A glass tube was inserted into my throat.
I was tied to a bed. Doctors and nurses were standing besides me.
One of the doctors laughed, as he started smashing at the glass tube with a hammer. The glass broke, and I could feel fragments of it cutting my throat from inside. I coughed and cried, but I was stuck. Blood was gurgling in my throat, and I could see that some of the glass managed to break it's way through the skin. Now, shards of glass were sticking out of my throat, and I was coughing blood. The doctor with the hammer tied a piece of cloth in front of my eyes, as he picked up a scalpel. I could no longer see what he was doing, but I could feel it. His scalpel dug deep into the flesh of my stomach, and I tried to scream, but it was not audible. I could hear him laughing, as I felt my own body being mutilated. Several other blades joined in, and I was cut all over my body... I could feel one of my arms loosening. I marveled that I was still alive at all. Blood was pouring from my severed limbs, and from the wounds they left. Soon enough, the whole room was covered in blood. I didn't need to see it... I knew. The pain in me increased, up to a point where it seemed to be unable to go any higher. As both my legs and both my hands were cut off, the doctor took off the tie before my eyes, and let me see it. I was disgusted with the sight, but my stomach had been cut open, and my throat cut... I could not scream nor vomit. The doctors and nurses in the room were all laughing, and the main doctor went to get something. When he returned into my line of sight, he was holding chisel along with his hammer. He forced my mouth open again, and placed the chisel underneath my teeth. Then he started knocking them out, one by one. Occasionally he missed them, and either cut my gums or hit the hammer into my face. I had never felt such intense and mortifying pain before, and all I wanted was to pass on.
After the doctor had finished knocking out my teeth, he decided to put the chisel right beneath my left eye. And then he hit it with the hammer. From the other eye, I could see blood oozing out of the one he had just broken. I could see that the chisel was stuck inside my eye-socket, and the doctor had a hard time pulling it out. I can swear I heard the chisel scrape against my skull as he pulled it out. A sound much resembling the one of nails against a blackboard. All that was left now was a lobotomy, I though, as I prayed for my pain and suffering to be ended.
Suddenly, I could hear the door of the room break open. I wanted to cry out, but my throat only made a whistling sound, as of a punctured lung. Maybe there was glass in my lungs also... I tried to have a look at who had entered, but I could not see it. But I heard screaming, lots of screaming... And I saw lots of blood. This time, the blood did not come from me. I was guessing that the doctors were tearing apart the poor person who had entered. But to my surprise, I found that it was the other way around. I could see a long blade slicing through the head of the main doctor. In a weird way, it made me feel better. The one who did it stepped out in front of me, and looked at me.
It was a tall man. Tall and pale, dressed only in black, with long black hair to go with it. "You must wonder why you are not dead yet" He said, and looked upon me as if I had just a few scratches. I once again tried to utter some sound, but failed, and gave him a slight nod instead. He smiled at me, as he walked closer. When he was standing right besides me, he suddenly ripped out a piece of glass from my throat. It made it bleed even worse, but actually eased the pain.
"You, my friend, you're immortal" He said, and picked up the severed head of a nurse he had slain. He held the severed head above my mouth, and told me to open my mouth. I barely opened it, not daring to disobey.
Then, the man started squeezing the head with his obviously strong hands, making all the blood from it run down into my mouth. I felt the warm blood flowing through my throat and down into my stomach. Some of it oozed through the wounds in my throat, but most of it passed. The blood felt good. I felt good. My pain was almost gone, and I was almost enjoying myself.
After the stranger had poured all the blood down my throat, I was somehow made able to speak again.
"Who are you?" I said, with a scratchy and low voice. It was one of the thousand questions I had for him.
"I am not the Devil, and not God" he said, as he threw away the severed head. I accepted his strange answer, and moved on to the next question.
"Where am I, and why am I here?" I asked him, still with a low and scratchy voice. An extra peeping sound also managed to slip out of my throat, along with some thick blood.
"Purgatory" the man said, and smiled at me. I swallowed, and saliva found it's way out of the holes in my throat, alongside the blood.
"And you're probably here because you've fucked up royally" he continued, as he licked blood of his stained blade. I looked at him in disbelief... I was not even dead.
"Oh yes, you are dead" He said, and gave me a wink. He knew what I was thinking.
"Let me just explain" He said, and sat down on the bed besides me. His clothes got soaked in my blood, but he seemed indifferent to it.
"So, you screwed up in life, died, and ended here" He started, and looked at me as if to check whether or not I believed it. I did not want to believe any of it, but I did, and he saw it.
"good... So, you were supposed to be tortured in here for etenity" He continued.
"And then you came?" I asked, still with a small whistling sound coming out of my throat as I spoke.
