Thus far unnamed (WARNING: graphic images)

Darkness engulfed the night like a thick blanket of icy blackness. No stars overhead to light the long highway. Nothing but darkness and the winding road to greet Ally as she drove through the darkened countryside on her way home.1

“I hate working late.” she murmured as she flipped on the radio. Voices came to life filling the car with chilling talk of a recent murder in town. Not wanting to hear another story of blood and gore she changed the station only to find different reporters, same story. Disgusted she flipped it off. Nothing but the sound of her tires on pavement to fill her thoughts now. 2

A few miles down the road she pulled in at a convenient store. Thank goodness it was still open. One thing she hated most about living in the country was there was only one store between the city and her home. Once she was out of town anything she needed had to be purchased there. Which wasn’t always convenient as the food was usually old and the gas watered down. 3

Mumbling to herself, she stepped out of her car and into the chilling night. Pulling her leather coat tight around her chest she shivered as she began pumping gas. She watched the gallon monitor go up and let her thoughts go back to work. The day had been off to a good start, it had been her day to come in late, allowing her to sleep in a few extra hours and stop off at her favorite café to have brunch. There was plenty to do when she arrived at work and due to lack of nurses she had been called in to assist in surgery, which resulted in long hours on her normally short day. She had pulled a hellish 12 hour shift and was exhausted. Six long hours of assisting Doctor McAllen in surgery and another six filled with monitoring the patient’s progress. It was definitely time to call it a night.4

A gust of wind swept through with one swift, chilling movement and toppled her hat off into the wind. She watched as it twirled to the edge of the pavement and disappeared into the night as the gnashing teeth of darkness devoured it. 5

“Well that’s gone.” she mumbled under her breath as she hurried inside to pay. Blinding headlights glared over her as a black Honda pulled up on the opposite side of her car. Her breath caught in her throat when she caught glimpse of the tall, ravishing man that stepped out. 6

“My hair is a mess!” She thought frantically. Hushing her racing thoughts she went inside and tried to focus on getting home and relaxing. She didn’t need to be out chasing after men on a cold night like tonight. 7

She grabbed a diet coke and paid for her gas and stepped back out into the night. The man was walking straight towards her. His body slow and confident. A gleam of mystery sparkled in his eyes. He smiled as he stepped past her and into the store. Feeling foolish for acting like such a school girl with a silly crush she hurried back to her car. 8

‘You are 24 years old, Alexandria. Act like it and stop letting your hormones control you.’ She fussed at herself with a giggle. Popping open the can of Diet Coke she gulped down a greedy sip before starting her engine and speeding off into the night. 9

“Ten more miles to go.” She thought wearily. “I really should start looking for that new apartment in town. Something spacious. Closer to work. Something on the brink of civilization.”10

Even though she knew she would never really move she let her thoughts drift to picking out an apartment just for her. The small house she lived in now had been her parent’s house. They had given her the keys when they decided to move to South Florida to spend their days by the beach drinking margarita’s from the luxury of their condo. The only other place she had ever lived had been a small apartment shared with a few of her college buddies. This was the first time she had lived alone and although she loved the security of living around people in the city there was nothing like being able to wake up to the sun rising over the lake and being able to have her own garden. 11

‘Click-click.’ 12

‘What is that?’ She thought as the car began to swerve to the side. Struggling to keep it between the lines she realized that she had a fat tire.13

“Damn it.” She slowed down and tried to creep along the highway. No one would be out this late and she didn’t want to stop in the middle of nowhere to fix a flat. She had only 4 more miles to go but she knew it wouldn’t even make it a mile on a flat tire. Slowing the car down to a stop she got out and opened the trunk for the flashlight and spare. She flipped the ‘On’ switch and got nothing. Cursing her ill fated luck she opened her rear passenger door to let some of the interior light shine out and give her enough light to screw on the spare. Her fingers kept shivering, whether from the cold or fear of being out alone she didn’t know. She was only thankful she had gotten her last boyfriend to teach her how to change a tire. She shuddered as glaring headlights came into view as a car slowly neared her. 14

