The Last Stand

It was another mild evening in Los Angeles as temperatures started to drop below 70. The air was cool with a slight breeze, and it was nearing dusk as the time approached 6:00PM. All seemed entirely peaceful, except on the rooftop of one of L.A.'s finest hotels; the Westin Bonaventure.

The golden setting sun reflected off of the hotels' chrome circular frame as it started to dip behind the horizon. No one would have known anything out of the ordinary unless they had looked at the five star hotel from above.

The scene depicted utter chaos. Bodies lay askew in awkward positions, and puddles of blood pooled around them. Most of the men had been dressed in black, however there were several that obviously had government issued uniforms. Everyone was dead, except for one: a boy.

His built frame was crouched on the ground as he set up a large weapon with a scope and a stand. To look at the boy upon first glance, you would guess for him to be around 18. But if you looked twice, you would realize he was in fact much younger. In fact, at this moment, the boy looked to be no older than 15.

He was shaking so badly he could hardly set up the stand for the gun. His sweaty palms kept slipping whenever he tried to secure the weapon onto the ledge of the roof. His eyes were extremely wide, and all of the blood had completely drained from his face to leave the skin pigment a ghostly white.

It had seemed so simple: provide back-up for the special ops team as they took out the several terrorists that would be guarding the warhead.

That is, of course, even if it WAS a warhead. these missions were never briefed to a big extent. It was just get in, shoot, disarm, get out.

Of course, as they had made their way to the top of the Westin's stairwell they realized far too late it had been a trick. They had at least 12 men in black already waiting for them, so it was quite obvious they had been set up. The team was far more skilled than the idiots dressed in black, but the odds were unbeatable. It was a miracle that the boy was still alive.

There had, in fact, been some sort of bomb on the roof top of the Westin, but it was a fake. It wasn't until after all of the members from the special ops team were dead that it had come in over special ops recruit Johnson's radio laying next to his shot up body that the bomb was actually on top of the Wilshire Grand, a hotel further down St. Figueroa street. The government was currently sending another team over to the Wilshire to disarm the bomb (or warhead, no one really knew) before it was too late. But the boy knew all too well that it was far too late for any sort of backup plan.

"Damn!"

The boy cursed as his sweaty (now sticky with blood) hands slipped yet again on the weapon. It was an OPSINC Suppressor, one of the highest powered sniper rifles available to the U.S., and any other country for that matter. But this one hadn't even belonged to any of the boys' teammates, it had been one of the terrorists'. He couldn't help but admire its' power and accuracy. After all, he had already taken out the four men on top of the Wilshire. It was an incredibly long shot, at least a quarter of a mile, but with the Suppressor it seemed like shooting a barn door from a mere 100 feet away.

But right now he was looking for something he knew was practically impossible to find, and he wasn't sure if it was even on the roof. He was shaking with fear as he placed the Suppressor atop the ledge of the Westin's roof, and aimed it once again towards the Wilshire.

He quickly scanned over the bodies of the men he had already killed, just to be sure they were dead. Then he started scanning for something he had no idea if he could find, and wasn't even sure if his plan would work even if he did find it.

He took a deep breath and let it out, trying to calm down. Slowly, his hands stopped shaking and the feeling came that he was very familiar with. His father had described it once as hyper-awareness, complete and total knowledge of what was happening around you. The feeling was fueled by bursts of adrenaline and was a basic survival instinct.

The boy could hear everything around him, the cars from highway 110, the faint music playing from a club down below, and the sound of a jet as it passed overhead.

Then, at last, he found it. A short gust of wind a quarter of a mile away had just barely removed a piece of tarp that had been covering the panel. He read the neon red numbers to himself out loud:

"3:12"

Fuck. It was even worse than he thought, and the tarp settled back down on top of the panel. The neon red numbers were now barely visible, and just left a ghastly shadow of red on the gray tarp that covered them.

The Suppressor only had 1 shot left in its' 5 round, single stack MAG-TECH magazine. The 24-inch barrel was covered in blood from the previous owner of the weapon, and it dripped slowly onto the pavement as the boy waited and prayed for another gust of wind to blow the tarp completely off.

So much pressure. An incredible amount of pressure, the boys' nerves were at an all time peak as his heart beat increased as the time passed. What would happen even if it did work? Even if he did get the shot which was against all odds, everything would go back to normal. All of these special ops missions have and always will be top secret, so no one ever finds out. Even if he saved all of downtown L.A., he still wouldn't be a hero. He would fly back to Washington and await the next mission.