"Indeed I did" He said, and continued; "And I want to offer you an option to this".
"What is it? Please, tell me!" I said, and would have grabbed his shirt, if I had still possessed arms.
"OK, but you must decided quickly" He said, "Because the doctors and nurses are on their way back". I was about to laugh at what he said, when I suddenly realized that all the corpses on the floor had disappeared. And then he told me the option. What an option. It was gruesome... But still, a hell of a lot better than this.
I accepted.
Minutes later, I was walking into a room. I've had all my body-parts grown back, and I was in good physical condition. The only things I seemed to lack were certain emotions... Empathy and sympathy for example. Behind me stood a bunch of other people... just like me. We were all dressed the same, and we were all holding various tools. In the room lay a man, tied to a bed. He was screaming. I smiled at him, as I cut his throat with my scalpel.2
1
Author notes
(Option Three, bloody.. in one of those contests)
In a list
A contest entry
- Im A Sick One With A Smile by Zaedyns Mommy.
125 points, ended March 21, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Exciting! by LostShadow.
175 points, ended April 15, 2007, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write it Up. by asthray.heart.
530 points, ended April 22, 2007, 41 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Horror Contest by david18232.
200 points, ended May 28, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give it to me! by tabbykat92.
205 points, ended May 1, 2007, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Several Options (plus a catchy title) by Manic Black.
525 points, ended July 9, 2007, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The ways of the dead (Horror Contest) by Holey Pastry.
175 points, ended July 2, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Gore, gore and blood galore. by MalevolentDesire.
450 points, ended May 1, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ghouls, They keep me company! by McrSAVEDmyLIFE.
250 points, ended June 3, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SW Oscars 2008 - Best Thriller+Mystery Story by Asfand.
425 points, ended September 6, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - GORE FEST! by cole3313.
180 points, ended September 6, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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Wonderful. I can feel what the person woman/man is feeling. The detail of the rather gruesome scene is indulging. The strange black dressed is an exciting character that leaves us wondering who he is.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I love the idea that purgatory is supposed to be full of pain. I alwqays saw it as an endless waiting, nothign more. I love this twist though and I love the idea that he gave her the option to be one of them.
I'm sure it would be much better then the other option.
Good job and good luck.
Angel.
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Pretty good I sawa a movie similar to this. It was called "Awake" maybe you've heard of it. It was deffinetly interesting and I liked the twist at the end.
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Bravo! This was an intensely gruesome story, and the way you put the descriptions, imagery etc, into it all was great.
The only problem I have is that your first paragraph is just one big chunk of text. You need to break it up into shorter bursts, so that its easier on the eyes when someone reads it.
Other than that little quirk, I think you did an excellent job, and yhid dort of story is definitely what I'm looking for.
Thanks for entering, and good luck.
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You show an excellent sense of fine-tunes tingling. Nice one! ;-)
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Gruesome! I loved it! I liked the twist at the end, it was the perfect end... or beginning to the character's outcome. You had some nice imagery. Great Job and Thanks for entering!
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Scarry and extremly gross!!! but great job!!!!!!!
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Scary and gross! Loved it! Great describition of the torture going on in that room. One question: Why does everyone think this was a "he" I can't find anything in your story that says it's a "he". Good write!
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To me, it just didn't possess the raw emotion that I would suppose would stem from pain that deep. And some of the spelling and grammar were a bit off.
If he had his throat cut so he couldn't scream, why is he talking to the dark figure -
WOW it was awesome I liked it. It was creepy but that is really good
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ooh, that was awesome. a tad gruesome, this is true, but very good. i don't really have any criticism. i think i'll read it to my little brother before bed...mwahahahaha.
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Your story has a lot of gore straight off. (Which I like btw) however, it leaves the reader feeling like they've come in during the middle of something.
I'm not sure how much detail you want in a critique so I'll be brief.
I'm not sure if it's SW or not but your structure is off. Going into edit and clicking fix line spacing should fix this if you're a free member
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hmmm
A moebius strip story! How clever! I like the idea of the cycle going on forever, constantly switching between victim and sadistic doctor, over and over.
Is this the first chapter of a story, or did you decide to leave things hanging?
And also, isn't Hell where you're supposed to be tortured horribly? I thought Purgatory was just a waiting room type place where souls stayed until they could be redeemed enough to enter heaven.
Eh. Whatever.
Good story. It made me cringe in several places (especially the bit with the teeth - UGH! I was running my tongue over my teeth while I read that to remind myself that they were still there. Creepy creepy story!) :-D -
WOAH!!! This was great.
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WoOt!!!! Interesting conecpt. Now that was gore! And not angsty gore, but good gore! Ah, I think you've captured my heart XD
Great Job, good use of describing and I hope to see mroe of it.
Love Shiny -
Whoa.