‘Fuck.’ She muttered aloud to herself, knowing she couldn’t get the flat fixed in time to jump into her car and speed off before the car stopped. 15

“Calm down. I know almost everyone who lives out here. It is probably a neighbor or friend.” But those thoughts could not stop the goose bumps from spreading down her arms and the chill creeping down her spine. 16

The car approached, dimmed its headlights and came to a stop behind Ally’s beat up Toyota. She couldn’t see the driver but she heard a masculine voice cut through the silence.17

‘I see you are having some problems.’ The man stated in a soothing, yet sexy voice.18

‘Yea. A flat.’ She gasped out through chattering teeth. Shivers crept down her nerves as the man stepped in front of his car, the dimmed lights playing across his face and body. She recognized him from the store. He was the good-looking man in the Honda. Forcing herself to keep her mind focused on the tire, she bent down and started putting the spare on. With strong, confident hands he swept hers away in one swift motion and with a charming smile told her he could do the rest. She stood up and watched as he worked on the tire. Her pulse began to race and she forced herself to look away. Her eyes lingered over the darkness. Nothing out there but wildlife and trees. The closest house was at least 4 miles away and that was hers. She was 25 miles from town and 6 from the convenient store which would be closing soon. 19

She propped back against the car and closed her eyes. She wished she were home, relaxing in a warm blanket of soapy goodness. Some classical music to soothe her soul, warm lavender to soothe her aching feet. 20

Suddenly she became aware of the roaring silence and the warm presence of a body near hers. Opening her eyes she gasped as gloved hands came towards her face, wrapping themselves around her neck and choking her breath out of her lungs. Wildly she tried to push the man away but her efforts only made his grasp stronger. Throwing her head back and taking hold of her hair he pushed her down the sloping incline that led down off the road and into the woods. Frantically she tried to scream but no sound would pierce the engulfing darkness. His fingers, cold and icy, dug into her flesh and she could feel warm trickles of her blood seeping from the cuts. Her mind raced, filling her with panic as she desperately tried to get away. 21

‘I’ve got to get away and make it back up to my car.’ She thought wildly as he pushed her through a dense growth of trees, the branches slapping her face. Finally he stopped at what appeared to be a small clearing, and in one swift, unexpected movement knocked her to the ground. Coughing and gagging, she backed away, watching as he slid a knife out of the pocket from inside of his coat. 22

‘What’s the matter Ally? Are you afraid of a little knife?’ His voice tore through her thoughts, cutting like the cold blade of the knife he held in his hands. Wondering how he knew her name, she tried to think of a way to coax him out of hurting her, possibly killing her but her mind was frozen. Her legs wouldn’t seem to cooperate as she struggled to keep backing away from him. He inched closer and stood over her. His heavy boot resting on her stomach.  She could see his eyes, despite the thick darkness. They no longer looked sexy and charming but evil and psychotic. A strong hand reached down as he traced his fingers over her lips.23

‘Pretty Ally.’ He mumbled as he let the blade linger near her artery. Only a thin layer of delicate skin separated the blade from her vein. One swift movement could send her blood pooling out in torrents, ending her life in mere seconds. Trembling she watched his eyes as he pressed the blade harder to her lip, spilling blood into her mouth and down her chin. 24

‘Sweet, pretty Ally.’ He whispered in her ear as he tore her coat from off her body.25

‘Please....’ She begged. She couldn’t let him rape her and leave her to die out here alone. She had always vowed she wouldn’t die like this. With all her strength she pushed hard on his chest which only made him laugh.26

His rough hands grabbed at her shirt, ripping the soft material of the sweater she was wearing and tearing it off. He was sitting on top of her now, his weight bearing into her and trapping her on the ground beneath him. A smile traced his lips as he slowly inched the tip of the blade along her breast-line. In one quick motion the blade tore through the fabric of her silk bra and fell away, exposing her tender breasts. 27

‘Please...don’t hurt me.’ Her voice a faint whisper, choked and harsh with fear and pain.28

