Seth's Mess 5- Fear and Love

DAY 5- Fear and Love

It was still dark when I woke up and I still had company. Seth sat in my too-high-for-my-desk chair staring blankly at his hands folded neatly on the surface. I glanced at the clock to read 3:46 A.M. I knew this meant the sun would be rising soon, and Seth would leave. He should have been already gone. I hated the risks he took.

"What are you doing?" I asked with no effort to still have my voice remain a whisper.

Bright eyes flickered my way and back to his woven fingers with a grimace. "Watching you."

"The sun will be out soon." No response. "Seth, you've got to get out of here." I leaned on my arm for some leverage as I just gawked at his unresponsive body.

"Seth."

"I don't want... to go." His smile faded quickly as he stood from the chair and leaned down next to me beside my bed. "We need to talk about last night."

I couldn't look at him when all I could think to say would bite me in the butt later. Better that than the neck though.

"I know now is not the right time though and that I need to go." Seth reached around the corner of my bed and grabbed his shoes slipping them on and jumping to his feet. I pushed my covers up off of me and felt the freezing air cling to my body, making all hairs stand on end. I stood with a strong shiver and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Seth surprised me when he sqeezed back. I held on tight for a moment and then very slowly relaxed my grip, as did he in response. Seth's hands cupped my shoulders and held me a few inches back.

"We will talk tonight, I promise."

"Get some more sleep. You need it."

Then my window flew open and shut in the same moment. I hardly made it back under my covers before my eyelids collapsed again. Maybe there was more truth than I knew to my sleep deprivation problem.

"Kailey?"

"Go away it's not dark enough... "

"What?" My mom looked worried. "You sleep too much lately." If you only knew. "It's going to be hard enough to get you back into the school routine without rearranging your sleep schedule."

She stood staring at me,waiting for a response from someone who was too beat to move. "It's late... I'm going in to work... I should be home to make dinner... No big today... Mostly just paperwork from this weekend..." She wrambled on and I retained half, at most, of what she was telling me.

I rolled over onto my side away from her. "Alright. Just lock the door." I yawned as she sighed and left me in peace. But my eyes wouldn't stay closed. My attempt to find solitude from the world was useless at this point.

Another yawn spewed out of me in reply to the suns beckoning rays. Can Kailey come out and play? I stayed in my bed hidden under the covers until I heard the phone ring. "Just let it ring... " The sound called out to me, just as annoying as the light creeping in between the shades to propel onto my face. "Stop ringing." I whispered and finally the machine picked up.

"Hi! You've reached the home of Leah and Kailey DeLane. We can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number we will get back to you as soon as we can." Beep.

No messege.

I rolled to my other side and exhaled deeply while reaching up for my stereo remote. Soon the music was blasting and I was comfortable again. The words resounded and eched in my head as I sang along with what I knew. I turned the volume up until I couldn't hear my own voice anymore.

I walked out into the kitchen after brushing my teeth and deleted the blank message. There were two. The one from yesterday and the one from today.

Speaking of the day, there was nothing really imediate that had to get done. My laundry and other house chores were done, no homework, and I don't think I couldn't sleep anymore than I already had.The day seemed useless.

I walked straight to my closet, undressing on the way and grabbed my jean shorts and a white t-shirt. My boring day was going to be spent as humanly as possible. I packed my small shoulder bag with sunscreen, my MP3 player and headphones, a bottle of flavored water, and a granola bar.

After leaving a note on the counter, in case I got back after my mom, I locked the door and just stood on the porch with a smile. There was a light breeze that was warm and smooth. It wrapped around my arms and legs gracefully and the slid off as I took a step down the stairs.

The sun was still pretty high in the later afternoon. It shown down between then trees on my shoulders and neck as I walked down the path behind my house. There was a fork coming up that lead into the woods on the left and to the water on the right. I veered right and breathed the forest smells in. The pine smell had remained in the winter, as it always did, but now the rest of the vegetation around my house was beginning too thrive again. Winter had taken forever to end, but was always gone by April.

I sighed deep and was thankful I don't have an allergies. Soon enough my feet made their way out of my shoes and into the water at the edge of the rocks. It was cool and soft, rippling far out. The water I had reached was ocean water though. That never made it over 65 degrees. My limbs reached down in deeper, and though it gave me chills, I had made it up to the bottom of my shorts. My fingertips rested on the top of the sultry sheet of liquid tracing the ripples in an endless cycle.

Back at the rocks that bordered the water's rim, I sat just watching the water slowly loose it's flow and rest into the same gentle agitation it had when I'd first arrived.

The hypnotism unconsciously created let me rest in peace the way that my sleep hadn't. No thoughts, no worries, and no sense of time. When I looked around myself again it was sunset. Jumping up with shoes and bag in hand, I jogged up the path back to the house. I smiled the whole way realizing how refreshed I felt. The goosebumps I had ranged most of my body but I didn't care.