He looked around at his dead teammates. They were all much older, much more skilled, yet for some reason HE was the one that was still alive. He hadn't really known any of them, that was part of the rules. You weren't allowed to even know each others' real names.

A movement in the corner of his eye caught the boys' attention. He quickly swung the Suppressor back over to look at the panel covered by the tarp. The tarp was gone!! A gust of wind had blown it completely off, now exposing most of the control panel and part of the bomb or warhead itself. And still no sign of the other special ops team.

He aimed the Suppressor directly at the neon red LED lights that read how much time he had left of his life. This also applied to the thousands of others that were enjoying this fine night in downtown L.A., totally oblivious to what was happening several hundred feet above them.

"1:09"

So it all came down to this. The boy started breathing heavily again when he realized the fate of one of the biggest city's in the world lied in his hands. Literally. If he didn't make the shot, he would be totally screwed. And even if he DID make the shot, God knows if it would stop the countdown or not.

The boy pulled out his Browning High Power Mk. 3 pistol and placed it against his skull that was now completely soaked in sweat. He could do it. He could pull the trigger now, there would be no more pressure, and it would all end. No more crazy weekend missions, no more crazy life. He wished his Dad had never gotten him into it in the first place. Besides, he was about to die in what, one minute? This way he would at least feel like he had some sort of control over his own death.

But no. He Threw the gun at one of the dead terrorists in anger, slowly coming to a sad realization that he had to do this. There was no easy way out. He checked the neon red numbers one more time:

"0:37"

It was definitely enough time. He could take the shot, and even possibly use one of the emergency parachutes the terrorists had to jump off the building and escape the blast from the bomb if he missed the shot. But if it was a warhead, there would be no escaping...

"0:30"

This was it. he aimed the Suppressor as carefully as he could. But this was a near impossible shot, he would have to use the entire 30 seconds to be sure the shot was perfect. He could do it.

"0:25"

The numbers seemed to go by slowly now, each one passing by as another instantly appeared to take its' place. The boy chuckled to himself as he thought of the clock sound from the TV hit series 24 for each second that ticked by.

bip, beep, bip, beep....

"0:20"

It was much darker now than when he had first killed the 4 men that had once been guarding the red neon lights. But now they were dead. And the darkness made the shot even more difficult, since this model of Suppressor was not equipped with the latest night vision.

bip, beep

"0:16"

Now the numbers seemed to be picking up speed, along with the boys' heart rate. Faster and faster, ticking away. A song came into the boys' head that he had heard the previous summer back in Washington; Jet Black New Year. The song counted down the last 10 seconds to the new year, one by one. He wasn't a fan of hardcore music, but this one had grabbed his attention. The song itself was great, but the band, Thursday, was a piece of shit. Yet the lyrics echoed in the back of his head as the neon red lights reached 10 seconds.

"0:10"

10 seconds left until midnight....

"0:09"

9 chances to drown ourselves in black hair dye...

"0:08"

eight faces turned away from the shock....

The Suppressor was set now. The seconds were going by faster than ever, and the boy knew he could take the shot now but the tension kept building. He loved the feel of the adrenaline rushing through his veins, and his heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to explode.

"0:07"

seven windows and

"0:06"

six of them were locked....

"0:05"

five stories falling...

This was it. The tension and pressure were incredible!! He quickly wiped the sweat out of his eyes and gritted his teeth as his fingers began to clench the hand crafted grips on the Suppressor.

"0:04"

forever, and ever....

"0:03"

three cheers to the mirror

"0:02"

now there are two of us...

The boy smiled as he muttered the last of the lyrics under his breath and pulled the trigger:

"0:01"

can we have one last dance.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • katiefran
    May 21, 2007
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    well, this is a very well written piece. the cliffhanger ending and the descriptions that you used coupled with the shockingly calm tone makes for a thrilling ride. however, i wasn't exactly scared...while i'm positive that this is an excellent entry for some other contests, maybe not this one. absolutely, positively a thrilling, adrenaline rush though!


  • Delfishie
    May 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Where are the two gold trophies this story won? That is one of the rules for my contest.


  • Kari gold member
    April 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very great write here. You did really good. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
    Kari


  • Amicus2K9
    April 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    "24"

    I thought perhaps you were aware of the Jack Bauer series, so am I and felt it throughout your story.

    You have a fine grasp of building tension and working up to a 'cliffhanger', as the contest dictated.

    This is an excellent early effort at story telling, but for the most part you 'told', instead of showed and secondly, you tried to put too much into such a short story, although I am sure you felt at least some background was necessary, it really is not for just a snippet of a story and need not take place in an action scene which this surely is.

