Nightmare Express

It was quiet, the sounding of the train’s whistle in the distance disturbing it momentarily. Too quiet, indeed, to be natural. The train in the distance was not ordinary. It was a nightmare, vaporizing whatever it touched and dispersing its particles through the air willy-nilly. We had seen it coming, circular paths tracing out an avenue of where it had been making its tracks.

There were only a handful of us left now, in the last refuge. Anything metal had been stripped and cast into the wake of destruction, owing to the insurmountable attraction it held with the train. We waited, silently enjoying the last bit of music anyone would hear again: a hymn in praise to a God who seemingly abandoned us.

I still had one friend left in the city, he stood with me. Minutes passed by like hours; which passed as if they were days. By now we could hear the screeching of the wheels upon the self-made road. It was coming quicker now, alive with the sense that we were its last prey. Our miniscule combine was doomed to oblivion with the first touch of the rail on our territory.

The ring around the building had become smaller, any more so and we would begin fading. My comrade knew this, and not wanting to wait for his demise, went out from me to destroy himself. I called to him to come back, that maybe we would be saved. It did not stop him. He posed himself near the moving creature, poised to touch and disintegrate. There he moaned ruefully at what our civilization had become.

This monster, this living machine, had wiped out our grand city and absorbed its life like a sponge. The malevolent red eyes on the engine gazed menacingly at my comrade. I begged him to come back, but he replied only by forcing his demise. In that instant, I too became doomed to die the same death. What had I to live for? My family, friends, allies… everything was gone.

The next circuit was complete, the rails beginning to destroy the last of our refuge. Its eye, unmoving and unblinking, seemed transfixed on my person. The rest of those who had taken shelter here congregated in the center in an attempt to postpone their deaths for maybe minutes longer. The music had not ceased, but now played a mournful melody in a slow tempo. It would end soon, along with the life of the musician sadly enough. Then there would be silence.

We could see it turning for the center, intent on wiping every last vestige of life from the planet. We were all that was left now, and would not survive. The human race was dead with us. Nothing could stop the extinction of our people, helpless in our fear of annihilation. And then as we watched our oncoming doom, we died; quietly without a fight.

Author notes

Well, it really isn't meant to spawn nightmares, but it did come from a nightmare that I had. And I must say, ever since that dream I have never felt quite the same about trains.

A contest entry

My nightmare... odd eh?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • SignifyingNothing
    April 22, 2008

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    Must have been some dream! I think this might benefit from a little more explanation though. Was the train laying down its own track? You managed to do alot with the 400 words, so kudos to that, but I am left wondering more about this train. Does it run people down, and how would a train be able to destroy the whole human race? Maybe a whole town, if that town was isolated enough, but the whole world? Maybe if you mentioned that there was more than one train, that all trains had turned crazy like in that Stephen King story about the trucks, which this reminded me of.

    But this is really good. I can almost see the people huddled in a circle, being stalked by the evil train. This was a really nice job. Thanks for entering!

    Yes, definitely odd.

  • abba12
    March 3, 2008
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    This is the second of my contests this piece has been entered in. It's an interesting story but it just dosen't draw me in.


  • caitlinstephanie
    December 8, 2007

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    great job you always had me interested in what was coming next. the tittle was the first thing that made me interested!!! Good luck!


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    December 3, 2007

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    I was drawn to your story by the title. Unfortunately, you used the telling style which took away from the drama that could have been present. I should have been sitting at the edge of my seat but wasn't.

    Your story was told like I was reading it from a newspaper - all clinical, instead of like a story - exciting.

    I'm surprised it was a nightmare of yours and you didn't make it more visual. I'm sure you woke up with your heart throbbing - you should have transformed that feeling into your story.

    Thanks for entering.

  • slashinguk
    November 14, 2007

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    Very creative and disturbing

    This looks like the end of another story. Terminator gone wrong?

    Some of the imagery is a little difficult for me to envision. Is the train on rails or flying or something else (laying tracks behind it as it goes)? Are the group waiting on the track? Does it have one eye or two (re-read to understand this question)? Is it a steam train or more modern? Is all life wiped out, or just human life? If (as stated) “every last vestige of life” has gone, I think the humans would have died out long before through lack of food and oxygen as the planets ecosystem fell apart, and how would the train have annihilated underwater life.

    Re-reading my own comments I feel that I’ve been over-picky and pedantic, but somehow, these questions get in the way of my enjoying your story to the full.

    I also think there could be more emotional response to the situation and plight of the protagonist. Aren’t the last survivors scared or depressed or something. The only indication is the music; I don’t think I would go so quietly.
    These difficulties aside, I think you’ve made a brilliantly atmospheric scene which certainly captures the nightmare quality in its envisioning.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 3, characters: 3.


  • Mort
    November 11, 2007

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    Very cool Interesting and very creative and written well and it might just be worthy of a few Accolades i think.


  • EtherealButterfly
    November 7, 2007
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    whoa...and this came from a dream? I would never want to sleep again.


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    August 15, 2007

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    Loved It!

    Very spooky! It's really good for only being 400 words!
    You did a great job.

    The only complaint I have is that there was really no detail in the ending. But you don't have to have an ending.

    Either way ending or no, it's a really entertaining story!
    Bravo!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • LostSoulOfRage
    May 3, 2007

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    tnx for entering the contest.
    this is really good. but i was a little confussed at first. then toward the middle it made more scense. so you might want to go back and make the beginning a little more clearer. other than that i think this is a very good story. i loved it. good luck and keep up the amazing work.


  • tabbykat92
    April 24, 2007

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    The first few paragraphs were slightly confusing, but it was well written and an overall good read. Good luck in my contest.

  • lightwing
    April 1, 2007

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    Very imaginative I thought. Trains always seem to mix so well with horror and thrillers and you approached it from a very different angle. I wasn't quite sure why the comrade decided to die first that seemed a little confusing to me but otherwise I enjoyed the story.


  • Amelia-Anne-Black
    March 30, 2007

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    very interesting. I'm not sure if I understood it very fully. It was a tad short, but very good. I liked it. Thank you for entering my contest. Best of luck to you.


  • Kari gold member
    March 30, 2007

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    This was wonderful and very imaginative. You did good. The best of luck to you in the contest.


  • Barbara Moderators member
    March 28, 2007

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    Nicely done, with great description. The first sentence is sort of confusing, like there's either a word missing, or extra...disturbing breaking.... that part.

    This is a very eerie story that would make a great episode of The Twilight Zone.

    Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    March 18, 2007
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    I can hear the eerie sound of the train whistle as it calls out for more souls... I have been pleased with the imagination shown so far in the contest. The thought of an unholy train encircling a city slowly hunting down and enveloping people is a very wild Idea, well done.
    Cyberartist

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