Once inside I smelled the aroma of my much craved dinner. Only now did I realize that I hadn't eaten all day.

“Smells good.” I called from the doorway as I set down my shoes and wiped my feet on the carpet before entering the kitchen. My mom was making jambalaya.

“You're just in time.” She smiled at me while I fled into my room for a sweatshirt. Then I rinsed off my feet and hands before going back into the kitchen. “So, what did you do today?”

“I went down to the water for awhile.” Awhile seemed like a relative term that could fit for any amount of time really, and therefore here. The truth was I never checked the time and couldn't say how many hours I was down there.

She brought the sauce pan off of the burner and placed it on a cool one. “Oh yeah? Is it warming up down there?” She spoke still facing the food as she pulled the plates out of the cupboard.

I got out the silverware and placed it on the top plate. “It wasn't very cold today. I just waded around anyway.”

Dinner was silent for the most part but it made sick. My mom was leaving tomorrow and now wasn't the time for me to be distancing myself. I felt like all my priorities were all out of whack and I didn't want to fix them right now. All I could assume right now was that the life threatening situations came first.

“So, what time are you leaving the house again?” It was small talk but it showed that I cared. I was trying to retain all the information that I should have already known and then my mother tried to ask about the rest of my week. Well, once you're gone, I will probably be spending much of the week with blood-thirsty, mythical creatures. “I'll probably just have someone over for the next few nights to give me some company.”

And that was that. I still wasn't a complete liar, but she knew something was wrong. I was going to have to expect some calls.

“Do you want me to wake you up before I go tomorrow?”

“Of course!” I got a goodnight hug and trucked off. I knew this wasn't that different from when my mom went on her business trips. So why did I feel so confused about her leaving? It was like I didn't want her to go.

My hand hesitated on the knob knowing my room was probably already occupied. I gave a turn and headed on in regardless and turned on the dim fish tank light. Might as well feed them now.

“Are you okay?” Seth sat in my chair again. He was glancing over his shoulder at me, making me feel even worse in all his angelic glory. I sulked over to my bed and picked up the clothes only to toss them on the floor and occupy the space that was once theirs. A groaning noise made it's way out of my mouth as I laid motionless. “What's the matter?”

Even his words, his voice was more magnificent than mine. Why is everything dawning on me now? Was it because I finally felt a bit of normalcy, that I could comprehend after my zone- out session today? I didn't really care. Or I didn't want to. “My mom is leaving and I don't even care.” I could tell Seth was startled by what I had said. It wasn't what he had expected at all.

“I'm sorry.” He spoke after a moment and it was genuine, not sarcastic, but out of place. “I know that I've been taking up a lot of your time... and that you are close to your mom- ”

“No,” I breathed. “Don't be. I just need to... figure out what is going on. I'll admit I'm a little confused.”

Seth lifted my body as he sat on my bed and then leaned me up against his chest. He looked at me as he played with my hair. “You may be confused, but I wonder why? I put a lot into your hands when I came here and I'm sorry. I know that coming here probably jumbled a lot of stuff up for you.”

“Can we not go through the 'You Coming Here was a Bad Idea' argument again? I'm not really in the mood.”

“But you are more rested. I like that.” His smiled played half his face as he caressed the skin on my arms.It felt good to be held and I could only wish that this would last longer than I knew it would. “Kailey?”

I mumbled in response.

Seth's cold hand reached around my neck and removed the bandage. “Your neck is healed.” He continued to trace the wound marks now rapidly fading.

“It's all gone?”

“Yes. Amazing huh?” He smirked at me shyly.

I snuggled into his body and pulled the cover over our legs. I could never picture myself happy without seeing that smile again. I couldn't picture myself happy without him. And soon he would leave me.

In two days was the meeting that was going to change a lot of things for the both of us. Seth was going to have to make a few choices and in the end I was probably going to be left out. Feelings were washing over me that had only ever been explained to me by my friends. I was being dumped and we weren't actually even dating. To tell the truth, my relationship history could be summed up as insufficient considering that it had consisted of about two other parties, both of which I had let go. I was at a loss when it came time to make my way through a break- up.

“Kailey?” A silver voice called out to me in a tone I knew no other could even dream of reaching.

“Yes?” Especially not mine.

Seth took my hand and traced my fingertips with his. “Your skin is so soft.” He pressed the back of my hand against his cheek. It felt chill and smooth, like a metal or stone. “It smells like... cherry blossoms.”

“Now that's impressive.” My eyes widened. I reached for his hand in return and pressed it up to my mouth and nose breathing in deep. I dropped it quickly knowing my mistake was already made.

