Circle

I’ve longed for self-perfection
I just wanted to be perfect, perfect in my own way
I wanted to be as smart as everyone else was,
But I knew it would never happen

I wanted to be pretty instead of ugly
All I ever wanted was to be pretty like the other girls, it will never happen
I will always be ugly and that’s why I’m all alone
Isolated, trapped in this loneliness
I find comfort in this loneliness but I can’t stand it anymore
It’s one of those things that kills me slowly

Time, kills me and it drags on for me
Drags on and on and never stops
I stare at the clock and wonder when it will stop torturing me
I already know the answer to that-it won’t,
So now, I’ll be miserable forever

Suffering and depression is what I’m used to feeling
I accept being depressed for it’s all I know how to be
Happiness doesn’t apply to me and I don’t know the meaning of it
If I try to be happy after being depressed for so long, it scares me to try to
I can’t be happy; I’m too scared to even try to become happy
I’m so used to being in the dark side that I don’t remember what it’s like to be on the other side where everyone else is happy and having a good time


Why can’t I be happy?
I want to, but I end up being the broken one again
And my world comes crashing down and crumbles me
Pain comes back to me and I must suffer-
Suffer once again
And then I’ll ask myself,
“Why? Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to be the broken one and the one who is always used and forgotten?”
Even I don’t have the answer for that

Do you even love me?
You say you do, but do you actually mean that?
For the whole time I’ve been with you,
You’ve been telling me that you love me
But do you really mean your words?
Are you just saying that to not break my dying and shattered heart?
I don’t think that you really love me because you must not need me like I need you
You’re so independent
And you say you love a girl who is worthless, useless, and pathetic as me?