I wish I may I....

My bare chest heaved as I stood above his still body. With my lungs burning I plunge the knife in one more time, feeling it sink further in than last time. Grunting, I twisted it with satisfaction. Each of my booted feet was planted on either side of his naked thighs as I crouched over him. 1

With a great deal of effort I pull out the stainless steel blade. I watch as the blood slid easily off the kitchen blade, to drip slowly onto the floor. One drip, two, three…A little half laugh, half shrug slipped out and I think to myself “wow, it really is stainless.” Laughter ripples just under the surface.2

I feel my fingers grow numb, starting at the tips and working its way towards my palm, and the knife clatters to the hard wood floor. I remember when we had installed the wood. It was raining that day and I had put on a pot of French Roast. We spent the day hyped up on caffeine, dirty and sweaty, but we had laughed and laughed. It had been a great day. Now that was over.3

I fall back onto my rear, between his legs and bring my hands to my face. The floor beneath my naked flesh was cold and unforgiving and I shift my weight to find a more comfortable position. I cover my mouth as a hysterical laugh bubbles through my fingers. I stay in that spot for a while, rocking back and forth. 4

My tongue flickers out as the laughter slows and I taste copper and salt. With tears streaming down my face I pull my hands away from my mouth. It was then that I notice the blood. It was drying in my knuckles and between my fingers. It cracks when I flex my hands. I turn them over to study them. 5

I look up at Mitch and I see that the blood has pooled around his back and has spread out around him. In the candlelight I can see his black hair shinning and his pale face staring at nothing. No breath escapes his full lips and I can see that they are turning blue. They were once so red and rich.6

Desperation creeps into my thoughts and I scramble back, leaving a smeared trail, until I hit the wall with my back.7

“Oh no, no, no! I wail as I clench my fists and hit the floor repeatedly.8

Outside I can hear the sirens growing near and the dogs howling, following the procession of vehicles.9

And I just sit here whispering over and over, “I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight.”10


Earlier Today11

The sun streamed through the butter yellow curtains to caress my eyelids. Warmth and happiness surrounded me. A small smile slid across my face as I reached out next to me. I stretched out long and turned, still searching for Mitch.12

The smile faded and my eyes fluttered open as I found empty space where a warm body should have been. I sighed and threw the tan silk covers off my bare legs. I pulled on my fuzzy purple robe and padded down the hall to the kitchen. I passed framed portraits of Mitch and I smiling. Pictures of our wedding, with all our family and of the two Christmas’ we had together so far.13

In the kitchen, on the granite island, the coffee was brewing and the burnt smell of roasted beans filled the air. Underneath my feet the tiles felt cool and smooth. Sunlight illuminated the breakfast nook, which was strangely empty. When Mitch was home the newspaper would be spread across it.14

“Mitch!” I called. The sound echoed through out the empty house.15

I crossed to the door of the garage, passing the refrigerator along the way. The hum and click of it was comforting in the stillness of the morning. I stuck my head out the door and saw that Mitch’s candy apple red 2002 BMW was missing.16

I shut the door, as the coffee was finishing. I walked over and poured myself a large cup while inhaling the wondrous smell of dark caffeine rich liquid.17

The answering machine blinked two, like a red light blinks early in the morning. 18

Pressing it I heard, “Hi honey.”19

I smiled at hearing his deep rich voice. “I have to stay late at the office. I’m not sure how long I’ll be,” I heard faint giggling in the background and he paused. There was mumbling and shifting of the phone. 20

“So I’ll just sleep on the couch here in the office. Sorry sweety. I’ll catch you tomorrow.”21

I checked the caller ID and it read his cell phone. That was strange; he should have used the office phone. Odd. I shrugged and set about making toast. I was thinking about the dinner I had planned for that night. A romantic little affair with prime rib, grilled to perfection, sauté veggies and for dessert, strawberries, chocolate…22

“Umm…hello. Yes, well this is awkward. I was hoping to talk to you in person. Well as in person as the phone will let us. Yes, well ah…my name is Penelope Summers and um…I’ve been sleeping with your husband for around six months. I um…have pictures and um…gifts, if you need proof.”23

The cup slipped through my fingers to shatter on the white tiled floor. Coffee raced along the cracks to pool along the baseboards24

“Please call me at…” and she rattled off a number.25

Slowly and with a numbed mind I wrote the number on a notepad with our names across the top. It was an anniversary present from his mother. I stood, staring down at the number and name, trying to remember where I’d seen her name before.26

And then it hit me, the new associate that had the office down the hall. It all fit, the late nights, the hang-ups, the long calls and giggling. Giggling from a man was odd. A full-throated laugh was more his style.27

* * *28

The shop was busy. Clutters of people sat drinking coffee out of brown cardboard cups. Laughter rang out from a corner table where four young women sat.29

I scanned the room and my gaze landed on a honey blond woman. She sat alone, patiently reading the local paper. I stood watching her. Hair the color of rich honey, flowing free in ringlets down her slim back. A tailored gray business suit clothed a slender but well proportioned body. A pale pink blouse peeked out of her jacket. It drew your eye to her round full breasts.30

