"Are you telling me that these dragons which have suddenly been appearing are somekind of mutant humans?" questioned General Matthews in astonishment.1
"I am saying that legend has it that dragons were often nobles who had been enchanted or bewitched. Yes, General," James Madison the world's leading authority on dragons replied.2
General Matthews raked his hand across his short cropped gray hair. "What in hell are we supposed to do about them? They fly below radar and are cold blooded so heat seeking missiles won't work. They are eating men, women, and children. Either that or those who are disappearing are becoming dragons!"3
"According to folklore there are three ways to deal with dragons: appease them, reverse the spell, or kill them." Dr. Madison shook his dark hair away from his glasses.4
"How do we appease them?"5
"The ancient books tell that virgins were sacrificed by villages and provinces during the middle ages. They were an offering to the dragons so the dragons would spare the rest of the people."6
The general was fuming, "Well that's just great! That's bound to go over well. Give us your virgin daughters so we can feed them to the dragons. Yes. That should work well," he growled.7
"Can you reverse the spell?" asked General Matthews after a moment.8
"Of course, first I would have to determine what the spell was. Frankly I didn't believe dragons were real until they recently began appearing. Up to then I had no reason to be studying the spells," said James Madison with a look of frustration.9
"Okay, how might we kill them?"10
"Well, General. Bait a trap."11
"Now that sounds interesting, Doctor. How would you suggest we do that."12
"It is written that villagers would chain a maiden where the dragons were known to come and offer her as a sacrifice. Why not lay in wait for the dragons and blow them away when they come to get the virgins."13
"That doesn't sound like such a crazy idea. They seem to fly around the tops of skyscrapers. I'll try to find volunteers to bait the trap. Do they have to be virgins? That might be difficult."14
"According to what is written, yes. They must be virgins."15
The general told his commanders to petition their commands for women who were virgins. In the whole army there were only 20 who claimed to be virgins. They were immediately told to maintain that status and to report to NYC for a special assignment which would be explained later. The twenty women arrived, 15 of which had not finished boot camp. General Matthews explained the situation and that those who volunteered might become decoys to trap some of the dragons. All of the young women accepted the assignment bravely.16
In the meantime Dr. James Madison was studying ancient spells and becoming more of a believer minute by minute.17
18
"Private Sanders," said General Matthews. "I'm very pleased you have accepted this assignment. You should be safe, but I won't deny that there could be danger to life and limb."19
"I'm aware of that, Sir." she said standing at attention even though the general had already given her the command of at ease. She clearly wasn't at ease.20
"If something goes wrong, you could be killed."21
"I understand, Sir." Sanders was blue eyed with short blonde hair just reaching her collar. Quite pretty, she tried to maintain a facade of steel although she was as nervous as all hell. She wasn't really afraid of the dragon, she was afraid of the general. She figured this was a good opportunity to advance, so she was taking the chance.22
"Thanks Private, that will be all."23
24
They took her to the top of a skyscraper and tied her down in her underwear with nylon straps. With machine guns and mortars they waited for a dragon to come. Several hours passed and nothing happened. Suddenly with a whoosh a dragon appeared. Too quickly it landed and tore the private from her bindings. She screamed as its claws gripped her sides in exquisite pain.25
"Fire!" shouted the Captain in charge.26
"But what about the private?" asked one of the gunners.27
"She's expendable! In fact, she's already a casualty. Fire!"28
They all fired, but the dragon escaped their shots.29
The dragon flew with Sanders to the cave it had dug in a mountainside. Inside the cave the phosphorescent walls shone brightly. There was a crystal pool of hot running spring water and the creature set her in the pool. It was almost hot enough to burn and she cried in fear and discomfort. "Please don't hurt me!" she pleaded.30
"Of course I must hurt you, my tender morsel. You are food for my tummy, meat for my teeth, flavor to savor for my tongue."31
"Oh God, please don't burn me with your fiery breath!" she begged.32
The beast answered, "Don't worry child. I'll be merciful. I'll kill you before I roast you and I'll kill you quickly."33
The water of the pool came just past her knees. The dragon tore away her panties and bra. Eyeing her with hunger it said, "It will soon be over, my pretty meal. I will enjoy every bite of you."34
"Oh God! Don't kill me! I don't want to die." she sobbed. She had goose bumps all over her naked flesh.35
