Queen Esther stood at the door to the inner court of King Xerxes, heart pounding, hands becoming clammy. There was still time to turn back, but no she couldn’t, wouldn’t betray her people. She had to stop the annihilation of the Jews from being carried out even if it meant breaking the laws of protocol and risking her own life.
Surely the king was not aware of the full extent of the massacre that would take place on Haman’s orders.
“God have mercy on your servant.” she muttered as she pushed open the door and went before the king un-summoned.
Author notes
This is based on the book of Esther in the Bible.
A contest entry
- Write a story using exactly 100 words! by Jinxgirl.
155 points, ended March 17, 2007, 43 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Under 200 words by QueenWolf.
140 points, ended May 22, 2007, 49 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 150 Words or Less by werner1221.
121 points, ended July 22, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories by Violette.
130 points, ended May 1, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
I liked it. I am familiar with the story of Esther in the Bible. My mom once read it to us when i was young. Though, i don't remember it clearly, this does ring a bell. I like how clear your wording was. It made me feel like i was there. It's amazing how much you can accomplish with as little as 95 words. Great!
-
i liked this allot i liked the wording of this and the paragraph
-
I liked it.
Short but climatic and hooking. -
Nicely done
Short and sweet- I thoroughly enjoyed that. Great use of dialogue and wording. -
Wow, it's not often that you find stories about this kind of thing. For such a short little piece, it really packed a punch. You gave enough information so that I, as the reader, knew what was going on, and now I want to know more!
The only thing that I noticed was:
“God have mercy on your servant(,)” she muttered as she pushed open the door and went before the king un-summoned.
But a lot of people have problems with dialogue
.
Anyway, great job with this, and I hope you continue! -
This is brilliant!!! She is so brave! You wouldn;t get me to do something like that!!! This had such power for such a short peice. Well done and keep it up!
-
Oooh, climatic! Brilliantly done. This was amazing for so short a piece. Congrats on the well deserved Gold.
I must say, I love the last word. Adds on so much to it.
- HT -
This is my favorite Bible story and hats off to you for mastering this portion with only 100 words!!
-
It was good!
You really deserve the gold for your hard work. I liked the last line.
But the real thing I didn't understand it till I read it 4 times. But it is ok.
A G S
-
Congratulations on the gold. I think you deserve it. It was a good story, and an interesting look inside Esthers head. I didn't see any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes.
Kudos, happy new year and keep writing!
-
this was good. i like the last line too. un-summoned. that was great. thx for entering!
-
I actually think this was really pretty!
It was written really well, And I think it definately deserves that gold
Great job!!!
xoxo
Tay -
Meesa like.
-
I am not a religious person so I don't like your story... But just because i don't like it does not mean other people feel the same as me.
Thank you for entering.
~Princess~ -
This is great! There are a lot of really interesting stories in the Bible that could lead the imagination into a great more in depth story. Most of them, apparently like this one, I am not nearly familiar enough with. Thanks for drawing my interest back to the Bible! What a scary moment this must have been for her.
Sarah
-
I liked this, I also know my mother will too...seeing how it's from the Bible and all.
I'll have to let her read it! 
This was good though, I sort of figured it was about Esther from seeing Jews and what-not.
Anyways.
Lovely job with this.
& Congrats on winning gold.
-
This is very good, and I really like how it was so short. And congratulations on you winning the contest, great job.
-
thanx! (the third time i hav said this on this story lol)
-
Hey! You won gold! Congatulations!
-
VERY good! Accurate as it can be and very detailed and character oriented for only 100 words- what i was looking for. nice!
-
-
thanks!
-
-
thanx
-
LoL, you entered the same contest. Nicely done.
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
