Just A Day

Just A Day1

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Goddamn that alarm is annoying. I would normally have woken up to a Pink Floyd song from my computer, but I wanted to make sure I got up today. Today is Valentines Day, and I have a lot I want to get done.2

I get out of bed and turn the alarm off. I turn the monitor on and suddenly I as staring at my windows background, not some chic in a bikini, but Jennifer. She is my...well it's complicated. She likes me and thinks I'm a good friend. I think that she is living proof God doesn't exist... no-one could create that beauty.3

But I digress. I turn on some Paul Kelly, ironically the song is about waking up with a girl on your mind. I look around the "living entity" I pathetically call my room for some clean clothes. Failing, I grab a shirt, that wasn't particularly clean, and throw it on as I proceed to the laundry. 4

The usual routine takes place... clean some clothes, dry them in front of the heater, shower, brush teeth, comb hair, shave (if time), all the usual stuff and race to catch the bus. I am going to see Jennifer today. The sky is a particularly romantic shade of perfect blue. The sun seems brighter, even for this Australian summer. I could die today a happy man.5

Train station. I just missed the express, as the bus was late. Only an hour to the next one comes in. I sit down and read a little. I have my favourite book on me, Shakespeare's Works. I read his sonnets again and again The train pulls in as I finish reading XXIX for the 5th time that day. Only an hour on this train, then 10 minutes to walk to her house and I'll be by her side. 6

I get off the train and start the walk. My stomach is all twisted in knots. Will she like what I bought her? Will she be with her boyfriend? Will she be happy to see me? I get to her house. I know the doorbell tune by heart, yet still feel strange ringing it. Quick BO check, when you are a "large frame" such as I, you tend to have to take extra care.7

All smells in order. Ding Dong. Hmm, try again. Ding Dong. Nope not home... damn. Ok ok don't panic. Just ring her mobile. I walk to the nearest payphone and give her a call. "Hey Jen," How'd I sound? Cool? Like a teenager? In love? Did I sound to keen? Caring? Maybe I didn't say it slow enough? To busy thinking, I almost miss her reply. 8

"Hey Jason. I'll be home in like 5 minutes ring me there." Click.9

Yay! I wait. I see her car coming up the driveway. She seems a little surprised to see me there next to the garage, but a welcomed surprise. I go into panic mode, time to think thin. Wish I showered twice. Are my teeth clean? My hair must be a mess. Is this shirt matching these pants? My GOD! I have odd socks on.10

"... I said hello Jason."11

"Hey babe" Doh! Thanks brain. Quick cover it. "Happy Valentines. Your hair looks nice" Phew!12

"It should I just had it styled"13

We sit and talk. At some point my nerves give out, and my brain does come to the party. She must almost be used to this now. We talk and talk, sometimes about bullshit, sometimes about things that are important, and sometimes about things I 14

wish we didn't have to. That's life I guess... a mixture of ups and downs. Just take the cards that you are dealt and play the game.15

"I need to go to work soon"16

"It's ok, I need to go see Janet later today anyhow."17

"I swear I should be jealous" she jokes.18

"You probably should, she's on par with you." I laugh, to hide it, back.19

"I still can't believe you are working on Valentines Day? That's got to be a downer. What did Pat have to say?"20

"Not much, we broke up the other night."21

"I'm sorry, I didn't know"22

I hate my brain sometimes. Here is Jen, just broken up, and the first reaction it has is "yeah she's single". But that is quickly outweighed by sadness for her. She deserves better.23

"Jason, it's ok." 24

What she doesn't realize is I am apologizing for my benefit as well as hers.25

"I need to go get ready."26

"Wait. I got you this, but open it when you get home from work, it'll make you feel better"27

"Thanks, you're so sweet."28

"I love you too."29

As I start to walk away she blows me a quick kiss. Soon I hear my heart decide to start pumping again. And now I commence the return journey, this time to go and see Janet. Now this gets tricky. It's uncanny how much she reminds me in exactly no way whatsoever of Jen, yet I love her just as much. She is also an oddity because I have known her almost no time at all, yet I love her still. But hey you got to roll with it sometimes. I decide to kick back with some music for the train trip back, listening to 16th Floor - Paul Kelly over and over. 30

I get to the station and commence another walk. This time to Janet’s house. I think she lives at exactly the furthest point from every train station on earth.31