"Silly girl, all living things must die. Be happy that your death comes quickly and you do not suffer long."36
The dragon licked her up and down and she cried, "Good God! Are you going to eat me alive?"37
"No, no, my girl. I am just sampling your flavor, but I weary of all this talk."38
Tears running down her face and her nose dripping she screamed, "Oh God!" as the dragon ripped her open with its largest talon from her pubis to her throat. Sanders died quickly as the razor sharp claw tore through her bladder, intestines, stomach, diaphram, and heart. She collapsed into the pool and her blood and fluids mixed with the water. The dragon gutted her removing her innards. It cleaned her insides in the pool and then roasted her. It began to dine.39
40
"Well that didn't work," said the general impatiently. "We lost the girl and the dragon. Any luck with the spells?"41
"No," replied James Madison. 42
"I don't like what I'm considering, but we must do something to stop these dragon attacks," said General Matthews.43
Private Nelson was the next volunteer. She was a pretty brunette. They strapped a backpack to her, but did not explain what it contained. They bound her to the top of the skyscraper. Soon the dragon came and took her away. The captain shouted, "Now!" and the private and the dragon vanished in a cloud of smoke and fire.44
"What a waste!" said a soldier.45
"She provided a service to her country," said the captain. "And she'll get a silver star."46
"A lot of good that will do her!" exclaimed the soldier.47
"General," radioed the captain. "It was successful."48
"Thanks, Captain. Carry on."49
And so it went. They kept booby trapping virgins and blowing dragons out of the sky, but there always seemed to be more dragons. Dr. Madison, other experts, and scientists continued to try to find spells to reverse spells and better weapons. That's the tale of our modern day dragons.
In a list
A contest entry
- Dragons and Skyscrapers by Orychle.
225 points, ended March 26, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Looking in... by EtherealButterfly.
350 points, ended March 21, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy Quickie(Prewrites Allowed!) by Cupcake14.
170 points, ended January 30, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want dragon stories! by Violette.
170 points, ended April 24, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Roaring Beasts!! (DRAGONS! xD) by MintAnimeAngel.
130 points, ended September 14, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
funny but short
Well, the basic idea is great. Transferring dragons into our age. The "countermeasures" is of course nice even if killing women always is a waste of talent. Well the beginning is a bit short, I would have loved to know a bit more about this world. The ending is quite open and appears to suddenly for my taste. In such a short story there is not much space for char developing so it's quite useless to rate it. As I said the basic idea/plot is good. And I like Dragons. Language: Well English ain't my mothers tongue so I'm in no position to say something about it. Dialog? The dragon was hilarious.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
-
I love dragons and love stories about them! I hope you post more stories about dragons — and if you don't then can you tell me someone who writes about dragons alot? Thank you!
-
cool story!
this was a great take on modern day dragons. thanks for entering my contest! -
-
Hi!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like my story.
Andy
-
-
Hmmm........... I would like to read more of this sort.
-
-
Hi SD!
This is really the only humor piece I have about dragons. I do have one that's almost funny, at least to me.
Thanks for hosting.
Andy
-
-
Wow Andey this was written very well and very creatifve.
-
-
Hi VL!
Good to see you! How you been doing?
I'm really glad that you like this story. It was a fun story to write. A few dragons and a few maidens killed here and there, exactly my kind of tale.
Andy
-
-
Great story but I don't think those girls advanced very far. Surely there have to be female dragons. I wonder if any virgins could be found for them?
Trish -
-
Hi Trish!
This is your second time through this story. I couldn't add to your stars.
The two dragon stories I like most at Storywrite are 'The Basement Dragon' by SageSyren and 'A Noble Cause' by IrishYndina. If you get time, I recommend those.
Andy
-
-
Very good!! The idea that the most innocent of woman are the ones in most danger is a rather interesting, if slightly twisted, irony. It becomes a cruel world when dragons invade!
I'm also a sucker for back and fourth dialogue, always enjoying the interaction between characters, so the intro to this story eased me in really rather nicely!
I'm not sure if this was your intention, but I was slightly amused by the fact that the dragons, just like the human folk they were before the mutation, let the voice in their stomach speak louder than the voice in their brain; which, of course, leads to their downfall.