THIS reminds me of Saw.... The irony in this piece is splendid, and the description of the torture was superb. I also loved the symbolism in this. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
~ [eRi]ca ~
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Wow, this was really good. Good luck in the contest.
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oh. woah. that was amazing Mads!! horrifying! i haven't read anything that creepy for a while. i love the whole idea of the story. where did it come from? very original! and the ending was perfect! amazing job!!
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Creepy
You are a very scary person. You and Stephen King
I'm almost afraid to ask, but where on earth did you get such an idea??? The story moves so stealthily up escalating scales of terror, it's unbelievable. Good grief, I thought the black clothes dude was there to save him. Now he's going to get slaughtered, then go back to being tortured ~ a never ending circle. A modern day Dante's Inferno. I say Hot Damn!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very interesting twist in the end. Watch the dialogue puntuation. You need to clean that up a bit. You also are repetitive in some of your word choices. Purgatory is supposed to be temporary so I'm not sur if you want to mention that he was to spend eternity being tortured. Of course he takes the deal and becomes the cutter so perhaps that was his temporary punishment...hmmmm
good stuff as always!
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Excellent
I loved your story. It had so much detail and emphasis on certain parts. I really enjoyed all the blood parts because that was one of the key parts in this contest. It was also very well written. I feel like You have a real good chance at being one of the finalists in this contest. Keep up the good work. -
This was good, alot of blood shed and gore. The descriptions only further brang all this to life.
Good job and good luck in the contest my dear.
Lady Madeline.
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Wow this is great! such description! It is amazing how you got such words onto the page!
Good luck on the contest thanks for entering!
Em
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Inteeennnssssee!
Wow, that was gruesome. I have often thought about writing something totally outrageous - maybe gruesome or frightening, but intensely so. You did just that. I imagine it was fun to write - almost like letting go of something. I did think right off that it was a dream or something - no one lives through that kind of thing. I liked the way you brought it into the idea of fantasy, or the afterlife - it made the whole thing stangely plausable. For the length it flowed nicely with good form and structure. The ending was spooky - an interesting take on the nature of Hell.
I imagine you could (and maybe have) written more for this story. Regardless, this sounded like a good exercise piece about fear, violence, and just plain good old unmittigated gore! Well done!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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*whistles and claps* I sooo love your imagination sense! This was...morbidly cruel and unusual ....yet so real feeling. You are and amazing writer. *claps again*
LJ
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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whoa
this is my favorite. the twist at the end is brilliant and the way you described the whole thing..was amazing. Your such a kickass writer this story rocks!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Mads, this was awesome...in a creepy, gory kind of way. Lol. Nice imagery and near flawless structure, I didn't see any errors but I never call anything perfect unless I'm sure it is.
Anyway, very well done!
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that is so morbid...i love it
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Gorey (or is it Gory?)
Regarding your depiction of entering into purgatory, the bloody and grossly sickening content turned my stomach upside down.
And as to the subject, "Purgatorial Pain," it's obvious you must be a Roman Catholic, but I am a Baptist and our theological differences are great. Don't believe me but do believe God, for nowhere in Scripture does He through His inspired word through men even slightly hint that purgatory is a viable option. It's all through faith in Jesus Christ and Him alone. He died for all your sins if you have accepted Him into your life, and never will you need to face that horrible place called Purgatory if this is so. When you close your eyes in death, it will be either heaven or hell, all based on what you did with the Son of God.
I see you have written many articles, but the problem is I'm a lousy reader who hates to read lengthy material. It was your title to this story that aroused my interest.
May God grant you the peace and understanding
that only He can give! Oh, and it surprised me that StoryWrite accepts material where the 'F' word is used and some cursing. -
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Well, actually, I'm an Atheist/Agnostic
I have not read the whole Bible, and so I would not know whether purgatory is mentioned or not Consider this purely fiction, because my knowledges at these points are limited 
Though, I know that in some religions/branches of religions (you say Roman Catholic) purgatory is believed in.
I shall not argue with you though
Hehe, and I understand your reading habits
Usually I don't like reading too long texts myself, but I tend to do it on this site however, because of the marvellous content and quality I use to find
Cursing don't really surprise me though, but I guess it could offend some people...
I use it myself, so I won't critizise it
But it's never good to over-use it, I will agree on that point
Thanks for the comment, and for taking the time to read
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Horrific good fun!!!
I loved this story for so many reasons...
First of all; it's as morbid as morbid gets, there's so much blood, torture, and nightmarish imagery that it actually had me *cringing* at times (and I don't cringe easy).
Never read anything on SW quite as terrifying. You *must* either (1) write a sequel to this story or (2) write more of this type of genre. You're truly an amazing writer; don't let people tell you different.