    When they have six through ten year old girl suicide bombers training in Iran and Syria, I don't find it a bit beyond belief that a young boy can become a sharpshooter, although the Feds usually have rules against such things.

    nice work!

    amicus...



  • bakermiddle
    April 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Andrew

    I think that this is one of the best sories I've read here. Ilove the suspense of the timer although it's hard to believe someone about 15 years old would be in that sitituation. But anyways, this is a great story. Great Job!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • asthray.heart
    April 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was good, had an imagantive sense to it. Good use of words and description.

    Good luck and good job.

    Lady M.


  • yumesandman
    April 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A very nice job! ^_^

    Firstly, I did like it. The story flowed well, mixing a nice hint of sarcasm and true suspense. When you went into the lyrics of the song, that flow definitely got messed up, but it's always hard to add lyrics to a story and have it work well.

    The one thing that irked me is the boy's age. Now, being an anime and comic book fan, I'm certainly used to the 15 year-old heroes, but in literature it's become a little cliche. Now, if this is a character deeply set in your mind, who is this age for a good reason, I would never EVER suggest messing with his stats, but if not I would try and maybe mess with the age a little bit. Just a thought. ^_^

    But still, I really enjoyed this one and think you did a very nice job. Take another sneak-peak at the ending if you every get a chance, but over all an interesting story line.

    beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, characters: 3.


  • KingWolf
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Zero time is on the clock and no one knows what happened.. Nice! Although I must say, I think a resolution would ruin the story. Oh and if your interested, Britain and the U.S. just released a new sniper rifle "something"-MIV. Anyways, it's a semi-automatic sniper rifle with a 2000 yard range, almost no recoil, and good within 1/20th of an inch.


  • Token Massacre silver member
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Most of the dead men had been dressed in black, however there were several that obviously had government issued uniforms. Everyone was dead, except for one: a boy."
    I would remove the first "dead" it keeps the suspense you had buidling until you start "Everyone..."

    I enjoyed reading through this, although I find the fact that the main character is a government agent at 15 a little unbelievable. Otherwise it had me completely hooked.

    So? Are you going to continue this or just leave it and have people wonder what happened?


    • code17
      March 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thanks!

      Thank you very much for the critique! Very good advice, I removed the first dead and that paragraph flows much smoother now.

      And yes, I agree, the fact that the main character is so young is a bit of a stretch, I might have to change his age again...

      But I have continued the story. I wrote the third installment before I wrote the second, you can read "great hospitality" before "such great heights" and they somewhat fall into place. Even though that isn't the order that I wrote them in, I thought that was kind of cool. Thanks again for the advice!!

      -17


  • Me and Lyndon
    March 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Cool!

    Really nice writing thecnique. good work, keep it up!


  • Drac
    March 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Bad Boy! ;)

    Wow... a gripping story!
    So alive! Made me feel like I was there..
    But the end.. oh.. the cliffhanger end!
    Very, very well written!

    You made me feel the suspense, and fear the timer... Wow, magnificent writing!

    This is an exellent first story to post
    I'll hope to see lots more from you!
    Welcome to Storywrite by the way

    Great story!

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Azaradelle Moderators member
    March 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Absolutely breathtaking!

    Oh my! This was magnificent!
    The suspense! Ahh i absolutely loved it!
    The whole story was amazingly well detailed, and i really like how you have a solid knowledge of weaponry and such in order to back the story up, making it technical, and realistic.
    The emotions depicted throughout were great, and the ending, my god i cant go on about how perfect it was!
    This is by far the best ending to a story i have ever read. Resolved, yet open to allow the readers imagination run wild!
    Great job on this, a truly enjoyeable read!
    Goodluck and welcome to Story Write!

    Thank for entering!

    Yrs.

    Azaradelle.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    March 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I am Soda, nice to meet you! :=)

    Wow... this was beautiful.. You have so much knowledge about guns and fighting and.. I felt like I was watching a beautifully coordinated fight scene on a movie.. or this could be an anime too. Your introduction was perfect for the entire setting - the misleading "calmness" of the first paragraph shocked me when you started describing what was actually happenig

    I WAS wondering why they would send a 12 year old boy - then again, in some areas, children as young as 6 are taught how to hold and fire guns.. x.x sad, that they have their childhood, innocence and (often) lives taken away from them at a very young age...

    I particularly loved your last parts, where you inserted the song to time with the ticking seconds of the bomb. You have amazed me.

    Welcome to StoryWrite and I hope to read more from you
    Good luck with the contest ^_^

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