There's a moral to this story! If all else fails - use explosives( )!! -
-
Hi Marc!
Thanks for reading me and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this little dragon story.
I've been criticized in this story for making the dragons stupid. The human sacrifice, of course, doesn't matter
.
I had fun with this story, which is the main thing.
I tried to mimic the way government usually handles problems, not by solving them, but by throwing more people and money at the problem with little or no gain.
Anyway, I left it in rather a stalemate between dragons and humans.
Andy
-
-
Interesting. I quite like the whole idea about dragons being enchanted humans. The dragon didn't show any particularly human-like characteristics though (apart from talking).
I think it's pretty realistic that the army would be involved if any dragons were a threat today.
Nice work with the idea but I felt your writing was a bit choppy. Perhaps in particular at the start when it's mostly just dialogue.
I also like it how neither the dragons nor the humans really win in the end and that you leave it with the war still going on. Good job with that. -
-
Hi Myryca!
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
I'm glad you like parts of this story
. Yes, I decided to open with dialogue in this story. I rather like dialogue. I remember when I first started writing dialogue, I didn't like the hassle of formating with quotes and such. When I read, I usually fine that dialogue makes the story go faster.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
-
-
That was...amazing. This story was so engrossing and brilliantly entertaining. Poor virgins. Hope they don't run out anytime soon. Again, amazing.I really don't know of anything helpful to add. I'll just praise you instead. Marvellous write!
-
-
Hi Bella!
Thanks very much for dropping by, reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.
It did seem that there was a shortage of virgins in the army
. I guess that they would need some sort of enlistment campaign or institute a draft.
I'm glad you enjoy this story.
Andy
-
-
Good awesome job
I enjoyed this quite a bit. I found it cute. -
-
Hi Isabel!
I'm very glad that you like this story. It was a fun story to write.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
-
-
Great writing.
I'm not at all surprised by the amount of applause you have received for this particular piece. Great wording. It captivated me, dragging me in and visualising the story before me. Thank you so much. I do love a good dragon tail-lol!
-
-
Hi Violette!
This was a fun story to write. I tried to include in it a humorous social reflection of how government tends to deal with problems. Anyway, if you should ever wonder why there is a shortage of virgins in the army, now you know
.
Andy
-
-
awww, wished they could have found a better way to get rid of the dragons.. mainly because I love dragons.. but, that was one way of making their dragon problem go away.
-
-
Hi Riftkin!
I've got some dragon stories in which the dragon(s) don't get killed, but a lot of maidens get eaten. I have one dragon story where no one is killed.
Thanks for reading me and for all the applause.
How are you today?
Andy
-
-
interesting, but kind of dumb
Good writing, but the story really made no sense to me. You portray the dragons as quite intelligent in the beginning, yet one after another, they get blown up picking up booby trapped women. That trick would probably have stopped after the first dragon blew up. What were you thinking? -
-
Well,
my intent was more to show the inept way the military tends to deal with problems than to demonstrate the intelligence of dragons. Thanks for reading this and commenting, anyway. I'll try one more on you and see what you think of it. It's short, rather a story/poem that's really intended for children.
'The Dragon and the Maiden':
http://storywrite.com/story/51998
Andy
-
-
True, but every fantasy, unless intended to simply be a silly farce should make sense, and the idea of booby trapping the female soldiers doesn't make sense because you already portrayed the dragons as very intelligent. I think the story would have made more sense and be funnier if the dragons don't take the bait because they know it a trap, and in the end the military simply stops the dragon attacks by appeasing them with virgin female soldiers and sending their medals for valor to their families.
But the poem is very good, and while you say it is for children, it is actually the only sensible, realistic thing I have read of your work concerning dragons. -
-
I'll take that under advisement.
How do you feel about gore? The other dragon stories have gore in them. -
-
I noticed that. Based on real reptiles, there is only "gore" if the reptile is too small to swallow the prey whole. Based on the real animal models, like the Komodo dragon, a very large dragon would swallow humans whole as it is the most efficient way of absorbing all the prey (reptiles can digest bones completely). Birds, fish and reptiles often swallow helpless prey without even bothering to kill it, as I portray in some of my stories. But a small dragon would be forced to dismember the prey to ingest it. I don't see a large dragon deliberately dismembering a maiden just to be cruel. In fact, in would be far more terrifying to be swallowed and digested while still alive.
