To love a murderer and be a prophet. (a vamp-wiccan story PART ONE)

I looked at the clock.

Shit, 12 AM?!

Another restless night in Texas. It's not only hot, but humid. My name is Aithne Devnet, call me A.D. My eyes are a red and puffy from lack of sleep. Ugh. Why do I have to clean this big old house anyways?I work in a huge mansion in the country and I've never really met my boss. I'm never lonely, I've got a best friend named Vasha, she's a tailor and cook for our boss. We share a car that allows us to go to the city and get anything we need or want. I've lived in this mansion ever since I can remember. I don't know my parents and I'm twenty-one. I grew up an orphan, but the odd thing was, is I loved it! But, right now I'm supposed to be sleeping because I have to get up early tomorrow to go to work for my boss. See, I'm basically a servant. I do any work that is required of me and then if I'm done early I get to do what I want. I'm usually content with my life but sometimes at night I'll have the urge to wander the mansion at night, which is forbidden. You see, we have rules at the mansion:

1) Do what is asked of you and you get what you need/want in return.

2) Never question any order given to you.

3) Never talk to anyone unless instructed to (besides other servants) or unless no one of higher status is available or when answering the door.

4) NEVER wander the mansion at night, EVER.

So, my life is basically cut out for me. I glanced at the clock again but before I can read the time, the alarm beeps and it's time to begin the days work. I get up and change into my white, knee length, short sleeved dress that has my name sewn above the right breast and my white tennis shoes. I pull my hair back into a ponytail and race out of the room and head downstairs. I have no clue why, but I'm in a really good mood, though I've deprived myself of a good night's sleep. I reach the garden and see that the new roses we planted were blooming quite well. I turn on the hose and water the plants. I hear pots and pans crashing around and smile, knowing Vasha is probably moody due to the fact that she has to get up so early after a night of drinking. I finish watering the rest of the garden which had taken me several hours considering how large it is. I go inside to get some breakfast and find Vasha slaving over the hot stove stirring a pot of broth, seemingly mumbling angrily to the pot. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey A.D.! How are ya? Hungry I presume?" She said laughing already anticipating my answer. Her blonde hair tied into a bun seemed to glow from the sun's rays. Her green eyes had always shown happiness and a sense of calmness and gracefulness she seemed to carry.

"As always! How could I resist your cooking?" I said flatteringly."What are ya cooking, anyways?"

"Oh, you know, some soup. I usually would cook some sort of pasta or salad but Master specifically wanted soup today." She shrugged.

I sat down as she handed me my bowl of soup when I heard the doorbell sound throughout the house. I ran to the door and opened it beamingly.

"Hello. Welcome to Master's house. How may I assist you?" I asked.

The man was fairly tall and had long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. He had green eyes and beautifully tanned skin. But he almost seemed too perfect.

"Yes, is your Master available?" He questioned.

"I'm afraid not. You see, he requests that no one disturb him during the day unless it is an emergency. But I will take a message, or if you like you may come inside and wait for him." I said smiling.

"I think I will do just that! Unless it is not okay by the Lady of the House?" He said winking at me.

I blushed and looked down furiously trying to find something to focus on. "I-I am not the Lady of the House, Sir. I am just a servant."

He lifted my head to gaze into his eyes. "And would a servant deny herself to be complimented by a stranger? For even a servant can be as magnificent as the 'Lady of the House'."

I blushed again. The stranger looked at his watch and frowned.

"I'm sorry but I must be leaving. I have business to attend to. Goodday." He said kissing my hand and walking away.

I closed the door, still smiling. I felt someone looking at me and I turned to find no one. I felt a chill down my spine. I went back to the kitchen to find Vasha deathly pale.

"Vasha? Are you okay? What's the matter?" I asked going to her side.

"What have you done?" She said her eyes were almost purely white. She trembled and I caught her before she fell, laying her head in my lap.

"Vasha? What is wrong?"

"You've awoken him and now he will seek revenge." She paused before adding, "and a mate." Then, she fainted.