Seth waited for a second longer before nodding in impatience. “What?”

“Copper.” I knew from my mother's work and my own interest that blood had a distinctive copper smell.

“I think I'll take a shower now.” He smiled at me instinctively though my expression was unreceptive.

“Not yet. My mom is still awake.” I gave a shy smile back. “And you can't leave me yet.” I whispered as I slung his arm back around me. I didn't care for his smell at the moment but would rather endure that then the feelings I got when he wasn't close enough to touch. I was greedy.

Seth moved my hair out of the way and rested his chin on my arm to gaze down at me. It was like there were rays protruding from his eyes that would hold me in a trance until he felt satisfied with his control.

“What do you really think is going to happen on Saturday?” Well, that ruined the mood. Even if I was all to myself.

I gave a deep sigh and rolled onto my back letting Seth reposition himself on my stomach. “I'm hoping that they will give us some wonderful news that somehow you can be cured or something. But right now I'll just be thankful if we can live through it.”

“You want me to go back?” He gave me a strange look that I wasn't prepared for.

“Well, I mean I thought that you would... If you wanted to stay than I wouldn't want to stop you... But I guess I just thought that you didn't want... this.”

Seth's chuckle was muffled by his hand as he slung his body over mine resting his weight on his elbow and the side of my hip. “You know you can tell me what you really think. I mean, you don't have to make sure you are pleasing everyone with what you say. I just wanted to make sure you really wanted me to change.”

“Why wouldn't I?”

He gave me eyes that burned and smoldered under his eyebrows which were crooked. “Well, I mean it wasn't until I changed that I got you isn't it?”

Wow, never thought of it that way. “Um, I guess, but you know I've always loved you.” The word just seemed to get more and more casual.

“Okay.”

Time to turn this around. “Well, do you want this?” I gave a hand wave over his body.

“... It's only really the thirst that gets me. I kind of like the rest.” His voice was timid as he spoke the last part as his eyes glanced away from me. “I don't know. I'm pretty much used to everything else. And it has it's advantages.” He was staring back at me now. “It's just some parts are really cool. You get to-”

“Stop explaining. I get it.” I sat up here and blinked a few times to make sure I was awake.

Seth pinned me against the wall as he spoke. “But you don't.”

“I do.” My voice cracked a little letting him know just how much intimidation he held.

“Are you scared of me?” Seth leaned in closer almost touching my face with his own as he spoke. I held my breath to keep myself still wanting to just push him out of the way. “Is that why you want me to change back.”

“No. No, I just think that your family... and school...” I breathed a little, but just a little.

Seth breathed on me. I was surprised to find the copper in his breath mask completely by an almost sickly sweet scent. I breathed in deep inhaling him. It was cool, not like human breath, or even animal. “You are torn between the two then. Fear and love.”

I stared him down slowly finding control of my arms to push his body closer as he pulled his head back. “I told you. You don't scare me.” The words came out focused one by one. “Are you disappointed?”

“Extremely.” He sat back onto the edge. “That means you are in even more danger than I thought.” I could tell by the way his words sounded that he had a smirk. “Do you think it is safe to take a shower now?”

I didn't want him to leave me alone. I knew it would pain me to wait of him, but I wouldn't want him to go later either. “Can't you go when I'm asleep?”

“You want me around that badly?” I could basically feel his ego inflating at this point.

“You're the one who keeps taking the risks to be near me, you know. So, if I didn't know any better I might think this was mutual. Good thing I know better huh?”

“Oh, but you only think you do.” He had been inching toward me as we spoke and now was pulling me from resting against the wall. Seth wrapped his arm around my body as we both knelt in the center of my bed. His eyes stared intently into mine, holding my gaze.

My breathing shallowed as Seth looked me over with the most tantalizing smile ever. “I know I do.” The words were hollow the moment they left my mouth.

“Right. And I'm human.” He breathed the phrase onto me and once again I was engulfed in his scent. The indescribable smell made me hold my breath. I couldn't move. “Kailey?” I would have fallen back into the wall if I hadn't been held so securely. “Kailey, are you alright?”

I turned my head and took a few breaths. “I'm fine...” He had to stop doing that to me.

“I should go.”

“No.” I grasped Seth's arms and pulled myself closer so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. “Just wait a little longer. You can't leave me.”

“I'm not really leaving, I will be back in a few minutes. I promise.” He smiled sweetly as he stood and made his way to the door with me still attached. “Besides, I'm beginning to think you need a break from me.” He chuckled and unwrapped my hands from his arm.

Those were some of the longest minutes I've ever endured. It was like those last few minutes at school or work when you are just bored out of your mind waiting for the second hand on the clock to move. They just stay still as you watch and wait becoming more and more impatient.