-
-
Hi!
Yes, I believe most reptiles eat their prey whole. However, the pictures of the European Dragons usually depict them with sharp talons and large, sharp teeth.
A lot of vore art shows beautiful, naked women being eaten whole, especially if by snake.
Andy
-
-
Yes, but the real reptiles that swallow smll prey whole ALSO have sharp teeth and claws, but don't waste energy using them to dismember easy to swallow prey like helpless women. Even the medieval stories tend to support this. Saint Margaret is swallowed alive by the Satan dragon, and whole herds of people are herded into the mouths of the dragons that descend from heaven in the Final Judgement scenes once carved on virtually every medieval church.
But it is true that the dragons slain by Saints in Medieval art are too small to swallow a person whole. And this is because medieval people were far smarter than modern fantasy writers when it came to actual fighting capabilities and the weapons of their time, and knew that even a Saint would be unable to kill a dragon larger than a goat. You see, these people really DID fight dangerous animals like bears and wolves, and while they acknolwedged large dragons, they also acknowledged humans would be helpless against them, as we see in the Last Judgement art. -
-
Hi!
You seem to be well informed on dragons. I've done little or no research, which is probably painfully apparent.
I rather like my dragons that tear apart maidens, cook, and eat them. After I've read your story, I'll consider again my style of dragon writing.
Andy
-
-
As a writer you can make your dragon stories as silly and unrealistic as you like, and have mere humans slay them with impunity as we have seen. I just happen to like making mine seem sensible, and base them one real dragon legends and science, such as the physiology of real animals, rather than inspiration from stuff dreamed up by other fantasy writers.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Now, that was an unusual dragon story. I'll have to think about this one for awhile. The virgin in my story fares much better than in yours.
And you killed the dragons too. Mine's still napping.
Very good story. There's no end to the different dragon stories. Good job.
-
-
Hi Trish!
Have you read 'The Basement Dragon' by SageSyren? IrishYndina has a good one about a Dragoneer. I'm not certain of the title, but I can probably find it.
I've written several dragon stories and usually the virgin gets ate. I have one story in which the dragon was a weredragon. Part of the time he was a dragon and part of the time a knight. That one came to the maiden's rescue.
I hope you like this story.
Andy
-
-
Hmmmm, you should have made more, left the ending open because I, really wanted to read more
Oh God!" as the dragon rip her open with its largest talon from her pubis to her throat.
Do you mean ripped?
Good work again,
I really do love your stories...
~Cat
-
-
Hi Cat!
Thanks for reading, commenting, all the applause, and point out my mistake. I appreciate it. Mistake is all fixed. I'm very pleased you like this story.
Andy
-
-
APPLAUSE!!!
I enjoyed this although the dragon in my life is of a different sort!
However, I found the ending a little weak. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions right now. Perhaps later.
Anaya
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 1, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Hi!
Thanks for dropping by and reading this story. I appreciate your comment and all the applause.
I had fun with this story.
Andy
-
-
Another great one! But...what was in the backpack? I thought that it would have been answered at the end, but sadly it was not. I'm very curious to find out the answer.
-
-
Thanks Aiko!
I thought it would be guessed by the reader. In the bag were explosives. I'm glad you like this story? Would you like to read the second part of Dark Fury?
Andy
-
-
missles-missiles
morters -I think it should be mortars
private from her bindings-Private from her bindings
Please proofread it. Best of luck in the contest! I'm in a hurry to judge it, so forgive me for not commenting as much as I should have. All I can say is that it was a very engaging story.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, all the applause, and pointing out my mistakes. I appreciate it. It's easy to overlook mistakes in your own writing.
I'm very pleased that you like this story.
Andy
-
-
Very good tale Andy!
"She screamed as it's claws gripped her sides in exquisite pain." s/b its
you might want to separate the scene changes with *** or something as it can get a little confusing with it running together
dragons are pretty smart, I'm surprised more than a few took the boobytrapped bait. It's a great idea though. Of course, what happens after they run out of virgins? 
Really nice work.
-
-
Thanks
Yes, the virgin shortage could prove to be a major problem in dragon control. They were already having trouble finding them in the Army. Oh well, Uncle Sam could always try some sort recruitment campaign. It's kind of typical to keep throwing in just enough bodies to keep the war going, but not enough to win it.