Her pleading didn’t seem to phase him and he lowered his mouth to her left nipple and bit down hard. She winced and yelped out as agony tore through her body.29

He forced his lips on hers, inching hers apart and spitting blood and something else into her mouth. Gagging she tried to spit out the blood and hold back the vomit as she realized with horror that the object he had spit in her mouth was her nipple.30

Trembling uncontrollably, she felt his hands pressing down on her belt, tearing it away and using it as a whip to slash her across the face. Spitting up even more blood she had to keep blinking to wash the blood out of her eyes. 31

‘I must get out of this.’ She thought and with one swift movement tore at his face with her manicured nails. He cried out in surprise and laughed as she tried to scrape his eyes out again. 32

‘You know Alexandria, I always admired the fighting spirit in you. The sexy independence. The mysterious charm you possess always left me hungry. Thirsting for your flesh. After all these years of waiting, of giving in to your petty games, I can finally have you. Don’t tell me you are going to take that away from me now. After I have worked so hard.’ He clicked his teeth and grabbed both her arms. Struggling against him she tried to fight him off as he wrapped her own belt around her, cuffing her to his sick fantasies.33

Trying to think logically she desperately tried to remember how the women got away in the movies. With desperation she realized that the women usually never did get away. They were killed and left to rot in silent shame. She did not want to die that way. At least she would not lay down and die. She would fight as long as she could. 34

Clumsily hitting at him with her bound wrists she tried to fight him off as he ripped away her pants and then her panties. Waves of terror swept through her body as she felt his hot tongue licking between her legs. Tasting her and ravaging her. With a new-found strength and will to stop him she let out a piercing scream again and again. Tearing into the quiet night with wails of her misery.35

Without a word he raised up and pulled a roll of thick, black tape from his coat. She kept screaming and trying to fight him off as he wrapped layer upon layer around her mouth. She licked at it with her tongue trying to wet it so it would peel off but it was pointless. Too many layers separated her from freedom of his torture.36

Knowing what was about to happen next she closed her eyes and tried to think of something peaceful. Her favorite childhood memory came to mind. Her blonde pigtails glowing in the sun as she and her daddy sailed around their lake in his small rowboat. Trying her hardest to focus on the memory of her laughter, her faded recollections blurred against her will as waves of pain raked her bones. She mumbled out as torturous pain seemed to soak up each drop of blood in her body and leave her withered in his vile arms. 37

She could sense he was approaching climax as his moans got louder and his horrid pushing got faster. She felt a wave of hot semen inside her sending waves of humiliation throughout her body. 38

He cleaned himself off and stood above her. Reveling in her silent misery as she lay writhing on the ground. Her naked body violated and bloody. He wanted to smile, laugh actually but he stopped himself.39

With wide eyes she lay there, his only audience as he yanked her legs open again and traced the blade over her wet and bloodied flesh. Torture his only fulfilling method he gave in to the temptation to twist the knife inside her. She jerked as new pain swept through her. Squeezing tears out of her eyes and an agonizing moan from her taped lips. Repeatedly he pushed the knife inside her. Her blood gushing out and soaking into the ground. Soaking into his pores.40

With her blood all over his hands he pulled the knife out and turned her over on her stomach. With brutal force he stabbed her repeatedly in the back. She couldn’t fight, she couldn’t cry. She could only lay there, his rag-doll for torture. Fulfilling all his sick fantasies as her world faded to blessed numbness.41

~*~42

to be continued43

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • December 2, 2006
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    omg you cant leave me hanging like that its so good!!!!!
    u had me reading beginning to end!!!!


  • September 26, 2004
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    I am no expert just offering a few thoughts.

    The opening excerpt conveys a closing in of night, confining, suffocating whichs adds a tense atmosphere.

    Mumbling to herself, she stepped out of her car [ would be a good to express her mumbles, creating an insight into her mind ]

    gnashing teeth of darkness devoured it. [ super image ]

    'diet coke' [then later on you use 'Diet Coke']

    This was the first time she had lived alone and although she loved the security of living around people in the city there was nothing like being able to wake up to the sun rising over the lake and being able to have her own garden.
    [ I'd maybe have put a comma after 'alone' and after' city']

    ..had a fat [ flat ] tire.


    ill fated [ ill-fated ]

    ‘Fuck.’ [ give it more emphasis ' Fuck!']

