Questions

She slipped into her bedroom and closed the door. Her mother and brothers were outside, so she didn't worry much about being disturbed. She stood for a moment, hands in her blue jean pockets, gazing out her window at the setting sun, the dogs chained up in the backyard, her family busying themselves in the fading rays of the day. It was a peaceful Sunday afternoon, and usually she would have reveled in the golden light and fresh spring breeze.

As it was, she enjoyed the afternoon's glories, but her thoughts wandered far from her small town home. She turned and tried to busy herself with cleaning her room; but the task seemed so trivial in light of her musings, and within seconds she was standing still, staring off into space once more.

Finally, she decided to write her thoughts down. If she held them inside any longer, she wasn't sure she could handle it. Pulling a notebook from her bookbag, and grabbing up a pen from her bedside table, she dropped down to the floor beside her bed, leaning her back against the bed and closing her eyes in an attempt to organize her thoughts.

Then, she raised her pen, hesitated once more, then began to write.

"I don't know what to do - I don't understand my world. And yet - it's all I know. I've got to ask myself something: am I ready? Am I able? Do I really think I can handle the truth? Can I go on living my life like most everyone else, knowing deep inside that there's something else? Or do I step up and grab the reigns of my future, and step into a world I know nothing about?"

She paused as a million other questions raced through her mind. She had to say it... she had to say what she believed.

"Because deep down... I know there's more. There is magic and power and mystery that the general public knows nothing about; creatures and mutants, dragons and unicorns, faeries, elves... demons... and so much more. I have no training, no knowledge, no skill, and yet - I know."

She wondered... what exactly did she know?

"I know there's more to the world than meets the eye - but can I really handle the truth? Perhaps if I had a guide, a 'Gandalf' to show me the path, the light... but it's not that easy, is it? While part of me is eager for change and adventure, another part is afraid. And I hear a voice that whispers... 'once you take that first step - there's no going back'."

Even in the warm sunshine, she trembled a little.

"Is ignorance really bliss, or is it just... ignorance? If I close my eyes, will I be content to live in darkness with the rest of the world, or will I be that much more tempted to open them - to see what's really out there?"

She brushed a lock of auburn hair from her face and closed her grey eyes once more. Such a weight rested on her mind, and she could not seem to shake it off. Her hand went to the collar of her green shirt and played thoughtlessly with the chain and key around her neck.

"So here I stand, at a crossroads of sorts. Shall I go on living, hoping, crossing my fingers that the world I know doesn't change too much? Or shall I take that step and not look back? And even if I wanted to know the truth, even if I thought I could handle it - who would show it to me? And when my eyes are open, will I be strong enough to bear the weight of that knowledge - that responsibility?"

She sighed and twirled her pen around a moment. Her thoughts raced on, but she still was torn between her decisions. She slowly laid her pen down beside her and closed the notebook. Her eyes searched the deepening hues of the rich sunset... but no answers came. And as she sat thinking, the last few lines in her notebook kept repeating themselves in her mind:

"So - here I am. Still asking questions, still fighting a battle with myself... and I've got to ask myself something: am I really ready for this?"