MRS PROTHEROE
By Robert Davidson
The Night Your Landlady Came To Your Room
A loose gown in which her flesh swam free. Fascinated. Your eyes resting diffidently, the full white breasts, the shadowed cleft. Your mind searching the unknown. Hesitated. Resisted. Locked within the closed circle of yourself.
Broken into tears Mrs Protheroe moaned your name against your mouth. Saying her old man had deserted the year before. Lonely. You saw silver tears sliding down a sad moonlit face.
She said you were too withdrawn within yourself - You kept to your room, were too much alone, she said. So lost. Lying on your bed, reading Schopenhauer late at night. Yes, you were reading everything, you said, yet could believe in nothing.
She clinging to you with her mouth. Arousing. Inflaming flesh. You losing the will to resist. You would solve the mystery of yourself, you thought, as your bodies took the shapes of passion. You would come out of yourself in this long waited moment.
She searching your boy's body for the lost images of youth, the skin stretching transparently on your ribs; she making a moaning, loving sound while taking the taste of you with her tongue - And you holding tightly the muscles of her plump white thighs as interlocked her body became as one with yours.
When you opened your eyes your room, your books still preserved their apparent shapes, despite long shadows in pools of early morning light. She was as a rock to which we cling, you thought; she was the rock of love on which we all founder, you further thought.
And as you wandered deeper into yourself, no longer lost, you felt you'd slithered down a solid slope, sensible of a dream-time womb in smooth transparent skin - while she lay prone and spent on you. And for a moment you felt as wise as God.
Love? - an equation for two bodies - Or the subtler colloquy of disparate souls?
Copyright 2007
http://www.robertdavidson.blogsource.com
A contest entry
- ALOT LIKE LOVE by Melli.
120 points, ended April 4, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - To Our Darling Original Characters... by yumesandman.
500 points, ended April 2, 2007, 19 entries
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199 points, ended April 20, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Penny for Your Thoughts by the shorty.
175 points, ended October 8, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short but sweet>>Anything goes by Reaver.
170 points, ended May 14, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Quickies: Shorties by tallblondie.
210 points, ended July 8, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short stories! by Vanilla King.
350 points, ended September 9, 2008, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I'm not really sure what I think about this story.. in a way it's fascinating, but in a way it's too intellectually forced. I'm not a big fan of erotic stories, and though it isn't very explicit, it certainly has an erotic undertone. The mysterious, poetic vibe is kind of cool though.
I hope you don't mind my honesty! -
Well Done!
You are very good at articulating emotion and descriptions. You’re build up is very well structured and I really enjoyed it. Watch your plurals. Sometimes you don’t use them correctly…or at all. Other than that, this was well done!
Bravo!!
~D
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i like the style of your writing the way you put this in a second person. (i think that its)
really nice write descriptive almost poetic.
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This is really interesting, nicely written. Very form centered, which creates a new erotic feel. Honestly I could see this doing better with more detail, but overall a good write.
Kat -
thnx for entering and im so srry for the late comment.
okay wow this was very well written. i really enjoyed reading it.
keep up the amazing work and good luck.
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I think the writing is good. If it really tells me about a character, I'm not sure. ^_^'' You really have to dig for it, which was sort of an effort with nineteen other entries.
Still, the actual story is good. There's a couple of places where the verb tense gets a little confused, but over all devoid of spelling and grammar mistakes.
Nice job! ^_^ -
Hm...
Wow...Its different how you portray your story. Good with detail too :]]. Its really confusing, which really threw me off. Sometimes i couldn't really tell what was going on... -
Moving...literally.
amazing how you protray her body, her breast, her plump thight. all in the good of a man's mind. for me, its kind of pedophilic...when she searching your boy's body...it feels like she is seducing my boy(imaginary boy) from his virginity. no offense. the imagery is great. keep up the good work. you are a excellent competitor.
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I really enjoyed the tone with which you wrote this. A great piece, great flow to it. Excellent.
xoxo
Kelsey -
Extremely Passionate
Mrs. Protheroe is a bit like Mrs. Robinson
Your first paragraph is so sensually descriptive and sets the tone for the rest of the encounter. Kudos to you! This is written in an unusual but effective style. I felt voyeuristic. Love the line about a rock to cling to/founder on. The last line is fantastic.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, characters: 3.
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Ooh!
Hot work you've written here. I think that the seductive descriptions really caught my eye. I wish you luck in this contest...I think you'll be hard to beat.
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