Walking, walking, puffing, walking. I get there. This time the deodorant can does it job, but only just. I knock on her door. Glancing at my watch, it's 4:58pm.32

"I bring jellybeans good girl" I joke.33

"What are you doing here?" She asks in her typical threatening way.34

"Jelly beans, perfect blue sky, a park not to far, Valentines Day. If only Jen was here it be perfect, but she's at work, so you'll have to do."35

One day I'll have to tell her I am only joking. One day I'll have to let her know I truly love her too, but my heart/brain/soul already had a workout today, let's not push it.36

"That's a big bag of jellybeans, ok you convinced me."37

"You are so easy to please"38

"Only while you got them beans boy." She retorts.39

We go to the park and bitch. I talk with Jen, I bitch with Janet. She is by far the best person in the world to have a bitch session with. She knows just when to end it, what topics, and even more so, how to listen whilst bitching.40

The jellybeans run out as it starts to get dark. She wants to get going home, I don't want to leave, but I have to... it takes a while to get home from her place.41

"See you at tafe, later, love ya"42

"Yeah yeah whatever" She always responds in the same way whenever I even jokingly tell her.43

I commence the long journey home. First a big walk, then a bus, and then another quick walk through my shitty neighbourhood. I am on a natural high the journey home. My head is filled with thoughts of both Jen and Janet. I feel horrible for loving them both, yet I do. I argue in my head, surely Jen is favoured? Maybe? What's that saying? Give a horse two equally tempting barrels of hay and it will starve? I hate feeling this way. Sometimes I wish I didn't love either of them. What if I just move far away. Anything to be fair to them, because surely this isn't. What right do I have to think like this? I don't know. I argue like this almost ever day. Why do I seem to fall in love with everyone?44

I stop walking at various points. The sky looks so beautiful at sunset. All these cars rush past me, but I stand there on the side of the road and look at the sky. I watch the trees moving in the wind. I see a rosella land on a fence only a metre away from me.45

I pick a leaf of a eucalypti tree and smell it. The world is so amazingly beautiful. I envy those that can paint, or take photos, or play the piano, those that can write beautiful poems or can talk in different languages. Yet my friends are my gifts... My camera is Janet, and my piano is Jen. I often wonder whether I am the only person that sees the world like this. Can people understand the way I think? People keep driving past, in their cars. I bet not one has admired that sunset. I love life; it's so incredibly romantic.46

My journey continues. I step of the bus at about 8:30pm. Just a quick walk home, Jen will probably want to call at about 9:30pm anyhow. That's when she gets home.47

I can never remember whether I finished that thought fully. The pain took over so suddenly. I look down to see a knife jutting from my side as I look at my murderer. The next 3 or 4 times he stabbed me hurt just as bad as that initial blow. The final, breaking when it hit my rib, was the last feeling I felt. "I could die today a happy man" I remember thinking earlier. Irony, it seems, is cruel. I had about $5 in change in my wallet and a bus ticket valid for another 12 minutes.48

Ring Ring. Odd, I thought Jason would have been home by now, it is like 10 o'clock. He is either still trying to chat up Janet, I swear he is falling for her now, or shopping. Should I open this? Yeah why not! Wow he got me another necklace. This is like the 4th he's bought me. How many necks does he think I have? Though it is nice. He's so nice to me. What’s he written on the card? "You never cease to amaze me. You get more beautiful every time I look at you, and I love you more each day. Your Valentine Jason." Oh he sure knows what to say sometimes. 49

I wish I could have been at my funeral. I have always looked out for my friends, even when they haven't asked me too. I know (knew!) what pain is like and always have tried to help them. To see my friends cry so much for me was something I would never have wished. 50

Oh to reach back and wipe Jen's face and tell her it's ok, to tell Janet that I love her so and to hold her. My other friends as well, my brothers, my mum, aunts and uncles, my Gran, so many sad faces. I still have much to do. I never did tell Janet. I always wanted a car. I still owe him $20.51

As fate deals you a gruesome death52

As you take to an early grave53

And not all the doctors in the world54

You life they could have saved55

You leave behind a legacy56

Of people richer in hope57

For although your only 2358

Their souls to which you spoke59

Not many viewed the world like you60

Not many stop to see61

That the people you love mind, heart and soul62

Are nature's greatest beauties63

Jason 64

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