She looked up as I hesitantly walked over. She had piercing blue eyes full of intelligence. A cupid bow mouth turned down as she saw me. She laid the paper aside and stood. From where I stood I could see a very short skirt and very long, tanned legs. She was everything I wasn’t.31

Here I was short, but also slim and dark. My mahogany hair hung to my shoulders straight and straw like. Freckles dusted my nose and cheeks, settling on my arms. I was her complete opposite and I could see what Mitch saw in her.32

Tentively I held out my hand, “Penelope Summers?”33

Her grip was warm and firm, “yes.” She studied me for a moment and then she offered me a seat across from her. On the table, half covered by the newspaper, was a plain manila envelope. Two coffee cups sat in the middle.34

“I didn’t know what you liked to drink, so I just order two regulars.”35

Nervously I replied, “that’s fine.”36

An awkward silence followed as we drank our coffee. Around us the world went on. Customer’s came and went, laughter and loud talking surrounded us. Freshly baked muffins filled the air with their cinnamon smell.37

Penelope cleared her throat, “so, I guess you are wondering why?”38

I didn't understand what she was saying. Everything was such a haze since I heard the message. “I-I’m sorry?” I wasn’t even sure how I had gotten to the coffee shop. I didn’t remember driving here.39

She took a deep breath and tried again. “I have proof.”40

Through the thick haze the clouds parted and a feeble ray of light pierced through my mind. I understood. “Yes, the proof.” She slipped the envelope towards me. “Why?”41

It was her turn to be confused, “why what?”42

I set my left elbow on the table and rubbed my forehead. My eyes were closed when I replied, “why are you coming forward? Why are you telling me this?”43


She slowly took a deep drink while watching me. Worry lines showed at the corners of her eyes.44

I had folded my hands in front of me and laid them on the table as I waited. They shook and the butterflies had taken flight in my stomach.45

“I’ve seen the photos of the two of you in Mitch’s office. You two looked so happy. I guess it boils down to this. If my husband was having an affair I’d want to know.”46

“Awe I see. I’m not sure if I would.”47

“Just take this home.” She tapped the envelope, “and you’ll see.”48

“And what about you? Are you done with him?” I asked as I slipped the envelope into my purse. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to know the answer but I had asked.49

“The company’s transferring me next week. I have to tell you that Mitch was not worth the heartbreak.” She got up to leave. “I’ve got to get back to the office.”50

She looked down at me, “I am sorry Victoria. I never meant to cause you pain.”51

The tears that were pooling in my eyes fell at this statement. It felt like she meant it.52

She left and I sat there, tears ran down my cheeks. The coffee in front of me getting colder and the laughter around me grated on my nerves. But the gentle hum of conversation helped me focus. For a while I just stared at the offending square folder sticking out of my purse. Just knowing that there were pictures of my husband and Penelope made me sick to my stomach. I looked at the clock on the wall. It read two. Three hours before he came home. My cell rang. I dug threw my purse, pushing the envelope aside.53

“Hello,” I paused. “Hi sweety.” I knew my voice was shaky but there was nothing I could do. “Yes baby I’ll see you in a couple of hours.” The tears continued to rain from my eyes and I tried not to sniff. As I hung up I caught I couple kissing passionately goodbye and it made my blood boil. I had just enough time to plan.54

* * *55

“Honey, I’m home,” I heard Mitch call from the entryway.56

“In here love,” I was sitting in the dining room. Around me lay the photos Penelope had given me. When I had looked through her ‘proof’ I had been very angry. So angry my hands had started to shake violently and my mind raced. Images of them together, with clothes and without, laughing, eating and kissing. Now I was just sad and hurt. 57

On the oak dining room table, among the scattered pictures, was the dinner I had planned earlier. The smell of freshly grilled vegetables, drizzled with garlic oil, hung in the air. Prime rib steamed with a nice white wine waiting for him. And I had only a tie and black high heel boots. Almost like Julia Roberts in ‘Pretty Woman.’ Except she didn’t wear boots, that was my addition.58

“My, my, my what’s the occasion?” He asked. His jacket draped behind his shoulder, tie loose. He hadn’t noticed the pictures.59

“You don’t remember?” I said as I crossed my legs on the tabletop.60

He threw the dark blue jacket on the chair to his left and strode up to the table. It was then that he saw the pictures.61

He paused while pulling out his chair. “What is this?” He asked quietly, his cheeks turned red62

I smiled sweetly and replied, “I got an interesting phone call this morning and then an even more interesting meeting with Penelope.”63

His eyes went vacant, but the redness crept up and tinted the top of his ears. “Who?”64

I looked at the pictures and swept my hand over them, “Penelope Summers. The beautiful and naked woman in most of these pictures.”65

He started spouting apologies and begging. I took all I could. The knife was taped under the edge of the freshly polished table. And I wrapped my fingers around the handle. The weight felt comforting.66

* * *67

The cops find me in the corner, my knees drawn up, rocking back and forth. A blood smeared trail from the body to me. Blood was still caked on my hands68

“I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight. I wish it was yesterday.” I laugh hysterically and I can’t stop as they load me in the car. Lights flashing and a crowd had surrounded our house.69

“Poor thing,” one officer whispered, shaking his moppy head. “Poor, poor thing.”