I picked her up and tried to stay calm as I carried her up to her room. I laid her down and put a cool rag on her forehead. I refused to leave her side, even if it meant ignoring my chores. I sat in a chair by her bed and waited until she awoke, only to fall asleep. I woke up to a loud thud in the hallway. I stood and peered out of the door to see nothing. I opened the door and walked into the hallway. Still no one. I turned to go back into the room.

I sighed. Man, I need sleep. I thought and just before I entered the room I saw a blur out of the corner of my eye by the stairs to the third floor. I paused and turned walking towards the stairs.

Go back. Don't be stupid. I thought again.

But I couldn't. My legs moved forward. I went up the flight of stairs and found a long hallway. I walked down it slowly but it seemed to be quick and I soon came to an all white door. I went for the knob but it burned my hand. I cried out in pain. That's when I snapped out of my trance-like state.

Shit. I'm out after dark. FUCK!

I ran down the hallway when I heard something behind me. I couldn't stop myself from looking back and I saw nothing. I freaked out even more because if it wasn't behind me it was already in front of me. I focused on where I was going and soon found I felt nothing below my feet and realized I had found the stairs. Before I knew what happened I fell down the flight and hit my head against the wall across from the stairs and all went black.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • kummie
    May 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was defiently interesting..I cant wait to find out what happened..thanks for sharing

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • On.Cue
    April 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I believe I've commented on this from my prior contest. Erm, but again, PLEASE change the background color.


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    April 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Why does no one read my contest? I specifically requested that you tell me what option you chose. Yes, I can pretty much figure this one out. But I've also already commented on it as it was in my previous contest as well.

    At any rate, it's still as good as before and still fits into the contest rules. Thanks for entering, if your story is a finalist, I'll let you know.


  • Delfishie
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    hmmmmm

    I thought this was a really good beginning. You hooked my interest right away and I really enjoyed reading more and more to find out what the heck was going on.

    I actually went back to double check where they were after reading the Rules - Texas! I'm pretty sure they're not legally allowed to have those rules in Texas. I'm sure the judicial system would disagree. *grins* ;-)

    Note of criticism:

    What the heck did Main Character do to awaken the Master? I don't get it - she opened the door. Surely the doorbell rings every once in a while during the day. So that bit needs explanation, because it was a big, "what the hell" ish.

    Otherwise, EXCELLENT JOB. You totally hooked my interest and I can't wait to read more.


  • robert davidson
    April 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    A fine opening chapter suspenseful but with some awkwardness. We need to know a little more clearly where and when this story is taking place. More background description is needed.

    Robert Davidson.

  • On.Cue
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First thing--the background choices were horrible. I see that you've entered 2 of my contests (2+2 and A&E). This story is fine for the A&E but I don't know what option you used for the 2+2. Your title says vamp-wiccan...but in this particualr one, I don't see anything about vampires.

    Anyways, I saw several grammar and spelling errors throughout the story so I hope you'll find and fix them. The details were great but the way you put them...not so much. Try and put it in there without actually spelling all of them out for the reader. For instance, you could've included the rules of the house by say "One thing that restricted my life here is the rule" or something like that.

    But other than that, you've got a good story plot going on here. I want to read more now =) Great way to end the chapter and make the readers want more =)

  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    March 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ow my eyes. Ok, first off, please change the background, it's way too bright.

    You mentioned that Vasha fell and dropped her head into the main character's lap, however, the main character had just only stepped into the room and had not sat down from what I gather. This seems a bit awkward.

    The story is decent, I suppose, but I was hoping to see some action or something. It was too short, I feel. But you did well with it. A bit of revising could turn it into a well-polished story.

    Thanks for entering my cotnest. I'll let you know if your entry is chosen for the finalists.


  • Pray For Me
    March 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was really good. If there's more of this, I would love to read it.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    March 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I was a tad confused, but I'm hoping that you will clear it up in the next installment. What I'm confused about it that your character did not break any rules so how is it that she 'woke the master'?
    Other then that I thought it was great.
    ~*Brooke*~


  • asthray.heart
    March 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was good, the background was a tad bright but oh well.

1 - 10 of 10