    Intense and uncomfortable write to read, nevertheless I enjoyed the atmosphere you created.

    Jani


  • maryannde
    May 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    As brutal and derranged as this man seems to be, I keep thinking.. "how does he know her, know her name?" This isn't the attack of stranger on stranger. He seems to have some twisted idea of ownership here.

    I thought you did an excellent potrayal of her thoughts. All women have argued the same thoughts before, but usually.. it's imagined fears.

    I'm glad I clicked on this story...
    My best to you...
    Mary ann

  • Ava Noire
    December 18, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you all for stopping by to read and critique. Writing stories is not generally my thing. I start a story and then somewhere in the middle lose inspiration. I am still currently working on the next installment to this piece and all the suggestions you all have given me have helped tremendously. Can't thank y'all enough. Any suggestions on how I can make it UN predictable would REALLY help me out a bunch. Thanks again.

  • Demokrit
    December 18, 2003
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    Not really the kind of stuff I like or read- but nonetheless a well-crafted and scaring story and thank you for your nice comments on my work- I do not like this kind- it is so cruel and scaring- I do not even like to think about it- but the story is good- sorry- but I can not say more, because I have nothing to compare it with- was my first experience of this kind


  • September 16, 2003
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    Ok. Let me say excellent writing off the top. Suggested Title, Alexandria's Deliemma or Planned Stalking or Random Killer or The Rapist Story.

    Setting:
    Excellent grounding the reader into who, what, where, why these things are happening. She driving back from work and goes to a store, albeit for good reasons, and lives far away from home and is alone and has car trouble. Ok. All stardard fare crime, murder fare.

    Nevertheless you take these plot devices and with good writing make it all new again. Excellent. Heck, everything has already been written about four times atleast one famous writer said.

    Beginning:
    Like it. One tiny bit I'd change is using darkness too many times:
    Darkness engulfed the night like a thick blanket of icy blackness. No stars overhead to light the long highway. Nothing but darkness and the winding road to greet Ally as she drove through the darkened countryside on her way home.

    Maybe like this, personfiying the road, you get the same affect:
    Darkness engulfed the night like a thick blanket of icy blackness. No stars overhead to light the long highway. /The winding road her only friend as she drove through the countryside on her way home.


    Snag with the characterization here. Ally has been so careful and diligent and then all of sudden she lets her guard down. Ok maybe she was tired. But it seems unlikely a woman would do that. She talks about the danger and calms herself down earlier. She doesn't know this guy and he is not a neighbor. She has just drank a coke which would actually keep her awake, buzzed a bit:
    She propped back against the car and closed her eyes. She wished she were home, relaxing in a warm blanket of soapy goodness. Some classical music to soothe her soul, warm lavender to soothe her aching feet.

    Maybe she:
    She watched him thinking he might be a rapist or a killer. The last person she'd see alive. She prepared herself and thought of things she could do, what did she know about self-defense? Then the stranger asked her if she had a screw driver (or some object related to car fixing). Ally turned around and the man grabbed her from behind by surprise.

    Nick picky on quotes:
    Sometimes you use " " at other times you use ' '. But during both times she is speaking outloud to herself.

    Brilliant foreshadowing Alexandria's coming demise, delimmena (sp):
    A gust of wind swept through with one swift, chilling movement and toppled her hat off into the wind. She watched as it twirled to the edge of the pavement and disappeared into the night as the gnashing teeth of darkness devoured it.

    Symbolic women cover their head, via Christian symbols, since you use "gnashing teeth", with a hat. She loses her hat which violently hits the ground and rolls off the payment disappearing into the mystery landscape. So it is like she has lost her protection.

    Characterization good points:
    This woman does try to resist during the attack and remember things even through all the brutally. That is good characterization of the woman.