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I'll fix that pronoun and separate the scenes.
Be assured that in some of my dragon stories, the dragons don't get killed.
Andy
-
-
Para 1 somekind should be 2 words.
Once again there is a good story here, but it is a bare bones story. The characters each show a glimmer of what they could be if you spend time with them. The scenes of the story move from one to the next in a clear manner and your writing maintains suspense through out the story. I know from previous conversations that you don't like to flesh out stories beyond what it takes to tell the tale. I see that as Da Vinci using a charcoal pencil and sketching a lady with a smile and deciding that is good enough. We know that the Mona Lisa is hiding in the sketch but it lacks the color that makes it the timeless piece that it could be. Hope you come back and paint some more.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.
You use words well. You are quite eloquent.
I'm trying to learn to flesh my stories out, but revisions come difficultly to me.
Andy
-
-
This piece of writing was good. It drew me in straight away.
Usually when I read a piece, I'm reading to look for flaws. I can honestly say that I totally forgot about that. I read it as I would a book.
Great writing!!
Regards, Tony
-
-
Thanks Tony!
Very nice of you to read me. I'm glad you like this little modern day tale. I hope there weren't any grammar errors. Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.
I enjoyed writing this piece. It was fun.
Andy
-
-
I was reading and enjoying this when suddenly i realized... i had already read and commented and so im somewhat annoyed. But i still enjoyed this even after the second reading. Great idea.
Better review than the last one i gave you i suppose, lol.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for the second read of this story. I'm glad you enjoyed it twice. I hope you weren't too annoyed. Every now and then I write something pretty good.
Andy
-
-
heh, Finger food
Heh, great take on dragons, I find the whole virgin thing to be a bit strange kinda like: "Uh sir, we need to send out 5'000 virgins to kill 3 dragons" "Do it!" great peice, I loved it
-
-
Hi
I've written several dragon stories where a virgin is sacrificed. I guess I just like those sorts of stories. I'm glad you like this story. Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.
Andy
-
-
The ending was really weird, but otherwise...fantastic...
~liL~
-
-
Thank You
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. This was a fun story to write. I tried for a realistic ending to a fantasy. I'm glad you like this story.
Andy
-
-
Very entertaing, it's a great twist on dragons in the modern times. Hehe, I'm used to midevil dragon stories, this was a great break from that mold. Great job!
-
-
Thank You
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this story. I had fun writing it.
May you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
-
-
Well. What can i say about this? First, I thought the story was great. It followed the path of earlier stories about dragons and virgins, but had enough originality to it to make it stand out. Pity it had to be female virgins, but that's the way it goes. This is the second story i have read about dragons. The other was from Elisabeth. You should read her one, it is so different from yours, but both were really great reads. Your description of the girl being roipped to shreds by the dragons was quite gory, but i thought it was tops. Hope you are planning on continuing this in the future as it would be terrific.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thank You
No, I don't have any plans to continue this story. I guess dragons will just keep eating virgins and the military will keep blowing the dragons out of the sky.
There are two dragon stories that I really like, one by SageSyren and the other by IrishYndina. If you'd like, I try and hunt down the links for you. My dragons usually eat people.
Andy
-
-
When i first saw it i was like oh no a long story but when a read a little but of it i was like yay! a long story great job!
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I gather that you like this story. I'm glad. Thanks for swapping reads with me.
Andy
-
-
wow generals booby trapping virgins to blow up dragons, what a story! it was well written and amusing. good job
-
-
Thanks
I had fun writing this story. I tried to allude to the war in Iraq and the pointlessness of it, sacrificing people needlessly. Thanks very much for reading, commenting, and applauding.
Andy
-
-
Almost a really good reason not to be a virgin.
For me the ending was rather abrupt - if it was removed, the first 500 or so words are a more than adequate start to something longer.
For example; a story in which you explore/uncover more of the background of the phenomenon, introduce a hero of some kind, develop a plan for victory, discover the identity of one of the dragons etc. There would be plenty of opportunities for more action sequences and even a bit of science.
As it sits, the story comes across as a bit of 'doomsday' hopeless/pointless cause - no resolution. We as humans need closure, and your story (sadly) failed to deliver.
