“I’m a girl. I am a giggly girl! I talk all the time, nonstop. I’m talking out loud right now; I don’t like to just think things, so I say them out loud, all the time. All my girlfriends are the same way, people think we are crazy. We probably are, who cares? Who asked you anyway?
“Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.! Geez, a banana and orange juice is prolly healthy, but they don’t taste all that good with the toothpaste taste! Where’s a hair pretty? Need a ponytail. What am I wearing? Where are my shoes? Damn!
“Hey…Wait for me! Not walking to school all by myself you guys!”
“I dunno! You goin‘? You goin’ with someone? Naw. You know I almost always go alone. Now who can I ride with if you’re gonna double? Damn.
“What new guy in school? Really cool? Hot? Yeah, sure, you think they’re all hot…not!
“He’s in our class today? You sure? That’s why you got a friggin’ short skirt and jeez, make-up? You? Wow!
“I told you I talk all the time. I just can’t hold it in my head; it just comes tumbling out, sometimes I can’t even talk fast enough to get everything said. Lunch is crap; gag me. Sneak a smoke in the girl’s room, damn, now I’m gonna be late, double crap!”
“Ouch, damn! Look where you’re going, that hurt!” I…”
Oh, my God! My mouth won’t work. I can’t catch my breath! He’s gorgeous!
Oh, God, look at those green eyes!
“Are you alright, Miss?”
Oh, damn, even his voice is perfect!
“You okay?”
Brain does not connect to mouth. All I can do is gasp and stare. I never saw such a beautiful guy. Why can’t I catch my breath?
I see him frown a little and then turn away. I couldn’t even get my legs to work enough to follow. I felt my eyes blinking a hundred times a minute and my heart pounding. What is going on?
There were two giggling girls, one on each arm, supporting me, guiding me to the desks we all sat at. I kept my head craned around to where he was and where he sat. He glanced up at me and smiled. Oh, God, what a beautiful smile!
I didn’t hear a word the teacher said. I couldn’t turn my head away from him. I didn’t care if everyone was staring at me. He looked up now and then to find me still holding him with my eyes; he looked embarrassed, I couldn’t help it.
All of a sudden, I didn’t want to be a fluffy, air headed cheerleader anymore. I wanted to be whatever he wanted me to be, anything!
They thought I was ill. They walked me home; I couldn’t have found my way alone. I didn’t know where I was or who I was.
I have never been so quiet in my whole life.
Oh… what the holy hell do I do now?
A contest entry
- THE MOD SQUAD CHALLENGE by Cyber Artist.
700 points, ended April 7, 2007, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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You've perfected another story yet again. This is amazingly true. Love, or a crush, or whatever it may be, can catch you at anytime, leaving you speechless. I know this from experience. It's funny how people wait for those moments that leave you speechless, when, in reality, there's nothing that you could even say to describe what made you speechless in the first place. You only get that on very few rare occasions in your lifetime, but of course, you captured it. It gets tiring telling you what a wonderful write each story that I read is, but, I'm at loss for words after a certain amount of stories that I read with all the same love towards them. So, I will leave you with, yet again, what an amazing write this is.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Nice story, shorter than your usual stuff, but it was good.
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I love how she didn't want to be a giggly cheerleader anymore. She wanted to be whatever he wanted her to be. Alot of girsl are like that now-a-days.
And him having green eyes was a nice touch. I wish my eyes were green...but I'm stuck with blue.
The end was classic. It made me laugh.
"Oh...what the holy nell do I do now?"
Serious question, but with underlying hilarity.
Nice piece.
~SweetAmber~
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WAY TO GO!
Yeah, another comment, but loved this piece. With now-grown children, grandchildren, plus working with teens? Oh have I heard this going on! Was almost speed reading to keep up with the conversation. Actually was nice when it slowed (eyes were tired); then the great ending. A near change of character. I do thank you for a super story.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hehe, a very good, humorous AND realistic story
Greatly written.. Aw, those girls, aye
Hehe, I liked the way you wrote it.. I could almost hear her babbeling away nonstop
Very well done
Good job
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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It was quite a bit confusing to me, which I assume was your purpose with this airhead of a girl lol. It was humorous because in a way, that is how all girls act when they are adolescents. I even find myself behaving that way every once in a while, but not that exaggerated . This girl really doesn't shut her mouth, does she? I enjoyed this and thank you for all the comments you have left on my stories.
Ana
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I loved this, its different, but I loved it. Very well done.
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You commented on me, I'll do you the same courtesy.
The dialogue at the beginning of this was really great, I could visualise her mouth moving and found myself reading faster to keep up with the speed of her, which I'd guess is the effect you wanted.
When she FINALLY shut up (were she real I'd have gagged her) the pace slowed down considerably and allowed me to mentally catch my breath.
This is brilliant, I hope you do well/did well in the contest. -
lol I loved this story it made me laugh and I could almost see me seeing some of the same lines throughout the story. Well done and the best of luck to you in the contest.
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You really captured the air headed teen here. I was almost tumbling over the words as I read, it ran so fast and scatter brained. A good write for young adults and for us parents. Good luck in the contest.
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Ahhhh.. this is cute. I laughed through this, since it is very believable. I like the use of slang in this, and the rambling way it reads, like it comes straight from the girl's mind.
Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Confusing at first
It was confusing at first but then i got into it
8 bbz -
Haha, well I have to say, this isn't what I expected it to be by the title. I like the stream of "conversation" and the way it stops so suddenly. I don't think I was that girl at that age, but I definitely knew three or four of her (perhaps I'm just unwilling to admit it ;-). Nice work.
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Oh my goddess!!!
I was the same way. I loved this. I think all teenage girls are like this (no offense to any that aren't). Thanks for sharing this. I can just see my kids when they are older (both girls).
~*Brooke*~ -
499 w/c Like Yeah this was like totally believable! It reminded me of my young adult daughter when she was a teeny bopper in High School. I would come home and say how was your day and for the next half an hour she would, (with as few breaths as possible) spew forth the school gossip circumventing anything that was actual school work. Thank god she grew out of it....
Thank you for taking the challenge we hope you enjoyed it as much as we have reading your entries. Best of luck
Cyberartist
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