    This killer, rapist is cold, heartless and enjoys using her like a plastic doll. His conversation matches his actions. His filthy mouth matches and contrast violently with Alexandria's mouth.

    Summary:
    Excellent write that reads well because of good description, setting, plotting mostly and use of characterization and the mix-match dialogue tone of the two characters.

    Who knows what will happen? Seems like the story of a serial killer. Or the story of a victim woman who survives, because sometimes women survive attacks like this.
    Edited on Sep 17, 4:40 p.m. because ''.


  • September 12, 2003
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    Jesus Christ, girl! This is terrifying! I'm not sure I want to read the next installment, because how can it possibly turn out less than torturously tragic??

    But you write with such realism and expertise that I feel drawn to return, to find out how this nightmare ends ~ much the same way
    people gather around a horrible wreck or watch carnage on the late night news.

    Your prose is as dark and expertly written as your poetry. You are an artist of many talents with the written word.

    Edited on Sep 12, 2:08 p.m. because 'I babbled senselessly'.

  • stephanie sunshine
    March 18, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    i thought the first paragraph had too much "dark" "darkness" "blackness". maybe find some substitutes?

    She watched as it twirled to the edge of the pavement and disappeared into the night as the gnashing teeth of darkness devoured it.
    i really dug this bit. very descriptive and fresh.

    :::shudders:::
    she swallowed her own nipple! disgusting! predictable at parts, perhaps, but nonetheless gripping.


  • September 25, 2002
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    I enjoyed this...the first of it was a little predictable, but then the nipple part..wow...from there, the story kept me on the edge of my seat...looking forward to the next one..

  • Ava Noire
    September 24, 2002
    Edit | Reply
    yes to be continued usually means there will be more to come
    but I don't have a clue as to when it will come. The story can be taken to so many different levels, I haven't made up my mind which path to take...
    thank you all for reading. I really appreciate your thoughts.

  • BlaZe
    September 17, 2002
    Edit | Reply

    don't touch it!

    'waves of humiliation throughout her body' - i love this line - really powerful like the whole short story! Its really great...descripition is excellent..a bit too graphic at times but yes you do warn ppl and yes u did set out to shock so you achieved it all...awesome!

  • kyattaman
    September 16, 2002
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    neutral

    made me sqeamish. there's more?


  • September 16, 2002
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    neutral

    made me a little sqeamish.


  • September 15, 2002
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    neutral

    okay that was kinda...eww...i mean it was a really good story but im not used to reading stories about people being raped...if there is a part two i cant wait to read it and see what happens

  • Ava Noire
    September 12, 2002
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    the nipple wasn't eaten, just bit off! lol but thanks for stopping by

  • esper
    September 12, 2002
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    excellent

    nasty... where is this going? I'm interested to see what's next, even though I'm normally not one for nipple-eating, although one of my stories does incorporate someone's body being torn in half on a broken stairwell. Keep it up.


  • September 11, 2002
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    neutral

    When do you think there will be more????

  • puppygurl
    September 11, 2002
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    don't touch it!

    omg she lives! well Ill be waiting for the next one but this one was great! keep writing you have agreat talent!

  • Fanelia19
    September 11, 2002
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    don't touch it!

    I just joined up awhile ago. But i havent had time to put my story's on here. I have only read the ones avaiable. I gotta you say your work is excellent. Yet at the same time humbling. I feel almost intimidated by the calibure of your story. You have a great gift for capturing the emotion and suspense of the story. Im looking forward to reading more of your work.
    Edited by Fanelia19 on right now because 'I wasnt completely satisfied with my comment' .


  • September 10, 2002
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    don't touch it!

    That was one of the best stories on this site that I have read yet... waiting for more to come!!!

  • JustWords
    September 9, 2002
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    excellent

    Whoa!!

    Continued? You mean she lives through this?
    This is some cold stuff..... and well written. This went from the cold blustery weather to a cold blooded rapist. Your descriptions are very good. I especially love the way you describe the weather. And I tremble the way you described the last parts...

    This is much better than your Fallen series. Don't stop writing girl; this is as good as your poetry.

    dkn

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