I would like to see this story continued. Please keep writing!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 1, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I like rather dark endings. I tried to model the ending after the way government seems to act in reality, going on with no solution in sight. I didn't really want a victory over the dragons.
Andy -
-
An 'art imitating life' piece.
A-ha! I can just see the parallel... an America and Iraq sort of situation... -
-
Yep,
That's kind of what I was thinking at the time. Just kill a few more people and hope the problem cures itself.
-
-
-
-
Great story but i didnt like the ending, everything else was great i dont like dragons as much as i like the loch ness monster i dont think that is a dragon but if it is then i learned a new fact :
-
-
Thanks
I don't know anything about the loch ness monster. I do like to write about dragons.
How would you like to have seen this story end?
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Andy
-
-
Again, well written story. I love dragons (though I'm more partial to werewolves) and this immediately caught my attention. If you write a werewolf story be sure to send the link.
-
-
Thanks again Ruth
I'm glad you like this story. So you like werewolves? I have only two werewolf stories. I'll send you the links.
You have anything to do at work today, or do you just have to be there?
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. It's much appreciated.
Andy
-
-
wow! i like it.though i hate the ending. hehe! it's not cliche,the story line.something new,and fresh.I like when you did when you said "that legend has it that dragons were often nobles who had been enchanted or bewitched" and "mutant human".if you change the ending,it will be an even great story. :-)
-
-
Thanks
I'm very pleased that you like the story. I tried to make it different and to add some humor. You didn't like the ending. How would you like it to end? Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.
Andy -
-
silly... xp
well,andy. maybe you add a little twist,or just like,i dunno,simple endings.here are a few of my suggestion:
-some choosen one from the past came to the rescue.
-They caught the dragon,and use it as a secert weapons in wars.
-A secert orginazation cauught it,made it into a lab rat,and produce a new kind of bread/species(weredragon,maybe! ahaha!).
ahaha! those are my suggestions.up to you if you wanna use it.
fierra -
-
Well,
If they captured a dragon and used it as a secret weapon, would it still be eating people? I guess it could eat some of the enemy. Interesting suggestions. I like all of them. I may do a rewrite at some point and adopt one of them.
Andy -
-
well,yeah.eat the enemies.maybe they develop some kind of device so that it will not eat their army.or trained it,or cast a spell that the dragon will follow only the selected ones' order.
good luck!
-
-
-
-
-
I must agree that it did seem to end suddenly. It was definitely a different plot line. If you beefed it up with more interactions and added more at the end about why the dragons kept appearing, I think it would give the reader a better understanding of the story.
I must say, modern day dragons is definitely an interesting idea. -
-
Thanks Rini
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. I'm not sure I'll have time to revise this before the contest ends. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
-
-
It was an interesting story, but seemed to end suddenly. Did you run out of time, or just wanted it to end?
A little more description would go a long way with this one.
Thanks for entering the contest! The Best of Luck!
H.P. -
-
Thanks H. P.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. I need to work on description and I am, but I am not good at it. My stories tend to be bare bones. I felt like the story had reached an end. How would you improve it?
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
-
-
odd
this was an odd story. it caught my eye with the dragon thing cause i absolutly love dragons. This modernday version of them seemed interesting enugh to say the least.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding. I greatly appreciate it. My dragons have a nasty habit of eating the young maidens, in modern days or days of old. I have only one dragon story in which the maiden was not eaten. That dragon was a servent to the king. Thanks very much for reading this story. If you would like to read more of my dragon stories, I'll get you the links.
Andy
-
-
pretty good
i liked your tale a lot. but the thing i hated most? THE ENDING! how can it end like that? i hate those endings lol! but it was still very good!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
-
Thanks smuggler
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding. I greatly appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like the story, but sorry you didn't like the ending. What about the ending didn't you like?
Andy
-
-
Interesting point of view. I find some of the description to be somewhat vague though. The women have no voice in this. personally i'd like to see them kicking a little butt rather than taking the torture. I also think the description of what happens to one of the girls could seem a little less ... formal (not entirely sure that's the word I'm looking for but it fits)
I actually like the story idea though and with a little punctuation editing and tweaking it could really work as a fantasy piece (imo)
Great story. -
-
Thanks Christina
Thanks for reading and commenting. In the military you get your orders and you obey them. The general was seeking volunteers, but the fate of the volunteers was sealed. The young woman who was eaten could have gone kicking and screaming, she was a sacrifice in either case. She was no match for the dragon. You are more descriptive than I am. If you would like to work over this story, I'd be interested to see what you do with it.
