Vassiel the beautiful was born into a family of fairy peasants. Her parents were dreadfully far into debt with Gryon the green wizardess. Gryon was the peasant family's cruel and horrifying land lord. Since the poor fairy family couldn't pay off their debt with Gryon; Gryon took their beautiful daughter Vassiel and trapped her in, Treho Desa Mryso, The Lost Forest. Treho Desa Myrso was watched over by the dragon keeper Ahsumee. Ahsumee's philosophy was: if it's in the forest, it's mine.
As time passed the child Vassiel grew up to know Treho Desa Myrso as her home and with Ahsumee always flying over her head she also knew it as her prison.
Vassiel spoke, the language of the fairies, farse. Every day she would wander around the forest and sing:
Vou re sol
dosh a mol
as se bar eh do re oun
e re mah
tah ser a
da me dor re tou re oun
te gre mou
gras ce tou
a se bar eh dou re oun
One day as she was singing; she heard another voice that was also singing, but not in the same language as her. So she followed the voice that sang:
ec re moun te eese sa fra
tah tre har moun men sa cra
par sa ha mour sa va
gras ma tra sa varee ma
Vassiel followed the voice all the way to another part of the forest; a part of the forest that she had never seen. She followed the voice until her feet were wet from standing in water. Out in the distance she saw, upon a half submerged rock, a mermaid laying in the overcast from the sun, singing in mer-tongue.
Vassiel waved her hand for the mermaid to come over, but the mermaid saw Ahsumee on his dragon and dived back into the sea. Vassiel now curious about this new part of the forest went on an adventure to discover more.
Vassiel had walked for a while when she saw this castle with a great white flag. She had remembered something about this castle as if she had lived there once, but before she could venture in she was spooked by a man on a horse.
The man on the horse said his name was Furil and he asked if she needed a ride, he held out his hand hoping she would accept, but before Vassiel could a huge flame came down and the man was fried. Vassiel cried as Ahsumee upon his mighty dragon laughed and joked with pride.
Vassiel in a state of mourn flew up and stole the mighty dragon's horn. Ahsumee full of anger and more, flew to the Black shadow and asked Gryon to replace his dragon's horn. At this Gryon screamed YOU IMBECILE and conjured a storm. The storm produced a single bolt of lightening to leave Ahsumee and his mighty dragon dead and torn.
Gryon did this because the unattended Vassiel ran back to the shore. There at the shore she asked the mermaid why she sang. The mermaid said I wish I could be you and there the two traded fins for shoes. The mermaid was now a fairy and the fairy was a mermaid. Then Gryon showed up she was ugly, but she too wanted to be something else. So Gryon became dolphinish and she and the dolphins spewed.
The End
Author notes
the fairy, dragon keeper, wizardess, mermaid, warrior, and the dolphine lover.
A contest entry
- Spells and Magic, Spirits and Demons by Delfishie.
175 points, ended March 24, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SIX PIXS by RedTalon.
525 points, ended April 10, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Twist.. o_O by Ziee...
130 points, ended August 25, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ooer.. it was.. diffrent.. and very fast, i mean like, the story moved quickly.. you could've spread it out a bit, but i liked it.
good luck -
Absolutely stunning!
Hey, I wasn't expecting so brilliant to come out of anyone's head for this contest...but it sure did...more than once.
I'm fascinated by the story that you wrote...of the fairy and the mermaid. Riveting!
Boy do I look forward to judging this contest. -
You might want to reword and edit some thing but the entire story idea was really interesting. If you extended it and maybe made it go a bit slower you might have great piece.
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porcipinedude94
that was great blackoli!! this is the first one i have read from you so this is really goodbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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um.
Well. Um. It's a good first draft and it's very imaginative. I strongly suggest that you go over this again with a spell checker, however, because so many words are misspelled that I had a hard time reading it.
The ending was kinda weird and not-understandable. How in the world can they have "spewed"? I'm pretty sure that's entirely the wrong word. Also, why would a mermaid trade her freedom and her fins to a stranger? Just because of the song?
What are the motivations of the characters? Why is Gryon so mean and why did she show up at the end? Why did the dragon-rider keep people in his forest as prisoners? What was the purpose of introducing the guy who offered her a ride only to kill him 3 sentences later?
Dang it! I'm being too negative in this review and I know how disheartening that is, so sorry about that! This story has the potential to be really interesting, but it needs reworked. I'd love to read a later version of it, however.
Good luck in the contest! -
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I'll spell check what is that word when dolphins blow water out of their blow holes and where would i put my sister's name bcause she told me this as a bedtime story
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