Thanks for this splendid masterpiece
P.S. jsedory is an idiot. The author tagged the story "Adult" for a reason, so don't complain that it's inappropriate just because it has curse words (what are you, five?). Nobody forced you to read it.
Now, I don't hand these little guys out very often, but...
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Amazing...this contest is going to be so hard to judge!
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Ah-ha I see. Well maybe there is some way to clear it up. Thanks for explaining it to me.
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No problem
I'll try finding a way of explaining it in the story too
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Not bad, but you contradicted yourself. One part you said he was immortal and then you went on to say he was dead. I'm not sure if that was what you intended to do or not. Other then that it was good. Nice details and the end was shock.
~*Brooke*~ -
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I just meant that he was 'immortal' while in purgatory... Since he was unable to die there
I guess I wrote it in a weird way...
Anyway, thenks for the comment
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Damn... That was a surprise ending if I've ever read one. This story reminds me a lot of Saw. Is this a one part story or does it go on because you could make a long good book about this.
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Thanks alot for your comment
As for the story, it's a one-part story, but perhaps I should consider expanding on it?
Thanks alot
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Hej Mads
Har inte läst någonting av dig innan... Men fy fan vad bra det var. Punkt. -
Great.
As usual, your work was fantastic. I love this genre. Definitely a different concept of Purgatory. Keep it up.
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Wow this is so awesome. I LOVE the ending. You are so talented! o____o;
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hijdsgkjshdkjghdskjg My throght is scared AAAAAAAAAAAH this is
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nice twist
I like this. The torture descriptions were nice. Your conception of purgatory is definitely a chilling one. I definitely didn't expect him to become the torturer at the end.
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Ohhh man. That was nasty! But in a tasteful, gory way. LOL. I loved this. Brilliant!
xoxo
Kelsey -
Gore Galore!!
Haha! This is definitely a horrific short...you definitely are an artist at depicting gore! I, myself, have always been a fan of stuff like this...only thing that disappoints me is that these stories usually have pointless endings and crappy plots and are focused around the killing aspect.
Not with you!! You manage to artfully describe the gore as the plot twists on! And I LOVED the ending! So eery..... definitely sent chills down my spine. I wonder what the person did to get stuck in such an awful place... must have been awful! Another way that you creatively let the reader figure this out with his or her imagination. What a spooky and twisted idea for a story. Congrats, hope you receive big points for this one!
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OMG...
OMG MADS!
You finished it! Yay! and... wow, you used my suggestion too 
I am HONORED! 
The cringe and creepy factor it had when I first read it (unfinished) was still present as I read it a few minutes ago My stomach is churning now x.x and thankfully, it is empty (I shall NOT be losing my meal 
)
The actual cutting and torture here was so... graphically described my mind is now haunted by the images I might have to sleep when daylight comes
If this was an actual purgatory... I will do either absolutely GOOD things... or absolutely bad things I am scared of operations - I spent a lot of time in the hospital as a kid, but I never got operated on x.x ANYWAY.. scaatch that, I will be a good girl AND behave I mean, HELL should be a lot worse than this purgatory, right???
Mads, I love that character - the one who "saved" the man from the pain. He's purgatory's caretaker then? Haha, he gives people choices, I like that ^_^ haha, he makes things more interesting. AND he winks makes him more twisted that way, I think
The sudden twist at the end just... blew me away 
I had honestly thought he would go back, get a second chance back on earth... but yeah, I like that he is now dealing the pain
Oh and
lounges - lungs?
Not sure
Thank you for sharing this!
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Hehe, your suggestions were great! So I used them Thanks alot
I'm glad the creepy factor was still there, and I'm glad you wont loose your meal, hehe
Haha, I started this thinking that I wanted to depict something really grusome... I hope I succeeded hehe 
Do good things Rachel
Though I doubt (and hope not) that purgatory will be like this
Hehe, and yeah, hell is supposed to be even worse... so let's try to stay out of that place!
Hehe, the man here is sort of a caretaker, yeah He's the sort of guy that has a twisted mind, and loves playing with people (Sort of like Mephisto was )
And of course he winks, I love that depiction hehe
Hehe, the end was... well, I had to think alot, and I decided that it could be a good way to end it
And yup, you are right as always, lungs of course! (I misspelled it the first time, and the corrections made it even worse )
Thanks, I'll edit it right now
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And I thought I was first x.x Dang, Love like Magic is FAST
SO GLAD I helped
Purgatory.. I won't like purgatory at all, if it was like this or not
Yeah, Mephisto-ish guys are cool! *dances*
This is just amazing - like all your works! (that I've read anyway)
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OMG, u can come up with some crazy ideas. Man, now i am scared of doctors and nurses *pulls out guns and shoots those mofo's in the head* Nehow, awsome write
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