Andy
-
-
LOL
Death and dragons. Beautiful!! XD I love the modern, cold-hearted twist to it. Sounds very much like what the military would do. Booby-trap virgins! HA!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
-
-
Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I really appreciate it. This was a fun write. The challenge of the contest was to put dragons into a modern setting. Well, I done it. Thanks again for joining the group.
Andy
-
-
WoW!! I love Dragons, be they good or be they bad. Your description in this story was great. I loved the part about the exploding virgins. Although I do question if they really needed to half naked. Does the dragon really care, as long as she is a virgin?
I will read another dragon tail soon. Thanks for letting me know about these.
~*Brooke*~
-
-
Thanks, Brooke
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. Half naked virgins seem tastier, but perhaps that is a male perspective. It is more an erotic description than a dragon's requirement. It does go with the picture. Of course, when it comes to eating them, I am sure it is easier with their clothing off. I'm glad you are addicted to dragon stories.
Andy
-
-
Another remarkable piece, as always...
You never fail to write stories with spectacular imagery, believable dialogue, and a wonderful plots, this doesn't come anywhere near to falling short of what I've come to expect of you. When I saw the picture, I thought this would be an Erotica but with a glimpse to the right and a quick read, I was pleasantly contradicted. This was fun to read and something I'd definitely read again. Good job! -
-
Thanks, Butterfly
Thanks for reading and commenting. It is always good to have you read a piece, you are very encouraging. It comes at a good time. I just read a rather negative critique about another story I'd written. I doubt this scared you, but I am pleased that you like it. Thanks for hosting the contest. I hope you have many good entries. -
-
I can sympathize with you, but I always remember that there will always be those that just don't like what you write. I've learned to deal with it, and learn from it. That is, if it's a major thing. You should never be disheartened by anything anyone says because you're an unbelievably talented writer, and they're just jealous. (on that last note, I sound quite childish, lol...but there's my point!
-
-
-
What a piece!
Nice one, I really enjoyed it.
The pace is absolutley excellent.
The humour is also spotty dog.
All the best.
jsdk
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
-
-
Thanks, jsdk
Nice of you to give me two for one. I really enjoyed writing this one, but I think the contest host is wanting dragons of a different nature. Anyway, I am very glad that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and the applause.
-
-
Oh My God when I started to read this I got to the Virgin part and went yep this is Andy's writing LOL Mate You need a Screw take the shopping budget and Blow it on a good woman or a bad one Exploding Virgins Miles of smiles funny stuff
-
-
Thanks, Paul
Well yes, it does have similarities to my usual style, but I thought it had some differences. I'll have to give a link to something that is radically different. I have two in mind, I'll make a choice and see what you think.
As to using my grocery budget differently, I hadn't considered that. I am going to see what an escort would cost and I might try it. I have no car, so that presents a problem. Probably won't get any, but it's been years since I've been on a date. If it isn't too costly, I might try it.
-
-
"Do they have to be virgins? That might be difficult." lmao! That line made me chuckle out loud.
A terrifically good piece of writing, with such an interesting and unique concept. And with every virgin slaughtered, a dragon is born. How true that is in the eyes of society
Congrats.
-
-
Thanks, Ardent
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I was trying to include some satire. I'm glad you found it humorous. There seemed to be a shortage in virgins. I am not really certain what the source of the dragons was, but sacrificing virgins didn't seem to help. -
-
You are most welcome.
I really enjoyed the mix of satire, fantasy and a take on the way the world views others, even if the latter wasn't meant when you wrote it.. I certainly found it, lol.
In my mind I was seeing the sacrificed virgins being turned to dragons, and them slaying new virgins in a vengeful way, almost with spite for what had been taken for them.
I must say, I saw an incredible amount in the story that you hadn't even written, which, to me, always suggests a very decent write.
-
-
Good
I'm glad you enjoyed the story so much. I liked writing it. This was a fun story to write. I was thinking of the parallels to the way government usually operates.
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
