes the pink words look like they are three-d!
And yes, that was random, came out of nowhere, sorry. I wanted to say that the story was good, but my knees gave out cuz I'm too tired and can't go get the chair. Oh well. It really is a good story, but it lacks true depth. I think that there could be something more for the actual ending, More Suspenseful, something that keeps our interest. Try having the parents act out the part of sad people, but also have them do something so horrible that the reader knows that they don't really love their daughter. And go into more detail about the "original" date these two went on. What's that about? I think it is really good, but needs something else to the ending. Couldn't tell you what, but hey, sometimes that's life, eh? -
Naw, just for that, I'll tease you about your sappy love poems FOREVER. Lol, yeah, it does look a little better now that you split it up into separate paragraphs and all and added a bit more than was there before.
-
Well, it's not really a conclusion, but I didn't know what else to call it. It's the situation fom Veronica's pov instead of Bobby's this time.
Yes, the fact that it is one paragraph has been said before and I will try to fix it best that I can. it will be a tad hard though because it all seems to flow together, but I will try.
And I should work on the ending too? I will try right now. I was just afraid that I was putting people to sleep because this is a tad longer then many stories I see on here, but I will work on the ending.
lol, and lay off the sappy love poems Jason,lol. I can't help it, I write sappy stuff, you write terroristic/horror/ crime stuff,lol. -
Despite mainly the punctuation errors (put two spaces after a period), I felt it had a pretty good build-up, but there are a few things that need addressing.
The first, and most urgent, is the fact that you used one massive paragraph for the story. This generally isn't a good idea, so my suggestion is to simply break it up into several smaller paragraphs at what you feel are good points.
Secondly, I felt this had a rather short and hurried ending. It doesn't really delve into why the girl freaked out and killed Bobby and then herself, and I think you should try and get inside her and Bobby's heads.
Other than all that, I enjoyed this. It's something a little different than all those love poems you write lol. Not that I mind them love poems of course. Well, I don't have much else to say, so I shall talk to you later. See ya.
Edited on May 22, 6:16 p.m. because ''. -
I apologise about the paragraph thing, but I was just kinda writing from my heart, not my head and I cannot change it into paragraphs without erasing part of it. But thanks anyways, though I would appreciate if you would read it still, but it is up to you
-
aww... thank you, that's so sweet of you
-
Hmm, you might want to split it into paragraphs before I start reading it...
-
even more fantastico!
holy shit, better than the last one. screw it, i'll applaud you now even though it'll cost me points
1 - 9 of 9