“That wasn't so bad was it?”

I just glared. “You have no idea.”

"Oh, but I do." Seth grinned menacingly and continued on. "I may not be human anymore but I still think like one. His chest rumbled with a laughter only silenced by his hand.

"I think those 'human feelings' you are talking about,” I gestured with finger quotations. “May just be universal. Sorry to burst your bubble." Again with the laughter. I swear, everything I say is funny to him now.

I scooted over on the bed and motioned for Seth to sit down next to me. He sat obediently and I stole the towel from his hands to mesh it through his hair. He gave a playful shake at me letting the droplets fall onto my face and arms and I simply gave a wipe with his towel before going back to work.

I noticed Seth's hair was beginning to darken again, the way it did when winter was arriving and he got less sun, but really it was dawning on spring. I would miss the color he had gained back from being outside. I wasn't probably ever going to see that hue again.

"Tell me what's wrong." Seth pulled my arm holding the towel out of the way. His hair was mostly dry now. "I've seen it on your face all night but it just keeps getting worse." That was comforting. I had never been good at hiding my emotions, so I shouldn't have been the least bit surprised Seth could see my discomfort.

I ran my fingers through his hair never meeting his eyes. "I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm confused about my life, your... existence, and well, us."

"Kailey, you shouldn't be." He gripped my upper arms letting me still play with the dark strands. I let my arms fall onto his shoulders and wrap around his neck then, still keeping my distance where we sat. "Your mom knows you love her and will be fine. She probably doesn't even notice as much as you think. She's got a lot on her mind too. As for me, we're figuring that out. Saturday will be fine. I will protect you. And we... are together."

What? I saw a questioning smile arise on his face. "Isn't that what you want?" The words were like bullets. Of course I wanted to be with Seth. I never wanted a moment of my life without his presence, though I knew that wouldn't be possible.

But something was holding me back.

I had to force out words. "Yes." It was true but rang in genuine. I knew he heard it too by the sour look on his face.

"I'll let you sleep." What a coward! Every time I say something wrong he runs away.

"Seth, I didn't mean it like that."

He stared at me coldly. "Well, what did you mean? You say it like you don't want me anymore." He was reaching for his shoes now at the end of the bed.

"Seth... I want you." Well, that didn't sound like what I was going for. I stood and stepped in front of him so that he would keep his eyes on me. "I mean, I want to be with you. You know I do. This whole mess is just throwing me off a little."

He sighed. "Yeah, me too." Seth stood and I felt as if he'd grown half a foot. I figured his posture must be getting better. "I, I'm sorry." His voice was hesitant but I appreciated the words.

I sighed and gave a tiny smile. "Don't be. Just give me a hug." I gripped his shirt and leaned in ready for him to wrap his arms around me. But he didn't.

Seth held my hand against his chest. "I'll do you one better." And then he leaned down to press his lips against mine. I'd rather take this option any day!

My hands worked their way up to hold his face and Seth reached around to place his on the back of my head and lower back. He pushed me against the wall and held me there by compression. His face lifted from mine only keeping an inch or two away. I had to fight the urge to just slam my mouth back onto his and slow my breathing. I felt a shiver go down my spine to my toes.

"Are you cold?"

"No," I breathed. "That was from you."

Seth smiled at me in return and pulled me closer while pulling his own body back. We were synchronized as we silently turned.

"Lay down." Seth's voice was powerful and deep as he very gently took my arm and lead my body back. I wanted to resist but looking into his gaze made it impossible. He laid down next to me placing his head on my chest. My already speeding heart upped it's pace and I thought I would have a heart attack. I began to stroke Seth's hair taking deep breaths. "Kailey."

I looked down to him, his eyes facing me staring intently but not at me. He was deep in thought. I just watched him for a moment. His eyes glowed in the dim lighting and my hands began unconsciously caressing his arms. I didn't realize that his eyes had made their way to my face.

"Do you really love me?” I hardly heard the words because they were so soft and quiet. I didn't think I would have heard them at all if I hadn't spent so much time around my close to silent companion.

At this point I was lost in the stare, too captivated to create a coherent sentence. I just nodded.

Seth snuggled closer and gave out a sigh. I thought that funny that he still held his breath in suspense when he didn't need to breathe. Must be habit.

We laid there for a long time. I pondered on the whole 'us' idea and whether it could work. A lot of sacrifice was going to be made on either side. Seth's hungers would end up colliding and I would have to watch how close I physically got to him. Our whole relationship would be a risk in itself.

Suddenly, I envisioned Seth following through with his promise. He showed up on my doorstep and I introduced him to my mom. Then we walked off of the porch hand in hand under the light of the moon. He would get his introduction and I would get my moonlit walk, someday.

“Close your eyes.” And I did just that.